Card Carrying Slut?
How can I tell if the woman I’m with is a slut?
I get asked a lot of questions about women, especially by men. After all, when someone goes to the trouble of making business cards that say “MenAreBetterThanWomen”, they must know what they’re talking about. And I do.
Of them all, this is the question that comes up the most, “How can I tell if my date is a slut.” That’s why I’m going to start my new column “Ask Dick” off with this boffo box office best-seller.
There are three easy ways you can tell if a woman is a slut.
1. She has a cell phone
Women who are sluts always have a cell phone, sometimes two. You see, it’s because having a cell phone is the easiest way possible for a slut to garner herself a heaping helping of attention. Attention is just a stone’s throw away from sex: the slut’s ultimate goal.
The meal’s not cutting it? No problem, slut. Just whip out your cell phone during the entree and brew up a nice gumbo of drama and gossip with your best friends whom you hate the fuck out of. Three to five minutes later, she’s off on another whirlwind diatribe and you’re left wondering if this is included in the bill or if you have to pay extra for it. Like a tip.
Are you supposed to tip a hooker? I’ll save that gem for another time.
2. She mentions another man
All sluts will mention at least one other man (who isn’t you) during the course of a conversation. It could be a workmate, a neighbor, even a family member. If she’s talking about a man, she’s thinking about one thing and one thing only.
Also, God is a man (for obvious reasons). He counts for double; so if she’s a real preacher odds are you have one hell of a slut on your hands.
3. She wears heels
Everything about them screams slut. I’m not talking about the five-inch, lucite, pole dancer heels either. I’m talking about pumps, boots, anything that isn’t a regular shoe.
No matter what women say, there’s only one reason to wear something like heels in today’s society. She wants sexual attention. It’s like a man wearing a helmet. Either he’s expecting to be hit on the head at some point during the day, or he’s retarded. It’s the same with women in heels. Guess what she’s expecting.
If you have a question you’d like to see on Ask Dick, email me or post in the Ask Dick forum.
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January 19th, 2006 at 1:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
You’re the one who had a temper tantrum ‘do you think i care, sniff’
Thats the (almost) adult version of ’stop picking on me, leave me alone’
January 19th, 2006 at 1:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60b660aafc3e4
Yes, so I suppose the only alternative for me to prove you incorrect is to lay off of you, huh?
lol..Nicole, I don’t want you to leave me alone. Fire away.
You though are *explicitly* asking me to leave you alone. That is priceless!
January 19th, 2006 at 1:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc4b477cfd13b
If true, I suspect that the absence of males on a continuing basis is the reason. If there’s nothing obvious in sight to compete for, there’s less reason to become catty and play mind games.
However, I also suspect that perhaps you’re underplaying what competition is going on. It may be that as a younger female, you haven’t yet become cogniscent of the unstated competition that’s going on all the time. It’s kind of like when I had sinus problems: it was only after I had corrective surgery that I realized that I had been in some level of constant pain for a long time. Only the absence of pain clued me in to the fact that I’d grown accustomed to it, to the point where I didn’t know I had it.
The girls I was discussing in the dance rehearsal were generally friends or at least acquaintances in the vicinity of ten years or so. These were, after all, the older girls who’d been studying at this studio since age five.
They weren’t outright catty with each other, in fact they were quite friendly. Nevertheless, in a big, badly-heated gymnasium in the dead of the midwestern USA winter (it was warm — about 25 degrees farenheit that day), they were wearing slutwear. Bare midriffs, rolled-down low-rise jazz pants and short-shorts, etc. In a similar situation, a man would have been wearing sweats and not caring what he looked like. They were, after all, there to rehearse what amounts to an atheletic activity, not to look pretty.
So it makes no sense that they’d still dress in slutwear, unless it was a low-level attempt to one-up each other with how sexy they looked.
I’m just calling ‘em like I see ‘em. A bunch of girls all by themselves dressed like streetwalkers when the situation demands warm but loose-fitting clothing? Why?
Dakota Smith
January 19th, 2006 at 1:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
Grump, stop being so Grumpy. ;)
January 19th, 2006 at 1:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60b660aafc3e4
Quit trying to get on my good side! I’m having too much fun with you, Nicole. I don’t want you to ruin it!
*sigh* I should skedaddle off this site anyways. There are greener pastures elsewhere in the blogosphere.
Have a good day, Nicole.
January 20th, 2006 at 3:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 682b6c01ada1d
Have a good day Grump ;)
February 1st, 2006 at 11:05 am - IP Man-Hash: 281c250662a27
You all are narrowing in too far… see the root cause… not the thinking applied to it. Grump was close… Dakota’s one-up theory was so close I could taste the MAN-wich…
Women wear high heels to get attention… period.
The wearing of them in Nicole’s high school is the applied thinking that other women will notice them and either be envious or try to emulate them.
The wearing of them around men is the applied thinking that men will notice them and find them attractive.
Positive (finding them attractive/sexy) or negative (finding them to look like a slut/streetwlker), you still noticed, it got your attention. And what is the most important thing to self-important, “entitled”, insecure women like Nicole… it should be obvious from the way she keeps coming to the site to stir up the pot…
Pity you could not hold my/our attention with an intelligent conversation, at least one valid intelligent thought on a subject of importance, that you must stand and scream at the top of your lungs an opinion contradictory to that of the majority on this site and continue to do so even when told doing so will not change anything….
But, hey, attention is attention, right?
Has anyone else (Grump) noticed that when you ignore her, she rants “louder” and when you engage her, she warms to you? It’s because you have validated her, slaked her craving for attention.
February 2nd, 2006 at 4:13 am - IP Man-Hash: 6e486c35c5dee
If single men were smarter than women, they would loiter outside shoe stores. When women exit the store, loaded with bags and filled with natural euphoria from not only looking at shoes but from buying lots of them, men should pounce. The woman will get confused by the euphoria from the shoes and think it may be the man making her feel high, even her thoughts of the shoes and how attractive they are will transfer to the man, making him appear more attractive than what he may actually be.
February 2nd, 2006 at 7:05 am - IP Man-Hash: 281c250662a27
Single men are smarter than women… How soon before that little ploy, that shuck-and-jive, fizzles, becomes transparent and the relationship ends. Which is why we don’t attempt this ridiculous suggestion.
You prove me right just by uttering such an insipid remark.
Or is it that you need a big, strong man to carry the bags for you?
February 2nd, 2006 at 7:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 5630214f5d8bf
Why in Ghu’s purple fingers would any man wish to get involved with a woman so shallow that purchasing shoes is a euphoric experiece?
February 2nd, 2006 at 7:15 am - IP Man-Hash: 281c250662a27
Well said.
February 2nd, 2006 at 9:36 am - IP Man-Hash: 8dd3dc862afae
Female, shut the fuck up. That’s the stupidest advice I’ve ever heard.
-Dick
February 2nd, 2006 at 9:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Women don’t need to buy shoes to get confused.
And well said, Alan and Dakota.
-wolfe
February 2nd, 2006 at 1:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 032a42405d075
Because that is the only type of woman there is. He simply has no other choice.
February 2nd, 2006 at 3:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc4b477cfd13b
Well, I don’t entirely disagree. I think that the number of non-shallow women is so far outnumbered by the shallow ones as to make them almost impossible to find. I’m not ruling out that there are still a few good ones out there, you just have to have some standards in your selection process.
The standards will automatically weed out 99.99999999999999999999999999999999% of the women in the world, however.
And the only reason I say there are a few good ones is because of my current girlfriend. She’s the only really good one I’ve met in 41 years on planet Earth, though, and she doesn’t become euphoric over shoes the way Female does.
Dakota Smith
February 2nd, 2006 at 4:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
No idiot. If you were smart, you would realise that you could get away with a fair amount of perving by hanging around or in shoe stores. Ie, women lean over to try on shoes, cross and uncross their legs and if they have a low cut top on with a slit in their skirt, you can well imagine you may get to see more than you were bargaining for. You so don’t deserve this information.
February 2nd, 2006 at 4:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5630214f5d8bf
Great Ghu. The fact that anyone has to argue this point with a self-proclaimed feminist is proof enough of just how intellectually vapid the entire philosophy is.
Female, we figured all this nonsense out during high school. You’re not telling us anything new, here. Yes, if we want to get a glimpse of the female body, hanging out where they try on clothes is a good place to do it. Big deal, we knew that.
We just don’t care.
See what we know and what feminists have never gotten through their collective thick skulls is that there’s more to a woman than her body. As I have continually attempted to point out in the Angelina Jolie discussion: it just doesn’t matter how attractive a woman is if she’s nucking futs.
And getting all euphoric over buying shoes? That’s nucking futs if I ever heard it. It hardly surprises me that you become orgasmic over some shoes, it’s par for the course. But I don’t want a woman who creams her panties over shoes. It displays a shallow personality that I want no part of.
Nor would any man with half a brain.
So give us your stupid “advice” that we knew all along. We don’t care. We don’t want that kind of woman.
February 2nd, 2006 at 10:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
still making things up I see. I have never said I was or am a feminist.
February 3rd, 2006 at 12:33 am - IP Man-Hash: f75c92aeb197e
Judging by the number of women who come here and declare that they ‘are not feminists’ you would think that being a feminist was something to be ashamed about.
February 3rd, 2006 at 1:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 4e2fe16b3ab3c
Guilty through gender association, to late. You have already been tagged.