It’s All Downhill From Here
It’s part of human nature to go through a midlife crisis. You’re old, you’re bald, you’re comfortable in your job and your marriage; the only thing that will cure your woes is a brand new convertible.
Notice how I didn’t say “affair”. That’s how women go through their midlife crises. Men buy a cool new toy to toot around town with — maybe ruffle the feathers of the establishment as they blow through yellow lights at 65 miles an hour. Women fuck up their families.
I was doing some research on this topic and I found that the average age of a midlife crisis for a man is 46. That’s perfectly reasonable, I thought. That’s right at the point where a man realizes that the big drop in the roller coaster of life was at the beginning and no one told him to stick his hands in the air for it. He should have realized it because of the huge climb, but that’s not how it works. It’s over now and the rest of the ride is just humps and cheesy little jerks that make your neck hurt.
‘Keep your hands in the car at all times,’ haunts his dreams.
So a man does what a man does best: solves the problem. He buys an enormous TV or a ride on a helicopter or a sky diving 10 trip pass that gets used twice until he herniates his back and then everything is good like gravy in a matter of years.
Women, however, are different.
The average age of a woman’s midlife crisis is 17. It’s at that point when women get that glazed look over their eyes and start talking about ridiculous things like goals and dreams and a bunch of other bullshit that they have absolutely no intention of doing and aren’t to be taken seriously by any man over the age of 12. Men do that during their midlife crises too. They say things like, “I’m going to be a painter.” Of course he’s not going to be a painter. It is only a whim of silliness to be indulged for as long as it takes for him to realize that. That’s exactly how it is when a young girl says things like, “I want to be a lawyer” or “I want to be a doctor” or “I believe in animal’s rights!” Sure you do honey. Sure you do. Maybe we should give them the right to vote!
Of course I’m kidding. An animal shouldn’t be allowed to vote any more than a woman should be allowed to vote. Donkey’s and women vote in exactly the same way. A donkey will punch any chad you want for a carrot. Women just need a — well I’m sure you all already know.
A man’s midlife crisis is a desperate and brief act to reclaim a life he once had. That’s a woman’s entire life: desperation and grabbing onto straws that not only don’t exist, but never existed at all. For men, however, it is also a time to reflect on what stupendous things that he has accomplished throughout his life. A family, a career, a hilarious and amorously promiscuous neighbor friend with a funny catch phrase — these are the things a man will take stock of during a midlife crisis.
The only thing women realize during theirs is that they’ve never fucked a black guy.
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That is just one of the perks that comes from a male mid-life crisis. Although he bought the shiny car for his personal driving pleasure, there is sure to be a shiny woman to follow.
Women are attracted to shiny objects the same way moths are attracted to a flame; and no matter how much they get burned, they just won’t learn. But then, it can be expected since diamonds (notoriously shiny objects) are a girl’s best friend.
Wow, I can only imagine that for myself, Sony. The thought of 2 cock’s delights performing fellatio on me is ablsolutely fascinating. Ah, the beauty of fellatio is that she is on her knees, her mouth is flapping - but it feels good, and she is actually being useful for once. Is there anything better then getting good head from a woman? I really don’t know so please tell me, because I cannot think of anything better.
Man, I’d give some blood for those 2 cock’s delights in that black Porsche Cayenne. I mean, just think how much head they gave for that car. Typical ‘working girls’ (that locution right there ought to enlighten you as to what work is to a woman). They even had their work uniforms on. And shades too. You know, for the splatter and all. High class cunts. Real high classass.
Damn. Reserved for real men. Not for mere mortals like myself.
Yes. Women do suck as people. Literally.
prejudiced.
Biff said in the Forums:
I would like to respond to this but as I cannot get into the forums, I shall have to do that here.
My position is that I disagree with Biff’s position that inter-racial sexual escapades are caused by lack of inhibitions. As you would be aware, I have had inter-racial sex with an african-american. This has more to do with being non-prejucidiced and ability to communicate with people from diverse backgrounds, than it has to do with inhibitions. And what one finds attractive does not necessarily confine itself to the one racial group. How boring would that be. Btw, Englishmen are the best. And North London accents rock. Birmingham, not so much.
You do that. The place looks deserted.
I know it was not a malicious statement. I’ll rant a bit more in the forums.
I myself didn’t see any derogatory implications in what Dick wrote. At least not till I read your post, Diamatik. And even now, it doesn’t seem in any way a malicious statement. Then again, sensitivities are likely different from place to place.
Must be some cultural thingy, I guess. But I think what was meant was the compulsive wish to contradict irrespective of what or how is contradicted, intrinsic to women, evident in Fem’s reply. Not what she was actually replying or replying to. my 2 bani.
Btw, Diamatik, where are you from? American?
This Essay says,
She said,
He said,
The Laws of Women says,
The last sentence of Mr. Masterson’s essay and Post 4 give me the impression that fucking a black guy is something low, taboo and unacceptable.
Please correct me if my perception is incorrect, (because I am a man and I can accept being corrected when I’m wrong).
Bugger Dick, you won again.
ROFLMFAO
You are a nasty piece of work
Dick, I’ve sent you the $20 by Paypal. You were right; I was wrong.
I never believed she’d post that. I never dreamt it.
All I can say is Law 1, Law 1.
Hope you see a good movie or buy a good cigar/shot of single malt with the money.
-wolfe.
Excuse me, I have fucked a black guy. Your story, right there, is bullshit.
Christianj waves at Geeza cruising past while donning on his motorbike helmet, flicks the starter and listens to the burble from the pipes.
Both in their bitch free zone….
Geeza nods in agreement as he drives past in his convertible.