Card Carrying Slut?
How can I tell if the woman I’m with is a slut?
I get asked a lot of questions about women, especially by men. After all, when someone goes to the trouble of making business cards that say “MenAreBetterThanWomen”, they must know what they’re talking about. And I do.
Of them all, this is the question that comes up the most, “How can I tell if my date is a slut.” That’s why I’m going to start my new column “Ask Dick” off with this boffo box office best-seller.
There are three easy ways you can tell if a woman is a slut.
1. She has a cell phone
Women who are sluts always have a cell phone, sometimes two. You see, it’s because having a cell phone is the easiest way possible for a slut to garner herself a heaping helping of attention. Attention is just a stone’s throw away from sex: the slut’s ultimate goal.
The meal’s not cutting it? No problem, slut. Just whip out your cell phone during the entree and brew up a nice gumbo of drama and gossip with your best friends whom you hate the fuck out of. Three to five minutes later, she’s off on another whirlwind diatribe and you’re left wondering if this is included in the bill or if you have to pay extra for it. Like a tip.
Are you supposed to tip a hooker? I’ll save that gem for another time.
2. She mentions another man
All sluts will mention at least one other man (who isn’t you) during the course of a conversation. It could be a workmate, a neighbor, even a family member. If she’s talking about a man, she’s thinking about one thing and one thing only.
Also, God is a man (for obvious reasons). He counts for double; so if she’s a real preacher odds are you have one hell of a slut on your hands.
3. She wears heels
Everything about them screams slut. I’m not talking about the five-inch, lucite, pole dancer heels either. I’m talking about pumps, boots, anything that isn’t a regular shoe.
No matter what women say, there’s only one reason to wear something like heels in today’s society. She wants sexual attention. It’s like a man wearing a helmet. Either he’s expecting to be hit on the head at some point during the day, or he’s retarded. It’s the same with women in heels. Guess what she’s expecting.
If you have a question you’d like to see on Ask Dick, email me or post in the Ask Dick forum.
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February 3rd, 2006 at 7:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 281c250662a27
Does anyone else find this wretched and disturbing? A woman suggesting men “perving” and giving advice how to do so? Is she saying to treat her like a lady by trying to look up her skirt? I am repulsed and nauseated.
February 3rd, 2006 at 3:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 95e33c9de680c
sure you are. That is hilarious.
February 3rd, 2006 at 3:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc4b477cfd13b
Still making unsubstantiated accusations when backed into a logical corner, I see.
I have never said I was or am a homo sapien, either. However, given the fact that I can hit the keys, it would be pretty asinine for you to assume I’m anything else.
True, I have occasionally been accused of being hung like a horse, but that doesn’t mean I’m actually a horse … ;)
February 3rd, 2006 at 4:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Excellent point, Dakota. If it walks and talks like a lonely piece of shit, it most likely is a lonely piece of shit.
-Dick
February 3rd, 2006 at 8:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 45286c1b009f8
Last time I read “conversations” like these, I was in middle school.
You all claim to be educated people, why is it that no one thought to correct a simple spelling error like “realise”?
As in, I realize this must be hard to accept, but you’re all a bunch of morons.
February 3rd, 2006 at 8:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 957564b4aff6d
Desert Dave,
I realize this may be hard for you to accept, but realise is the British version of realize - much as colour is the British version of color.
This may also be hard for you to accept - but the internet has connected the world to such a degree that people from America can actually interact with people from other countries - people that use different (but still correct) spellings of English words.
February 4th, 2006 at 2:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
I realize this may be hard for you to accept, but realise
/salute. Nicely done.
I’m even worse. I use both American and British spelling. The former professionally; the latter sometimes personally. I’m sure I’ve said both color and colour as well as centre and center. Comes from living in different countries as a young lad, I guess.
-wolfe
February 5th, 2006 at 8:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 281c250662a27
Obviously a woman, believing she knows what’s in my head better than I do.
February 7th, 2006 at 7:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 31d418f8fe3da
Why would u wanna wear heels…. jesus they kill your feet & if u havent mastered walking in them u just strut down the road looking like youve shit yourself… anyone wanna borrow my Trainers?
February 7th, 2006 at 10:03 am - IP Man-Hash: 4a43ba80460c9
Because heels(along with other stuff) make them look like a sex object. Compared with such a high prize, any cost they have to pay is insignificant.
January 11th, 2007 at 11:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 365a6de4f5125
Has that time arrived as yet?
June 6th, 2007 at 10:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 83b7e402ade4c
Hookers already get a tip.
July 8th, 2007 at 9:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
slut is a word used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
July 8th, 2007 at 9:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: e36376410e1aa
Slut is a word used to describe a woman, period.
-Dick
July 8th, 2007 at 10:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 44376629327fd
You keep telling yourself that, tramp.
July 8th, 2007 at 10:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: e4335652e42df
Not true. Slut is a word used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a slut man. It’s actually a good word for both genders, just depends on how slutty you are.
Spreading your legs for every man who catches your fancy doesn’t empower you. It makes you used goods.
July 9th, 2007 at 2:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 5fd634f6ed1ed
No no see when men sell themselves, they are called ‘gigolos’ and when women do it, they’re called ’sluts’. Of course, slut is more widely known. Why? I have no idea.
July 9th, 2007 at 11:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
you posters are retarded. men are such bigger sluts than women. boning every women doesn’t empower them, either, now does it? slut is slang for ANYBODY.
July 9th, 2007 at 11:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
woman*
July 9th, 2007 at 11:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: e36376410e1aa
It seems so much more intelligent with that one minor spelling mistake corrected.
-Dick