How Is a “Lesbian” Like A Walrus?
They’re both fat as shit.
I was just talking to a lady on the subject of lesbians and how their bodies look strange and Grimace-like, when I received a scientific study from a reader about the very same topic.
Scientifically speaking, men are better than women at being gay; and that means staying in a shape that doesn’t resemble a discarded peanut.
Also, do you know any famous gay women? I don’t think there are any. Martina Navratilova wasn’t famous for being gay. She was famous for looking like a donkey kicked her in the face.
Women love any kind of talk that resembles bigotry or prejudice. It gets their sex-kicker all warmed up before the big game. All lesbians look like Grimace, Canadians stink, black people are better athletes than Chinese people; that sort of nonsense winds them up like a wino on a merry-go-round. Use it carefully as you just might snag yourself a harem.
Men are visual creatures. That’s one explanation for why gay men don’t look like fat lumps of Shitty Putty in hockey jerseys and 80’s hairstyles. Another explanation is that men have class. What do you suppose the disparity is between straight women who own dildos and gay men who do? It’s probably huge. Dildos are pink and overpriced. They’re obviously made for women. That disparity is called class.
And women are obsessed with sex.
“Lesbians” are 2.5 times more likely than heterosexual women to be overweight or obese, says science. Science doesn’t give a shit about why, but that’s okay because I already know.
Women have two things in their lives: sex and chocolate. “Lesbians” can’t have sex, so that leaves only the chocolate. Imagine if you were a Ken doll and after five years of cockteasing, you really wanted to stick it to Barbie in the way that only a man can. That’s manly even for dolls. Well you couldn’t because you don’t have a dick. If you were a Ken doll, you would head over to the Dream Pub and drown your dickless sorrows. If you were a lesbian, however, you’d drown yourself in a pool of chocolate and carbs.
A healthy dietary supplement of dick is God’s secret to weightloss. I’ve told countless women that and until now I never knew how right I was.
That happens to me all the time.
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May 1st, 2007 at 7:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: eb0abc12ab24f
I know one gay man who looks like Grimace but never met one lesbian who didn’t. My god, sometimes you make so much sense it scares me.
May 1st, 2007 at 7:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: e36376410e1aa
It scares me too, jxbx.
-Dick
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:56 am - IP Man-Hash: 164ebfb80cfc5
Catch 22 for fat women there. Fat chicks will remain fat because nobody wants to fuck fat chicks. Perhaps that is why they turn to lesbianism and feminism.
Chicken and egg scenario, perhaps?
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4a1207b9a8d74
I was a theatre major in college, so I knew many people of many orientations.
I must admit, the gay males were consistently the most physically fit out of anyone.
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 139b502a327ba
How many orientatons are there?
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:53 am - IP Man-Hash: d4fa8b220332f
Gay, lesbian, bisexual and to lesser extents necrophiliacs and beastiality maniacs.
Might be more but my min is already damaged.
May 3rd, 2007 at 5:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: eb0abc12ab24f
As many as your conscience requires.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: aa599898a161c
Gertrude Stein
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3a3eeeabc4a42
I agree, on average but what about Ellen DeGeners. Shes not fat, But my point is countered by Rosie O’Donnell.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: e7f805b90cc03
wow. you “men” are so fucking stupid, and you obviously do not pay any attention to the media.
July 4th, 2007 at 1:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
How do you reconcile those two statements?
July 4th, 2007 at 5:08 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
She doesn’t have to. Women are, by nature, self-contradictory. Their statements seldom make sense, and that is why we here at mabtw.com say: “You can’t spell incoherence without her.
July 11th, 2007 at 2:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2c8448dad3d5f
Genius!
July 14th, 2007 at 8:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: ac3ab9d171341
I hate myself for enjoying this site… Typical women annoy some of us also. As for fat dumpy butt lesbians, that was an observatition I made several years ago and now feel vindicated.
July 31st, 2007 at 11:32 am - IP Man-Hash: ba383bbb26391
i think that all of you so called “men” are just jealous the we as lesbians don’t want to fuck you! we get along just fine without a dick in our lives. and it sounds to me like a lot of you are dicks. yes i am a lesbian…no i am not fat, and neither are the mass majority of other lesbians. and if there ARE fat lesbians, then i’m sure there’s just as many fat and ugly straight men, too. probably on this site, since you so obviously can’t get any women that you have to come here to your self induldged pitty party occompanied by other retarded bastards. and to the women who find this amusing……you’re a disgrace!
July 31st, 2007 at 11:43 am - IP Man-Hash: f618d3a941f24
Ahhh Heather you’re just jealous that you’re not a man and can’t have real sex like us men. And since you are manly looking that makes us less likely to want to bang you and that is why you turn to eating haddock. We men here can get women but who wants to keep them?
Most women suck as people.
July 31st, 2007 at 12:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf1c132f6631e
Relieved is the word you must be looking for.
And yet you come here and spew hate?
Where?
The only way for you to know that is either massive image whoring, or getting around a lot.
And I am sure that the sky is green.
Because that is the only possible reason someone would write something bad about women.
Ah, yes. Shame on you, women. How could you possibly not do as the lesbian wants? Shame on you, I say!
Looks like the thread on Technodyke is having an effect.
July 31st, 2007 at 1:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf1c132f6631e
Although not exactly the desired effect.
July 31st, 2007 at 1:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Ha! This is amusing, indeed. None of us here are jealous of lesbians. In fact, we may have thought that lesbians would be more sympathetic to our cause because you have to put up with women and their bullshit just as much as we do.
Further, the whole notion that we’re jealous because you don’t want to fuck us is absurd. All real life lesbians are either fat or ugly (or both) and men refuse to fuck them. So, the truth of the matter is that lesbians are munch carpet as a result of their bitterness because men don’t want to fuck them. The only good looking lesbians are all porn stars, and they aren’t really dykes either (they just do that stuff because they’re prostitutes, and men are willing to pay top dollar to see two beautiful women muff diving).
July 31st, 2007 at 2:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Listen and take heed. Diamatik speaketh truth.
- DJ SPEED — Dj Farina VS Afro Dynamics VS Morandy Special Melody MiX
July 31st, 2007 at 2:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Oh, heather! I feel an irresistible urge to pillage you with a broom handle.
Not.
- booka shade - in white rooms elektrochemie remix-mim
July 31st, 2007 at 3:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
sonyad, you sadist! How could you evn thing to do such evil to an innocent broom handle.
July 31st, 2007 at 5:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: 191242b12610c
what the hell do you mean by so called men?we are men,we have dick and balls.strap on doesn’t count, stupid bitch.
women can’t fuck anybody,they don’t have a dick, they have a pussy, women get penetrated.Men have no reason to be jealous of abnormal,illogical and immoral relation of lesbians.In the real world, Men want women and women want men,why in the world would we be jealous of your anomaly?
you should have said” I think you men are pitying us that we as lesbians can’t get penetrated by you”.stupid bitch
July 31st, 2007 at 9:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0beddbf577500
I don’t know what you mean by pillage sonyad, but I have an uncontrollable urge to bash her skull with such a cleaning stick.
August 2nd, 2007 at 6:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: bca500b1ca653
It’s really a pity that men actually argue about how stupid women are, but take too much pride in themselves to realize that degrading women just makes you “men” look stupid. Answer this question. If u guys were such manly “men” then instead of arguing about this on the internet wouldn’t you be “banging some hot chick” right now? If you were such men you wouldn’t have time to argue about why lesbians are stupid because you would be to busy fucking your in the closet lesbian house wife who doesn’t really love, but secretly wishes that all you bastards would drop dead.
August 2nd, 2007 at 8:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: f618d3a941f24
Vaginal gas and bloating often? You just farted the most femi-nonsense ever. I forget everything is about sex with you whores.
August 2nd, 2007 at 10:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3c8b05bf321cc
@ Son of the Suns- In an earlier post of yours, I clicked on your name and it led to a picture of a man in a military uniform. Is that you? If so, my GOD are you younger and less menacing than I expected.
August 3rd, 2007 at 1:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
SotS. Methinks Alex wants to fuck you.
Just a thought.
- Dj Tiesto - In my memory
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:49 am - IP Man-Hash: 7833882a3bb2d
I shall avail myself of this opportunity to rehash one of Dick’s Greatest Quotes:
Just walk up to her and say, “You look like a really nice girl.”
Ding, Ding! All aboard!
Next stop: Getting Laid. Population: you.
August 3rd, 2007 at 5:53 am - IP Man-Hash: 3c8b05bf321cc
Haha. No. Considering his often violent words, the fact that he looked so young just surprised me.
September 2nd, 2007 at 8:59 am - IP Man-Hash: 192f29f4dd9b3
Then explain to me the proven statistical fact that most lesbian couples stop having sex just a few years after being together? I’m honestly curious, doesn’t a dildo just get annoying after a while, what with all the time you have to spend washing it everytime you use it. You can’t honestly tell me you don’t enjoy some kind of penetration? If I were lesbian i’d sooner have an ignorant, arrogant man stick it to me than some messy dildo, who care about the brain attached to it, it’s rigorous and full of life!!! HAHAHA
September 2nd, 2007 at 10:00 am - IP Man-Hash: e15ec06c93df1
Do not equate yourself to a lesbian, because you do not share a lesbian’s problems. A real-life normal lesbian is a hideous beast that looks like, well … a walking walrus. That is why they can’t get a man, and that is why they turn to munching carpet, because she has no other option. You have options, therefore you are straight.
September 2nd, 2007 at 10:32 am - IP Man-Hash: d8dfaf3496c8b
I am young too but why am I here? The same reason why the men are here. To put a stop to the repulsive actions of your gender.
November 12th, 2007 at 4:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: 249d208e4304c
you said you don’t think there are any gay famous women….ellen degeneris is gay and famous
November 12th, 2007 at 4:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 77fd3754a1322
Who is Ellen Degeneris? Sounds like a skin disease.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4e5f55f1ca283
Haha - So fat lesbians get more pussy then all of us men? They must be doing something right, does anyone have a lesbians e-mail address so I can pickup some tips on how to get laid? Rosie O’ Fathead is famous and quite the lesbian I might add. So about those e-mail addresses?
December 19th, 2007 at 6:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: e75519e6050f6
You are right, Jodi Foster is “fat as shit”.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:44 am - IP Man-Hash: c5ff57380962d
“Also, do you know any famous gay women?”
Jodie Foster, Ellen Degeneres, Mellissa Etheredge, Rosie O’Donnell and Saffron Burrows to name a few.
January 10th, 2008 at 6:39 am - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
I thought we were talking about famous gay women.
January 26th, 2008 at 10:05 am - IP Man-Hash: 704442c4e98b2
A lesbian dosen’t have to impress a man.
February 7th, 2008 at 3:43 am - IP Man-Hash: 115e024ca4394
To Dick,
You’re a very opinionated man I see. Well to be brief, there is always going to be the fat woman or fat man, due to the fact that some people give up on healthy relationships and lifestyles to sit behind a TV or computer and eat their troubles away. Sad yet true, I also read in another post of yours that men have the choice to be fat or no and women with anything above a size 2 are a waist. You see Dick, whether you think all lesbians are fat lonely women there will always be someone to prove you wrong or disprove a theory you’ve put down here.
February 7th, 2008 at 3:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 7b55501cead9a
@ Desiree: Thanks for giving your unwanted input. Now kindly, fuck off woman.
February 7th, 2008 at 3:49 am - IP Man-Hash: b90848ef4fe08
Sis stop being a dumb woman…you mispelled waste and put waist…youre makin him angery. rolf. You know…most lesbians i see are all skinny and happy son of ma bitches….since when did they become fat…and if man have choice to be unheathly fat (not just fat cuz fat isnt always unhealthy due to MEN”S scientific evidence cuz women too dumb to discover that) that means men are being dumbasses and making horrible decisions to be unheathly fat?
February 7th, 2008 at 5:50 am - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Most lesbians look like Winston Churchill.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:55 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Who in the fuck is that bitch talking to? She’s so fucking stupid, I can’t believe she hasn’t deleted her myspace in embarrassment!
@mike5150
So I suppose lesbians are classy and sophisticated now. By the way, I’ve got this snow shoveling business I’d like to run by you…
February 7th, 2008 at 6:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
@Desiroob-
Oh, I see, it is easier for the weak to spread the blame, then actually fix the problem at hand.
February 7th, 2008 at 9:19 am - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Doubt I never said dykes are sophisticated. I said basically most of them resemble a fat middle aged man. Your post actually makes no sense.
February 7th, 2008 at 9:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
I know, bad joke. The idea of it was that they would have some facade of respectability. The snow shoveling business thing would be hell freezing over.
February 7th, 2008 at 11:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
All the above. Either old or fat. Rosie O’ Donnell? Thanks for that one! There isn’t one comedian that doesn’t joke about her looking like a Man.
Disgusting!
- Sgt. Reyes
February 7th, 2008 at 2:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Sorry Doubt. You still have to admit though most of them are built like him.
February 7th, 2008 at 6:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: c5c3f4aca5f9a
OK, I GOTTA say this,,
Every single woman who posted here with something negative towards men pretty much states that she is a lesbian and we all suck.
EVERY single one of there replies was, shall we say,,diluted.
They all read as twenty somethings that think they are Hot shit and the cats ass. We Men all know that about 6 months ago they were on their knees with a cock down their throat trying to rid themselves of the gag reflex when all of a sudden, one drunken night their lips fell on a vagina.
SOOOOO
NOW their lesbians, I guess within 6 months more time they will be drawn back to “Dark Side” and be bending over for a good hot squirty injection.
Zaphod
February 7th, 2008 at 6:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
It definitely reminds you why Fish Mongers are a natural, and bitchy occurence. Their shelf life is limited, past 18 and the second kid……..all downhill from there.
February 7th, 2008 at 7:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
Correct. She simply has confidence issues and needs to prove everything to herself. IE: That she is desirable to some organism.
- Sgt. Reyes
April 14th, 2008 at 10:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 284ad1b3029ee
“Men have more class”..what a joke. And only women turn into fat shapeless lumps of putty? Wrong again. Does the image of the hairy, fat assed chauvanist who only eats steak and drinks beer come to your mind? Because that’s not very attractive either. In fact that’s completely repulsive. I wouldn’t call burping loudly and taking about how wonderful feces is “classy”.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 2bc5844a0f6c6
poor sad bastards………were all of you abused by women in you childhood…….you have so much against them…..nopen your eyes to the real world….learn about women on your own…..not from dick who has not learnt much
June 8th, 2008 at 8:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 43fafadb17f45
Dick, you missed something important.
While this topic was fun to explore, it was totally pointless. Since lesbians don’t interface with men, they’re useless. Figuring them our serves what purpose?
Please, save your mantillect for tasks deserving such a tool. Would you use a CnC Milling Machine to chop wood? No, you’re a man, so you use your forehead!
June 12th, 2008 at 11:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 88cf9a68cfa55
Who the fuck is Saffron Burrows?