Card Carrying Slut?
How can I tell if the woman I’m with is a slut?
I get asked a lot of questions about women, especially by men. After all, when someone goes to the trouble of making business cards that say “MenAreBetterThanWomen”, they must know what they’re talking about. And I do.
Of them all, this is the question that comes up the most, “How can I tell if my date is a slut.” That’s why I’m going to start my new column “Ask Dick” off with this boffo box office best-seller.
There are three easy ways you can tell if a woman is a slut.
1. She has a cell phone
Women who are sluts always have a cell phone, sometimes two. You see, it’s because having a cell phone is the easiest way possible for a slut to garner herself a heaping helping of attention. Attention is just a stone’s throw away from sex: the slut’s ultimate goal.
The meal’s not cutting it? No problem, slut. Just whip out your cell phone during the entree and brew up a nice gumbo of drama and gossip with your best friends whom you hate the fuck out of. Three to five minutes later, she’s off on another whirlwind diatribe and you’re left wondering if this is included in the bill or if you have to pay extra for it. Like a tip.
Are you supposed to tip a hooker? I’ll save that gem for another time.
2. She mentions another man
All sluts will mention at least one other man (who isn’t you) during the course of a conversation. It could be a workmate, a neighbor, even a family member. If she’s talking about a man, she’s thinking about one thing and one thing only.
Also, God is a man (for obvious reasons). He counts for double; so if she’s a real preacher odds are you have one hell of a slut on your hands.
3. She wears heels
Everything about them screams slut. I’m not talking about the five-inch, lucite, pole dancer heels either. I’m talking about pumps, boots, anything that isn’t a regular shoe.
No matter what women say, there’s only one reason to wear something like heels in today’s society. She wants sexual attention. It’s like a man wearing a helmet. Either he’s expecting to be hit on the head at some point during the day, or he’s retarded. It’s the same with women in heels. Guess what she’s expecting.
If you have a question you’d like to see on Ask Dick, email me or post in the Ask Dick forum.
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January 17th, 2006 at 5:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 957564b4aff6d
Isn’t it funny how feminists look down on women for being wives and mothers? Without ‘breeders’ the human race would have ceased to exist long ago. We don’t all have the luxury of living useless lives. ;)
January 17th, 2006 at 5:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1702f4af0072
What a surprise. Do you know what century this is Arielle? Do yourself and every other woman that has to come into contact with you a favour - get out of the house.
January 17th, 2006 at 5:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1702f4af0072
Christ. I see you support the idea that human beings are such worthwhile creatures that they deserve the right overpopulate this planet, wipe out thousands of other species and generally turn this planet into a massive stinking refuse dump.
You speak as if it would be an absolute tragedy for the human race to disappear, who says the truth isn’t actually the reverse?? Try and stop being an egomaniac and selfish for one ten of a microsecond and think about that.
January 17th, 2006 at 5:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 367aa6a77dd36
Female, the more I read your posts, the more I agree that some people should never have had children.
January 17th, 2006 at 5:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: bc07d4ae5b820
I dont understand why feminists look down upon women that choose to be mothers, (I think because most of the time this might involve a father) I think that they regard it as an anathema, or an abomination. Personally I believe that many women are incomplete in a way when they dont have children. Just as men are when they aren’t allowed to be with them or choose not to.
January 17th, 2006 at 6:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1702f4af0072
Cheers Kate, glad to know you agree with my post.
Abaddonaff - you read your own preconceived ideas into other people’s posts. You assume things in them that aren’t actually there. I’ve never said I look down on feminists or people that choose to have children, nor do I. I prefer to consider the reasoning behind people’s actions, rather than their actions per se. If someone choose to have children out of a desperate need to reproduce a copy of herself and as a way to have something with which to fill her day, then that I don’t agree with. If a woman has children based on an unacknowledged fear/wish that it may bring her closer to her husband and save their marriage - I definately do not agree with that. As I’m not married, nor have children, I can’t see exactly why people would want to have them. The only think that possibly makes sense (I don’t know) is to have them to give them as a gift to your partner who wants them. Still I don’t think that’s a good enough incentive though.
Feminisits - don’t know much, if anything, about them. Some of the ideas on this site have changed my mind on some things, and no I won’t say what they are because such knowledge would be used against me here.
January 17th, 2006 at 6:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3cb4caac778d1
Dick!
You rock!
January 17th, 2006 at 6:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 957564b4aff6d
Female,
A dislike for spending time just chatting on the phone does not make me an anachronism. Although I could easily be classified into several different “subcultures” I in no way feel socially deprived. I get together with friends every weekend, even if it is for the thoroughly geeky activity of playing Dungeons & Dragons.
Believe it or not, some of us actually like solitude and don’t feel the need to constantly be in contact with other people. It’s a mark of being comfortable and content.
January 17th, 2006 at 6:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Thank you, Jo. Make sure you get some cards and tell your friends.
-Dick
January 17th, 2006 at 6:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 957564b4aff6d
Abaddon,
I originally feared becoming a mother, believing that I would find it a burden until my children were old enough for me to converse with them on an intellectual level. My husband, however, wanted to start our family right away and I decided to go along. It was the best decision I have ever, ever made. Motherhood made me a woman I never could have been otherwise. My son brings me more joy than I ever thought could be possible - if people want to learn about unconditional love, children have a thing or two to teach any and all of us.
My husband and I have so enjoyed becoming parents that we now talk about having our own clan. Considering we’ve both got some Scottish heritage, it shouldn’t be too hard to pull off. ;)
January 17th, 2006 at 7:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1702f4af0072
Lord have mercey.
Here’s my def of unconditional love, realising the planet is better off without us on it.
January 17th, 2006 at 7:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 957564b4aff6d
Fortunately for you, Female, that’s the wrong definition.
January 17th, 2006 at 7:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5630214f5d8bf
I’m curious: if you actually believe that, female, why have you not committed suicide?
And I mean that question sincerely. I’ve never understood that attitude. If you honestly believe that the world would be better off without human beings on it, and since you are by definition a human being, how can you justify your own existence when it’s within your power to end it?
January 17th, 2006 at 7:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1702f4af0072
Because I’m not that selfish to my human loved ones. I may not be able to kill myself but I do have the power not to further contribute to the death of the planet through breeding.
January 17th, 2006 at 9:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
A scientist in Sweden says wearing high heels can lead to mental disorders, and has drawn alarming parallels between stilettos and schizophrenia among women.
This would explain many things, not the least of which would be Female’s Manolo Blahnik Collection.
January 17th, 2006 at 10:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1702f4af0072
Is that right. Geez you are a fount of wisdom aren’t you. You are still coming off to me like someone who is incredibly smug, selfish and self-serving. If you want other women to respect you just because you have a husband and like to play dungeons and dragons (wtf?) you’re completely deluded and need to get a life.
Big Al, if only I could afford those shoes, I’d be willing to have a mental illness just to get some.
If you believe this, you’re a twat.
January 17th, 2006 at 11:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5630214f5d8bf
I’m curious, since you obviously hold her in some contempt:
How would Arielle need to live her life such that she would recieve respect from other women?
January 17th, 2006 at 11:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: a0c7c73d83830
Watch out, Female. Your sisterhood is showing.
-Dick
January 17th, 2006 at 11:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5630214f5d8bf
Again, I don’t entirely understand:
If one’s belief is that the presence of humans is destructive to the planet, how do one’s friends enter into the equation? They’re human beings, are they not? Therefore the world would be better off not only without you but without them as well.
I mean, you can say that you don’t want to cause your friends pain, but if your position is truly that the world would better off without humans, that should trump any pain your friends might feel at your absence, wouldn’t it?
Please understand, I am not encouraging you to suicide — in fact, I’d be a bit distraught to discover that you actually were suicidal. But your stated position that the world would be better off without humans implies that the needs of the world are more important than your own needs or that of your friends.
January 17th, 2006 at 11:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5630214f5d8bf
Um … no. It’s my debating style.
When you have someone who’s spouting this kind of venom, you turn the tables and ask how you’d gain their respect. You often then discover revealing things about what they believe.
Generally this results in being hoisted by one’s own petard. See the Politik forum question I asked yesterday. ;)