Maniversary Origins
I’ve been asked this question by many people. I don’t care about the women who’ve asked it though. Like most questions women ask, they’re just doing it to set themselves up to say something snotty.
Here it is, for the very special MenAreBetterThanWomen.com One Year Maniversary.
A Maniversary is like an anniversary that’s not besmirched by a pointless and crass exchange of gifts for simple niceties like politeness and deranged sex acts.
“Dick, why did you start MenAreBetterThanWomen.com?”
Like most great things invented by men, MenAreBetterThanWomen.com was starting by a man shooting his mouth off and promising more than he could deliver.
That was a trick assertion.
No man can ever promise more than he can deliver. As men, our potential is limited not even by the skies or the heavens above — or physics! Fuck physics in fact. I break those rules practically every day when I think about V8 engines and space ships and men who’ve run a mile in under 4 minutes. That’s why we men are called men and not women, who are tethered to the Earth like great fat elephants with no magic feathers.
A little more than a year ago, I was at a pub called the King’s Head in Richmond, England. I was drinking because I was in a pub and I’m a man. As a man I don’t do things like go to a library and try to buy a Slip and Slide. I go there to check out books just like I go to a bar to drink and have fun. Women, however, are just the opposite.
Women go to a bar to act bitchy and shoot their mouths off. That’s not what a bar is for. That’s what a hair salon and a kitchen are for. And another thing; a screwdriver isn’t for prying the screw-off lids off of nail polish removers.
One of my American friends was hassling one of these women in Richmond. By ‘hassling’ I mean ‘talking to’ and that’s always a mistake. I believe he was trying to inform her that she was in the wrong place for acting bitchy and shooting her mouth off. The phrase ‘Bitch Store’ may have been used.
I’m joking of course. Americans can’t understand anyone British or anyone who’s lived in England for more than a week. My friend was sitting there with the look of a deer caught off-sides as the lass rattled off the following:
“Sure. Long as he’s had a few pints, I could out drink any man here.”
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that women have winning and losing backwards. When they “won” equality and the right to vote, they actually just “lost” respect as a whole and a life of luxury enjoyed by every woman in the history of time. Just like that, women think “winning” a drinking contest is passing out drunk in a taxi with or without your knickers. Classy.
“Bullshit,” I said. Then before she could say anything I added, “You could not out-drink him. Both of you could not out-drink him.”
That’s the best way to argue with women. They’re not listening to you anyway, so phrase your case as well as you can as a man and then walk away.
“Oy!” she said — or something very much like it. I don’t know and I didn’t give a fuck. “Well he’s three times my size!”
“That’s not why,” I said. “No woman could out-drink any man because women don’t know how to drink. Six artificially flavoured apple martinis and a shot of Jager someone spilled half a Guinness into is not drinking. It’s experimenting on yourself to see how fast you can throw up. No one wins that contest.”
“What do you call this then?” she said.
Whatever she had and was holding was irrelevant. It was a pint of lager, but it wasn’t hers she probably just grabbed it off the table. We all know women don’t drink beer in pubs and if they do, we know what they look like: hideous. Women lie about stupid shit like that to prove points.
Needless to say, an entire conversation was sparked about the merits of men in this modern world. Apparently several women at the table were under the impression the sexes were “equal”. It was a silly assumption, but these women also thought make-up would make them more attractive when not even a paper bag, a picture of Claudia Schiffer, and a stapler could have done that.
They had “woman-reasons”, which behave in conversation like the spleen in the body — by doing fucking nothing. I was like a glorious man-cancer to these mouth spleens, and at some point the following was said.
“That’s still only four reasons! You said you’d give ten.”
“Well how much time do you have?” I said.
The rest is history.
-Dick
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April 27th, 2006 at 8:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 88c8f95439c29
I don’t get it. A man enjoys going to a pub or bar as we call it in the states to sit down and enjoy a fine brew with some buddies. Seldom is the time when us men have a guys night out that even remotely involves chasing tail.
just as all the intelligent men did thousands of years ago when brew was first invented by men in Sumeria we drink to unwind and relax.
99% of women’s nights out ALWAYS have to involve either bitching or chasing men, oftentimes both.
Women are so preoccupied with getting their poons plowed and then bitching about it that they have no purpose here on earth other than to breed. Of course you may be lucky and find the 1% or so that is actually honorable, but good luck to you.
Which brings me back to brew, they only drink to get tipsy, does anyone even enjoy the shitty mixed drinks they buy just because they are too much of pussies to drink beer or take some shots?
The only binge drinkers I know outside of when I was in college are women. It really is sad that they don’t really understand what drinking was invented for, but I guess they will always be hopeless since they have no logical reasoning skills.
April 27th, 2006 at 9:53 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Absolutely right, lukasz. This wasn’t a “guy’s night out” though; just some after dinner drinks. All tail chasing bets are off.
-Dick
April 27th, 2006 at 11:18 am - IP Man-Hash: d0fe1c7ad7a77
Off-topic: LOL about this blog.
April 28th, 2006 at 5:34 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Aah. A smokey Carribean rum. A ten year old bourbon. A single malt scotch. An oak-aged brandy. A foaming tankard of bitter, thirst-quenching ale. A big Californian zinfandel. A backyard brewed slivovitz or zivania. A big Aussie shiraz.
Aaaaaah.
Shitty mixed drinks just don’t cut it.
Unless, of course, you include the Martini in “shitty mixed drinks”.
In which case, we may well have to argue this.
Over a drink or three, of course.
-Big Al
April 28th, 2006 at 9:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 5950bb08d3016
Hey a good straight martini is a fine drink, hard liquor with nothing shitty to spoil it aside from an olive.
Another fine drink I enjoy is Polish Caramel Vodka, it’s excellent for sipping, along with the 12% ABV dopplebacks that I brew and put into my brandy snifter and enjoy on my chair in front of the fire.
So no Big Al, I have no beef with real drinks.
Happy Maniversary Dick!!
April 28th, 2006 at 10:10 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Thank you.
-Dick
April 28th, 2006 at 5:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
How do you get that level of alcohol through brewing? Some kind of secondary/tertiary fermentation?
But yeah, Happy Maniversary, and I mostly agree with Big Al on drinks, except to say this:
Any drink a man drinks is by definition a manly drink. If a big guy sits down in a biker bar and orders a cosmo… I won’t be the one to tell him he’s a girl.
That said, a good highland malt, Islay malt, a nice ale, even a decent merlot (who cares about that d#$(* yuppie movie Sideways), certainly a good big shiraz, even the occasional lager, decent digestif like calvados, port, etc. … those are the drinks of kings.
-wolfe
April 28th, 2006 at 9:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: dff991ad84ae0
Hey Big Al, couldn’t help but notice you mentioned “home brewed slivovitz” in one of your posts. You wouldn’t happen to be a Chetnik, would you? And if so, all I can say is “Zivili!” buddy.
April 28th, 2006 at 11:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: f2a1311f766b9
Happy Maniversary Buddy.
Gotta say though, I heard a man comedian (as women aren’t remotely funny)on triple J, a government owned radio station say, and I was really surprised he did
“If it ain’t beer, it’s bitch piss”.
Now, he was referring to the multi-coloured expensive sugared fairy floss that they gussle like it’s going on hold.
Not the quality fluid that men discovered and have savoured for the past milenniums, ofcourse.
April 29th, 2006 at 12:21 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Not a Chetnik, BuffaloJoe.
But zivilized of you to ask.
Cheers!
-Big Al
April 29th, 2006 at 10:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 88c8f95439c29
Hey Wolfe, I get that high alcohol by using alot of barley malt in my recipes and boosting the fermentable sugars using a few pounds of malt extract. I then use a belgian abbey yeast blended with a german bock yeast. I start it off at lager temperatures for the german bock yeast, which poops out at about 8 or 9% and then raise the temperature a little bit then so that the belgian abbey yeast that is more alcohol tolerant kicks in. What a brew!
Funny thing about those bitch drinks, they start their life as beer with no hops. Those drinks say malt beverage on them since barley and wheat alcohol is taxed less than diluted hard liquor.
Basically the companies brew a batch of beer with no hops and then strip it clean of color using filters and then add flavoring, hence the name “malt beverage” in the states. The companies throw the Smirnoff label on them even though no Vodka whatsoever was used to make it. Lower taxes for the brewer and lots of suckers.
Charlier Papazian describes this in one of his articles.
May 2nd, 2006 at 7:56 am - IP Man-Hash: d0c4311b71dc2
As if it matters how much men or women can drink… that´s hardly an achievement!
May 2nd, 2006 at 2:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4395afe5d7df1
It’s always an achievMENt
May 3rd, 2006 at 12:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Enya, did you even bother reading what he wrote before the fuzzy gerbils began running around that wheel inside your head, causing your fingers to jerk spasmodically over the keyboard?
Your response is typical of the thoughtless non sequiturs that seem to pour forth from the weaker sex on this site.
Lukasz: yes if you’re referring to those malt coolers, there’s not much to be said for them. I was in a pub where they were giving out free samples when they introduced the Smirnoff one. Took a sip, put it down, wasn’t even going to finish it despite it being free. No real taste, far too much sugar; I actually care about what I drink.
Thanks for the outline of higher alcohol %-brewing techniques; I’ve not really read anything by Papazian since I stopped regularly brewing about 8 years ago. I’ve been thinking about starting again, though, hence my curiosity.
-wolfe
May 3rd, 2006 at 2:12 am - IP Man-Hash: f3862e53f489b
Would that be tertiary fermentation?
May 7th, 2006 at 4:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 19105c7fbb7a4
Wolfe, I was making more of a comment about those women boasting that they can drink more than a man…and I don’t consider that to be much of an achievement to be proud of. I know that Dick was not making an issue of that, it was an general observation on my part. Sorry that you misunderstood my meaning.
May 7th, 2006 at 5:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Enya, thanks for responding rationally to a very sarcastic response to what I thought — and still honestly think — was a very stupid/dismissive response on your part.
I still don’t see what you say you intended (I accept your word). I agree, “drinking more” is a modest achievement (It actually is an achievement on several grounds — consumption of a great quantity of long-chain hydrocarbons = alchohol+ energy (yes, eating bread produces alcohol inside your body, no kidding, references if you need em or google), thus a man who eats bread and can go move many things vs a woman who eats bread and gets drunk … who’s better?
Similarly, being better at metabolizing a poison is… well… being better. That said, there’s some evidence to suggest that when men and women are under social pressure, women are better at playing games of all kinds (both positive and negative conntation) while drunk (counting for metabolic differences) than men are.
But we weren’t talking about drinking a lot; we were talking about how to brew higher alcohol beer. He had done something I naively thought was not possible without some fairly serious equipment. He explained how it was possible. Very cool, and nothing to do with drinking more alcohol.
-wolfe
May 8th, 2006 at 1:52 am - IP Man-Hash: 19105c7fbb7a4
Yet the article did discuss a woman who claimed to drink more beer than her male counterparts. I do not see from Dick’s article anything about brewing higher alcohol beer. I think those comments were from the comment sections. If so, I wasn’t commenting on those, but on Dick’s article.
May 12th, 2006 at 5:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b2724cf3f725
All i know, is that my birthday and the maniversary of this site fall on the same day, and i have to say thats pretty cool. Here’s to another year for the both of us.
May 24th, 2006 at 6:08 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Well, there’s cocktails and there’s cocktails.
Ballbag at Emerald Bile attempts to explain the difference:
-Big Al
September 2nd, 2006 at 9:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a25aba878123
Women love the goddamn attention. I can’t understand why they crave it so much, while men could give a shit less about it. All the females I have known always go out in hopes of meeting “cute guys” and scoring free drinks off of these sorry bastards. Men go out with other men to talk and relax, while women always make some kind of friggin’ expedition out of it. Damn whores.
September 2nd, 2006 at 10:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
Gahhh! As if men only go out in the hope of relaxing and talking. If anything it’s the other way around! For instance, I was at a bar with a friend last night, we went there specially to relax and chat after a hard day’s shopping. We were not dressed up at all but of course what happens but some idiots decided we were obviously in need of company. Have yourself a laugh at this.
Me and friend: (having girl talk)
Drunken Fool #1: (taps me on shoulder), Shooo, is your dress green?
Me: (Just stares at him)
Drunken Fool#2: Yes, is it green or blue?
Me: It’s blue.
Bar Manager: (Stares at them menancingly)
Drunken Fool#1: Hey, watch out, watch out, look at him, we’ll get in trouble. It’s alright, nothing’s happening, we’re not bothering them.
Me and Friend: (roll eyes at each other)
Bar Manager: They’re not interested fella’s, sit down and leave the girls alone.
Drunken Fool #1 and #2 sit down at the next table to ours, then repeatedly ask me throughout the next 30 mins (before I left) whether my dress was blue or green.
Please note:
1. I was trying to relax.
2. I already told them it was blue and
3. I was wearing a black top and blue skirt - not a dress as they called it.
Stoopid.
September 3rd, 2006 at 8:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
OK, that’s pretty funny. Hopefully intentionally.
As for the rest, yes, one can find drunken, foolish and obnoxious people in some bars. I suggest you consider a marginally more upscale venue (or at least one with fewer drunks).
Leaving aside the antics of the drunken, aurally, a group of men sound like a low roar, almost like gaussian noise. A group of women sound shrill, shrieking painfully, high-decibel, high frequency sound piercing directly into ones brain.
While neither is precisely pleasant, I lean to the view that an excess of the latter is worse than an excess of the former.
-wolfe
September 3rd, 2006 at 9:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: c20b47cbcee08
Intentional? Mmmmm, somewhat. I walked all over the city for 8 hrs, so was probably about 20kms, so I do classify that as hard. Need more evidence of male dumbness? K. Try walking in annoyance behind 2 men in gorilla outfits with football clothes over the top of the hairy suits, while you are in an underground railway tunnel that goes for about 1km and you cannot exit, and it is very loud and echoes at the slightest sound and these buffoons are jumping up and down, making uh, uh, uh, gorilla noises and beating their chests. I’ll take shrill squawking over that, any day of the week.
September 4th, 2006 at 3:00 am - IP Man-Hash: eded4487db3b7
Of course! You are so correct, Female. Stuff like that happens everyday, or at least every weekend. That is not a rare event at all, and definitely not the type of thing that may happen to you once in a lifetime.
That was a brilliant example, and nothing like a group of women sound shrill, shrieking painfully, high-decibel, high frequency sound piercing directly into ones brain. Stuff like that is somewhat acceptable as you don’t have to encounter it every time you step outside your house.
I see your point clearly now. Wow, women’s arguements make so much sense. They don’t rely upon unwonted anecdotes at all.
September 4th, 2006 at 3:09 am - IP Man-Hash: c20b47cbcee08
Thank you. I know :)
That is so true, I couldn’t have put it better myself.
If you don’t want them shrilling into your ear, move away. It’s not like you were stuck in a tunnel or something. And at least they were speaking your language.
Neither do you unless you live above a pub.
Thank you very much. Very nice of you to say so. It’s not like a bunch of drunken, shrill, shrieking women isn’t anecdotal. Oh, not at all.
September 4th, 2006 at 2:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Would that it were.
-wolfe
September 4th, 2006 at 3:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Sigh.
December 24th, 2006 at 1:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 615f26684a486
And what a wonderful site it is, Dick. Long may it last.
November 30th, 2007 at 4:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6f244fe90e947
Muchos manly mi amigo!
March 9th, 2008 at 3:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8056f51d9d4e8
That’s horseshit. You had no business in a bar except to get hit on. Women don’t go out to relax… they go out to get hit on. They’re only peeved when they’re hit on by someone that isn’t sporting the appropriate litany of designer labels.
And here’s where you take notes…
We recognize your bullshit. Your story is not clever or new, we’ve heard it before from every jittery broad we’ve ever met. Normally I’d simply nod in false acknowledgment, if only to keep from hearing any more about how you wanted peace and quiet, so you walked into a noisy bar (a typically female decision). But not here, as you don’t belong here. If you’re not looking to get hit on, don’t go to our bars. Go to the salon, or better yet, go home and focus on the calming effects of washing dishes. For once you can stop spending our money and do something relatively productive with your time.
April 14th, 2008 at 2:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 984735d15de0b
“That’s not why,” I said. “No woman could out-drink any man because women don’t know how to drink. Six artificially flavoured apple martinis and a shot of Jager someone spilled half a Guinness into is not drinking. It’s experimenting on yourself to see how fast you can throw up. No one wins that contest.”
“What do you call this then?” she said.
Whatever she had and was holding was irrelevant. It was a pint of lager, but it wasn’t hers she probably just grabbed it off the table. We all know women don’t drink beer in pubs and if they do, we know what they look like: hideous. Women lie about stupid shit like that to prove points.
I think this is the most crucial point where your story meets bullshit. She proved you wrong, she was obviously drinking a lager. But you went off into disneyland in order to protect your fragile mind.
May 25th, 2008 at 1:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: d9caefb8fa138
Uh. yeah.
God I wish there was a IP manhash database for truly banning girls from posting here.
Did anyone else besides me notice that there was a productive and interesting discussion about alchohol brewing in this comments section a while ago, that just got completely derailed by a girl putting her foot in her mouth where shes not wanted?
Stupidity is contagious, even to the best of us.
June 22nd, 2008 at 6:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4968d4ff3b28b
Reading comprehension: 0/10
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