Internet Dating is Sick and Wrong
Internet dating is sick and wrong. It’s like being a woman senator with tuberculosis. It’s sick and wrong, contagious as hell, and worse yet: it’s womanly.
Whenever I need to decide if something is good or fucked beyond all comprehension, I place the characteristics of said thing on a scale between manliness and womanliness and sum up the pieces. That’s how I know ringtones on cell phones are womanly and a loss of Man Points.
1. Ringtones are never as good the second time around — neither is a woman.
2. Ringtones have the same effect on people as a womanly perfume — everyone associates some sensory experience with you.
3. Ringtones annoy me during movies.
Three womanly strikes means it’s time to throw your cell phone in the trash because “vibrating” is also a loss of Man Points. Women like that.
If you’re going to date — which is something I advise against — at least date with your dignity and your balls intact. That not only saves you significant loss to your Man Points, it also increases your chances of ending up in a fulfilling, sexual “relationship”.
1. Internet dating is a perversion of technology.
Technology is meant to save lives and achieve the unimaginable; like landing on the moon or having a four hour erection. It’s not meant to do something any jackass with a twenty dollar bill and pick-up lines he memorized off the list below could do at a T.G.I. Friday’s ten minutes into Happy Hour.
Would you like a drink for free?
I just moved here from England. Is it true that American girls don’t like to give head?
Do you like dogs?
Dick Tip!
Pick-up lines are just like women. They’re all the same and for maximum effect, they should be used as often as possible.
On the scale of manliness vs. womanliness, perverting technology is as womanly as it gets. Women use technology to create problems, not solve them. That’s because technology solved all the problems a woman could ever have with the invention of duct tape. Once the mouth is shut, all of a woman’s problems magically disappear. It’s as if none of them existed in the fucking first place.
2. Internet dating is a perversion of sex.
The human sexual appetite has evolved over thousands of years. Women constantly criticize men for obsessing about sex, but perhaps women would all like to go fuck themselves. If it weren’t for sexual obsession, men would never have boned the hideous she-monkeys that comprised our species thousands of years before Christ was born. Without deviant monkey rape, there would be no “us”.
Attraction is a complicated thing, which I will now explain in layman’s terms.
For a woman, attraction is based on how much time and money it takes for a man to delude a woman into thinking it’s a good idea to fuck. This process continues indefinitely. In the case of men, attraction is based on how much time and money — and bullshit — a man is willing to spend on some trophy tramp for the privilege of fucking her. This process continues indefinitely.
Wait a minute, that’s not complicated at all.
And that’s exactly the mistake every woman on every internet dating site makes the second she clicks “Join”. Over-complicating something that a rat can do with its eyes closed by finding some other rat — or gerbil or whatever — to fuck. That means every woman on every internet dating site a neurotic nightmare.
3. Internet Dating is a perversion of “awesome”.
I would never want to date a woman who wasn’t impressed by my expensive watch. That means I’ll never use J-Date until it features the following question:
Impressive Watch? Yes / No
If YES, please provide a picture of said watch in the space below.
Being awesome means having a bunch of awesome stuff and not being afraid to use it. And internet dating caters to the exact opposite: an uninspired mass of crap and regurgitated nonsense that sums up everyone on the planet in two paragraphs and a quote from Family Guy. Women love internet dating for exactly that reason. They can browse endlessly and egotistically over the same bullshit and never make a decision because the flood never ends. For women, internet dating is like shopping for shoes and working at the Post Office all mixed in one.
Dick Tip!
Women on personals sites who say they like “Family Guy” or “Adult Swim” are fat as fuck.
Manclusion
You can’t pervert sex, technology, and “awesome” without striking out of Man Points. Internet dating is womanly and a sham. If you’re thinking about joining a personals network or emailing one of those sluts you’ve heard so much about on MySpace, just talk to a real girl instead.
Girls are dumber than shit and easy to talk to because of it. They don’t know how money, politics, or even their own orgasms work, and they’ll be forever grateful to you for teaching them. Man the fuck up and use the internet for what it was designed for: work or porn.
Just try not to do both at the same time.
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My EX is on Pleantyoffish as CC97 the selfish money grubbing whore
She wont let me see my son but it’s ok for these weirdos that she meets online if you feel the need stop by her page and tell her to wake the fuck up.
another problem with internet dating is, this is the internet, men are men, women are men, and 12 year old girls are FBI agents.
better to have loved and lost than to marry the psycho
Dick you forgot to mention that women who internet date are most likely fat as well, but they won’t tell guys that up front, they wait until they end up meeting in person and wasting the guy’s time.
-man-space invader-
Recently Sandra, it was proven your are a retard, that happens to speak like a parrot on crack cocaine.
Feel free to (A) have an argument or (B) shut the fuck up.
Either way, down the hall to the left, last door on the right.
Internet Dating is Sick and Wrong if you putting yourself out were and waiting for something good to happen. Most of girls are not even real, many losers just pretend to be a woman. It’s sickening me to spend so much time chatting with someone you don’t really know anything about. Big dating sites are simply pathetic, they offer you to find a perfect match. What is the point searching for perfect match, if you don’t even know that the person is real ?
Here is what I’m doing to weed out the fakes from the real. It’s not a dating site, but is solves fake people problem. I have this online ID, I send it to her and ask to see hers.
This service verifies the true identity of the person and his/her recent photo and lets him/her to open one time ID that can be sent to anyone. The ID is time limited, so no one can reuse it pretending being you. I’m asking girls to open an account and send me the invite to view their IDs, if they don’t want to I just move on. Truth be told that some were bitching about spending the 15 bucks, or that it was strange, but you know what for me that’s a sign. Its called IDlevel.com
Stop trolling - No one cares.
I don’t ignorantly assume my opinions are all right and only my opinions are right, but I get that vibe from you? I seriously didn’t come here to start some fight, just to simply respond to some of Dick’s posts. I casually read some of his posts/rants/whatnot every now and then when I have the chance. Recently I’ve decided to respond to some since I haven’t in ages. The last thing I need is some sort of lame internet drama. Oh yes, drama in it’s lowest form. I surely hope you’re not trying to do so? Hmm.
Bleh. Same old argument, like all women. “I exist, and therefore am right”.
Nice long post though, and here I was fearing you had emptied your skull with the one-liners.
To no ones’ surprise whatsoever, you have more to say on the subject.
Actually, any subject ever. Yes, FINALLY you understand that your point of view is irrelevant, and no one wants to hear it, because it is the broken “equality” record that skips through womens’ vaccuous skulls.
Good for you, you actually DID figure that part out.
Sgt. Reyes, it is like Donkey Punching a Gopher. You just know it is funnier than shit, but it’s not like you didn’t know the Gopher would bitch about it.
Or, bitch MORE about it. They look at it like all women look at it, they are the only opinions in existence that are right. Hence, why they keep showing up to speak.
Until women straighten out I don’t see that there is any other ‘way of looking at things’, Sandra.
It’s fucked, Dick called it, women hate it.
- Sgt. Reyes
Hmm, last I checked, I’ve been living in the same reality as you or anyone else you see, rather than my own.
And I definately ‘understand’ your point… you need not worry on that part. I just choose to not believe in your opinion. But you see, if I allowed myself to get fired up (like some do) I would be like many of the people here who come and type in capitalization things such as “ohmagah you so stupid” [insert random angry babbling] or whatnot. I’d rather be levelheaded, collected, and sensible. If that bothers you, I don’t care.
And no, I don’t respond because I’m insulted. I respond most likely because the reason you respond. I’m actually rather hard to offend and that only can show that I choose not to feel inferior in any way or insecure in any beliefs I hold.
On another note, I suppose we just have different ways of defining things. See, when I think constant name-calling with every other word (by the way, I noticed you withheld a great deal in that last post and it’s appreciated- whether it was intentional or not..) I certainly don’t think “ah yes, what a debater”. You may.. but I don’t.
And believe me, I know as well as you that I’m not changing your point of view or beliefs on ANYthing. In all actuality, I really don’t care to. I respect your beliefs and am simply offering another way of looking at things. Or maybe just something to read, either way it doesn’t phase me.
Incorrect, but I don’t expect you to understand basic reality, it is quite obvious you live in your own. Of which, I hope the assholes figure out you are missing, and take you back. I easily deny an argument you are too slow to make, and not smart enough to debate.
The ones that get “fired up” are the ones that believe and are smart enough to understand, not a dried out parrot like yourself, constantly repeating another morons’ shit.
I seem bothered enough to send a fucking wannabe punk on down the road, and am not angry at all, though, at your intellectual level I can easily understand why you see it that way.
To Whit: I am simply better at debate, and insulting, than you will ever be.
Hence, why you keep posting. Elementary is when you cry about getting your ass PWned…….you know, like I keep doing to you.
Nice argument by the way……….oops, that’s right, you never had one, except the shit in your head called, “Personal Opinion” and lacks everything like Truth & Fact. Feel free to get one if you want..at any time.
Ah contraire- You actually have it a little mixed up. Rather (when you really do think about it …) the “stupid ones” you speak of would be the ones to “get fired up”. You know this is correct, don’t bother denying it.
You seem bothered enough to angrily reply within a heartbeat with your little elementary-style method (as in, name-calling).
“Pwned”.
Oh, indeed efficient, but it stops not the desperate Troll indeed, as you have proved yet again. Puny? Only if you pack milk sacks and a vag around, and puny only if you cannot read english, or understand it.
Actually, as Dick points out, your troll-like usefulness to men is as a Verbal Punching bag, of which you ladies are VERY good, like sex, at taking it while laying down. Of course he wants you here, everyone likes making fun of the retard retreads that come through.
Uh……..I guess you don’t get the fact that this is for MEN, not Lumberjack Dykes wanting to make Fish Pancakes. Hence, probably why he says it to men, for men. Useless is the 12 years you spent in the 9th grade and didn’t get all that english soaked up.
You won’t get fired up at all. The stupid ones never do, but then again, I do feel guilty (only slightly) about beating up on a weakling, nay, a puny.
Very good, now you know why no man here gives a fuck about your opinion, and different as that may be, you seem to be bothered enough to keep running your fucking head, chatterbox. And here you go “choob”, I just, again, handed you your rather flabby ass: You have been Pwned.
Yes, so efficient right? As if a puny “no women allowed” sign would do anything. C’mon we all know Dick wants females to post here, it makes his life practically. The only thing is that he wants to see them get all worked up from what he posts, so obvious I would say. But I see that as useless. I’m not going to get fired up over the internet like some ‘noob’, what the fuck. I don’t care what other people believe, everyone has different opinions. So getting all bothered, well, that would be beyond pathetic now wouldn’t it.
No, but in this “real” world, you would shut the fuck up and move on.
I doubt Doubt not at all, but I doubt you can read the english language as “No Women Allowed” evidently passes smoothely through that hole the catholic priest drilled in your skull to let the demons out.
Le Lame. What’s wrong with 40 year old womanly Shrews’ posting on a man site? Besides being stupid that is………..
Men built the internet. Therefore on principle, like most women or children, you know not what you speak of.
Well then Doubt.. thanks for taking the initiative to reply with a “you’re a shallow stupid whore [yaddayaddayadda] you don’t contribute to the world.” I guess you do more so than me then? Le sigh, if only I was more like you. Then this world would be just magical and we’d all drink wine and be happy- SURE.
Well that wouldn’t be a problem if you educated them on their prospects overseas, both economic and social, now - would it? Oh, what’s wrong, you’re a shallow, stupid whore who needs sexual gratification because it’s the only type you’ll ever hope to get from people infinitely more successful than you merely due to the fact that they contribute, in some way, to the world as opposed to take from it.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=NvuTv8zMSz0
What’s wrong is getting (junk) mail from horny 40 year old men who can’t get a date in real life thus resort to the internet via myspace dot com to pick up girls not even half their age. I do agree though that the internet was meant for better things..
I find internet dating to be a pleasant way to meet the stalker of your dreams. There is a reason that they are forced to meet their soulmate online, mostly the reasons are not good, no matter what it says on their “profile”. I find it slightly degrading to find love online, more so unsafe.
An example is my mother, who had a boyfriend who was a horrible person (he gave away our dog without telling us for several weeks so would not be able to get him back), and he also cheated on her multiple times. After breaking up, he sent her his eharmony profile to show her he “moved on”. That shows you who is on the internet dating sites.
All in all, one of the very, very few posts that I agree with.
It’s basically trolling for hookers. None of the internet women I fucked were worth more than just that. A fuck.
- Sgt. Reyes
And speaking hardly means you are intelligent, a failing every Man here see women so often do…..
@my goodness. holy assumptions, batman..
of course he doesn’t drive an automatic. why would you assume that?
Steering an automatic is hardly driving.
- DJ Tiesto - In The Dark
add s
I’m really sorry that happened- that horrible.
I don’t know about that, but I wish things would show up after I posted them, instead of disappearing into the Intertubes to reemerge later.
I wonder if there is a site somewhere where all the lost posts eventually appear, like a dead letter office.
anchorite, I believe that needed to be said twice.
-Dick
I’ve had sex with several women I met on the internet. None of them were worth it, but then neither were most of the other women I’ve slept with. All women are unfit for relationships, the Internet just gives you a wider selection of undatable women to stay the hell away from.
I’ve fucked several women I met on the internet. None of them were worth it, but then neither were most of the other women I’ve slept with. All women are unfit for relationships, the Internet just gives you a wider selection of undatable women to stay the hell away from.
i dont know if mr. masterson allows linking to other sites, but whomever is the writer at http://www.nomarriage.com hit it right on the head.
http://www.nomarriage.com/dangerwords.html
he listed the “real” meaning of words in women’s personal ads.
worth a look.
@Zardoz- i do think generalizations can be good for laughs- not for productive, thought provoking discourse. i am suspect of any statements that include the words all or always- on either side. i try to speak only from my personal experience, which includes plenty of good and bad interactions with both genders.
and @ King Wang again- it is simply not true that no man will fuck up a relationship as long as he’s got a steady flow of sex in which his partner is a happy and willing participant. my daughter’s father, for example, had and continues to have a problem with cocaine that he refused to stop or get treatment for. while i still loved and cared for him, i found i simply could not respect him or trust him to make good decisions for our family. i thought of him as weak, and that’s really an uncomfortable way to feel about your man so i had to leave. and while i do struggle with guilt about it becuse of my belief in the nuclear family- i really believe i did the right thing.
i did not, however, rape him or even take him to court for child support, or deny him access to his child, and i NEVER bad mouth him in front of our daughter. and when he recently wrapped his car around a telephone pole while drunk, i went and took care of him, and drove his stupid ass all over town for the duration of his license suspension. although we aren’t under the same roof, i still consider us a family. i actually probably won’t remarry, or live with another man until my daughter is away at college.
I wonder if women will ever understand that painting things with the same brush of generalisation lends amusement and humour to the vile, selfish and spiteful reality that there are many examples with whom such generalisations actually apply?
Oh wait! They DO!!
It’s apparently just not funny when it is themselves being slapped with the paint brush.
The difference as I see it is, man-humour bundles typical behaviour into the generalisation basket then laughs at the contents, whereas women first either exaggerate common behaviour to fuckery or select the absolute worst imaginable examples, then throw their carefully selected minuscule sample (or gross exaggerations) into the generalisation basket and actually BELIEVE it’s all true in every single instance. Whereupon they then form a lobby group to have this ghastly state of affairs redressed by congressmen.
@King Wang- just as i would never begin to blame all of the ills of the world on men, i would never do it to women, either. i have in my life been ‘victimized’ by men- when i was quite young and unable to protect myself. i don’t blame all men for this- or paint them all with the pedophile brush. i actually mostly blame my mother who should have been home with me instead of out pursuing a career she decided on after having adopted me. she was very much a product of the ‘i can do it all’ generation. but i’ve had enough stuff happen where i could justifiably sport some kind of man-hate- and i don’t. i could also think all women are like my mother and hate them, too. but i don’t. i don’t even hate my mother.
negative emotions are a waste of time.
i don’t think the sort of discourse that paints everyone with the same brush in broad sweeping strokes can ever be productive or positive- and that is what i strive to be- both here and in life.
I KNEW I was doing it right then!
The only time it’s good to put a personal ‘ad’ on the internet is when your only intention is to get nudie pics from them. See: Craigslist.org.
What I hear all the time Fish Monger is everyone screaming, “SHUT THE FUCK UP SUSHI”.
Yes, even you can hear it. Please, don’t use the Heller Keller Defense, it does not work. Selective Deafness doesn’t mean Prodigous Greatness, but then again, by now you should know the drill.
Talking A LOT does NOT = Being Right
Talking LOUDLY does NOT = Being Right
However, your last post proves that at least you have the capacity for discourse. BUT, remember that your generalities of “people” in place of “Female” is where you are lacking on all things relationship.
THAT is the next step.
Logical Step: You KNOW men want to have sex. That is the extent of a relationship, with some minor transgressions into emotional…(shudders)….territory.
Therefore, men can’t possibly fuck up a relationship because they WANT to keep having sex. And, if that be true, they most definitely would not END a relationship due to GOOD SEX.
Hmmm…..methinks if it takes two to tango and horizontal mambo, and one of the two is obviously LESS interested in fucking up a good thing, that would leave………..Ding! The OTHER party involved who is ALWAYS…..
A Female. Who will always fuck up a good thing.
Score 73, Kitty Carlisle.
OMG, I think Sushi just had an epiphany.
Take your thought process one step further sushi. You can do it.
It is such an honor to witness this kind of stuff.
@Uli-
i totally agree that people today are too quick to give up on relationships when problems arise. too quick to trade something old in for something new. but i think that it isn’t unique to women, or even to relationships.
western culture espouses instant gratification and disposablity in almost every facet of life.
i really think that’s what’s wrong with us.
all of us.
i really wish i had been alive in the little house on the prairie days instead of now. except for the music…
Is that what the “J” in J-Date stands for? I thought it meant “Juicy”.
-Dick
Dick — you’re Jewish? Mantastic!
@King Wang- you would make a great jerry springer show audience member. but i bet you hear that all the time…
Most of all the women I’ve dated had a “secret internet life”. Once, they had to get dressed, put make up on and perfume and go to social places. Now, thanks to dating sites, they can create a fake id, upload a picture and start new romances away while you are working your ass off, or just when your back is turned, even from home. And all the women that had an internet life, cheated on me with people from online dating sites. Because once some bad moments appear as in every relationship, instead of working it out, they’d rather have a new fresh cock loaded with bullshit, ready to drop an avalanche of compliments than fighting for what they actually have and what is actually real. They also come back afterwards because once it’s done, there’s nothing magic anymore about just another dude who wanted to empty his balls.
Hell, I laughed when I posted it. If it is funny, use it. If you whine about it, must be on the wrong end of that shit stick. Cry me a river….
No, I just enjoy insulting strange females on a man site.
But you do prove the point of, “The slower they are, the more likely they won’t leave fast enough”.
I don’t agree. After all, I think women who won’t shut the hell up should be beaten about the head and facial area, especially in movie theaters.
Same thing really, women do the same as my cellphone, make a lot of fucking noise for the end result of something really fucking stupid that can be done later, if not at all. Only, now you have a woman WITH a cellphone.
There you go, great fucking idea right there…….two different things making the same fucking noise to no one’s benefit.
oh, i wanted to add something, something upon which we can all perhaps agree?
people who leave their cellphones on in theaters should be beaten about the head and shoulders with them.
Wanted to add, fucked me the first night and I had only been online for 3 days before I shut my profile down. Was getting too confusing. I’m still seeing one, I like her a lot.
@King Wang
insulting some stranger’s hygiene or supposed lack thereof over the internet is childish and not all that creative.
“yeah well you’re…smelly!…so there!”
good one.
That is one of my favorite movies. Except for the chicks playing grownup they make nice eye candy.
What can I say? I’ve only dated 2x and thoroughly filtered them before meeting and both of them fucked my brains out.
Its very tiring though. I can only maintain 1 person at a time. However, if I want, I know there is a vast sea of free leg out there if you market yourself properly and aren’t a douche.
This is coming from someone who smells like a Fishermans’ Fucking Wharf during the summertime. I find anything your Stinky Fish genius comments on to be either suspect, useless, and somewhat lacking in reverse retardation.
As always, the MANtra continues:
“Feel Free to Fuck Off”.
@LadyXX
i suppose just about any words would seem big to a person who couldn’t get her mind around the word ‘weren’t’. they are good words, though, and excellent choices. you should look them up and soak up every little nuance of their meaning.
perfection.
and who says it was snide or against men? it was just a question. i don’t think i’ve ever been rude here (aside from breaking the rules and posting while in possession of girl parts, of course- and the second Mr Masterson tells me to fuck off his site, you won’t hear another peep from me (although i will still read, of course)).
you seem very…shrill
i have the funniest picture of you in my head, wagging your finger at me and calling me ‘missy’…
Well, apparently to the trolls on here, I’m viewed as ‘not grown up’ enough, so maybe I’m not the best person to ask this. *ha*
BUT I can tell you that the first step (other than a nice verbal bitchslap of knowledge) is telling a woman she has to recognize when to STFU if, let’s say she has any opposing views on a site such as this MABTW one. (Something that the majority of the women who comment on here seem to lack.)
For example:
Whoa, big words there missy.
In any case, it didn’t matter if it was you who said your first comment or any other chick on here. The fact remains that the 3 replies before yours were positive and manly, while yours was a snide remark against men so it needed to be put on display. Please stop flattering yourself that I can’t seem to leave you alone. This is only the second time I’ve called you out on your bullshit is all. Damn.
Have you seen Starship Troopers, detached?
I would like to know more.
-Dick
@LadyXX- that you can’t seem to leave me alone speaks volumes about you.
you are a sycophantic shrew.
@Solomon- well, i think Mr Masterson’s assertion here is that by it’s very nature and concept internet dating is sick, twisted and not at all manly..
and as for internet dating itself- there are all kinds of sites geared to all kinds of people. even The Onion’s web site has a personals section. I’m sure there’s a site that has at least one question that Mr Masterson could deftly and no doubt comically answer by talking about his watch…
i think internet dating sites can be handy tools when you’re looking for a very specific type of person, or you’re not really into bar or club scenes.
i’ve tried them, for both of the reasons i mentioned above…
as it turns out, though, i met my very specific type of person when he interviewed me for a job. it turned out he lived less an eighth of the mile from me, and had for the whole two years i spent searching for someone just like him.
go figure.
our attraction was instant and not at all based on this:
For a woman, attraction is based on how much time and money it takes for a man to delude a woman into thinking it’s a good idea to fuck. This process continues indefinitely. In the case of men, attraction is based on how much time and money — and bullshit — a man is willing to spend on some trophy tramp for the privilege of fucking her. This process continues indefinitely.
he wears a great watch.
and he’s like the best driver ever.
Lady XX what does it take to make a woman grow up?
Most women remain inmature forever. Incessant bitching and lying is typical of most women.
Yeah, they’re not grateful for anything really-even when a man sits there listening to her bitch & moan.
In any case, the whole article was quite good; the ending just summed it up nicely.
I anxiously await April 2008.
I think he was being sarcastic since most women are never grateful for anything.
And you wonder why you get no respect from some around here.
The point isn’t whether a man started a type of website, because of course he did; no woman is smart enough to think that up and create it on her own. Hell, most of you just pound away blindly hoping to magically get to the right page you’re looking for.
Anyways, good article Dick. I especially enjoyed the last paragraph of:
QFT
All things good are started by men. They only become bad when women are allowed to cast their perversions on it.
-Solomon
weren’t internet dating sites started by men?
As long as you can see through the bullshit, you’ll do okay. A few examples:
1. I’m an independant woman.
Translation: I’m a total bitch.
2. I’m a spontaneous woman.
Translation: I’m a total slut.
3. I’m just looking for a nice guy.
Translation: I’ve been a bitch and a slut long enough to get knocked up and want you to come take care of me.
-Solomon
Or liars. Or both. Good post.
I personally get laid every time I meet up with an internet date.
Here’s the way I see it. The internet has made my life easier and now I have applied it to my dating life.
I admit that is pretty distasteful, especially when women lie about simple stuff, like weight and age. However, there are a few bangable hotties on line and I’m looking for them.
Other than that, good article.