Marriage Is A Business
In 2006, 86 billion dollars was blown on weddings. This number is misleading, however, as it does not include all the bullshit newly married women buy in an effort to wash the stain of ex-girlfriend off of their new husband’s old furniture.
Yes. Women think like that.
The 86 billion dollar Wedding Waste also does not account for all the vacation plans and work days your average wedding fucks with — especially mine. The real dollar figure is probably in the trillions. Remember when Jennifer Aniston shut down the PCH for her wedding? How much did that bitch cost?
Weddings are obviously a business for dress makers, photographers, videographers, caterers, shitty DJ’s, bakers, florists, musicians, priests, Elvis priests, limo drivers, divorce attorneys, and the entire “chick flick” industry, but more importantly, weddings are a business for you: the groom. Whether you like it or not!
Congratulations, gay people of California. Welcome to hell.
When you sign on the dotted line of a marriage license, you’re entering a business contract. Forget the vows. Forget the Chicken Dance. Forget the lame bachelor party that takes place camping instead of at a strip club because the modern groom is too much of a pussy to look at a naked boob — and the modern bride is too fucking stupid and too much of a bitch to realize that paying to see some tits does not count as cheating. Seeing naked tits is not even in the same universe as cheating. If Total Recall had been released in 2008, engaged men wouldn’t be allowed to see it.
When you get married, you are signing a legal contract. That’s what marriage is. It has nothing to do with “romantic gesture” and everything to do with getting claws in your cash. If you don’t think that’s 100% true, try telling your fiancee that you’re fine with embarrassing yourself in front of your 200 closest friends and family by emotionally masturbating with her in some kind of sick, childlike pantomime of sincere affection just to put a smile on her face; you just don’t want to sign a legal document that leverages sex against money.
Because that’s called prostitution.
The thunderclap you’ll hear right after telling her that is the sound of her vagina closing to you forever. Marriage is a business. When you leave the business part out, women don’t consider it marriage. All women are whores, and nothing says that better than the words, “I do”.
Leaving money out of a marriage turns a woman’s vagina from a retirement fund into a coin purse.
Before you cinch the nuptial noose around your nuts, I want you to ask yourself one question:
Do you remember the last time you made a business decision just because you “felt lucky”? Well do you, Punk?
Besides motorcycles, boats, and mortgages that half of America couldn’t afford, men do not make business decisions based on their feelings and, more importantly, they are never encouraged to start. Consult my last three examples. Each of them is a financial black hole and only one of them turns a profit in Man Points.
Boats are money pits; motorcycles sit unused in the garage until I buy them on eBay for a substantially reduced price; and marriage is a subprime meltdown for your personal life.
Marriage is a business and a WSB (Whore Savings Bond) for the shrill bitch your wife will become the second the divorce papers are signed.
Can you imagine if the rest of the business world operated like the business of marriage? Everything would be owned by one big conglomerate because it would be too expensive for companies to stop doing business with one another. Nothing would ever improve because with no competition, GE wouldn’t invent the all-in-one convection oven/microwave. GE would just sit around in a velor jumpsuit watching television all day, imagining ways her kids could be in danger, and approaching a size 16 at 55 miles and hour in the fast lane. Decisions would be made by a faceless entity of compromise that made no one happy and somehow took ten times as long. Everyone would get 50% of everything no matter how impossible that was and how little work everyone else did. And everything would suck because marriage has zero benefits.
You can have children without being married. Trust me.
The entire shit would also be run by divorce lawyers. In the business of marriage, they’re the real winners.
Every time I get drunk, I sign a contract with Jack Daniels that promises the feeling will last forever. It doesn’t. It’s called a hangover. Grow up and deal with it.
50% of the time, marriage doesn’t “work”, it just doesn’t fail. Just because you didn’t crash your car on the way to Vegas doesn’t mean you had a good time. Maybe you stayed in Binions. Maybe you lost your wallet at a blackjack table. Maybe you just sat in the driveway and cried because your wife will never be your 20 year old secretary.
That’s a loss of Man Points.
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No marriage, no children.
Next time consider pulling that poor gent in train aside and telling him to meet with accountants and divorce attorney and start 2-3 year planning on hiding income and assets such as cutting back on salary and using retirement vehicles/ deferred income and other divorce shielded income shelters then hire private investigator to use pretty boy bait with video documentation to check wife’s fidelty. One can also leave a temptation of money theft up to wife as criminal charges hold a lot more sway in court of law than civil suits (in my state one can be held on theft from spouse but not all states have this law). I’ve seen wives convinced that their husband had no more bucks after taking 2nd mortgage then seething with rage after he buys luxury car as soon as divorce is finalized (through deferred income). Better yet don’t get married (just say NO!) or watch McGreevy governor divorce proceedings on court TV if you are considering marrying (that bitch has the mothersmirk of all smirks during proceedings). It is also a good idea if one is in a divorce to arrange for her to meet the man of her dreams (legal to hire one to my knowledge) so she will get out of divorce sooner.
I would like to hear any suggestions from other men with dealings in this field as I will be the first to admit that I have limited knowledge in the legal field albeit some practical knowledge. Hmmm….maybe I should start a company that advises on methods of dumping the hag ….but alas no as I am a believer in preventive medicine. Just say NO to marriage! (most states including mine have done away with cohabitation binding marriage laws).
I saw a married man the other day getting berated by his bitch wife on the train. He looked up at me with dying eyes as if to say “kill me”. It was the saddest thing I’ve ever seen, well “Brian’s Song” was the saddest thing I’ve ever seen but this was close.
>>it does not include all the bullshit newly married women buy in an effort to wash the stain of ex-girlfriend off of their new husband’s old furniture.
Gosh, Dick, have you ever been married? In every case I know of, except my second wife who is Mexican, the first order of business when a woman marries is tossing out all the man’s quality furniture that has made him so comfortable, and replacing it with her cheap gaudy s**t that hurts his back and breaks within weeks.
If your car was as reliable as marriage, every time you got in it you would have a one in two chance of crashing. But let’s not beat around the bush here.. let’s rephrase that.. if your car “was as reliable as a woman…” because women file the vast majority of divorces, i”m predicting if our economy gets worse, watch the number of no-fault divorces numbers spike up just like the price of Oil recently.
The physical scars and trauma of marriage do. Some soldiers coming back from Iraq have been diagnosed with PTSD. Most married men suffer from PMSD: less sex, more nagging, depletion of funds, fraud and loss of freedom.
Divorce court is the best love reality show. Go to any divorce court in the U.S. and see what true love is. You will see quickly there is no such thing, if a woman already didn’t get you thrown in jail because she loved you so much. LOL!
Fucking manzen right there.
20 doesn’t last forever. Marriage does.
-Dick
If your wife is your secretary then you really are screwed.
What if your wife is your 20 year old secretary?