Maniversary Origins
I’ve been asked this question by many people. I don’t care about the women who’ve asked it though. Like most questions women ask, they’re just doing it to set themselves up to say something snotty.
Here it is, for the very special MenAreBetterThanWomen.com One Year Maniversary.
A Maniversary is like an anniversary that’s not besmirched by a pointless and crass exchange of gifts for simple niceties like politeness and deranged sex acts.
“Dick, why did you start MenAreBetterThanWomen.com?”
Like most great things invented by men, MenAreBetterThanWomen.com was starting by a man shooting his mouth off and promising more than he could deliver.
That was a trick assertion.
No man can ever promise more than he can deliver. As men, our potential is limited not even by the skies or the heavens above — or physics! Fuck physics in fact. I break those rules practically every day when I think about V8 engines and space ships and men who’ve run a mile in under 4 minutes. That’s why we men are called men and not women, who are tethered to the Earth like great fat elephants with no magic feathers.
A little more than a year ago, I was at a pub called the King’s Head in Richmond, England. I was drinking because I was in a pub and I’m a man. As a man I don’t do things like go to a library and try to buy a Slip and Slide. I go there to check out books just like I go to a bar to drink and have fun. Women, however, are just the opposite.
Women go to a bar to act bitchy and shoot their mouths off. That’s not what a bar is for. That’s what a hair salon and a kitchen are for. And another thing; a screwdriver isn’t for prying the screw-off lids off of nail polish removers.
One of my American friends was hassling one of these women in Richmond. By ‘hassling’ I mean ‘talking to’ and that’s always a mistake. I believe he was trying to inform her that she was in the wrong place for acting bitchy and shooting her mouth off. The phrase ‘Bitch Store’ may have been used.
I’m joking of course. Americans can’t understand anyone British or anyone who’s lived in England for more than a week. My friend was sitting there with the look of a deer caught off-sides as the lass rattled off the following:
“Sure. Long as he’s had a few pints, I could out drink any man here.”
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that women have winning and losing backwards. When they “won” equality and the right to vote, they actually just “lost” respect as a whole and a life of luxury enjoyed by every woman in the history of time. Just like that, women think “winning” a drinking contest is passing out drunk in a taxi with or without your knickers. Classy.
“Bullshit,” I said. Then before she could say anything I added, “You could not out-drink him. Both of you could not out-drink him.”
That’s the best way to argue with women. They’re not listening to you anyway, so phrase your case as well as you can as a man and then walk away.
“Oy!” she said — or something very much like it. I don’t know and I didn’t give a fuck. “Well he’s three times my size!”
“That’s not why,” I said. “No woman could out-drink any man because women don’t know how to drink. Six artificially flavoured apple martinis and a shot of Jager someone spilled half a Guinness into is not drinking. It’s experimenting on yourself to see how fast you can throw up. No one wins that contest.”
“What do you call this then?” she said.
Whatever she had and was holding was irrelevant. It was a pint of lager, but it wasn’t hers she probably just grabbed it off the table. We all know women don’t drink beer in pubs and if they do, we know what they look like: hideous. Women lie about stupid shit like that to prove points.
Needless to say, an entire conversation was sparked about the merits of men in this modern world. Apparently several women at the table were under the impression the sexes were “equal”. It was a silly assumption, but these women also thought make-up would make them more attractive when not even a paper bag, a picture of Claudia Schiffer, and a stapler could have done that.
They had “woman-reasons”, which behave in conversation like the spleen in the body — by doing fucking nothing. I was like a glorious man-cancer to these mouth spleens, and at some point the following was said.
“That’s still only four reasons! You said you’d give ten.”
“Well how much time do you have?” I said.
The rest is history.
-Dick
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Wolfe, I was making more of a comment about those women boasting that they can drink more than a man…and I don’t consider that to be much of an achievement to be proud of. I know that Dick was not making an issue of that, it was an general observation on my part. Sorry that you misunderstood my meaning.
Would that be tertiary fermentation?
Enya, did you even bother reading what he wrote before the fuzzy gerbils began running around that wheel inside your head, causing your fingers to jerk spasmodically over the keyboard?
Your response is typical of the thoughtless non sequiturs that seem to pour forth from the weaker sex on this site.
Lukasz: yes if you’re referring to those malt coolers, there’s not much to be said for them. I was in a pub where they were giving out free samples when they introduced the Smirnoff one. Took a sip, put it down, wasn’t even going to finish it despite it being free. No real taste, far too much sugar; I actually care about what I drink.
Thanks for the outline of higher alcohol %-brewing techniques; I’ve not really read anything by Papazian since I stopped regularly brewing about 8 years ago. I’ve been thinking about starting again, though, hence my curiosity.
-wolfe
It’s always an achievMENt
As if it matters how much men or women can drink… that´s hardly an achievement!
Hey Wolfe, I get that high alcohol by using alot of barley malt in my recipes and boosting the fermentable sugars using a few pounds of malt extract. I then use a belgian abbey yeast blended with a german bock yeast. I start it off at lager temperatures for the german bock yeast, which poops out at about 8 or 9% and then raise the temperature a little bit then so that the belgian abbey yeast that is more alcohol tolerant kicks in. What a brew!
Funny thing about those bitch drinks, they start their life as beer with no hops. Those drinks say malt beverage on them since barley and wheat alcohol is taxed less than diluted hard liquor.
Basically the companies brew a batch of beer with no hops and then strip it clean of color using filters and then add flavoring, hence the name “malt beverage” in the states. The companies throw the Smirnoff label on them even though no Vodka whatsoever was used to make it. Lower taxes for the brewer and lots of suckers.
Charlier Papazian describes this in one of his articles.
Not a Chetnik, BuffaloJoe.
But zivilized of you to ask.
Cheers!
-Big Al
Happy Maniversary Buddy.
Gotta say though, I heard a man comedian (as women aren’t remotely funny)on triple J, a government owned radio station say, and I was really surprised he did
“If it ain’t beer, it’s bitch piss”.
Now, he was referring to the multi-coloured expensive sugared fairy floss that they gussle like it’s going on hold.
Not the quality fluid that men discovered and have savoured for the past milenniums, ofcourse.
Hey Big Al, couldn’t help but notice you mentioned “home brewed slivovitz” in one of your posts. You wouldn’t happen to be a Chetnik, would you? And if so, all I can say is “Zivili!” buddy.
How do you get that level of alcohol through brewing? Some kind of secondary/tertiary fermentation?
But yeah, Happy Maniversary, and I mostly agree with Big Al on drinks, except to say this:
Any drink a man drinks is by definition a manly drink. If a big guy sits down in a biker bar and orders a cosmo… I won’t be the one to tell him he’s a girl.
That said, a good highland malt, Islay malt, a nice ale, even a decent merlot (who cares about that d#$(* yuppie movie Sideways), certainly a good big shiraz, even the occasional lager, decent digestif like calvados, port, etc. … those are the drinks of kings.
-wolfe
Thank you.
-Dick
Hey a good straight martini is a fine drink, hard liquor with nothing shitty to spoil it aside from an olive.
Another fine drink I enjoy is Polish Caramel Vodka, it’s excellent for sipping, along with the 12% ABV dopplebacks that I brew and put into my brandy snifter and enjoy on my chair in front of the fire.
So no Big Al, I have no beef with real drinks.
Happy Maniversary Dick!!
Aah. A smokey Carribean rum. A ten year old bourbon. A single malt scotch. An oak-aged brandy. A foaming tankard of bitter, thirst-quenching ale. A big Californian zinfandel. A backyard brewed slivovitz or zivania. A big Aussie shiraz.
Aaaaaah.
Shitty mixed drinks just don’t cut it.
Unless, of course, you include the Martini in “shitty mixed drinks”.
In which case, we may well have to argue this.
Over a drink or three, of course.
-Big Al
Off-topic: LOL about this blog.
Absolutely right, lukasz. This wasn’t a “guy’s night out” though; just some after dinner drinks. All tail chasing bets are off.
-Dick
I don’t get it. A man enjoys going to a pub or bar as we call it in the states to sit down and enjoy a fine brew with some buddies. Seldom is the time when us men have a guys night out that even remotely involves chasing tail.
just as all the intelligent men did thousands of years ago when brew was first invented by men in Sumeria we drink to unwind and relax.
99% of women’s nights out ALWAYS have to involve either bitching or chasing men, oftentimes both.
Women are so preoccupied with getting their poons plowed and then bitching about it that they have no purpose here on earth other than to breed. Of course you may be lucky and find the 1% or so that is actually honorable, but good luck to you.
Which brings me back to brew, they only drink to get tipsy, does anyone even enjoy the shitty mixed drinks they buy just because they are too much of pussies to drink beer or take some shots?
The only binge drinkers I know outside of when I was in college are women. It really is sad that they don’t really understand what drinking was invented for, but I guess they will always be hopeless since they have no logical reasoning skills.