Much Ado About Passing Out After Screwing
All mysteries in life can be solved by The Bible or through some scientific thought. Here’s an example:
Where did the moon come from?
From the Bible, we know that the moon is just there and wouldn’t you rather hear about magic apples and talking snakes? I know I would.
Science tells us that the moon was formed 4.5 billion years ago from the ejected matter of a collision between the Earth and a rogue proto-planet — except that the Earth is spinning too fast and is too large for that to have happened, so maybe it was two collisions or maybe Mother Earth just got a lot fatter after spawning.
Typical.
Why do men fall asleep after sex?
That question has bothered me for years because women act like there’s something to stay awake for. There isn’t. There’s only a forty minute monologue on childhood experiences. Childhood experiences that happened to a girl. That means they’re either half-true, half-cryptic stories of child-abuse or subtle ways of her telling you she could have been a model.
Men are better than women at having childhood experiences. Men have hilarious childhood stories that are as entertaining as they are inaccurate. Accuracy is for footnotes.
Evolution
The reason humans have thumbs and not no-thumbs is because humans with thumbs were more suited to survive in the wild. All thumbless humans died out or were beaten to death with clubs that required thumbs to use. The same is true of the colon: the manliest organ. The colon is able to take an unending amount of shit and keep on working. That’s manly.
That’s also evolution.
Let’s assume that at some point there were two types of human males: those who did and those who didn’t fall asleep after sex. Well the ones who didn’t would have evolved right out of existence and I’ll tell you why. Women are dumb as shit and also worse parents than a broken television.
Women are Awful Parents
If prison or suicide statistics are anything to go by, children raised by single mothers are violent, self-destructive maniacs with little positive influence on society and even less potential for personal success. If prehistoric men didn’t fall asleep after pleasuring their prehistoric skanks, then they certainly would have split in the middle of the night faster than dropping a pregnant anchor off a short pier. Prehistoric man didn’t even know “rape”, good luck explaining the myth of “responsibility”.
Last names and Little League had not yet been invented in 10,000 BC. Men would have had no reason to raise illegitimate children.
Men are faster than women. Without the anchor of sleep, all prehistoric children would have been raised by women and thus become suicidal deviants unable to reproduce. They would have murdered each other or killed themselves out due to a crippling lack of self-esteem before Evolution Round Two.
Women are Dumb
Women interpret the endless ability to run their mouths with no consequence as “unconditional love”. That’s why they’re obsessed with dogs. Dogs are the only creatures on the planet able to listen to a woman’s gear-grinding torrent of nonsense with no objection. Slugs and rocks do not have ears.
When men fall asleep after sex, women run their mouths like toothless chainsaws, getting nowhere at a steady and annoying volume and suffering absolutely no consequence for it. That’s when a woman “falls in love” with you; when you’re on your face trying to ignore a story that sounds like Peter Frampton has gotten hold of a dentist drill about her favorite drunk uncle who touched her inappropriately after a fifth grade fashion show that the Penny Saver ran a two paragraph piece on in between an article on gardening and an ad for Hollywood Chiropractic — which is also why she personally hates alcohol.
Once a woman is “in love”, she’ll cling like a charged up pitbull. Even a few knocks to the head won’t make a pitbull let go. The only thing that will is a tastier looking piece of meat or a fatter wad of money.
Women prefer you to fall asleep after sex. Think about it. During a man’s sleep is the only time a woman may speak out loud without feeling as though she is a big, fat retard. And that’s not our manly fault. When you try to cram a wrinkled twenty dollar bill of Monopoly money into a vending machine, there’s no polite way to tell you that you are dumb and that your salary doesn’t matter because the only reason you have a job in the first place is because you have a huge rack and you don’t admit when guys are hitting on you because your mother couldn’t keep her husband. In a way exactly opposite to that does an awake man listen to a woman.
The Bible
What does the Bible say about sleeping? It says that’s when all the trouble started for poor Adam. He went to sleep and God baked him a walking, talking fuck-up. Take a lesson from the Bible and kick her out before she ruins your paradise.
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February 27th, 2008 at 8:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 45c996fd63e91
Kezia said-Are you insane!? They’re helping women get SAFE abortions so they don’t have to resort to coat-hangers.
abortions are for LOONS even “safe ones”…..
February 27th, 2008 at 8:55 am - IP Man-Hash: c920e0d3b5469
The very thought of women using coat hangers to abort babies makes me feel physically ill… please try not to mention the topic again.
February 27th, 2008 at 9:00 am - IP Man-Hash: 45c996fd63e91
@Muzalon- I agree! Why in Gods name would anyone do that to a little life growing inside of you?
Like I said….only LOONS!!
February 27th, 2008 at 9:13 am - IP Man-Hash: c920e0d3b5469
If any woman did that to my children she would howl for death not for a month but an entire year.
February 27th, 2008 at 9:24 am - IP Man-Hash: 45c996fd63e91
@Muzalon- Yea, I don’t blame you. It’s really unfair how the father doesn’t have much control over a situation like that, it’s really a shame.
February 27th, 2008 at 10:46 am - IP Man-Hash: f2cad35b9a1e7
Abortion is murder. Enough said.
February 27th, 2008 at 11:06 am - IP Man-Hash: fb1de3c77ad9c
Seriously. I better not hear any “but it’s a woman choice!” crap or there will be hell to pay.
February 27th, 2008 at 11:53 am - IP Man-Hash: d653cff06dec4
I spit in the face of country music you vaccuous cows.
February 27th, 2008 at 12:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 45c996fd63e91
Wow!!!!! I’m sorry you feel that way…..it was just a joke and really no harm meant.
When you had said you use to be capable of love until betrayal turned it into hate and dread….I honestly felt empathy for you. I have boys of my own and pray their hearts never replace love for hate and dread. I’m truly sorry you have experienced betrayal in your life and my comment about what your “get bent” meant was just a joke….I’m sorry.
Cow??????? Na, my husband would have NEVER married a cow.
February 27th, 2008 at 1:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 666508dec08b7
Curious about your source on this?
February 27th, 2008 at 1:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
i don’t really like country music either- but Johnny Cash is universal which is like so many cool bands cover his stuff.
but whatever, you’re kind of a fun spoiler, aren’t you?
February 27th, 2008 at 1:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 666508dec08b7
goes back to the lovely evening thing.
February 27th, 2008 at 1:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
typo
February 27th, 2008 at 1:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 45c996fd63e91
I like just about anything that sounds good to me……maybe not rap so much, just a few songs. I was raised on country, southern rock and classic rock.
@shshi and lynn-have you checked out ladylessons.MABTW.com? She hasn’t posted much lately and not too many have posted on there, but it would be nice to have some lady chat with out bothering the men with our conversations.
February 27th, 2008 at 1:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 666508dec08b7
@ Keb - actually, checked there a few days ago, haven’t seen anything new. At least, not since the Christmas thing, as I recall.
February 27th, 2008 at 1:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
Then why is it that the mean IQ for men and women is about the same (although its different between races)?”
To say women are intellectually inferior is complete horse-shit. Women and men have different skills but about the same mean intelligence.
February 27th, 2008 at 1:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 45c996fd63e91
Yea, I know. Maybe if more posted on there she would be inspired to write something new or we could come up with some topics of our own….
February 27th, 2008 at 2:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: fb1de3c77ad9c
Had you ventured into the forums, you’d know she’s unavailable right now. Probably won’t be around again actually. Health reasons. I respect her greatly and the lady lessons is wonderful for a few women honestly.
However, I don’t find the many trolls that post on here to be ladies. But suit yourself.
February 27th, 2008 at 2:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 45c996fd63e91
@ ladyxx- a wile back VL had mentioned she was in the hospital and I wondered if she was OK. I wish her well.
whether they are trolls or true ladies, I think what little VL had posted could shed some new light on ones eyes…..she did mine.
February 27th, 2008 at 2:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 666508dec08b7
Wow, I’m sorry to hear that she’s been sick. I hope that she’s doing better, at the very least.