There’s a Party in My Pants
I had the extreme misfortune yesterday of watching a show on MTV called The Best Sixteenth Birthday in the World for One Hugely Spoilt Bitch or something like that. I don’t remember what it was. I was busy at the time. What I do remember was how absolutely fucking terribly the little girls on the show behaved — and by extension how all women behave in exactly the same manner. These are role models for young women after all. Research has been done for it.
What the show taught me was something that I already knew, men are better than women at throwing parties. Everyone knows that. P Diddy knows that. And it’s not just because women’s organizational skills are a cluster fuck and that they turn into raving psychos when they have to deal with the kind of stress involved in getting a few dozen baked goods at the corner market or getting a dress hemmed before Thursday. No, it’s because women have their party attitudes all backwards ass — like a mule has had a face drawn on its butt and been taught to walk backwards.
If you ever see that, that’s a woman throwing a party.
It’s a simple question of motive, just like everything else that women fuck up, it’s because their motives are as transparent as an invisible brick wall.
When men throw a party, they make sure everyone has a good time. Men are good guys like that. As long as everyone is well fed, well drunk, and well on their way home by the end of the night with a smile on their face, it was a good party.
Women, however, have their heads screwed on in the wrong direction.
Women throw parties like the Greeks threw parties for their Gods — guess who’s the God. Likewise they expect heaps of libations and offerings to be unloaded upon them at all times. Presents? Yea, you bet your ass you’d better bring something. Bullshit? Oh yes. Be prepared to come up with some bullshit. Bullshit like this:
“Where did you get these napkin holders that also look like magicians hats? Did you purchase them out of a catalogue with your husband’s credit card? Did it take you like five fucking minutes when all was said and done? Did you have to get express shipping because you fucked off with the whole thing until the last minute? Well it really ties the whole stupid theme together. You’re so creative with your eight hours a day that aren’t spent at an office or a construction yard. And I’m so glad that eighteen pack of Amstel Light lasted like twenty minutes.”
Sounds like some world class bullshit doesn’t it? Well it is, and it’s also the kind of shit that you have to say at a woman’s party if you expect to get invited back. Plus you have to take whatever lame party favor is given to you at the end of the pseudo-party with a big smile on your face and not at all say, “What the fuck is this thing?”
When a man plans a party he asks himself these questions and then the party planning is done.
1. Do I have a trashcan or buckets full of ice and beer? Check.
2. Do I have as many chips and subway sandwiches as would fit in a shopping cart? Check
3. Are there going to be hot, hot ladies at the party?
Usually the answer to the third is ‘No’, but in a way that’s why men’s parties are so good. Because there are never any women around to fuck them up by pretending to play princess for a day.
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Which do you prefer then guys? Boring or slaggy? You can’t have it both ways! And by the way, you obviously haven’t been to one of MY parties.
Dick,
A buddy and I are throwing a huge backyard party next month…there’ll be a bunch of hot bitches for you including myself…there’ll be plenty of booze, enough food for you to gorge on, loud music and thats it. Some of us girls can throw good parties too.
Male parties are better for both sexes. At male parties you can get the girl hammered, take her into your friends new car and decorate the back seat.
At womens parties they’ll bitch and bitch some more about that friends new car..”Oh she can’t afford it, but she loves the attention the guys give her”.. Fuck it ya know? You wanna get her back? Make her scrub my cum off it for the next few weeks.
The only way to throw a party is by throwing a male party.
Golden, Col. Welcome aboard and thank you for adding yet even more evidence that girly-girls are subhuman and that ignorance is no excuse for cruelty.
ahhh…as weird as this is gonna sound…kinda yeah. Part of it anyway. Whoever bitches the most, is at the top of the ladder…the movies aren’t lying. And yes, you ARE ostracized for not bitching. (Most of the time, at least thats the way it is in my age bracket- but from the stories Im told, i doubt that will change).
Being social means starting rumors, talking trash, and not knowing when the hell to shut up? Just curious. This is what most women think being social is.
Not that I agree with it, but I have heard SO SO many guys say “If its with another girl, its not cheating”. Eh, but the parties thing is true.
We bitch like crazy, but theres more then that. We dance to. You have to understand, you’re making fun of something that is almost outta our control…we’re the social sex, thats our specialty. We can choose to make or break someone, unfortunately, we choose to break….:(
So now the main thing is men throw better parties?
Inspiring.
Women either get sit around and talk, or try to get really, really wasted (refer to Dick’s article about the drinking contest… I think it’s like “Manniversary” or something), then compete for who can get the most attention (which involves slutting themselves around, cheating on their boyfriends (not always with another guy) and vomitting everywhere), and usually start bitching about someone. Sometimes they don’t even need to be drunk to do that. Those times you’d prefer they just sit the fuck down and shut up.
Women’s parties are about bitching which they call “socialising”. Its a mix between gossiping and backstabbing their best friends. Wait, correction, their “BEST FRIENDS”.
Easy, just imagine a good party. Now, take out all the fun and replace it with misery.
Yup. The reason for this is simply that all women are inherently kill-joys (except for strippers).
Absolutely true, Jon.
Adult parties are the same.
-Dick
you forgot to mention chicks make parties boring too sometimes. im not sure wat kind of parties u adults have but me being a teenager the kinda parties i love are the kinds where everyone is half wasted on booze and people are jumpin around with music playing and people breaking shit and doing insane dares and smoking up on some weed and chugging down on some beer bongs.
i have come to realise all those things only happen when its a guys only party. when chicks are at the party they just sit around and talk. thats all they fuckin do. sit around and talk. im fuckin serious. and by sitting around and talking they totally mess up the atmosphere for insane partying. real partying. and it pisses me off.
thank you.
I think I love you.
No, I rather stay home and be on my computer, watch tv or even sleep. lol
because you’d rather get heavily intoxicated, act like an obnoxious slut, fuck half the guys in the party and then, after you realise that you’ve been labelled as the campus whore, run to the police and claim that you were raped.
Now that’s what you call fun, isn’t it?
because you’d rather get heavily intoxicated, act like an obnoxious slut, fuck half the guys in the party and then, after you realise that you’ve been labelled as the campus whore, run to the police and claim that you were raped.
Now that’s what you call fun, isn’t it?
I know, parties are dull. How can you talk and dance 4 the whole night. Boring…