Card Carrying Slut?
How can I tell if the woman I’m with is a slut?
I get asked a lot of questions about women, especially by men. After all, when someone goes to the trouble of making business cards that say “MenAreBetterThanWomen”, they must know what they’re talking about. And I do.
Of them all, this is the question that comes up the most, “How can I tell if my date is a slut.” That’s why I’m going to start my new column “Ask Dick” off with this boffo box office best-seller.
There are three easy ways you can tell if a woman is a slut.
1. She has a cell phone
Women who are sluts always have a cell phone, sometimes two. You see, it’s because having a cell phone is the easiest way possible for a slut to garner herself a heaping helping of attention. Attention is just a stone’s throw away from sex: the slut’s ultimate goal.
The meal’s not cutting it? No problem, slut. Just whip out your cell phone during the entree and brew up a nice gumbo of drama and gossip with your best friends whom you hate the fuck out of. Three to five minutes later, she’s off on another whirlwind diatribe and you’re left wondering if this is included in the bill or if you have to pay extra for it. Like a tip.
Are you supposed to tip a hooker? I’ll save that gem for another time.
2. She mentions another man
All sluts will mention at least one other man (who isn’t you) during the course of a conversation. It could be a workmate, a neighbor, even a family member. If she’s talking about a man, she’s thinking about one thing and one thing only.
Also, God is a man (for obvious reasons). He counts for double; so if she’s a real preacher odds are you have one hell of a slut on your hands.
3. She wears heels
Everything about them screams slut. I’m not talking about the five-inch, lucite, pole dancer heels either. I’m talking about pumps, boots, anything that isn’t a regular shoe.
No matter what women say, there’s only one reason to wear something like heels in today’s society. She wants sexual attention. It’s like a man wearing a helmet. Either he’s expecting to be hit on the head at some point during the day, or he’s retarded. It’s the same with women in heels. Guess what she’s expecting.
If you have a question you’d like to see on Ask Dick, email me or post in the Ask Dick forum.
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What a short-sighted, ignorant little girl you are.
1. Do you really believe that it takes a lot of effort for me to ‘argue’ with you?
2. I’m unsurprised with the non-sequitur.
I’m glad I struck a chord though.
Then shut up and stop arguing if you don’t care.
“I’ve never once heard a girl say, she has ugly shoes I hate her.”
Name-calling isn’t the same as hatred. And yes, they do snip at each other over clothing.
“I find the latter more probable.”
Is that comment supposed to bother me? Answer me this: why should I care about your opinion of me?
Not about our shoes dear.
I’ve never once heard a girl say, she has ugly shoes I hate her.
And you would know what girls talk about how? Either you are secretly a girl or you are a liar.
I find the latter more probable.
“no name calling”
That phrase right there tells me that you are probably lying. Girls snip at each other all the time. Often, it’s not directly in their faces, but more often than not, behind their friends’ backs.
Nope me, or the girls at my school. We try to look nice, we do each others hair, makeup etc and lend each other clothes, and we complement each other.
No mind games no name calling, its a very pleasent atmosphere.
America must be different, or you’r just a liar.
Here’s an interesting anecdote for you to comment on:
My ten-year-old daughter is a dancer — she’s been taking multiple dance classes since she was four and has some natural talent for it.
Every year, she competes in this huge regional dance competition. There are consequently extra rehearsals before the competition: several weekends preceding it. At these rehearsals, all the girls from her dance studio ranging from ages five to about 18 attend, and they rehearse all day.
The rehearsals are dominated by women — the one I attended two weeks ago had one male at it: me.
I noticed while there that the older girls — the high-school age ones — still insisted in dressing in the usual teen slutwear that was totally inappropriate for both dance and comfort. I was mystified: there were no men there except me, and I certainly wasn’t expected — and in any case, none of these girls would give two shakes for the attention of what can only be a father-figure.
So why would they make their own lives more difficult by wearing this uncomfortable slutwear?
I asked my girlfriend. She said that in many instances, it’s the girls playing mind-games with each other. It wouldn’t be about looking good for the sake of garnering male attention, but rather about looking sexy in order to intimidate the other girls. “Look at me, I’m hotter than you, I’ll be getting more guys than you, you’re inferior.”
Now, as my girlfriend is an attractive, six-foot blonde in her thirties who absolutely abhors these kinds of bizarre female psychological warfare tactics, I figured she probably knows what she’s talking about.
“Women wear heels around other women because its nice to look nice, not for the entertainment of men.”
The most likely explanation is that you are trying to demoralize the competition.
You: Don’t I look so hot in these heels! I’m so much prettier than you girls. I can get a man in bed in no time flat!
Other girls: Oh no! We suck! We must buy make-up to hide our ugly faces!
Well I go to an allgirls school, yet many wear high heels, not to attract men, but to look nice, high heels can be feminine, smart or sexy. Of corce Dick, being a man, would jump to the conclusion that a woman wears heels to attract his attension. In case you havn’t figured it out Dick, women don’t like you, and were not trying to impress you, at least not once you open your mouth.
Women wear heels around other women because its nice to look nice, not for the entertainment of men.
Female said:
Awed by that? I’m not surprised.
Dakota, I’m already breathing on this planet and I don’t like causing my loved ones distress so suicide is not an option.
-Female, I mean this in a sincere way and not as an insult. If you consider your life so worthless as to base the ending of it on the feelings of your loved ones, then you need to talk to someone.
Sorry about that Dick, I know you’d find that a tad disappointing. As far as my existence goes, doctors cannot explain it as my mother was told it would be impossible for her to have children, hence the reason for my adopted siblings prior to my surprise arrival. Doesn’t that just shit you, Dick. Imagine it, so close to never bothering you.
-This attack is too personal in my view, Female no one wants you to die. Human life is precious, and intelligence or even thought in any form hasn’t been found yet in this universe by humanity.
“As far as my existence goes, doctors cannot explain it as my mother was told it would be impossible for her to have children, hence the reason for my adopted siblings prior to my surprise arrival. Doesn’t that just shit you, Dick. Imagine it, so close to never bothering you.”
Ahhhh, there lies the problem. You have interlopers in the family. Little like a pretend family where the imports a really getting in the way of a real life.
They have stolen your sole position in the family as you are the only real child you resent the others for encroaching what could have been a utopia for you.
As the only child you could have wallowed in endless self-pity and hysterics, you could of had it all. But now you have to share. Now you have all this competition.
It would explain the paranoia of having to share the planet with others.
“I may not be able to kill myself but I do have the power not to further contribute to the death of the planet through breeding.”
Female, you are living in la-la land. If you hate humanity so much, why the f*ck would you care about your own ‘loved ones’, or are you just a massive hypocrite?
I wouldn’t be surprised if you were being insincere.
“Here’s my def of unconditional love, realising the planet is better off without us on it.”
Unconditional love for the rocks, the trees, and the sacred ibex? lol..oooookaaaaaay…
Delightfully clever, Big Al. Someone time how long it takes that raging bitch to break her vow of absence and respond.
-Dick
I can understand that.
Female,
I’m glad you can tell I’m a woman. The absolute nature of your statement is incorrect, though the sentiment is close to being correct. I, like most other heterosexual women, do prefer the company, respect and attention of men.
I know you don’t care what females think about you Arielle. It’s far too obvious that the only company, respect and attention you desire is from men.
*chuckles* I’m certainly not out for your respect, Female! In fact, it really leaves me ‘wide-eyed and wondering’ to think that you might believe I want you - or females in general - to respect me. I only want the respect of people whose opinions I have come to value. I’m also wondering why you would think that a mention of my husband and D&D were the way I fished for respect. I’ve never given a woman respect simply because she had a husband - why would I expect it myself?
As to being smug, selfish and self-serving - I freely admit to all of those faults. Those are vices that I share with billions of other people all over the globe, to one degree or another.
I may have mentioned it before, but this kettle doesn’t mind the pot calling her black - she just finds it amusing.
Awed by that? I’m not surprised.
Dakota, I’m already breathing on this planet and I don’t like causing my loved ones distress so suicide is not an option. Sorry about that Dick, I know you’d find that a tad disappointing. As far as my existence goes, doctors cannot explain it as my mother was told it would be impossible for her to have children, hence the reason for my adopted siblings prior to my surprise arrival. Doesn’t that just shit you, Dick. Imagine it, so close to never bothering you.
Even in mistake, man still teaches. In this case a style of debate.
Goddammit I am awed.
-Dick
Oops … I lose man-points. Missed that you were talking to her. Ignore me, thanks.
Duuuhhhh …