I cannot tell a lie…because I’m a man.

Women are all liars. At least that’s what every man in the world thinks. Indeed I myself thought this for quite some time.

That’s when I realized I was wrong.

But not wrong in the way a woman is wrong whenever she opens her mouth or engages in any kind internal dialogue; wrong in way that is simply not right and not dangerous. Here’s the real scoop.

Women are as allergic to history as children who are allergic to bees are allergic to bees — this includes even their own history. Let’s turn to The History Channel for just a moment. We know the audience of the History Channel is predominantly male because all the commercials they run are for things like home ownership, stock investment, and local and national political agendas. These are things that women have about as much place in as a steering wheel on a toilet.

To us men, the History Channel is like a sweet, sweet nectar — a repository of precious facts and details about our world that we as men can leverage into solutions for the future. It makes us feel good about ourselves and it makes us feel positive about the future. Let’s take the gas crisis for instance.

Gas is running out, and prices are running up. That’s a serious problem, but as men let’s take just a moment and solve it. First, I will draw a parallel from The History Channel. I can easily remember one of many documentaries on what did General Dwight D. Eisenhower did when he faced many problems of equal or even greater severity during World War II. What he did was stop talking about it like a woman (when it was appropriate) and he took care of it. Problem solved thanks to the History Channel.

See, women are interested only in causing problems, not solving them. They do this to keep us men occupied while they play house and tea party and other such fantasy games of bullshit that involves spending your money on matching this to that and secretly fantasizing about the UPS delivery man. It’s the same all over the world.

To even a fully grown-up woman, this fantasy life of silliness and pretend is very much a reality. That’s why all women are not liars. Because they delude themselves into remembering the past as they wish and not as it actually happened.

Technically that’s not a lie.

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196 Responses to “I cannot tell a lie…because I’m a man.”

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  1. Manley Says:

    Isn’t this just typical, men? Women apparently can’t comprehend “No Women Allowed”, push their way onto a website where they’re not welcome, extend their claws, and start ripping into each other like the savage animals they all are.

    Take it back to the kitchen or the beauty parlor, I say.

  2. kay Says:

    so dick where is the the “Men are better then women at not getting raped” article.

    was the topic too real for you

  3. TimT Says:

    Dick, I’ve just had a horrible thought.

    What if some of the men on this website are actually women in disguise?

    Off with the false whiskers, girls!

  4. Not Thomas. Says:

    it says no women, but nope, they have to peak inside and see whats going on, no respect for rules eh girls :P

  5. Evil Pundit Says:

    Women are so dim they can barely understand the concept of rules, let alone abide by them.

    It’s still not an excuse, though.

  6. Gabriel Cantalk Says:

    >See, women are interested only in causing problems, not solving them. They do this to keep us men occupied while they play house and tea party and other such fantasy games of bullshit that involves spending your money on matching this to that and secretly fantasizing about the UPS delivery man. It’s the same all over the world.

    Absolutely priceless paragraph. Much wisdom resides there-in.

  7. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    I abide to rules I agree with. The no women rule is bollocks and so I ignore it. Your money? I have my own job, and spend my own money. You obviously go for the vacuous, lets-stay-at-home type. That’s your choice, but plenty of women work hard for what they get, financially or otherwise.

  8. Not Thomas Says:

    im a guy, i dont work, and i live off what i get from my parents (all be it im only 17). I dont understand how money has anything to do with the sexes? women earn about the same as men, women are climing the corperate ladder and are just as good if not better than men at certain jobs. Im big enough to admit that because its the truth, now, could we stop the sillyness which is this sexism?

  9. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    I’m 17 and pay for alot myself. Women do get paid less then men and often hit ‘the glass ceiling’. The modern world is much better though, it was practicly impossible at one point for a women to support herself.

  10. Nicole Says:

    Not Thomas you have a point, are women now considered equal? Well you’re right about MEDC’s but not poorer countries, LEDC’s. There women are still treated like second class citizens, feminists are now concentrating their opinions on theses places.

  11. Sam Says:

    Haha.
    Seriously, this is funny stuff. I’m a girl (o yes) and I’m reading this and I’m laughing my head off. It’s really funny.
    Haha.
    Hahaaaaaaaa.
    You are the saddest people I’ve seen in my life :)

  12. Nicole Says:

    Well I’m English, and I suppose a feminist even through men seem to call me that anytime I don’t want to be treated like a doormat.

  13. Camille Says:

    Hello, peoples :)

    Just a point - this idiot DICK Masterson has -failed- to give us a sensible reason of why women are inferior to men!!!

    We can stay on your website if we like because it’s the bloody INTERNET - everyone can go everywhere.

  14. Megz Says:

    “I cannot tell a lie…because I am a man”
    What, so Hitler was female? Don’t even TRY to give me some bullshit about him always being honest!
    And actually, acting is a form of lying. Yet, there seem to be many male actors. Unless there has just been a MAJOR leap forward in terms of plastic surgery and sex changes and the like, of course!
    *rolls eyes*
    This site is an absolute crack-up. Would be even funnier if these people were serious, but surely no one (even a mere male, lol) could make these claims with dignity! It would completely contradict what it was claiming, and end up being the perfect example of a contradiction in terms!

  15. Megz Says:

    home ownership, stock investment, and local and national political agendas. These are things that women have about as much place in as a steering wheel on a toilet.

    –very true if you’re discussing the situation in a 3rd World country. However, in developed countries, this is most certainly not the case. I’m from New Zealand, and our Prime Minsiter, Chief Justice, Govenor General, Speaker of the House are all women. Plus many cabinet ministers, and CEO of large companies, such as Telecom NZ. In fact, 60% of those with degrees and post-graduate qualifications are women! In fact, there is more male unemployment than female unemploment, not only here but in many other developed countries such as Australia, Canada, Ireland, Japan and the like!

  16. Sam Says:

    Haha.

  17. alen Says:

    Megz,

    unemployment numbers are based on the number of people LOOKING for work. Given the number of women that choose not to work at any given time, your assessment is skewed…

  18. alen Says:

    Gigi,

    “men have about 4 thousand nerves making you feel all kinds of well being feelings when you have sex or in your case use your old hand, but women have 8 to 10 thousand.”

    What you’re refering to in men is just the glands of the penis; not even the entire penis; or scrotum area.

    Further nerve endings in a man’s penis become more sensitive as the penis becomes more erect.

  19. Nicole Says:

    Two words alen, multiple orgasms.

  20. Dick Masterson Says:

    Nothing warms my heart more than a 16 year old talking about multiple orgasms.

    Two words, Nicole. Why don’t you show a little respect for yourself?

    No one will buy the cow if they don’t have to.

    -Dick

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