Measure Up…Which Women Don’t.
If women could be worst at anything (and they can’t because each new thing they do or repeat doing they are the new worst at) it would be measuring. Women are so bad at it, they couldn’t measure a ruler. That’s why if you ask a woman how big some random size is, she’ll either present her forearm or point to a football field. It makes absolutely no fucking difference what you asked.
I mean, six inches is huge, but not that huge.
That’s why Jesus was a man. Because he was a carpenter first and needed to know how to measure shit. He was also a man because eventually he had to know his ass from a petite size 8 hole in the ground. Only a man would know that and also that a size 8 is in no way “petite”. Dumbo was not a petite elephant. He was a lard ass.
I meant what I said earlier about women not being able to measure a ruler. It’s funny, sure, but so is everything about women. Big fucking surprise. They’re a walking, talking joke. When women look down at a ruler, they don’t see what you and I see: a series of numbers in sequential order indicating a distance of measure. They actually just see a bunch of gobbledygook that frightens and arouses them. What it doesn’t do, however, is remind them specifically of why they’re supposed to be looking at the ruler — to figure something the fuck out.
That’s how it is with women. If you’re not over their shoulder at all times “figuratively” smacking them on the back of the head when they’re about to careen wildly into philandery, you’ll end up with nothing to measure anyway.
Who gives a shit about measuring though? How long has it been since I’ve measured anything? I’ll tell you how long it’s been. About three seconds.
Everything in life takes a metered output. The gas pedal, opening a door, a pinch of salt. Women are so atrocious at everything they do because they can’t measure themselves subconsciously like men do.
Remember that table of obnoxious women at the restaurant chowing down on a five course appetizer meal and saying “Eureka! It’s a diet!” That was a probably of volume measuring. The woman that cut you off in traffic or who slammed on the brakes and almost hit the postman? That was so many different kinds of measuring problems that I don’t even know where to start.
The point is, it’s not the specifics of the doings and the dealings that drive women indoors and away from the big scary civilized world. It’s that they’re operating on two of ten cylinders. They’ve got no motor or critical thinking skills. They can’t weigh.
Imagine living your life permanently drunk on a quart of whiskey. Now take about how hilarious you’d be. That’s what it’s like to be a woman.
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January 13th, 2006 at 4:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6c7a119d3fc86
Neither am I. Who would want to wreck a perfectly good relationship by doing that!! Weddings also cost an absolute bomb, minimum booking anywhere in Sydney is $125 AU per head. What a joke. Much prefer to spend that on a trip to Cambodia.
January 15th, 2006 at 6:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: f84a3d1f68cf0
Female said:
Is your husband a golf playing, cigar smoking republican who hangs out with people who are (i)right now as we speak(/i) plotting to remove women’s right to vote?
Wow, it amazes me that such conspiricy theories exist, do you really think that any politician has enough power to do that? I would think that they have much more important things to do than worry about taking away voting rights.
January 15th, 2006 at 6:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3c0277c1c50ca
Who gives a shit about women and their rights? It’s like being worried about an armadillo having a gun. He’s got no fucking thumbs!
-Dick
January 15th, 2006 at 6:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: f84a3d1f68cf0
em>Dick Masterson said:
Who gives a shit about women and their rights? It’s like being worried about an armadillo having a gun. He’s got no fucking thumbs!
-Dick
Hah that was pretty good,
January 15th, 2006 at 9:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
Wow, it doesn’t amaze me that you soooo didn’t get her drift.
January 15th, 2006 at 9:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3c0277c1c50ca
Could you turn your insolent sarcasm down to say a 5 or 6? And also could you fuck off my site? Thanks.
-Dick
January 16th, 2006 at 3:22 am - IP Man-Hash: e1702f4af0072
Please could you stop being an absolute asshole also fuck off my planet. Cheers.
January 16th, 2006 at 5:43 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
You think too highly of yourself.
lol. Seven out of ten for style (it’d be 10, but it’s too cliche), minus several million for good thinking, Female.
-wolfe
January 18th, 2006 at 5:37 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
A man, you see, can play golf, smoke a cigar, be a Republican, hang out with people and concoct fiendish plots all at the same time.
Because men are better than women.
January 18th, 2006 at 12:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Bingo, Big Al. Nicely done.
-Dick
January 18th, 2006 at 3:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: c9f3d64ff5217
Female said: “Who would want to wreck a perfectly good relationship by doing that!! Weddings also cost an absolute bomb, minimum booking anywhere in Sydney is $125 AU per head. What a joke. Much prefer to spend that on a trip to Cambodia.”
Translation: “I haven’t found anyone in AU dumb enough to trap within my web of bullshit. I think I will try Cambodia.”
January 19th, 2006 at 4:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 682b6c01ada1d
Why do all men assume women want to get married and have children. Get over the steriotype.
Personally I don’t ever want children, and therer would have to be someone really speical for me to consider spending the rest of my life with them.
January 19th, 2006 at 5:18 am - IP Man-Hash: 4d190a3b5147f
We should get over the stereotype when it says women want to get married and have children, but stick to it when it says, for women, an affair is all about love and commitment. Is that what you mean?
January 19th, 2006 at 6:33 am - IP Man-Hash: 60b660aafc3e4
I love you, Oldone.
“Personally I don’t ever want children, and therer would have to be someone really speical for me to consider spending the rest of my life with them.”
Do you believe that children have cooties, young Nicole?
January 19th, 2006 at 10:27 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Oh don’t worry about Nicole having children. She used to post her Myspace profile up here and let me tell you men something. She has no need to worry about having any children. There’s a prerequisite to it. Know what I mean?
Moo.
-Dick
July 9th, 2007 at 11:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
who gives a shit about men’s rights? have you noticed there is a movement for men’s rights?
July 9th, 2007 at 11:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
lol. he keeps saying get off my site. who says that? so juvenile. it’s the fucking i-n-t-e-r-n-e-t
July 9th, 2007 at 11:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
A man, you see, can play golf, smoke a cigar, be a Republican, hang out with people and concoct fiendish plots all at the same time.
Because men are better than women.
is that your definition of multi-tasking. interesting
NOT
July 9th, 2007 at 11:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
LMAO
July 9th, 2007 at 11:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
do you want to have kids? do you know it’s a 24/7 job? not something men or womyn should take lightly. i’m sorry you think womyn should.