I cannot tell a lie…because I’m a man.
Women are all liars. At least that’s what every man in the world thinks. Indeed I myself thought this for quite some time.
That’s when I realized I was wrong.
But not wrong in the way a woman is wrong whenever she opens her mouth or engages in any kind internal dialogue; wrong in way that is simply not right and not dangerous. Here’s the real scoop.
Women are as allergic to history as children who are allergic to bees are allergic to bees — this includes even their own history. Let’s turn to The History Channel for just a moment. We know the audience of the History Channel is predominantly male because all the commercials they run are for things like home ownership, stock investment, and local and national political agendas. These are things that women have about as much place in as a steering wheel on a toilet.
To us men, the History Channel is like a sweet, sweet nectar — a repository of precious facts and details about our world that we as men can leverage into solutions for the future. It makes us feel good about ourselves and it makes us feel positive about the future. Let’s take the gas crisis for instance.
Gas is running out, and prices are running up. That’s a serious problem, but as men let’s take just a moment and solve it. First, I will draw a parallel from The History Channel. I can easily remember one of many documentaries on what did General Dwight D. Eisenhower did when he faced many problems of equal or even greater severity during World War II. What he did was stop talking about it like a woman (when it was appropriate) and he took care of it. Problem solved thanks to the History Channel.
See, women are interested only in causing problems, not solving them. They do this to keep us men occupied while they play house and tea party and other such fantasy games of bullshit that involves spending your money on matching this to that and secretly fantasizing about the UPS delivery man. It’s the same all over the world.
To even a fully grown-up woman, this fantasy life of silliness and pretend is very much a reality. That’s why all women are not liars. Because they delude themselves into remembering the past as they wish and not as it actually happened.
Technically that’s not a lie.
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“They do this to keep us men occupied while they play house and tea party and other such fantasy games of bullshit that involves spending your money on matching this to that and secretly fantasizing about the UPS delivery man. It’s the same all over the world.”
Yeah I play tea party in my BDUs all the time.
(sarcasm.. in case you couldn’t figure it out yourself)
Hurm….. so when you say every male friend a woman has only wants to get in her pants (even if they are in a relasionship with someone else or you have been friends forever) arnt you just saying that men are sex maniacs? If so arnt men the weaker sex if they cant even control themselves and dont have the ability to look beyond a pair of breasts?
What makes you think that women wouldn’t look at the site? It would be rather foolish to think such a thing, but being the smart and wise man that you are you KNEW women were going to look at it and were ready for an arguement. I’m just calling you on a hypocritical statement. I don’t find it offensive at all. It’s your loss, not mine.
Badkitty, I’m sure that I “keep good subject” on a lot of things.
If anyone (women) think that some elements of this site are offensive, I would like to remind them that women are explicitly banned from reading this site in the first place for exactly that reason.
I don’t see what the fuss is about.
-Dick
ooooo HELL NO!!!!!!!1
woman think better of life than man
most would consider that an extremely insensitive thing to say.
You seem to keep good subject that only a gay man would be friends with a woman….and….you hate women and women are awful evil creatures to you……and EVERYONE thinks this whole site is something extremely insensitive to say….
only too typical
explain that one
Nothing is wrong with gay men. As a woman, you are obviously making up your own rendition of what I was talking about- therefore leaving all things rational and in relation to my point in your little female brain’s trash can right next to how to program electronic devices and BBQing steaks. Most upsettingly, you try to attack me for things I didn’t say- this is evidence of why women can’t run a country, even a little turdy third world country.
Badkitty, there’s nothing wrong with any man ever, and most would consider that an extremely insensitive thing to say.
Only too typical.
-Dick
cock wielding man of steel……that is great…i’m going to remember that. A friend of mine will find that quite funny. and….is there something wrong with gay men?
I would like to clairfy to the girls who don’t know any better (see: Every Female on the Planet) that guy “friends” all fall into one of these few categories: They have gotten into your pants, they want to get in your pants, they are in your pants performing some sex act at this very moment, or they are, indeed, actually gay. However, and this is VERY IMPORTANT, most gay guys would still give it the old college try if you dropped your drawers and bent over the kitchen table saying something to the effect of “make me feel like a date-raped high school sophmore you cock-wielding man of steel”. I also agree with Todd, I don’t realy know what the fuck lumberjill was attempting to say.
Hey badkitty idiot,
just wondering, didnt he spark a debate with that comment. i mean, you responded to him with a full long paragraph…what was that?
you wouldnt understand a debate if it hit you in the pinky toe…
what in god name does that post even mean? i am especially confused by that last line…
AHHHHH! I love the history channel and I am a female. I hate make-up. All my female friends do not cause. they slove them. Men wont be anywhere with out us women. I agree with badkitty. Badkitty is a very good friend of mine and she ask more than a guy than my boyfriend sometimes.
Well since they’ve been my friends since grade school, they really are my friends…..you guys are so funny. Your werse than women….you can’t admit your wrong or actually sustain a rational debate….all you do is insult and go to the next subject…show some IQ if you hav it…..and in case yu dident realize…i’m spelling wrong on purpose…but something tells me you’d actually take it seriously and try to insult it again…lol you guys are so foolish, these arguments get nowhere and you never actually defend yourselfs against what we say with grace and pride like a REAL MAN would…poor bastards…..and Gee DOES have guy friends….you guys are so sad….you guys have gotten to such a LOW point in your lives that in order to make yourselves feel better you make fun of someone else or bring down others….did you ever get past middle school?
Badkitty - there are two explinations for your male friends. They are either trying to get into your pants or they are gay. I’m sure about now you’re thinking of one of your male “friends” who definately isn’t gay and thinking “oh, he’s really my friend, he’d never try to get in my pants!” Offer him a blowjob and see what happens. Oh, he may resist at first, something to the effect of “what?” but that’s about as much resistance as you’ll get. You’ll be playing the beef whistle before you can say “Now where did I put my Birkenstocks?” And would it kill you to wear a little eye liner?
Gee - At least you’re not running around teasing a bunch of guys who you think are your friends. Badkitty should follow your lead and do more couch sitting. As long as it’s clean by the time I get home I really can’t complain now can I?
My hat(with all the pretty flowers on it)is off to, and my glass(with all the pretty flowers on it and which matches my hat, by the way)is raised to all women who sit on the couch, seriously think about what matches what and fantasize about the UPS man. It’s not such a bad life.
It sure beats fantasizing about where to start another war, how to raise gasoline prices, etc., which is what MEN fantasize about.
And if men are so smart, why do they go to such lengths to marry and support all these feminine couch potatos? Too much oil on the brain?
In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy being a girl:))
You poor misguided bastard.
P.S. You haven’t seen my UPS man. Woo-woo!
I have been told that I am more man than woman. 90% of my friends are male because I can’t stand females. I usually don’t bother with make-up and when I do it’s lipgloss to keep my lips from chapping, I love cars and sports, I work better with machines (I am the only female of the maintenance crew on 3rd shift at my store) and I can easily beat the shit out of the next man who messes with me. I hate it when my few girlfriends try to make things worse than they are and say irrational things and try to prove they’re right despite that it is obvious to both them and world that they are wrong… Does this make me a man because I don’t think or act like a girl? Or…am I a manly girl? or am I a man stuck in a women’s body? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this as well.