Drunk Like a Fox
I attended a number of parties and bars this weekend and I found the number of women who wantonly threw themselves at me in a drunken stupor to be appalling — among other things. Women can handle their liquor about as well as a paper towel, and the second they consume it, they default to ranting, stumbling, harlots with a two second fuse for erupting into hysterics.
Of course, the only difference between this drunken women and a sober one is that this one will actually put out. It’s just a matter of when. Before or after she passes out.
Women’s entire lives revolve around excuses for behaving badly. PMS, pregnancy, crappy brains soaked with romantic chauvinistic delusions that they willingly embrace at every opportunity. They’re all the goddamn same. With that mindset, alcohol is like a magical giving tree that keeps on giving. If a woman feels like letting her guard and her hair down — and by both of those I mean her drawers; she turns to her best friend: Schnapps. Peach, peppermint or Danish; she loves them all. And when she does, she gives herself a golden ticket into Willy Wonka’s magical wonderland of behaving fucking terribly and “not remembering” any of it the next day.
Women’s memories are funny like that. They don’t work at all regularly, but then for some reason when alcohol is involved they work even less. I don’t know how they distinguish between the two, but I’d be willing to bet a high degree of horseshit is involved — just like it always is when women open their mouths. And I am a betting man after all — just like all men.
Men, completely unlike women, handle alcohol just like they handle everything else in life: with total class and respect.
Men do not guzzle alcohol down one sugar loaded alco-drink at a time and then throw themselves at our father-issues like a wet rag doll. We use alcohol to relax, we use it to bond, and we use it to pioneer. That’s why we discovered alcohol in the first place. To do all that shit that I just said. And that’s right, I did say pioneer. Let me give an example.
See, when sober, even men might not think that something like shaving a cat is funny — possibly due to some kind of social something or other. I don’t know what the word for it is, because it’s total bullshit and I don’t like filling my brain with such things. That’s where alcohol comes in. When properly inebriated, men will discover that not only is shaving a cat funny, but it is hilariously funny. It’s a joke that keeps on giving. Men’s instincts are right and true, and alcohol let’s us think with them unobstructed by incidentalous shit. And if I may be frank, there’s nothing more beautiful than naked man instinct.
Still not convinced? Ask yourself this. Without alcohol would any man have ever thought, I wonder if moldy bread will cure syphilis; I wonder if rolled cotton infused with carbon can conduct and sustain an operating temperature of over 2000 degrees; I wonder if the moon is all it’s cracked up to be.
The answer is ‘Yes’, but it probably would have taken a lot longer.
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August 26th, 2005 at 2:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 1b88cdf097680
Jimbo - the only issue you have at hand is the abiding stench of your sister’s cunt.
August 26th, 2005 at 4:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 3dddc19b55aad
What wit!
And served so cleverly too. I finally see your point, chunky_munky.
August 26th, 2005 at 4:42 am - IP Man-Hash: b0e7aae980b2e
Razor-sharp. Can’t explain her positions but sure can use them cuss words! I’m shocked.
Did I strike a nerve?
August 26th, 2005 at 7:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 1b88cdf097680
Just one way women are better than men; we can say ‘cunt’ and it doesn’t result in a slap and a lawsuit.
August 26th, 2005 at 7:53 am - IP Man-Hash: ac62c77584632
Chunky, please. If you’re going to fuck up my website keep it classy at least.
-Dick
August 26th, 2005 at 10:29 am - IP Man-Hash: b0e7aae980b2e
I think “classy” as defined by chunky_munky consists of vomiting out exactly what she’s vomiting out.
What do you look like, chunky_munky? I have a pretty good idea. Does “unacceptable” pretty much sum it up? Haven’t had a date in a while, have you?
Since you are a woman, you aren’t allowed on this website, so, take a hike.
August 26th, 2005 at 10:35 am - IP Man-Hash: fc0a1f47284ec
The word ‘cunt’ doesn’t have to be derogatory. I’m incredibly classy (coming from Watford, how could I not be?) and I frequently use the word ‘cunt’.
August 26th, 2005 at 11:05 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Yes, Horty. “Classy” is definitely the first word people think of when it comes to you.
-Dick
August 26th, 2005 at 12:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: b0e7aae980b2e
Ten to one Hortincia has a flattop.
August 30th, 2005 at 12:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 4d1249e236ab4
Heh… who the hell ever began using “cunt” as a derrogatory word? In old world tongue, “cunt” was actually short for “cuniform” which was the special V-shaped chair that a priestess or nun would sit in during church sermons. Just because a word sounds bad, doesnt mean it is. Get the facts straight, and before you call someone a bitch, remember that if they are human, they are by definition, not a bitch. Seeing as how a bitch is a female dog. However, you may refer to someone as being “bitchy” or “just like a bitch” and it would be a valid insult. Now that Ive HELPED the women load their artillery a bit ( seeing as how I am a man and find myself always having to help women ) let them screw it up ^_^
August 30th, 2005 at 4:55 am - IP Man-Hash: b0e7aae980b2e
A word’s meaning is defined by the way it is used. “Kid” doesn’t just mean a young goat any more. “Cunt” is a derogatory term because it is used as a derogatory term.
August 30th, 2005 at 8:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 11922c0a7012a
Using Webster’s Dictionary again… (www.webster.com)
BITCH:
1 : the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals
2 a : a lewd or immoral woman b : a malicious, spiteful, or domineering woman — sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse
3 : something that is highly objectionable or unpleasant
4 : COMPLAINT
August 30th, 2005 at 9:03 am - IP Man-Hash: b0e7aae980b2e
SRD, the 5th definition is “W - Hortencia”.
August 30th, 2005 at 11:55 am - IP Man-Hash: e7359d0bcc815
“Cunt”, in reference to your tendency to use your sisters vagina as a (loose-fitting) glove, was meant in a derogatory fashion.
See also: Jimbo is a cunt.
See also: The only cunts Jimbo has ever seen are on the arse end of a sheep.
What do I look like? I’ll tell you the same as every other girl in your ’secret’ contacts list:
I’m 12, and I’d like be a gymnast. I haven’t filled out just yet, but my mom says I’ll grow up to be beautiful.
August 30th, 2005 at 12:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: b0e7aae980b2e
Well, your mom’s a cunt.
August 31st, 2005 at 10:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 88e6dbe65c31d
You’re learning well, my child.
August 31st, 2005 at 11:28 am - IP Man-Hash: b0e7aae980b2e
Thank you. Like all men, I learn quickly, cunt.
September 2nd, 2005 at 12:05 am - IP Man-Hash: a8e04462e3546
And in just those few posts I have too learned quickly. I have been reading up on many “man versus woman” arguments and have come to the conclusion that while men generally are unable to do some things that women can do, that is not a permanent problem. Men have plenty of room for improvement, though because of past societies and past social roles, men were normally the ones who brought home the bread, not taking care of children or the like, not preparing meals nor cleaning. And as a result we have never been expected to do such things, therefore we have rarely have done them and are deemed “unsuitable” for such tasks. However, the mind can always learn and understand, though the body takes far, FAR longer to change and evolve. So as men, we can change our minds and evolve our minds in a matter of years, perhaps mere months, to do anything that a woman can do. Thus, having both superior physical strength and surpassing intellect. Oh, and chunky_munky, are you referring that you have a “chunky monkey” in your pants? Or do you truly wish to have one? Oooo…. Coming out of the closet are weh? Heres a condom for you, itll help prevent you from having an “cunt-like” children of your own, we dont need anymore malfigured mounds of goop running around this country
September 2nd, 2005 at 2:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5550a33ab4912
Unspoken:
Why? Do you like ‘chicks with dicks’?
Jimbo:
I’m so full of pride at what I’ve created, I might shed a tear (I am a woman after all…)
September 2nd, 2005 at 2:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Chicks with dicks? Chunky, try to keep it classy.
-Dick