Card Carrying Slut?
How can I tell if the woman I’m with is a slut?
I get asked a lot of questions about women, especially by men. After all, when someone goes to the trouble of making business cards that say “MenAreBetterThanWomen”, they must know what they’re talking about. And I do.
Of them all, this is the question that comes up the most, “How can I tell if my date is a slut.” That’s why I’m going to start my new column “Ask Dick” off with this boffo box office best-seller.
There are three easy ways you can tell if a woman is a slut.
1. She has a cell phone
Women who are sluts always have a cell phone, sometimes two. You see, it’s because having a cell phone is the easiest way possible for a slut to garner herself a heaping helping of attention. Attention is just a stone’s throw away from sex: the slut’s ultimate goal.
The meal’s not cutting it? No problem, slut. Just whip out your cell phone during the entree and brew up a nice gumbo of drama and gossip with your best friends whom you hate the fuck out of. Three to five minutes later, she’s off on another whirlwind diatribe and you’re left wondering if this is included in the bill or if you have to pay extra for it. Like a tip.
Are you supposed to tip a hooker? I’ll save that gem for another time.
2. She mentions another man
All sluts will mention at least one other man (who isn’t you) during the course of a conversation. It could be a workmate, a neighbor, even a family member. If she’s talking about a man, she’s thinking about one thing and one thing only.
Also, God is a man (for obvious reasons). He counts for double; so if she’s a real preacher odds are you have one hell of a slut on your hands.
3. She wears heels
Everything about them screams slut. I’m not talking about the five-inch, lucite, pole dancer heels either. I’m talking about pumps, boots, anything that isn’t a regular shoe.
No matter what women say, there’s only one reason to wear something like heels in today’s society. She wants sexual attention. It’s like a man wearing a helmet. Either he’s expecting to be hit on the head at some point during the day, or he’s retarded. It’s the same with women in heels. Guess what she’s expecting.
If you have a question you’d like to see on Ask Dick, email me or post in the Ask Dick forum.
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It’s been ten years since I’ve met a woman between the ages of 15 and 25 who does not own a cell phone.
-Dick
Oddly enough, Dick, I think you may have missed the boat a little on this one.
I think your rules apply to a woman over, say, 25. Between the age of 15 and 25, the terms “female” and “slut” are synonymous. Just wander around any mall in America observing the bare midriffs, visible bras, ass-cracks showing under skirts, etc. There’s certainly no reason for a female between 15 and 25 to dress this way except to attract sex partners.
To be fair, in part I blame fathers for this. Somewhere along the line, the phrase, “You march right back up to your room and put on some real clothes!” got lost from the lexicon of fathers. We started actually paying attention when the daughter whined, “But dad, all the girls dress like this!” Instead of saying, “Who cares?” we caved and let ‘em out of the house anyway. They never learned to dress like anything other than a cheap whore, so now they all think it’s ok.
I am 25, and in my own experience many women become jaded by the time they are 23-25, and don’t learn to let things that have happened to them in the past go until their mid-thirties if they ever do. It’s my belief that many women hold resentment for many years and this in turn gets stays within them and harms them both mentally and physically. I myself have given up on women, I find some to be funny, or pretty, or stimulating but I find most if not all to be so cynical when it comes to men that its not really worth my time.
Indeed. Good point.
Sex is the ultimate attention. And also intimately connected with a woman’s self-worth and value. I might even say that value itself is a woman’s ultimate goal — or maybe it’s just part of the trinity. As a man I can entertain several possible explanations at the same time.
It’s interesting that you mention women under 23. There’s a dark movement of late for women above 30 to actively conquest for sex anyway they can get it. Usually it means by “making themselves available” to younger men.
The bad moon is on the rise.
-Dick
Lucid as always; however, I have the suspicion that at one point you may have things exactly reversed:
Surely attention is her ultimate goal and sex merely a mechanism to get that?
Though perhaps if she is young enough (under 23), sex is her ultimate goal. When I was in my late teens/early 20’s, I dated women slightly older than I; those my age were too immature. I now date women in the 23-29 age range; those older are too bitter, those younger are too immature. Suffice to say I’ve little experience with women 18-23.
-wolfe