How Is a “Lesbian” Like A Walrus?
They’re both fat as shit.
I was just talking to a lady on the subject of lesbians and how their bodies look strange and Grimace-like, when I received a scientific study from a reader about the very same topic.
Scientifically speaking, men are better than women at being gay; and that means staying in a shape that doesn’t resemble a discarded peanut.
Also, do you know any famous gay women? I don’t think there are any. Martina Navratilova wasn’t famous for being gay. She was famous for looking like a donkey kicked her in the face.
Women love any kind of talk that resembles bigotry or prejudice. It gets their sex-kicker all warmed up before the big game. All lesbians look like Grimace, Canadians stink, black people are better athletes than Chinese people; that sort of nonsense winds them up like a wino on a merry-go-round. Use it carefully as you just might snag yourself a harem.
Men are visual creatures. That’s one explanation for why gay men don’t look like fat lumps of Shitty Putty in hockey jerseys and 80’s hairstyles. Another explanation is that men have class. What do you suppose the disparity is between straight women who own dildos and gay men who do? It’s probably huge. Dildos are pink and overpriced. They’re obviously made for women. That disparity is called class.
And women are obsessed with sex.
“Lesbians” are 2.5 times more likely than heterosexual women to be overweight or obese, says science. Science doesn’t give a shit about why, but that’s okay because I already know.
Women have two things in their lives: sex and chocolate. “Lesbians” can’t have sex, so that leaves only the chocolate. Imagine if you were a Ken doll and after five years of cockteasing, you really wanted to stick it to Barbie in the way that only a man can. That’s manly even for dolls. Well you couldn’t because you don’t have a dick. If you were a Ken doll, you would head over to the Dream Pub and drown your dickless sorrows. If you were a lesbian, however, you’d drown yourself in a pool of chocolate and carbs.
A healthy dietary supplement of dick is God’s secret to weightloss. I’ve told countless women that and until now I never knew how right I was.
That happens to me all the time.
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July 31st, 2007 at 1:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf1c132f6631e
Although not exactly the desired effect.
July 31st, 2007 at 1:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Ha! This is amusing, indeed. None of us here are jealous of lesbians. In fact, we may have thought that lesbians would be more sympathetic to our cause because you have to put up with women and their bullshit just as much as we do.
Further, the whole notion that we’re jealous because you don’t want to fuck us is absurd. All real life lesbians are either fat or ugly (or both) and men refuse to fuck them. So, the truth of the matter is that lesbians are munch carpet as a result of their bitterness because men don’t want to fuck them. The only good looking lesbians are all porn stars, and they aren’t really dykes either (they just do that stuff because they’re prostitutes, and men are willing to pay top dollar to see two beautiful women muff diving).
July 31st, 2007 at 2:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Listen and take heed. Diamatik speaketh truth.
- DJ SPEED — Dj Farina VS Afro Dynamics VS Morandy Special Melody MiX
July 31st, 2007 at 2:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Oh, heather! I feel an irresistible urge to pillage you with a broom handle.
Not.
- booka shade - in white rooms elektrochemie remix-mim
July 31st, 2007 at 3:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
sonyad, you sadist! How could you evn thing to do such evil to an innocent broom handle.
July 31st, 2007 at 5:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: 191242b12610c
what the hell do you mean by so called men?we are men,we have dick and balls.strap on doesn’t count, stupid bitch.
women can’t fuck anybody,they don’t have a dick, they have a pussy, women get penetrated.Men have no reason to be jealous of abnormal,illogical and immoral relation of lesbians.In the real world, Men want women and women want men,why in the world would we be jealous of your anomaly?
you should have said” I think you men are pitying us that we as lesbians can’t get penetrated by you”.stupid bitch
July 31st, 2007 at 9:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0beddbf577500
I don’t know what you mean by pillage sonyad, but I have an uncontrollable urge to bash her skull with such a cleaning stick.
August 2nd, 2007 at 6:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: bca500b1ca653
It’s really a pity that men actually argue about how stupid women are, but take too much pride in themselves to realize that degrading women just makes you “men” look stupid. Answer this question. If u guys were such manly “men” then instead of arguing about this on the internet wouldn’t you be “banging some hot chick” right now? If you were such men you wouldn’t have time to argue about why lesbians are stupid because you would be to busy fucking your in the closet lesbian house wife who doesn’t really love, but secretly wishes that all you bastards would drop dead.
August 2nd, 2007 at 8:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: f618d3a941f24
Vaginal gas and bloating often? You just farted the most femi-nonsense ever. I forget everything is about sex with you whores.
August 2nd, 2007 at 10:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3c8b05bf321cc
@ Son of the Suns- In an earlier post of yours, I clicked on your name and it led to a picture of a man in a military uniform. Is that you? If so, my GOD are you younger and less menacing than I expected.
August 3rd, 2007 at 1:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
SotS. Methinks Alex wants to fuck you.
Just a thought.
- Dj Tiesto - In my memory
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:49 am - IP Man-Hash: 7833882a3bb2d
I shall avail myself of this opportunity to rehash one of Dick’s Greatest Quotes:
Just walk up to her and say, “You look like a really nice girl.”
Ding, Ding! All aboard!
Next stop: Getting Laid. Population: you.
August 3rd, 2007 at 5:53 am - IP Man-Hash: 3c8b05bf321cc
Haha. No. Considering his often violent words, the fact that he looked so young just surprised me.
September 2nd, 2007 at 8:59 am - IP Man-Hash: 192f29f4dd9b3
Then explain to me the proven statistical fact that most lesbian couples stop having sex just a few years after being together? I’m honestly curious, doesn’t a dildo just get annoying after a while, what with all the time you have to spend washing it everytime you use it. You can’t honestly tell me you don’t enjoy some kind of penetration? If I were lesbian i’d sooner have an ignorant, arrogant man stick it to me than some messy dildo, who care about the brain attached to it, it’s rigorous and full of life!!! HAHAHA
September 2nd, 2007 at 10:00 am - IP Man-Hash: e15ec06c93df1
Do not equate yourself to a lesbian, because you do not share a lesbian’s problems. A real-life normal lesbian is a hideous beast that looks like, well … a walking walrus. That is why they can’t get a man, and that is why they turn to munching carpet, because she has no other option. You have options, therefore you are straight.
September 2nd, 2007 at 10:32 am - IP Man-Hash: d8dfaf3496c8b
I am young too but why am I here? The same reason why the men are here. To put a stop to the repulsive actions of your gender.
November 12th, 2007 at 4:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: 249d208e4304c
you said you don’t think there are any gay famous women….ellen degeneris is gay and famous
November 12th, 2007 at 4:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 77fd3754a1322
Who is Ellen Degeneris? Sounds like a skin disease.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4e5f55f1ca283
Haha - So fat lesbians get more pussy then all of us men? They must be doing something right, does anyone have a lesbians e-mail address so I can pickup some tips on how to get laid? Rosie O’ Fathead is famous and quite the lesbian I might add. So about those e-mail addresses?
December 19th, 2007 at 6:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: e75519e6050f6
You are right, Jodi Foster is “fat as shit”.