Miss Teen USA is Functionally Retarded

At a dog show, even third place is still a good specimen of dog. It might not be the best, but it’s a damn good dog. No one’s showing up at the Westminster Kennel Club with a dead monkey on a leash.

Third place at the Miss Teen USA pageant, however, is a mildly-functioning, retarded jackass.

I don’t know whether to criticize the Miss Teen USA pageant for this, or congratulate them on finding such an accurate ambassador for the female gender.

Just kidding. I would never criticize a Miss Anything pageant. They get enough shit from fat broads and Dove soap as it is.

At a recent Miss Teen USA pageant, Lauren Caitlin Upton was asked why 20% of Americans can’t identify the US on a map. This was her answer.

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.

For this Gordian Tongue-Twister, and for her pudgy shoulders, Miss Upton was awarded third-place.

The Miss Teen USA pageant exists to exemplify the most desired traits of teen-woman kind. I’ve mentioned elsewhere that women have shitty role models. If my daughter grew up to be Gloria Steinham, I would put the rest of my kids in pinata and mail them to an orphanage in Afghanistan. That said, this is not another case of Lindsey Lohan needs a slap, or a Tara Reid needs some underpants. This is a case of injustice.

I could not think of a more perfect role-model for young women than Miss Lauren Caitlin Upton. That’s why I’m awarding her the coveted MenAreBetterThanWomen.com Honorary Man of the Month Award. You may not be the hottest teen in America, Lauren, but you don’t have anything to worry about because failure is carb-free.

Women don’t know shit about shit. And more importantly, they don’t know they don’t know shit about shit. Fuck third place. Lauren should have been crowned with a $500 handbag for that impressive and clueless fuck-up. It took her an entire day to even realize how stupid it sounded. Now that’s womanly! Third place is for the woman who looks the male judges in the eye while she’s answering.

If I have a balloon animal making contest, and some clown drives a tank onto the stage, he’ll be disqualified. A tank is awesome, but it’s not a balloon animal. A woman might be able to regurgitate The Prince when asked how the U.S. should conduct it’s foreign policy. It’s a good answer, but it’s not womanly.

Lauren deserved first place. Unless there was a contestant who got lost on the way to the pageant and couldn’t call for directions because her cell phone bill ran out of decimal places, this was robbery.

Also, if that statistic is true, I’m betting 100% of that 20% are women.

Call me when you wear off those chicken wings, sweetheart.

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88 Comments in 83 threads.»

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Comment by studioline
2008-07-26 06:55:14

Do you think this Miss America has a clue about anything??? She can only function in an artifficial world where man chase women.

Comment by John
2008-07-26 11:11:02

This is not artificial.

What scientific evidence we have is overwhelmingly clear that it is the normal neurobiological mode of behaviour for men and women to adopt traditional heteropatriarchal modes of behaviour.

It is, in fact, feminism which has socially engineered us against our very biological nature, denying gender difference, destroying the natural balance of the male-female relationship, undermining family and sociocultural integrity, exposing our minds to psychosexual aberrancy, and exposing our children to abuse and neglect.

 
 
Comment by John
2008-07-26 06:27:02

Well let’s face the facts. The prospects of getting a coherent answer from this girl were never really promising.

She is:

1. “US american”
2. Blonde
3. Female
4. A teenager

That puts her squarely in the retard bracket, with respect to the world demographic.

To be perfectly frank, I’m surprised she started answering the question correctly on cue. (To get her to stop talking on cue was a whole new ball-game, however).

NB. Just kidding about the “US american” part. Even though US secondary school education, and, increasingly, US college-level education are progressively borked and feminised (much like the UK here), I’ve seen college-level teams from the USA (all men) wipe the floor with UK equivalents in University Challenge (most UK teams for which were hampered by token females).

Comment by kalel
2008-07-26 08:51:48

Women do not have logical ability , only to copy , copy , memorize , that’s what they do all their lives , in college and everywhere.They even copy our behavior and science and say they are men, and wear plastic penises to enforce that wrong idea.

Our logical ability is the most evolved thing this planet ever accomplished , women don’t have it ,because women did not evolve , men had to evolve due to competition between men , like in all males.

“WOMEN ARE NEITHER EQUAL NOR DIFFERENT TO MEN , THEY ARE INFERIOR!!!”

Comment by John
2008-07-26 11:01:37

Agree. In problem solving and “skilled” tasks women tend to adopt rote-procedural methods (relying on rehearsed and learnt protocols and instructional guidelines) rather than being able to truly grasp and apply the key overlying principles, and perform at that elevated level of insight.

It does have a very significant effect on long-term performance in highly specialised fields which require complex, lateral and/or abstract thinking. This may explain why women tend to pile into those ridiculous arts and humanities courses at college in their droves, and in some cases come out even more stupid, indoctrinated and inappropriately-opinionated than before. Really, what a waste of tax-payers’ money.

 
 
 
Comment by Mrtopmop
2008-07-23 17:09:13

Ha, notice how the judge is smirking and trying not to laugh at how amazing stupid her answer is.

 
Comment by P Coderch
2008-04-25 22:48:36

wolfe said:

“Gloria Steinham”.
Ah it’s the little touches. Thanks, Dick.
@Sin - welcome to the site. I concur.
-wolfe

HEY, WOLFE, HOW IS YOUR MOMMA DOING? TELL HER TO WASH HER CORNHOLE WELL OTHERWISE I WILL BE PUSHING HER SHIT IN TONIGHT. CODERCH LIKES THE BITCHES CLEAN. TOO BAD THERE WAS NO ONE THERE TO PUSH YOU(SHIT) IN BACK WHEN YOU WERE BORN, HUH?

P Coderch

 
Comment by Manos
2008-04-12 04:01:09

 
Comment by Manos
2008-04-12 03:59:42

Look, I’m all for it.. she should have gotten first place. She’s the perfect example of womanhood. and the “evening gown competition” should be replaced with “skin-tight latex clad bananna eating competition”.
Dressing up a whore in a nice dress reminds you that the dress is worth more than what its hanging on. Throw her in attire she deserves. A cat suit with crotch zippers is a good start.
You will NEVER. EVER. EVER!!! see me carrying a woman around wearing clothes that are more expensive than my shoes, unless its high-end whore attire, like see through miniskirts and lucite heels.
~Manos.

 
Comment by Muzalon
2008-02-12 15:52:31

Hilary said:

In the part where I said that mainly all I get in response is insults.
If you see, all MansVoice called me a moron, I can now add that to the list.

This is you come the great day of masculine retribution, final and apocalyptic:

http://www.pathguy.com/lectures/srkelly.jpg

 
Comment by Rewire
2008-02-06 22:33:37

I wonder how women can claim equal rights and still give audience to this kind of ‘role-model’. This bimbo has much better things to be doing with that mouth of hers!

Comment by kalel
2008-07-26 08:55:27

“WOMEN ARE NEITHER EQUAL NOR DIFFERENT TO MEN , THEY ARE INFERIOR”

Remember this , there is no equality shit , and women know it, and try to mask it with sick feminism.

 
 
Comment by Heronimus
2008-02-02 00:44:11

KL said:

Miss Teen USA requires a lot more than looks to be accepted. I know.

Don’t flatter yourself sweetheart

 
Comment by KL
2008-01-26 12:53:57

Miss Teen USA requires a lot more than looks to be accepted. I know.

 
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2008-01-18 12:03:19

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Comment by Hilary
2007-12-21 13:01:43

Most women on this site such as Clair, proudathiest, lalala, and myself present our opinions rationally, so in what way is that calling for cursing?
See, you called me a bitch when I did not regard your sexual orientation, personal life, ect., I state what opposes my thoughts and that’s it.
If you wish that we do not annoy you why don’t you not reply? That is a simple solution.

 
Comment by Billy
2007-12-21 12:56:28

Hilary said:

In the part where I said that mainly all I get in response is insults.
If you see, all MansVoice called me a moron, I can now add that to the list.

Great! You see since feminism reared it’s ugly mug we men have had to endure insults almost regularly from you ingrates, but then it’s just a womens way to bitch and whine about everything and even make up shit. Welcome to the bachlash bitch.

 
Comment by Hilary
2007-12-21 12:19:15

In the part where I said that mainly all I get in response is insults.
If you see, all MansVoice called me a moron, I can now add that to the list.

 
Comment by Zardoz
2007-12-21 12:08:33

Hilary said:

Exactly how my point with Zardoz is proven.
Why bother responding?
Do you think that phases me? I don’t care what you think of me so why bother spending time typing it.

Eh? I must have missed something here.. Or does my name just get randomly tossed in every so often?

 
Comment by Hilary
2007-12-21 08:52:55

Exactly how my point with Zardoz is proven.
Why bother responding?
Do you think that phases me? I don’t care what you think of me so why bother spending time typing it.

 
Comment by MansVoice
2007-12-21 08:35:24

Like how I am laughing at your expense, moron.

 
Comment by Hilary
2007-12-21 07:38:50

That was very funny, especially Asian countries, Japan is so much smarter then us! They go to school six days a week and take a test in order to go to high school, and if they don’t pass their family is shamed!
But, as to Tyrannical’s post, the percential of 80% is mixed gender.
I did find her speech hilarious though, but that is just human nature, we love to laugh at others expense.

 
Comment by Tyrannical
2007-12-19 00:26:44

At a recent Miss Teen USA pageant, Lauren Caitlin Upton was asked why 20% of Americans can’t identify the US on a map.

The only correct answer, as any man would know is NOT that 80% of respondants were male. It’s a good guess though.

The correct answer is obviously 20% of the survey GIVERS were woman who could not comprehend that people do not answer obvious questions honestly.

Comment by kalel
2008-07-26 09:02:30

True , women have no spatial ability or logical ability whatsoever .

They have to memorize that map for several months, before she could point where US is .

That’s what they do in school , memorize everything, but with no contribution , because they have no understanding on how things work.

If they had a small understanding on how things work , then there would have been a woman who would have created science , inventions , technology , but there is none .

Women are to inferior to walk in this earth !!!

 
 
Comment by Gingersnap
2007-12-17 14:29:50

Oh, those silly, silly U.S Americans.

 
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