Drunk Like a Fox
I attended a number of parties and bars this weekend and I found the number of women who wantonly threw themselves at me in a drunken stupor to be appalling — among other things. Women can handle their liquor about as well as a paper towel, and the second they consume it, they default to ranting, stumbling, harlots with a two second fuse for erupting into hysterics.
Of course, the only difference between this drunken women and a sober one is that this one will actually put out. It’s just a matter of when. Before or after she passes out.
Women’s entire lives revolve around excuses for behaving badly. PMS, pregnancy, crappy brains soaked with romantic chauvinistic delusions that they willingly embrace at every opportunity. They’re all the goddamn same. With that mindset, alcohol is like a magical giving tree that keeps on giving. If a woman feels like letting her guard and her hair down — and by both of those I mean her drawers; she turns to her best friend: Schnapps. Peach, peppermint or Danish; she loves them all. And when she does, she gives herself a golden ticket into Willy Wonka’s magical wonderland of behaving fucking terribly and “not remembering” any of it the next day.
Women’s memories are funny like that. They don’t work at all regularly, but then for some reason when alcohol is involved they work even less. I don’t know how they distinguish between the two, but I’d be willing to bet a high degree of horseshit is involved — just like it always is when women open their mouths. And I am a betting man after all — just like all men.
Men, completely unlike women, handle alcohol just like they handle everything else in life: with total class and respect.
Men do not guzzle alcohol down one sugar loaded alco-drink at a time and then throw themselves at our father-issues like a wet rag doll. We use alcohol to relax, we use it to bond, and we use it to pioneer. That’s why we discovered alcohol in the first place. To do all that shit that I just said. And that’s right, I did say pioneer. Let me give an example.
See, when sober, even men might not think that something like shaving a cat is funny — possibly due to some kind of social something or other. I don’t know what the word for it is, because it’s total bullshit and I don’t like filling my brain with such things. That’s where alcohol comes in. When properly inebriated, men will discover that not only is shaving a cat funny, but it is hilariously funny. It’s a joke that keeps on giving. Men’s instincts are right and true, and alcohol let’s us think with them unobstructed by incidentalous shit. And if I may be frank, there’s nothing more beautiful than naked man instinct.
Still not convinced? Ask yourself this. Without alcohol would any man have ever thought, I wonder if moldy bread will cure syphilis; I wonder if rolled cotton infused with carbon can conduct and sustain an operating temperature of over 2000 degrees; I wonder if the moon is all it’s cracked up to be.
The answer is ‘Yes’, but it probably would have taken a lot longer.
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December 19th, 2005 at 6:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 682b6c01ada1d
The issue is that Dick claims women are lightwieght or whatever, however I got some actual evidence for this as Dick seems to be incapable, so here we go:
‘Some men may not want to hear this - but scientists have found women are better at holding their drink. Kentucky University researchers found men’s loss of inhibition was three times greater than women’s with the same blood alcohol levels.’
That was taken from the BBC news website: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3733020.stm
So basically Dick, your wrong.
December 19th, 2005 at 7:33 am - IP Man-Hash: e7cfb013b4104
Maybe women are better than men at holding their drinks, because they are mostly composed of fat. Fat absorbs whiskey better than a mans muscular body, still I wouldn’t take that as a compliment :)
Women and whiskey…
December 19th, 2005 at 7:34 am - IP Man-Hash: d754ab99d7c00
The most important problem is the assumption that men and women have the same level of inhibitions to start with. Since men have inhibitions at a manly level of 12, and women have inhibitions at a feminine level of 1, of course a drop in 3 for men and a drop in 1 for women is greater for men.
In addition,
1. The study sample size is 12; uselessly small.
2. While getting some nice media attention for the prestigious University of Kentucky, the study does not appear to have been independently replicated, nor has it appeared in a well known peer-reviewed journal. (Boozer’s Quarterly does not count).
3. They gave many of the men two and more times as much alcohol as the women. It is entirely possible that the front end loading across the male blood/brain barrier was higher for the men than the female.
4. Socialization is an issue, as the article mentioned.
5. They gave men alcohol and a computer game to play and expected the men to care about the computer game? Yeah….
So, basically, Dick is right.
-wolfe
December 19th, 2005 at 9:10 am - IP Man-Hash: a0c7c73d83830
Good thing for men there are no button pressing contests in real life.
-Dick
December 20th, 2005 at 2:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: a110fb7a2db16
Another fine example of pure ignorance…
“what I’ve created”, and what would that be ?
Women are under the false illusion that they actually do create humans and it could not be further from the truth.
Dumb bitch can ovulate for the rest of it’s miserable life and still not conceive swat.
Takes a man to create life darling, nothing happens until that sperm hits that egg.
Your just the empty vassal, the incubator for a man’s child.
Get use to it.
December 20th, 2005 at 3:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: 620db7e22a363
Courtney Said “Liking food doesn’t make you are a ’simple creature’.”
Yes Courtney and writing like this (above) doesn’t “make you are” a genius either.
chunky_munky said “I vomit up my chardonnay and then cry into my best friend’s saggy bosom…….I’m 12, and I’d like be a gymnast. I haven’t filled out just yet, but my mom says I’ll grow up to be beautiful.”
So you are a drunk 12 year old with a fat friend whose breasts you like to put your face in. Your parents must be so proud.
Nicole said “men’s loss of inhibition was three times greater than women’s with the same blood alcohol levels.”
That is because it takes us men three times as much alcohol to get our man-blood to that “blood alcohol level.”
January 29th, 2006 at 6:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: ee94550bfe94c
What is this, some kind of new age Spam? Bad form.
btw, do you have acne scars becaise girls don’t tend to like them.
Abuse in advance: Sod off Geeza.
January 30th, 2006 at 8:46 am - IP Man-Hash: bee4b3df051c1
ROFL!!!!
Holy PMS!!!
January 30th, 2006 at 5:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: ee94550bfe94c
Sorry, you’ve got my cycle completely wrong, how like a man.
January 30th, 2006 at 6:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Sorry, you’ve mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck. How like a woman.
February 1st, 2006 at 12:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 281c250662a27
Dick, I cannot tell you how spot on you are with this one.
I dated a girl who would drink uncontrollably, treat me like garbage by flirting and taking drinks from other guys and being an attention whore, and then chalk it up to “I was drunk”, mind you not even with an “I’m sorry” preceding that and when I would tell her to learn how to control her drinking, try not to get drunk but just comfortably buzzed/relaxed, would promise it would never happen again, then tearily tell me she didn’t want her son to see her like that but get pissed when I took her shot away and yelled “What the fuck are you doing? You just told me you didn’t want your son to see you like this, now is not the time for another drink!” then go out with the girls, get blitzed and call waking me and her son up just before closing time to come and get her and she’ll be waiting in (some random guy name)’s truck outside the bar.
And by women’s retarded lemming logic, it shouldn’t be a big deal, they were drunk…
Spock would be cutting his own heart out with a fucking spoon if he were here.
September 15th, 2006 at 7:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
#58, Micaela Sanden, is spam.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: de4694ff27e1b
Dick, I love how you fabricated the word “incidentalous” out of the blue without skipping a beat. The meaning is instantly recognizable, despite the fact that the word has probably never been uttered before. I queried the word in Google and I got one hit: this page.
January 24th, 2007 at 1:34 am - IP Man-Hash: b3f7c7a80a803
Well thanks, soren. I would put it in the Mantionary, but it’s simply not manly enough.
-Dick
January 24th, 2007 at 6:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 370486342dfd8
beer is just a man thing
April 4th, 2007 at 11:41 am - IP Man-Hash: ec0cd75aec071
women are born drunk and/or high because thats what drugs do to you. they make you stupid and irrational, hence women.
But if i like drinking then i have to like women because they’re one and the same.
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:54 am - IP Man-Hash: 31debd98bdcb9
Hah.
I’ve remembered every single night of drinking I’ve ever had except for maybe half an hour of one, and many of those were spent telling males that I was NOT having sex with them.
The type of drunken females you’re describing are just the type you expect to find at a party. If you find a cool girl like me who’s just talking, laughing, and having a good time, you bitch about not having a fuck buddy.
Every time I’ve drank with only males, I hear the same thing: “There are no girls here!” They refuse to think of me as female because I’m not a ditzy airhead pulling my shirt off and shaking my ass.
So really, it’s not a woman’s fault that you only care about the very women you complain about right now. It’s your fault that you ignore those of us who happen to be cool as hell.
April 13th, 2008 at 10:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: 284ad1b3029ee
Are you saying you don’t get horny when you drink? It’s just one of those things that happen to be a very human trait. “Throwing themselves at you like a harlot..” what the hell? Do you honestly expect the women you date to be not speak unless their spoken to, and keep every thought they ever think to themselves, because the only thoughts that matter are your own simply because you were born with a penis?
And “actually put out”? ok…you say you don’t like a woman throwing herself at you like a “harlot” yet you expect her to “put out”? Exactly what mood do you want her to be in again?
I’ll agree with you in one thing, shaving a cat IS fucking hilarious. Drunk or not.
May 11th, 2008 at 3:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0ae520af6d01b
That is the biggest load of shit I’ve heard in my entire life. I’ve never been to a college party where a GUY is dancing in a corner by himself. And I’ve never been to a bar where a recently-jilted GUY puts $20 in the jukebox and cues up all slow love songs, causing everybody there to want to smash his fucking head in.
June 21st, 2008 at 4:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0ae520af6d01b
Unfortunately, women like you are the exception, not the rule.