Much Ado About Passing Out After Screwing
All mysteries in life can be solved by The Bible or through some scientific thought. Here’s an example:
Where did the moon come from?
From the Bible, we know that the moon is just there and wouldn’t you rather hear about magic apples and talking snakes? I know I would.
Science tells us that the moon was formed 4.5 billion years ago from the ejected matter of a collision between the Earth and a rogue proto-planet — except that the Earth is spinning too fast and is too large for that to have happened, so maybe it was two collisions or maybe Mother Earth just got a lot fatter after spawning.
Typical.
Why do men fall asleep after sex?
That question has bothered me for years because women act like there’s something to stay awake for. There isn’t. There’s only a forty minute monologue on childhood experiences. Childhood experiences that happened to a girl. That means they’re either half-true, half-cryptic stories of child-abuse or subtle ways of her telling you she could have been a model.
Men are better than women at having childhood experiences. Men have hilarious childhood stories that are as entertaining as they are inaccurate. Accuracy is for footnotes.
Evolution
The reason humans have thumbs and not no-thumbs is because humans with thumbs were more suited to survive in the wild. All thumbless humans died out or were beaten to death with clubs that required thumbs to use. The same is true of the colon: the manliest organ. The colon is able to take an unending amount of shit and keep on working. That’s manly.
That’s also evolution.
Let’s assume that at some point there were two types of human males: those who did and those who didn’t fall asleep after sex. Well the ones who didn’t would have evolved right out of existence and I’ll tell you why. Women are dumb as shit and also worse parents than a broken television.
Women are Awful Parents
If prison or suicide statistics are anything to go by, children raised by single mothers are violent, self-destructive maniacs with little positive influence on society and even less potential for personal success. If prehistoric men didn’t fall asleep after pleasuring their prehistoric skanks, then they certainly would have split in the middle of the night faster than dropping a pregnant anchor off a short pier. Prehistoric man didn’t even know “rape”, good luck explaining the myth of “responsibility”.
Last names and Little League had not yet been invented in 10,000 BC. Men would have had no reason to raise illegitimate children.
Men are faster than women. Without the anchor of sleep, all prehistoric children would have been raised by women and thus become suicidal deviants unable to reproduce. They would have murdered each other or killed themselves out due to a crippling lack of self-esteem before Evolution Round Two.
Women are Dumb
Women interpret the endless ability to run their mouths with no consequence as “unconditional love”. That’s why they’re obsessed with dogs. Dogs are the only creatures on the planet able to listen to a woman’s gear-grinding torrent of nonsense with no objection. Slugs and rocks do not have ears.
When men fall asleep after sex, women run their mouths like toothless chainsaws, getting nowhere at a steady and annoying volume and suffering absolutely no consequence for it. That’s when a woman “falls in love” with you; when you’re on your face trying to ignore a story that sounds like Peter Frampton has gotten hold of a dentist drill about her favorite drunk uncle who touched her inappropriately after a fifth grade fashion show that the Penny Saver ran a two paragraph piece on in between an article on gardening and an ad for Hollywood Chiropractic — which is also why she personally hates alcohol.
Once a woman is “in love”, she’ll cling like a charged up pitbull. Even a few knocks to the head won’t make a pitbull let go. The only thing that will is a tastier looking piece of meat or a fatter wad of money.
Women prefer you to fall asleep after sex. Think about it. During a man’s sleep is the only time a woman may speak out loud without feeling as though she is a big, fat retard. And that’s not our manly fault. When you try to cram a wrinkled twenty dollar bill of Monopoly money into a vending machine, there’s no polite way to tell you that you are dumb and that your salary doesn’t matter because the only reason you have a job in the first place is because you have a huge rack and you don’t admit when guys are hitting on you because your mother couldn’t keep her husband. In a way exactly opposite to that does an awake man listen to a woman.
The Bible
What does the Bible say about sleeping? It says that’s when all the trouble started for poor Adam. He went to sleep and God baked him a walking, talking fuck-up. Take a lesson from the Bible and kick her out before she ruins your paradise.
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February 19th, 2008 at 6:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 59419be21c336
You guys honestly read her babbling shit? Meh, fuck that. She’s obviously scorned by the truth. [As most women are while reading the ingenious posts of Dick's. ]
And Ginny: why on god’s green earth would you post up your Myspace as a link? Goddamn, you better not comment often in here or else you’d get a whole bunch of “Moo’s” coming your way.
Lastly: Great article yet again Dick. I seemed to have suffer from this ‘talking after sex’ disorder for many years until my last relationship where I learned to just shut up and get to bed post-coitus.
Really though, why is pillow talk *so* important to most women?
February 19th, 2008 at 6:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1ace054919063
Why are you acting so dignified? You were once shoved head first through someones vagina.
February 19th, 2008 at 6:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: d280e99f139ec
I belive Dick Masterson is motivated by revenge…Although i feel vengance against the opposite sex as well…
Somewhere in his distant past…he was humiliated and embarrassed by a woman..therefore the idea of calling them inferior and dumb semed like a good idea….
In fact, Dick is willing more than anything else to destroy, even destroy all hope, so long as his one precious hot-button issue is preserved: revenge against those who have more than himslef through hatred name calling and subsidization of the less-capable (people like him). He wants to even humanity out into a race of thougthless clones, so that none are above others…
Bigotry gets nowhere with most of us, as we see it as an emotional reaction and not a logical solution.
February 19th, 2008 at 6:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: d280e99f139ec
Women are annoying, cockteasing, but a nessecasry evil, as we cannot exist without them…
February 19th, 2008 at 6:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60b9632657c7c
Die Hard with a Vengeance is my favorite of the foursome.
-Dick
February 19th, 2008 at 7:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 66307f2033b1b
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesarean_section
Not necessarily.
February 19th, 2008 at 7:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 67a581d8af527
@ Adrian
… Subsidization of the less-capable… Please explain
February 19th, 2008 at 7:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9ac7ed8cc1912
Women haven’t displaced anything except their own self worth and morality. As you can see men still hold presidencies, and if other men that are in the dark learn about how ridiculous the female gender as a whole is, then push might just come to shove. Then you can all just get fucked out of the workplace.
But, for now, it seems most men have bought the feminism propaganda that has been spewed into societies gullet for the past half a century. They need to be enlightened and need to stop supporting the very thing that is destroying their livelihoods.
*D3C*
February 19th, 2008 at 7:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 59419be21c336
So what?! Does that mean I have to necessarily respect them?
Right, because that makes PERFECT sense: my mother (who has a vagina and gave birth to me) naturally equates to me being nice and respectful to *everyone else who has a vagina*. Riiiiiiiight.
I am SO sick of you women that post on here (and few men too who are against this site) and use the whole ‘who do you think made you?’ schtick. Give it a rest already.
Men helped with the pro-creation, too ya know–women just carried us. Why do the women get all the praise for bringing new life into the world, when you damn well know they were most likely bitching and moaning and blaming the men throughout those 9 months? Men are the real heros here; they put up with that shit for the whole pregnancy… AND after with ‘I brought you into this world!” bullshit they hear so often on here.
Some of us regular posters on MABTW may have the utmost respect for our own mothers, but that certainly does not mean we must accept what other random chicks get away with in today’s society. Seriously, get a clue.
February 19th, 2008 at 10:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
So we know God baked Woman out of Manly Left-overs (hence, why all men tell all women to cook some GODDAMN dinner, no more leftover bullshit you lazy bitch!)……….and THAT explains the fascination women have with:
Easy Bake Oven. They can even create the pure shit they evolved from, which is man-ly, but of course, it reminds them of God being a Man, Man being the right hand Buddy of God, and how obviously, women are not worth a shit at baking, only a Man could do it like a God. And only God would do it as perfect as Man. That is fucking ManGodly.
That would explain the devolution in Modern Times of why Bitches can’t cook Biscuits except in their britches (Bisquick Out of The Box?), and How Burning Water is more important than the Burning Bush.
Odd, when I doused that one whore with gasoline and threw on the match, I could have sworn I heard not only God, but smelled the Bush Burning.
So much for Napalm……..
Good thing God made Man so he could design non-exploding, gas/wood/coal/children/cow shit/you-fucking-name-it, fired Ovens so women won’t kill themselves from sheer laziness and stupidity……
Ovens. And that is manly too. Bitch.
February 19th, 2008 at 10:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
…God…I STILL love King Wangs posts..
February 19th, 2008 at 10:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1ace054919063
It sounds like you’re overdoing this just a little. Who are you trying to impress?
February 19th, 2008 at 10:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1ace054919063
…And what I meant by the Vagina statement was that you’re acting all dignified and arrogant like you’re better than everyone else, or like you better belong here because you have more posts or whatever. (i.e. “Some of us regular posters on MABTW may have the utmost respect for our own mothers…”) But you were not born from a bed of roses. You came out a disgusting, odorous vagina. Like everyone else.
February 19th, 2008 at 11:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1992a4c823674
Typical Woman Arguement number 47: It’s not that I’m wrong, it’s just you’re biased because you have -gasp- ISSUES.
February 19th, 2008 at 11:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: e22a981803704
I come to this site every so often to read up on how you (and others) justify misogyny, so thanks for the info, even though sometimes I think it is unduly vituperative and a waste of your creative energy. But hey, you are the one with the published book making money off of your opinions (which no one has a right to change, as long as you aren’t infringing on the law and the rights of others). Clearly this is your investment and kudos for you for tapping into the market. I’d never buy your book, but each to his/her own.
The sad thing is that I do find some truths to some of your statements, but I do not agree with your overall generalizations. You say women are whores, but I’d venture to say that “whore” would apply to every living person, especially in how you are using the word (not only sexual, but in reference to attitude). Human instinct is geared toward being an opportunist. If you were really hungry and offered two steaks (no strings attached), would you take the smaller or the larger one? The larger one, because you aren’t stupid. So you say women are whores for attention, hotter men, or money. Men are also whores for other things: competition, hotter/younger women, etc. But it’s all biological, so disparaging one sex is rather contradictory. But hey, like I said, you are the one making the money on a book, not me. And I don’t have to read this site. Yeah, I know the drill (or do I? Because I obviously ignored the “no women allowed” warnings. Silly, stupid me.)
February 19th, 2008 at 11:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1ace054919063
L0Lz
Wasn’t that on like, XKCD or something?
February 20th, 2008 at 12:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 59419be21c336
Uhh.. yeah. Clearly you are not getting it. I never claimed to be better than everyone else, cuz hellloooo: MEN > Women (and I am a woman). But I guess in the case of you… yeah, I’d say I’m better than you. I’m not the one going around bringing up a woman’s sole contribution in every post.
When you can name 5 other things women have contributed towards society, well lemme know. Otherwise your posts warrant no reply.
February 20th, 2008 at 1:23 am - IP Man-Hash: e860c5b3790c4
Spot on. Yep you nailed her ass.
February 20th, 2008 at 2:55 am - IP Man-Hash: 6d79a60904eee
Lady XXX, how do you feel about yourself then? You don’t seem to have any problem putting other women down so I pity how hard you must be on yourself…not that it looks like you actually consider yourself as one of those “lesser” females that you constantly bitch about. Give it a rest already. This site is supposed to be locker room juvenile entertainment, not a soapbox for your self-hate.
February 20th, 2008 at 3:03 am - IP Man-Hash: 6d79a60904eee
..actually in your case, it would be more accurate to say that it’s not a soapbox for your self-love.