Women Hate America.
If you’ve been watching the Dr. Phil “House of Judgment”, you may have noticed that the first problem Dr. Phil has with my views is that I have a book to sell. Well it’s true, fellows and gentlemen, I am a filthy capitalist. I am a low-down, dirty capitalist who is out to make money by providing you with something that is both manlightening and hilarious for a nominal cost.
And unlike women in the army, this is comedy you can choose whether or not you want to pay for.
How dare I.
I would also like to note that my book is worth its weight in gold. It will teach you how to shut women the fuck up. Silence is golden.
Let’s talk about capitalism. You may already be familiar with it as the thing that brought you everything you know. Imagine Santa Claus with a school bus full of girls gone wild on his back, a Super Soaker full of gin in his hand, and a Viagra-induced boner that could win a home-run derby in the other. That’s capitalism.
Women hate capitalism.
Men love capitalism. We spend money on things we love, and when we’re out of money, we go get jobs we love to make more money to buy more awesome things. To men, capitalism is like jerking ourselves off twice at the same time. It’s a religious experience.
Women buy things they think they need, but don’t. And when they’re out of money, they have to do something they hate to get more of it: fuck. That’s why women hate capitalism. All roads lead to Rome; and all purchases lead to a woman getting on her back.
It was no surprise to me that on a show geared toward women, the biggest alleged “flaw” in my views was that people are willing to pay to hear them. That’s like calling Penicillin a “quack remedy” because it doesn’t grow on the sides of rocks. Just because it’s got a price tag, doesn’t mean it won’t cure your syphilis.
Manpitalism
Women hate success through hard work. They hate rewards for good behavior because it means none of them will ever get anything for free again. And they hate heaps of money falling on men with bright ideas because it means they have to recognize a bright idea in the first place in order to fuck themselves a place in line.
According to women, anyone who lifts a finger to help themselves should get a kick in the teeth and a placard that says, “Congratulations! You just adopted a thousand starving kids somewhere feminism doesn’t give a fuck about — or is there some other reason feminism launches bullshit ad campaigns promoting girls in science when little girls halfway around the world don’t have enough water to live?”
Maybe feminism just doesn’t care about black people.
Opportunity Cost
The more money you spend on the things you like, the less opportunity you have to give your money to women.
Economics — and capitalism — is founded on opportunity cost. I know there are a lot of young men reading this, so I’m going to give you a one sentence primer on money management that could very well save your life.
Everything costs something.
That smart girl with the big jugs in your chemistry class? She costs something. In fact, she costs about one zero more than the flatter girl on her right. Who gives a fuck how smart either of them are? That’s called an opportunity cost.
Women never have to sacrifice anything to get what they want. They just change what they want. If a woman is fat, she wraps velor around her love handles and marries poor. If she’s obnoxious, she becomes a lesbian or gets really into wine. Either way, women work in reverse. They don’t run the race, they just draw the finish line wherever God dropped them.
Take a reasonably hot woman to a bar and see how long she’ll go thirsty because a guy won’t buy her a drink. Fuck, light her on fire. She’ll burn to death before dropping six bucks on a glass of Chardonnay. Women consider any market driven exchange to be unsavory and beneath them.
Capitalism is why women hate strippers.
Lawn Darts
Women are like lawn darts. All the good ones were made in the 50’s.
To a woman, accepting capitalism means accepting that her self-worth as a whore follows the trajectory of a lawn dart. It starts in your hand, high in worth and full of potential. Then you chuck it in the air. Halfway through, everything becomes dizzy and confusing. Panic follows, and as the dart comes hurtling downward, responsibly is abandoned in the name of self-ass-preservation. Who knows where this thing is going to end up, but one thing is certain, someone is going to have to pay when it goes through the hood of your neighbor’s car. That someone will probably be you.
That’s called divorce.
No matter who they are or what they do, women always have the opportunity to whip out their vagina and rake in a quick Divorce Pay Day. That’s what it is to be a woman. Duplicity is your Plan B. Capitalism is a reminder of how much that Plan B is worth.
The Lottery Mentality
The reason women embrace marriage and alimony as if they were life rafts of shit, is because women live by the Lottery Mentality. No woman can achieve through brains and brawn. Those are manly things. Women need to win the lottery; a lottery like a rich internet mogul who mistook her insecurity for shyness and friendship while in college, or a TV producer who was coincidentally left by his wife the same day the lottery winning starlet landing on his casting couch.
Ka-ching!
Women cruise through life waiting for their ship to come in, and they hate anyone who doesn’t see life through the same set of opaque Chanel glasses. However, the lottery is not a form of commerce. It’s a commerce for idiots. The lottery is Sarah Jessica Parker to capitalism’s Nicolas Cage.
Women Hate America
Women hate everything that makes America great.
America was once called the “Great Melting Pot”, because a bunch of cultures from all of the place all got together and had sex with each other until awesome things like pizza and Brazilian bikinis were born. Women don’t mix well with others. They cling to their catty friends in little clumps and give all new comers the stink-eye. Little girls ostracize other little girls into committing suicide. That’s un-American.
If it were up to women, free speech would have its dick cut off and shoved into it’s ear holes. Then the playing field would be even and capitalism would die a slow, retarded death.
Money is how men keep score in the game of life. If you don’t like that, then you can take your vagina back to Venus. Money is manly as shit — literally.
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November 26th, 2007 at 11:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 651c8ce88bbcf
If you’re watching “Dr. Phil” then you’re a total chick.
November 26th, 2007 at 11:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 58f66b0866fa9
Roflmao… You were talking about the female trolls here?
That is funny to think that one would say something intelligent.
You must be a real optimist.
November 26th, 2007 at 11:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2e9f52b62c482
@ Billy: He was being euphemistic.
December 1st, 2007 at 9:33 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Why would Dick go to doc phil to promote his book? How on earth is it supposed to reach his target audience then?
December 1st, 2007 at 10:45 am - IP Man-Hash: cf5569ce44177
Clair, Why does it concern you?
The truth really bothers you or else you wouldn’t be here.
Why did Helen Ready go on national TV to tell the world she was a woman and you should hear her roar? Why do women spend so much time bitching about men? It’s time women learn to suk it up. Todays women are worthless and they need to know how men think about them.
December 1st, 2007 at 7:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
What i would have to say is the most hypocritical part of your rant is you listed your current achievements, while Clair did the same thing but you managed to put her down for it?
Your response to this is sure to be, well i don’t have to appeal to authority
well neither do we
just because we didn’t pass the 50 / 50 chance that we would be born a man doesn’t mean that we are inferior to you
And where are you statistics that women are inferior? personal experience? what has the few women that you’ve met done to you?
What mother issues do you have that you feel the only way to validate yourself is to put down every woman that you meet?
Every species, gender, and race has a few bad seeds, but you can’t discriminate and insult so many people
we are equal to you
some are sure to be better than you
Man’s fault is that we hate what we don’t understand, that is exactly what yours, and every other sexists case is on this horrible website
yes, i know that i have just said that this website is horrible and yes i am still on it, but i want to see how far your ignorance can be
December 1st, 2007 at 7:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: cf5569ce44177
Karen go suck a tit somewhere. You’re not welcome here and certainly not equal to man.
women suck as people
December 1st, 2007 at 7:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2dfe02ea04fcb
Karen, why dont you get back to reading your copy of ‘Feminism for Dummies’? You obviously dont get whats written here and you never will.
December 2nd, 2007 at 1:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
certaintly
well, you haven’t proved my point in any way
and i’ve said this before
why can’t anyone on this website respond without insulting someone
fine then, believe that we aren’t equal
but we are still human beings and deserve to be treated like such
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:02 am - IP Man-Hash: 349c2dc95fedb
The point is - If you are bringing up your achievements, I will too. End of story. I dont like to brag but if you wish to be a showoff, I will laugh in your fucking face.
Sadly you are inferior.
The school of real life.
Nothing, I just know that I am better than them.
The laws of women in action!
Actually, we are.
If that is what you like to think, go ahead.
Hundreds? Thousands? The exceptions.
No no, darling. Women’s fault such as yourself is YOU hate what YOU dont understand.
*Yawns*, making 1000 posts like Clair isnt going to change shit.
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 2e9f52b62c482
Agreed but know that you arent an equal. Simple as that. You will be treated like an equal but you arent an equal. Why? Political correctness.
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: ad54e27a1683b
Your post says: “I would also like to note that my book is worth it’s weight in gold.”
If your book is worth that, why does it contain punctuation errors?
Try writing the sentence correctly: “I would also like to note that my book is worth its weight in gold.”
Once you learn proper basic writing techniques, your book will most likely be worth something regardless of its subject matter.
Just some free advice from a female editor. Feel free to disregard it since it’s coming from someone who is obviously your intellectual superior.
Kisses,
caile~
December 3rd, 2007 at 4:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5e8941148d50c
Just because Microsoft Words spellchecker can pick out my mistakes, that doesnt make it intellectually superior to me.
December 3rd, 2007 at 4:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: db25bd4e9e058
I pre-ordered 4 copies. Dick’s website gets more traffic per day than your little tea-house clatch poetry reading group I’m sure.
Nice try but you need to post pics first before kissing around here.
We don’t hate all women, just the ugly ones. If you’re cute, we give you whatever you want.
Obviously you aren’t cute since you were forced to learn how to read and write and get by in life mimicking what successful people do every day.
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
There are no great men
just men
December 4th, 2007 at 4:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 196059d7472ae
Capitalism is created by the Jewish . And all of you are slaves of their money . Fuck yourself with those manitalism words . US Economy is going down . In ten years , US Men will make deepthroat for befucked green papers that the Jewish created . You are only slave losers who fuck each other’s mothers , daughters , wives … Be ready to eat each other’s dead body meat . you are slashed by each other for money and the Jewish will laugh at you .
December 4th, 2007 at 5:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Wow, methinks the cloning experiment on THAT one went right………..and yet, oh so wrong…………
December 5th, 2007 at 4:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
Oh I get it fine
December 5th, 2007 at 4:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1078387725e20
Well here’s your ‘I get MABTW’ brownie points badge. Now fuck off like a good little girl.
December 6th, 2007 at 5:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 46bafd48af0c5
“some are sure to be better than you”
“Hundreds? Thousands? The exceptions.”
I have looked all over this website, as I am sure that most of you have, and I have decided that even if men ARE superior to women, I guess that I will just have to be “The exception”. I am 13 years old, want to go to Stanford, become a neuro surgen, and get a nice beach front house in Mallibu (by myself). I want to save peoples lives, and I am going to work as hard as I can to achieve my goals. I also do gymnastics, and I know that you all will probably call leotarts “slutty”, but it is not like that for me at all. When ever I do my routine, I am consumed by the beautiful music, and it is an amazing moment. I do not think that doing feminene things makes me a horrible person, I think that it is about your attitude, and how you carry yourself as well. 99% of you are alot older and more expirenced than I am, and I was wondering what your opinion on this was on this. And how you think that an exceptional women should act. Please don’t say stupid stuff like “women are whores if they have a cellphone” I am looking for stuff that actually makes sence,even if I don’t agree with it.