Simon Says: Men Are Better Than Women
Women have ruined books.
First, they infiltrated books with their “romance” and other literary promiscuities. Fanny Hill, Lady Chatterley’s Lover, The Kite Runner; those are all obscene and rife with moral depravity. That last one is Oprah’s favorite tale about a little boy who gets raped. Who would read about something like that?
Women.
Then, when no one was looking, women turned books into magazines and slapped tampon ads all over them. I hope no one built a mini-mall on Hemingway’s grave. The constant movement of him spinning the fuck around inside will probably mess with the foundation.
I don’t even want to talk about Harry Potter. Those books made all women on Earth about five IQ points stupider just for getting read. Why the fuck would anyone try to score any goals in Quiddich? If they crossed the NBA with an Easter Egg hunt, going to see the Miami Heat play the Houston Rockets would mean getting punched in the mouth by Shaq while an Asian the size of Bird Bird probed your cornhole for a million dollar snitch. The ball would be long forgotten.
You would just try to catch the snitch, is what I’m saying — unless women were allowed to play for some stupid reason. Oh, would you look at that.
A long time ago, the American novel was something of honor and dignity. The Old Man in the Sea comes to mind, as do other manly works: The Great Gatsby, Catch-22, pretty much anything written by a Russian person.
Well, women have fucked all that up. And that means it’s up to me, Dick Masterson, to fix it. One book at a time.
Simon and Schuster are putting women in their place by putting Men Are Better Than Women: The Book in their mouths. Before I tell you what it is, let me tell you what Men Are Better Than Women: The Book is not.
It is not The Shopaholic Ties the Knot. It is not The Anger Workbook For Women. I checked and discovered that no, that book is not Blowjobs for Dummies being sold under a different title. It is not The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, or any other book for women that could also be called Whorecules in New York: Chapter A Million. It is not The Knitting Circle or any other book where women get to vicariously live their dream of suffering close, personal loss like the death of a child.
Hercules in New York was a great movie. I wish there was a director’s cut that didn’t have the dick-off voice over messing with Arnold’s manjo. I would give that to everyone this Christmas.
And that’s exactly what you should do with my book.
Men Are Better Than Women: The Book is proof that everything I’ve said and ever will say is 100% accurate, that women can fuck off my site forever like I’ve always told them too and it doesn’t mean shit to me, and that no matter what, even in a business dominated by women and their rampant incompetencies, manliness prevails.
Men are better than women.
Also, blaming men for the three books I mentioned at the start of this is like blaming children for child pornography. That makes you a sick person, but more importantly, it makes you a wrong person.
Pre-Order The Only Book In History Worth Its Weight in Gold.
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I was worried the link was to a thong. In which case that might have started a contribution fund to avoid exposure to the sight of Female in a thong.
I like the fact that you linked to the small size of women’s T.
-wolfe
In the mail as soon as you send us a picture of yourself in one of these.
http://www.cafepress.com/mabtw.121691851
-Dick
I know. I read my copy of The Alphabet of Manliness pretty often, (especially E - for Enlightenment).
No diamatik, that was MUCH more funny than mean. hahahaha. I am getting this book without a doubt.
Absolutely correct, wolfe.
The number of pre-orders is also something the publisher has access to. Having more has a number of favorable consequences.
As I mentioned in the forum, anyone who pre-orders will get it signed for free. You just have to pay for shipping.
I’ll be answering more questions later.
-Dick
I think I just shit my pants. First The Alphabet of Manliness, and now this. It’s almost enough to bring a man-tear to my eye. Almost.
lol you’re too easy Billy. Yeah, I honestly expect Dick to send me a free copy, cause I just know he’s my biggest fan and don’t forget that I only post here because I want to have sex with him, and I’d have absolutely no qualms about giving him my name and address.
Am I mentally ill? No, that’s called sarcasm in case you missed it.
Women are always expecting something given to you.. You’re so vain you probably think Dick likes you. And with that I would guess that Dick likes you about as much as he would like hemroids.
So typical of a women. Such violent tendencies and outburst over nothing really. .
Oh and Congrats Dick. We knew this was coming, but seeing it up on amazon.com is pretty cool. You’ve worked hard on this, and total masculine kudos.
-wolfe
Good question necro, but I’m off to order 5 copies. Some for gifts, and, having access to the labeling gear for a couple of libraries, I think MABTW the book could use depositing here and there, like MABTW cards.
Is Amazon right when they say Xmas 2008?
And for people’s info, Amazon.co.uk doesn’t list it, but Amazon.ca lists it… at C$12.78, less than the US$14.95 price. (Fair warning the C$ is screaming up the charts, and may well be worth more than 1USD at this rate).
That said, I believe (Dick can you correct me on this?) we should all preorder from amazon.com to help the book’s sales rankings. But if you’re ordering a bunch of stuff (or many copies, or live outside the US anyway) it might prove worthwhile ordering from amazon.ca as well, then canceling whichever preorder is more expensive by the time the book rolls round to near publication. (your credit card won’t be charged til they actually ship).
-wolfe
Question: What’s in the book exactly? Is it hatemail, your arguments, our contributions, or a mix?
I just would like to know something before i order it.
sorry diamatik, you’re not getting my free copy. Although I did almost throw it at your head.
I would like to apologise to Female for that last statement. It was more mean than funny, and I would like to recant it. My apologies, again.
In your arse. I’m surprised that you didn’t see it there, especially since you have your head up in there so often.
Where’s my free copy?