Marriage Is A Business
In 2006, 86 billion dollars was blown on weddings. This number is misleading, however, as it does not include all the bullshit newly married women buy in an effort to wash the stain of ex-girlfriend off of their new husband’s old furniture.
Yes. Women think like that.
The 86 billion dollar Wedding Waste also does not account for all the vacation plans and work days your average wedding fucks with — especially mine. The real dollar figure is probably in the trillions. Remember when Jennifer Aniston shut down the PCH for her wedding? How much did that bitch cost?
Weddings are obviously a business for dress makers, photographers, videographers, caterers, shitty DJ’s, bakers, florists, musicians, priests, Elvis priests, limo drivers, divorce attorneys, and the entire “chick flick” industry, but more importantly, weddings are a business for you: the groom. Whether you like it or not!
Congratulations, gay people of California. Welcome to hell.
When you sign on the dotted line of a marriage license, you’re entering a business contract. Forget the vows. Forget the Chicken Dance. Forget the lame bachelor party that takes place camping instead of at a strip club because the modern groom is too much of a pussy to look at a naked boob — and the modern bride is too fucking stupid and too much of a bitch to realize that paying to see some tits does not count as cheating. Seeing naked tits is not even in the same universe as cheating. If Total Recall had been released in 2008, engaged men wouldn’t be allowed to see it.
When you get married, you are signing a legal contract. That’s what marriage is. It has nothing to do with “romantic gesture” and everything to do with getting claws in your cash. If you don’t think that’s 100% true, try telling your fiancee that you’re fine with embarrassing yourself in front of your 200 closest friends and family by emotionally masturbating with her in some kind of sick, childlike pantomime of sincere affection just to put a smile on her face; you just don’t want to sign a legal document that leverages sex against money.
Because that’s called prostitution.
The thunderclap you’ll hear right after telling her that is the sound of her vagina closing to you forever. Marriage is a business. When you leave the business part out, women don’t consider it marriage. All women are whores, and nothing says that better than the words, “I do”.
Leaving money out of a marriage turns a woman’s vagina from a retirement fund into a coin purse.
Before you cinch the nuptial noose around your nuts, I want you to ask yourself one question:
Do you remember the last time you made a business decision just because you “felt lucky”? Well do you, Punk?
Besides motorcycles, boats, and mortgages that half of America couldn’t afford, men do not make business decisions based on their feelings and, more importantly, they are never encouraged to start. Consult my last three examples. Each of them is a financial black hole and only one of them turns a profit in Man Points.
Boats are money pits; motorcycles sit unused in the garage until I buy them on eBay for a substantially reduced price; and marriage is a subprime meltdown for your personal life.
Marriage is a business and a WSB (Whore Savings Bond) for the shrill bitch your wife will become the second the divorce papers are signed.
Can you imagine if the rest of the business world operated like the business of marriage? Everything would be owned by one big conglomerate because it would be too expensive for companies to stop doing business with one another. Nothing would ever improve because with no competition, GE wouldn’t invent the all-in-one convection oven/microwave. GE would just sit around in a velor jumpsuit watching television all day, imagining ways her kids could be in danger, and approaching a size 16 at 55 miles and hour in the fast lane. Decisions would be made by a faceless entity of compromise that made no one happy and somehow took ten times as long. Everyone would get 50% of everything no matter how impossible that was and how little work everyone else did. And everything would suck because marriage has zero benefits.
You can have children without being married. Trust me.
The entire shit would also be run by divorce lawyers. In the business of marriage, they’re the real winners.
Every time I get drunk, I sign a contract with Jack Daniels that promises the feeling will last forever. It doesn’t. It’s called a hangover. Grow up and deal with it.
50% of the time, marriage doesn’t “work”, it just doesn’t fail. Just because you didn’t crash your car on the way to Vegas doesn’t mean you had a good time. Maybe you stayed in Binions. Maybe you lost your wallet at a blackjack table. Maybe you just sat in the driveway and cried because your wife will never be your 20 year old secretary.
That’s a loss of Man Points.
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Click on my name and u will behold my ugliness. I don’t think I’m overly ugly, I’m sort of average
So just how ugly are you?
I’ve met a hot woman who told me that women should be allowed to vote but to my knowledge she was an extremely rare exception.
Marriage= a waste of time AND money.
I don’t plan to bother….ever. If you do end up in a good relationship why fork out a bunch of money for a dress you wear once, and food that costs way more than it’s worth? If you are in a good relationship and feel like celebrating, why not just put that money towards a boozefest for you and your friends? That would be a helluva lot more fun than a stuffy wedding…
Nice trick bola, if we use your strategy they might have to come up with more creative insults. With creativity being an enemy of the female mind, they might just go away.
You don’t know half of it. Not only do I live in my mother’s basement. I’m also gay, can’t get a date, am terrified of strong independent women and have a tiny pecker.
You’re welcome, sweetie pie.
Huh, that’s new. Someone getting served BEFORE setting the plates..Awesome.
Speaking of money-hungry, let me tell you what happened tonight. My workmate was telling me some advice his father told him:
“1. Get a good-paying job. 2. Establish your credit. 3. Marry a good woman who won’t take all your money.”
I said, “That last one is ha-a-a-a-r-r-r-r-d. Crazy hard.”
A girl who was delivering food from Ruby Tuesdays for a guest said “What do you mean ‘hard?’”
I laughed and said, “You know, like ‘how-many-people-climbed-Mt. Everest’ hard. That’s hard.”
She handed the typical lame female line, “You’ve just been looking in the wrong places.”
I nodded in agreement with her as she walked toward the door, but then said with the straightest possible face, “No, yeah, you’re right, I’ve only been looking in North America. I’m gonna’ try some other continents.”
All the guys laughed, her jaw literally dropped, and she was so busted she couldn’t make a comeback. Needless to say, I got mad-props from the other guys at the front desk. My buddy just knew she was hoping she could make another delivery so she could confront me again. Ah, I just loves the man-points!
-Rawkstah
I’m going to a buddy’s wedding this Saturday.
Fucking idiot.
He knows I pay over $3K a month in child support, if that is not a deterrent, I don’t know what the fuck is.
Ah, the other way women take rejection. NO WE DON’T WANT U! Timeless.
Wow, you are really dumb. I said that women pee blood metaphorically, you stupid fuck. Obviously, you are unable to understand what metaphors or any concept that involves an IQ higher than 90 is. As for my mom, she is certianly a bitch, so you are seriously mistaken if you think that insulting her will ofend me. Having said that, you are truly beneath the level of gutter and more worthless than piss mixed with shit and spooge on the floor of a glory hole.
P Coderch
But remember that ‘women on pedestals’ has a reflexive propinquity with the repressive, backward puritanism of Anglo-American culture.
“Goodbye, Anglo-American men - hello, cats…!”
Do NOT get married. Ever! You will never be able to imagine how horrible and shitty the whole situation is. If you want children, make your pile as a free man and adopt.
I always laugh when anyone under 30 ties the knot. I don’t really give two shits because I enjoy the open bar and the whorish brides maids. By this time I’ve already tried to talk sense into them many times, so I just soak up the free drinks and say bye to my once buddies.
and women don’t pee blood. it comes out of the vagina, braniac. just like you did outta your momma. who is probably very ashamed of her bachelor son who lives in her basement. cheers, boys!
you pledge not to marry. one behalf of women everywhere, i just have to say THANK YOU, boys.
Yeah, nothing pisses me off more than how women make marriage all about them, and have no remorse spending a fortune on dresses, flowers, getting the perfect location, etc. It’s about them, them, them, them. The groom is basically a turd who takes a back seat and waits in the front for the “goddess” to enter the church, as all the attention focuses on her. While she spends a fortune on getting the “perfect” dress, the groom just dresses in the generic penguin suit(tuxedo). How is it possible that people that are so shitty and inferior have such huge egos and make everything about them?! A magazine like “modern bride” usually has something like 450 pages, which is just ridiculous. Women should understand that their shit stinks just as bad as men’s, and that the expensive roses they decorate their wedding ceremonies also smell like shit too, with the difference that men actually have some innate worth that makes them worthy of receiving praise and attention. Sorry women, but just because you piss blood through your legs every month and can give milks like cows do not make you worthy or praise or attention.
P Coderch
Im officially never getting married I pledge allegiance to MABTW. But come to think of it I never wanted to get married in the first place. Its media and business that tried to drill into my head that there were no other options. Fuck them! My parents are divorced. good fucking example if i ever needed one. peace
What about moving to an Islamic country where you can have 5 wives? Also they are pretty much treated like whore slaves down there, what more can you ask for.
“Hit the treadmill” - Dick