How Do I Deal With a Vegetarian?
The following question was sent to me by diamatik. If you would like to ask me a question, submit it via the Contact Dick page or post it in the forums.
“My girlfriend is a Vegan. What the fuck do I do when I want to eat, make her sit there? Won’t my em-man-imotions make me feel guilty?”
Yes. Make her sit there. Women lead long and un-lustrious lives spent primarily in various states of sitting there. True, they spend a lot of time on their backs during childbirth and activites which are inevitably childbirth related, but the true nature of womankind is to sit down and shut the fuck up.
Women are like Jesus, except instead of twelve stations of the cross, they have twelve positions for sitting there. Except because they’re women and lazy there are actually only three different positions and also, unlike Jesus, women don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves.
First of all, yes, your man-emotions will tell you to give half a shit about the welfare of your girlfriend.
“Is she hungry? Would she feel bad watching me eat meat? Would she feel bad if I accidentally dropped a fork off the table and requested another one and then first fork would feel neglected in some way? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever thought.”
Using your emotions when it comes to women is like using a chainsaw to cut a loaf of soggy bread. It’s overkill. Women don’t know the definition of empathy. They can appreciate it as much as they can appreciate a Ferrari or a pistol — or how awesome it would be to cut a loaf of bread with a chainsaw. It’s not because they don’t know very much either; it’s because empathy at its core cannot be understood by the female invertebrate slug brain. You can sit there and explain it to her until her big fat female friends come over and you’ll never make a dent.
Deal with women vegetarians the same way you deal with woman anything-ians.
Woman “lesbians” for example. Just hit on them non-stop. They love that kind of treatment. Actually, that’s the most reason women become “lesbians” temporarily; they haven’t gotten enough male attention in their lives.
If you’re dealing with a woman vegetarian, make her eat meat. They all want to. Obviously, “make” is a word you can define at your own man-discretion. Entice, coerce, bribe; they’re all the same fucking word. It’s your will and as a man your will is your prerogative.
The suffixes of “ians” and “isms” and “ists” are reserved for men. Just like the prefixes of Mr, Sir, and Dr. Women have no place with any of them around their piddly little names. It’s like that hilarious internet picture of the donkey attempting to haul about 2 tonnes of packing shit only to have itself lifted about ten feet in the air. Women are exactly like that with their meaningless -isms and -ians. They’re exactly like that except they’re not hilarious at all. They’re just a pain in the ass.
Related Articles:
Pages: [5] 4 3 2 1 » Show All
So as a man who is also a vegetarian, what does that say? I’m healthy and glad that nothing had to die in order for me to eat. I don’t force my views on others.. it’s just my own personal choice. Does anyone have a beef with that?
Carefull, you will start getting comments about screaming carrots.
Vegetarians have their own reasons not to eat meat. Why do you have the need to validate your manliness by forcing us to eat things we don’t want to? Are you really that insecure that you can’t even let your girlfriend eat (or not eat)? By the way, if you feel so crappy around her, dump her. If you’re really as you great you think you are, you’ll get another. Probably not.
If you eat meat, you better make sure you killed it with your own hands. Otherwise you’re just another Pussy.
What about people who consume the raw meat of human females, DickFan? What should they do?
Is this a trick question?
No, but I am checking to see how consistent you are in the application of your own personal principles.
Well? I don’t have all day, you frigid cunt.
How would you rate your comprehension of English language?
Well, my comprehension of the English language is considerably superior to yours, given the fact that most women are sub-human primate animals who only have the capacity to imitate what they see. Besides, what does that have to do with anything? Just answer the question, you non-orgasmic cunt.
Are you a woman? (That is not a trick question.)
What kind of a moronic question is that, CuntFan? Most women are intellectually inferior to men.
Raw? Really? You really should cook that shit, what with us being so diseased, and all. And don’t forget the fava beans…
“Sushi”:
Piss off, frigidaire. Didn’t I tell you in no uncertain terms to vacate the site and remove my name from your blog?
Vamos, cunt.
Hurry up and answer the question, TwatFan, you frigid cunt. I don’t have all day for your dillydallying.
I’m a woman, I can’t help you. I took your superior man-wit into consideration and thought I made it pretty gosh-darn obvious, I even asked you about English comprehension. The next thing would be to ask the other male posters here for help, and if they don’t giddit either, ask Mr. Masterson. Moving right along…
BlahBlahBlah.
Make Me.
Get off the site, sushi, you obnoxious cunt.
Piss off, TwatFan.
Oh look, Cap’n Scotty’s repeating himself. Again. And again and again and again.
Your stupidity IS real though. No doubt about that.
love isn’t real, just like Jesus.
It’s better to believe that ‘love’ will solve all our problems. I guess that’s not silly.
just like Dick Masterson, Santa and the Easter Bunny, believing in Jesus is just plain silly.
Okay men, I have a suggestion.
Shut the fuck up about other people’s opinions.
I have better things to do than read people bitching because someone spoke there mind. Just grow-up man-up and accept people beleive other things than you.
What are you fucking retarded? dont be offended when you sit down waiving your flag of I ate a salad last week and im saving the planet bullshit! saying shit like that meat you just spent your hard earned man cash on is a guilt burger and you need to eat every bite of it while i watch from over my fruit smoothy with lima beans!
Yiou make me sick i can tell your a woman get the fuck off the site! and ill tell you how i feel about sex changes, god tried to give man a womans brain and it couldnt handle the overwheliming urges of self worth and dignity! and therefore with modern medicine and previlance of man logic, we cut the cock, threw on some tits and SHE was good as new. ready to suck dick and fuck her way to the bottom of the food chain.
Again i must reitterate GET THE FUCK OFF THE WEBSITE!!!
Vegetarians taste better…
Vegetarians care about this earth you fool!!!! Don’t force us to eat meat!! We don’t mind if you eat meat infront of us, just don’t feel offended when we make a comment like “did you know that poor creature had a life?” We won’t expect you to change, its just a thing to say!! To think about!! Do you know what thinking is Dick? It’s something your NOT very good at!!! Oh, and heres something to think about? How do you feel about sex changes? fucker…
eating meat is one of the very essences of being a man. However, woman must eat meat too, why? Just because it is fucking irritating if they don’t. Vegans are disgusting.
woman only good for cooking cleaning and sucking dick
Good point on the lesbian thing.
I’ve been a vegetarian for three years now. What’s aggravating (and somewhat hypocritical, i believe) is when I get criticized for being one. Which have come from my parents, friends, even strangers- go figure. Not that I ever let it bother me, but I must admit that one gets sick of being “evaluated”. I simply don’t care about the choices others make so long as it’s not harming someone else. If you eat meat, that’s your own personal decision. The vast majority of my friends eat meat anyways, so I don’t mind. So long as you pick the right one, a vegan/vegetarian gf isn’t a pain, or a nuisance, or whatnot. And whenever I’d go out on a date, I’d let whoever it may be know that I really don’t care what they decide to eat (because I shouldn’t right?) Good luck gentleman, whether you may be single, taken, or searching.
My friend Andrea’s roomate is a vegan. Last Christmas, she told me I was “Blind to Society’s tricks” because there was frosting made with gelatin on the cookies I brought them. She can bake he own fucking cookies next time.
>:[
-Ginny
sure fire way to get your girlfriend to break up with you!
You feed a vegetarian vegetables! Idiots.
Maybe if you bought yourself a gun, little girl, you would be able to do it right this time. Every other time you tried or threatened to do it seems to have just come off as a cry for attention. Shock value, per usual…
It’s all about how much you hate daddy, isn’t it? Bring home strange men who happen to be in the fold of whatever fad is going on, snorting the right drugs and selling out to the right corporation. I assure you that after the third submission to collegehumor.com he will have already given up on you. That’s just fact - you’re just pussy. Pussy to be bought, sold, rented, trafficked, and disposed of when you reach your shelf life of 21.
You say it yourself. All gurls are good for is sex. You’re a sex toy, and like any object, any sass or edginess is just foreskin and interferes with efficiency.
Thusly, any trace of a personality you had has long-been done away with, any hint of a soul tainted beyond recognition, and any hint of innocence withered into a dull, canned facade.
You’re so used to your vagina privileges that you can never win on a level playing field. You have tits and weak little arms because God gave them to you - that’s why you can neither think nor act.Hi, we’re sorry you were violenty raped by priests at such a young age and your mother wasn’t there to protect you from the cloaked bad man. Seriously, you sound like the only person you’ve been getting some fuck from has been yourself.. and for too damn long it appears. Tell you what, why don’t you go out and buy yourself a hot fuck for the night. There’s no shame in buying pussy, not all of you can get by on looks and brainless repetetive small talk, some have to actually spend dough to get laid to give those first pumping hands a workout every now and then. Nothing wrong with that! Your adult male angst is HILARIOUS as hell to say the least. You seriouly need to get fucked, I’m talking in all holes, maybe some cunt who feels sorry enough for you will throw on a strapon 9 inch dildo and pound your ass if you ask nicely. It appears that your brain matter was made using the same soft tissue used to create the 3 inch pole you call a dick… we forgive you for that seeing as its not your fault you’re a pencil dicked minute man… and that’s just when you’re fucking yourself. All the women of the world apologize profusely for your shortcummings, and we’d like to slap your mother for not swalllowing when she had the chance.