Measure Up…Which Women Don’t.

If women could be worst at anything (and they can’t because each new thing they do or repeat doing they are the new worst at) it would be measuring. Women are so bad at it, they couldn’t measure a ruler. That’s why if you ask a woman how big some random size is, she’ll either present her forearm or point to a football field. It makes absolutely no fucking difference what you asked.

I mean, six inches is huge, but not that huge.

That’s why Jesus was a man. Because he was a carpenter first and needed to know how to measure shit. He was also a man because eventually he had to know his ass from a petite size 8 hole in the ground. Only a man would know that and also that a size 8 is in no way “petite”. Dumbo was not a petite elephant. He was a lard ass.

I meant what I said earlier about women not being able to measure a ruler. It’s funny, sure, but so is everything about women. Big fucking surprise. They’re a walking, talking joke. When women look down at a ruler, they don’t see what you and I see: a series of numbers in sequential order indicating a distance of measure. They actually just see a bunch of gobbledygook that frightens and arouses them. What it doesn’t do, however, is remind them specifically of why they’re supposed to be looking at the ruler — to figure something the fuck out.

That’s how it is with women. If you’re not over their shoulder at all times “figuratively” smacking them on the back of the head when they’re about to careen wildly into philandery, you’ll end up with nothing to measure anyway.

Who gives a shit about measuring though? How long has it been since I’ve measured anything? I’ll tell you how long it’s been. About three seconds.

Everything in life takes a metered output. The gas pedal, opening a door, a pinch of salt. Women are so atrocious at everything they do because they can’t measure themselves subconsciously like men do.

Remember that table of obnoxious women at the restaurant chowing down on a five course appetizer meal and saying “Eureka! It’s a diet!” That was a probably of volume measuring. The woman that cut you off in traffic or who slammed on the brakes and almost hit the postman? That was so many different kinds of measuring problems that I don’t even know where to start.

The point is, it’s not the specifics of the doings and the dealings that drive women indoors and away from the big scary civilized world. It’s that they’re operating on two of ten cylinders. They’ve got no motor or critical thinking skills. They can’t weigh.

Imagine living your life permanently drunk on a quart of whiskey. Now take about how hilarious you’d be. That’s what it’s like to be a woman.

Related Articles:

90 Responses to “Measure Up…Which Women Don’t.”

Pages: « 1 2 [3] 4 5 » Show All

  1. Talon Says:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    Big Al said:

    Female said:

    Is your husband a golf playing, cigar smoking republican who hangs out with people who are (i)right now as we speak(/i) plotting to remove women’s right to vote?

    A man, you see, can play golf, smoke a cigar, be a Republican, hang out with people and concoct fiendish plots all at the same time.

    Because men are better than women.

    is that your definition of multi-tasking. interesting

    NOT

    Appearently, interesting enough for you to comment on.

  2. Dick Masterson Says:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    do you want to have kids? do you know it’s a 24/7 job? not something men or womyn should take lightly. i’m sorry you think womyn should.

    That’s just what they tell pathetic 22 year olds who are stupid enough to get knocked up with no man around.

    Your life is over, Chantal. That’s the “importance” of having a child at your age.

    No child is going to revive your future. You’re just going to ruin his.

    -Dick

  3. Female Says:

    Hmmm, I did end up walking around Cambodia rather than down the aisle in AU, and somehow the Cambodian males even managed to escape my evil clutches.

  4. Luka Says:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    who gives a shit about men’s rights? have you noticed there is a movement for men’s rights?

    I give a shit about men’s rights, actually. I care about the men in my life - my father, my boyfriend and my male friends - their rights matter to me as much as the rights of my mother, my sister and my female friends. Why doesn’t it matter to you, Chantal? Is it because you are a feminist and by definition you care only about women’s rights? Do you not find that sexist?

  5. MansVoice Says:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    A man, you see, can play golf, smoke a cigar, be a Republican, hang out with people and concoct fiendish plots all at the same time.

    Because men are better than women.

    is that your definition of multi-tasking. interesting

    NOT

    tsk tsk, you dont know how to paragraph? Aww, simple HTML techniques and you dont know them. br with you dumb bitch.

    Anyway, what then is your definition of multi tasking? Eating, looking at your hair and shopping all at the same time? Men are perfect for multi-tasking; all events at my college/secondary school were successfully run through the use of men’s ability to multi-task.

  6. wolfe Says:

    Luka said:

    Chantal babbled: who gives a shit about men’s rights? have you noticed there is a movement for men’s rights?

    Luka responded: I give a shit about men’s rights, actually. I care about the men in my life - my father, my boyfriend and my male friends - their rights matter to me

    And I sincerely believe she means it. I think she’s often wrong, but I also think women like Luka are part of a potential fourth wave of feminism that should be watched and cautiously encouraged.

    God knows the first 3 waves haven’t been good. How much worse can the fourth wave — URK

    -decapitated wolfe.

    More seriously, it takes a lot of women having sons to become aware of the injustices that our society is currently perpetuating. Luka seems about 15 years ahead of her time. Good stuff. She shouldn’t post here, but I’ll always treat her seriously. Unless, you know, I’m drunk or something.

    -wolfe

  7. Chantal the Feminist Says:

    Talon said:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    Big Al said:

    Female said:

    Is your husband a golf playing, cigar smoking republican who hangs out with people who are (i)right now as we speak(/i) plotting to remove women’s right to vote?

    A man, you see, can play golf, smoke a cigar, be a Republican, hang out with people and concoct fiendish plots all at the same time.

    Because men are better than women.

    is that your definition of multi-tasking. interesting

    NOT

    Appearently, interesting enough for you to comment on.

    apparently, i was mildly amused, but far from interested

  8. Chantal the Feminist Says:

    Luka said:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    who gives a shit about men’s rights? have you noticed there is a movement for men’s rights?

    I give a shit about men’s rights, actually. I care about the men in my life - my father, my boyfriend and my male friends - their rights matter to me as much as the rights of my mother, my sister and my female friends. Why doesn’t it matter to you, Chantal? Is it because you are a feminist and by definition you care only about women’s rights? Do you not find that sexist?

    very heartfelt, and sincere. if i were you i might feel the same. however, i am more interested in things that concern womyn and children, not men. if there so happened to be a man i know who is being unjustly treated i would tell him what do to and where to go. but womyn’s issues are far more important to me, i mean, cuz i am one. duh. and men have a hard time asking for help, anyway, so it’s not like i’d ever really hear about anything, anyway. i used to work at a women’s shelter and there ARE services for men.

  9. Chantal the Feminist Says:

    MansVoice said:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    A man, you see, can play golf, smoke a cigar, be a Republican, hang out with people and concoct fiendish plots all at the same time.

    Because men are better than women.

    is that your definition of multi-tasking. interesting

    NOT

    tsk tsk, you dont know how to paragraph? Aww, simple HTML techniques and you dont know them. br with you dumb bitch.

    Anyway, what then is your definition of multi tasking? Eating, looking at your hair and shopping all at the same time? Men are perfect for multi-tasking; all events at my college/secondary school were successfully run through the use of men’s ability to multi-task.

    i’m new to this site, but i will figure it out. just not in the mood atm. thanks for the cute scolding. hehe haha stfu
    so you think men are better multi-taskers? really?

  10. Chantal the Feminist Says:

    wolfe said:

    Luka said:

    Chantal babbled: who gives a shit about men’s rights? have you noticed there is a movement for men’s rights?

    Luka responded: I give a shit about men’s rights, actually. I care about the men in my life - my father, my boyfriend and my male friends - their rights matter to me

    And I sincerely believe she means it. I think she’s often wrong, but I also think women like Luka are part of a potential fourth wave of feminism that should be watched and cautiously encouraged.

    God knows the first 3 waves haven’t been good. How much worse can the fourth wave — URK

    -decapitated wolfe.

    More seriously, it takes a lot of women having sons to become aware of the injustices that our society is currently perpetuating. Luka seems about 15 years ahead of her time. Good stuff. She shouldn’t post here, but I’ll always treat her seriously. Unless, you know, I’m drunk or something.

    -wolfe

    wait, one minute your groveling at her feet, and the next you’re telling her she shouldn’t be here? 1st wave feminists would be considered conservative today. your mother wouldn’t be able to do all that she has done in her life had it not been for the likes of elizabeth cady stanton, susan b. anthony, alice paul, et al.

  11. Dick Masterson Says:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    i’m new to this site, but i will figure it out. just not in the mood atm. thanks for the cute scolding. hehe haha stfu
    so you think men are better multi-taskers? really?

    Women have to “figure out” something that comes naturally to men.

    Men are better than women.

    -Dick

  12. KellyMac Says:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    who gives a shit about men’s rights? have you noticed there is a movement for men’s rights?

    I do. What is your point here, Chantal? That there is a movement for men’s rights, and we therefore shouldn’t give a shit?

    I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there is a movement for women’s rights as well. So, following your logic, why should we give a shit about that?

  13. Chantal the Feminist Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    do you want to have kids? do you know it’s a 24/7 job? not something men or womyn should take lightly. i’m sorry you think womyn should.

    That’s just what they tell pathetic 22 year olds who are stupid enough to get knocked up with no man around.

    Your life is over, Chantal. That’s the “importance” of having a child at your age.

    No child is going to revive your future. You’re just going to ruin his.

    -Dick

    you know so little about my life. this is great. my future doesn’t need reviving, but thanks for being concerned. i’m on a roll baby.

  14. Dick Masterson Says:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    you know so little about my life. this is great. my future doesn’t need reviving, but thanks for being concerned. i’m on a roll baby.

    I know only what I learned here http://profiles.yahoo.com/chantistar .

    -Dick

  15. Doubt Says:

    Don’t let the door hit ya where the lord split ya!
    Interesting how Freud speaks of girls being viewed as males who lost their masculinity as some form of punishment. I’ll have to look a bit further into that (the concept, not the actual literal meaning of it.) Freud seems to be on to this whole gender-insight thing, and while he is not literally psychoanalytical, he does raise some very interesting philosophical concepts.

  16. Jess Says:

    Oh my gosh I am not bothereing to say anything but - I am sorry. Thats all. I was out of order with my language and I am sorry.

  17. sonyad Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    I know only what I learned here http://profiles.yahoo.com/chantistar .

    -Dick

    Isn’t http referral a blisteringly manly thing?

    Of course, a woman, and feminist on top of that, would have fuck all knowledge about it and technology in general.

    Bravo, sir.

  18. Misandrist Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Chantal the Feminist said:

    you know so little about my life. this is great. my future doesn’t need reviving, but thanks for being concerned. i’m on a roll baby.

    I know only what I learned here http://profiles.yahoo.com/chantistar .

    -Dick

    i’m perfectly aware of that. and look at the last time it was updated. der
    it just tells you a few things. you STILL don’t know anything about me. if you wanna know just ask!

  19. Misandrist Says:

    sonyad said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    I know only what I learned here http://profiles.yahoo.com/chantistar .

    -Dick

    Isn’t http referral a blisteringly manly thing?

    Of course, a woman, and feminist on top of that, would have fuck all knowledge about it and technology in general.

    Bravo, sir.

    what? all he did was google my email address. i haven’t checked that profile until today and it was last updated in 2005

  20. Doubt Says:

    How can we believe what you just said? You girls have proven that you lie on this site. Wait, you’re just little lairs, and quite poor ones at that.

Pages: « 1 2 [3] 4 5 » Show All

Leave a Reply


Close
E-mail It
Powered by ShareThis