Much Ado About Passing Out After Screwing
All mysteries in life can be solved by The Bible or through some scientific thought. Here’s an example:
Where did the moon come from?
From the Bible, we know that the moon is just there and wouldn’t you rather hear about magic apples and talking snakes? I know I would.
Science tells us that the moon was formed 4.5 billion years ago from the ejected matter of a collision between the Earth and a rogue proto-planet — except that the Earth is spinning too fast and is too large for that to have happened, so maybe it was two collisions or maybe Mother Earth just got a lot fatter after spawning.
Typical.
Why do men fall asleep after sex?
That question has bothered me for years because women act like there’s something to stay awake for. There isn’t. There’s only a forty minute monologue on childhood experiences. Childhood experiences that happened to a girl. That means they’re either half-true, half-cryptic stories of child-abuse or subtle ways of her telling you she could have been a model.
Men are better than women at having childhood experiences. Men have hilarious childhood stories that are as entertaining as they are inaccurate. Accuracy is for footnotes.
Evolution
The reason humans have thumbs and not no-thumbs is because humans with thumbs were more suited to survive in the wild. All thumbless humans died out or were beaten to death with clubs that required thumbs to use. The same is true of the colon: the manliest organ. The colon is able to take an unending amount of shit and keep on working. That’s manly.
That’s also evolution.
Let’s assume that at some point there were two types of human males: those who did and those who didn’t fall asleep after sex. Well the ones who didn’t would have evolved right out of existence and I’ll tell you why. Women are dumb as shit and also worse parents than a broken television.
Women are Awful Parents
If prison or suicide statistics are anything to go by, children raised by single mothers are violent, self-destructive maniacs with little positive influence on society and even less potential for personal success. If prehistoric men didn’t fall asleep after pleasuring their prehistoric skanks, then they certainly would have split in the middle of the night faster than dropping a pregnant anchor off a short pier. Prehistoric man didn’t even know “rape”, good luck explaining the myth of “responsibility”.
Last names and Little League had not yet been invented in 10,000 BC. Men would have had no reason to raise illegitimate children.
Men are faster than women. Without the anchor of sleep, all prehistoric children would have been raised by women and thus become suicidal deviants unable to reproduce. They would have murdered each other or killed themselves out due to a crippling lack of self-esteem before Evolution Round Two.
Women are Dumb
Women interpret the endless ability to run their mouths with no consequence as “unconditional love”. That’s why they’re obsessed with dogs. Dogs are the only creatures on the planet able to listen to a woman’s gear-grinding torrent of nonsense with no objection. Slugs and rocks do not have ears.
When men fall asleep after sex, women run their mouths like toothless chainsaws, getting nowhere at a steady and annoying volume and suffering absolutely no consequence for it. That’s when a woman “falls in love” with you; when you’re on your face trying to ignore a story that sounds like Peter Frampton has gotten hold of a dentist drill about her favorite drunk uncle who touched her inappropriately after a fifth grade fashion show that the Penny Saver ran a two paragraph piece on in between an article on gardening and an ad for Hollywood Chiropractic — which is also why she personally hates alcohol.
Once a woman is “in love”, she’ll cling like a charged up pitbull. Even a few knocks to the head won’t make a pitbull let go. The only thing that will is a tastier looking piece of meat or a fatter wad of money.
Women prefer you to fall asleep after sex. Think about it. During a man’s sleep is the only time a woman may speak out loud without feeling as though she is a big, fat retard. And that’s not our manly fault. When you try to cram a wrinkled twenty dollar bill of Monopoly money into a vending machine, there’s no polite way to tell you that you are dumb and that your salary doesn’t matter because the only reason you have a job in the first place is because you have a huge rack and you don’t admit when guys are hitting on you because your mother couldn’t keep her husband. In a way exactly opposite to that does an awake man listen to a woman.
The Bible
What does the Bible say about sleeping? It says that’s when all the trouble started for poor Adam. He went to sleep and God baked him a walking, talking fuck-up. Take a lesson from the Bible and kick her out before she ruins your paradise.
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February 23rd, 2008 at 7:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
@Commander Scott- i’m aware of biological drives, Sir, although i will certainly concede you are clearly far more educated than i.
i suppose there are men who will have sex with anyone/anything. still, i wasn’t boasting before. i don’t think it’s special that i have a boyfriend. i do think my boyfriend is special, though, and i am quite proud of him. i am honored to be with and serve him, and thankfully, he appreciates me, as well.
i honestly think we’ve exhausted the issue. your disdain for me and my gender is clear and i’m certainly not fool enough to attempt to change your views. as i said, you are obviously a very well educated man, and i do respect your ability to articulate your thoughts, even if i may find them…extreme.
do have a lovely evening.
February 25th, 2008 at 12:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 048a93e1de483
No, I just had limited time during my class because I don’t have Internet at home. What was so “monkey shit” about my reply to Lady XXX-Something?
And by a “worthy crowd” I mean… Someone who’s not quite so scary? Seriously, what’s up with you? You’re so.. Unpleasant. Seriously, try to make a point without being so spiteful and coarse - just to see if you can?
Anyway… Here you go:
1) Mitchel Maria established the orbit of a new comet once
2) Oprah Winfrey has contributed to the world by helping people overcome their pain, addictions and problems. She started her own private charity, and given hundreds of grants to other humanitarian organizations, and she has opened a school in Africa… She has managed to come out on the top despite being a female and black… And she has used her tragedies as a frist for the mill
3) Marie Curie is famous for her work on radioactivity. Sure, it’s not something revolutionary like .. the ATOMIC BOMB, but it’s useful.
4) There is of course Harrie Tubman who escaped from slavery and become an abolitionist.
5) Marie Stopes
She founded the United Kingdom’s first instructional clinic for contraception.
Among the sundry of other admirable women there is Mother Theresa… and humm, I know the Danish women best like Marie Krogh who discovered insulin, and Nielsine Nilsen who was the best woman to attend a University in Denmark.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: c920e0d3b5469
Wasn’t Stopes a Nazi? Yes, I do believe she was.
February 25th, 2008 at 4:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: c920e0d3b5469
Here we go:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_Stopes_International
Stopes was clearly an evil Nazi cunt.
February 25th, 2008 at 6:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4deed848cb2c4
Kezia, that was weak sauce and you know it.
February 26th, 2008 at 12:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 943e9181e2bb2
2) Oprah Winfrey has contributed to the world by helping people overcome their pain, addictions and problems. She started her own private charity, and given hundreds of grants to other humanitarian organizations, and she has opened a school in Africa… She has managed to come out on the top despite being a female and black… And she has used her tragedies as a frist for the mill
Didn’t that school have a few rapists in it? It was all over the news here for a few days and then zip. No updates past her crying about it a bit as far as I know. And didn’t she end a show going on about how women are smarter then men? Why the hell didn’t anyone get insult about that over national TV but complains with Dick says the opposite on a small website? Or that time her show promoted skin cream that had foreskin as the main ingredient? If anything Oprah is a prime example of how women can get ahead by looking nice and pretending to be a saint.
February 26th, 2008 at 12:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 943e9181e2bb2
There is of course Harrie Tubman who escaped from slavery and become an abolitionist.
She had help in the form of other abolitionists and white men who let her stay in their houses for safety. While impressive I’m not sure she counts as she wouldn’t have been able to do that much without the help of the white men who were against slavery.
February 26th, 2008 at 2:16 am - IP Man-Hash: ea052221d7246
@ Kezia: Wow, amazing, spectacular. Wanna compare with how many men have done 1000 times more? Yeah, we win and you lose. Boohoo.
February 26th, 2008 at 4:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8c37d92ca0ba0
@ Kezia - I’m amazed that you actually expected us to be impressed.
Talk about scraping the barrel of human achievement.
February 26th, 2008 at 6:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 59419be21c336
The girl is probably 15… 17 years old at best. She just listed what her history class was covering this month I’m sure. I mean, no one can possibly be that dumb.
February 26th, 2008 at 7:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
It’s a shame, really, that they can’t just shut up and be a pretty face. Their excessive reliance on their anatomy demands that they make like a good dinner and spend the rest of their life hot and quiet. If they are unable to do so, they’ll just be passed up in this free-market economy.
February 26th, 2008 at 8:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: d653cff06dec4
None of us are having lovely evenings, sushi.
Get bent.
February 26th, 2008 at 8:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
@son of the suns- really? i’m sorry to hear that. i am.
get bent, what does that even mean?
February 26th, 2008 at 9:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: aaab24377cdf6
Half the girls i “hang out with” shut up when i tell them too. I guess i must be lucky.
February 27th, 2008 at 4:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 16c2c81949682
They were CONTRIBUTIONS, just what you ASKED for. How strongly do I have to stress this point? Someone was implying that human history is completely devoid of female contributions - including the “half decent” ones that I mentioned. I was just trying to disprove that.
And .. Err… Muzalon? What does that organisation have anything to do with being a Nazi? Read the wikipedia article that you posted, there’s absolutely no reference to Marie Stopes being a “Nazi cunt”.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_Stopes#The_modern_Marie_Stopes_Inte rnational_organisation
“MSI is increasingly a major contributor to national health systems; it’s family planning services make an important contribution to national poverty in numerous countries. The vast majority of people it helps are in rural, hard to reach areas. Hundreds of thousand more live in urban slums. It is also leading efforts to eradicate unsafe abortion by expanding the availability of safe services and innovating in such areas as medical abortion. The organisation is also revolutionising family planning and safe abortion delivery through technical leadership and innovation.”
Are you insane!? They’re helping women get SAFE abortions so they don’t have to resort to coat-hangers.
Arbalest - rapists in a school in South Africa? Shucks, what are the chances? You just can’t avoid that in a country where six children are raped every third week.
Harriet Tubman still went out on a limb and did the most dangerous part of the work, contrary to her helpers who merely provided her shelter.
February 27th, 2008 at 8:02 am - IP Man-Hash: 6964c4c40c0c5
@Kezia, if women were not such whores they would not need “safe abortions”.
February 27th, 2008 at 8:08 am - IP Man-Hash: 45c996fd63e91
Maybe it means whiskey bent and hell bound…..God, I love Hank Williams Jr.
February 27th, 2008 at 8:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
@Keb- is that what’s from? i’ve obviously heard it before, it’s just one of those phrases i’ve never really gotten. i’m not such a HWJ fan, but i do like me some Johnny Cash.
February 27th, 2008 at 8:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 45c996fd63e91
I was just guessing, I don’t really know what get bent means. That was the first thing I thought of when I read it. Yes, Johnny Cash is awesome…
February 27th, 2008 at 8:35 am - IP Man-Hash: f2cad35b9a1e7
The obvious intellectual inferiority of the overwhelming majority of human females on the surface of the planet is, at times, very shocking. A large percentage of women - 1 in 3 - are also functionally illiterate and often experience tremendous difficulty when attempting to speak their own native language with any degree of facility. If you knew how to read properly, you would have read in that very same article concerning Marie Stopes, in the section titled “Advocacy of Eugenics,” that:
Among other major contributions to human civilization made by Marie Stopes was her narrow-minded recommendation that people who were unfit for parenthood, because of intellectual, physical, or racial inferiority, should undergo compulsory sterilization and her public endorsement of eugenics, a science founded by men committed to the notion of Aryan racial supremacy. She was very much akin to that other racist bigot and Nazi ideologue, Margaret Sanger, who was fond of dispensing birth control advice to the Ku Klux Klan and famous for her close, personal friendship with the Nazi anthropologist and eugenicist, Eugen Fischer.
Oprah is a complete fraud who was groomed for success by men in positions of power within the entertainment industry. If one reads her biography, one can see that she owes her entire success to men such as movie critic Robert Ebert and other media moguls.
Actually, it was the men of the United States Coloured Troops (U.S.C.T.) who were the ones to go out on alimb and do the most dangerous part of the work, which was to brave the bullets and canon of the Confederacy in order to put an end to slavery, something Mrs. Tubman was incapable of doing. Additionally, Harriet Tubman was only successful because of male abolitionists such as Frederick Douglass and Union soldiers like David Hunter. The only reason she ever decided to escape from slavery in the first place was because of the influence of her brothers. Otherwise, she never contributed anything of enduring material significance to western civilization.
Marie Curie, on the other hand, was only capable of scientific achievement because of her high levels of the male hormone testosterone, the active ingredient behind all levels of high intellectual ability. Technically, she should be classified either as a hermaphrodite or an extremely masculinized woman at the very least.
No woman has ever contributed anything of importance to the cultural, scientific, and technological progress of human civilization.
In short, Kezia, you’re a very sick person who advocates the murder of human life through abortion. The fact that you believe that Marie Stopes contributed anything to human civilization suggests a more than delusional
commitment to neo-Nazi ideology and European racial supremacy. My suggestion to you, Kezia, is to get your tubes tied and have your clitoris surgically removed before you decide to harm innocent human life or racially discriminate against helpless minorities. Kezia, you are seriously mentally ill and should seek psychological help for your personal problems.