Female Mosquitoes and Female Women are the Same

Did you know only female mosquitoes suck your blood? That’s right. Mansquitoes don’t do shit but relax at home I guess — whatever a mosquito would do if it wasn’t being an asshole.

One, two, three and that’s it. With that last item I now have three reasons why women are the same as mosquitoes. That means I can write about it.

Women and mosquitoes both:
1. Suck your blood.
2. Hate “bananas”.
3. Never stop buzzing in your fucking ears.

I’m so confident in my man-race I didn’t even look up the fact that only female mosquitoes suck your blood. A man told it to me. I assume it’s true.

That’s how confident in men I am. I’m just putting it out there as a fact like that because there is absolutely no chance in hell that a man would be wrong about something like that. It’s science and it’s a fact. As far as men are concerned, that’s like having two dead-bolts on a bowling ball. The fucking thing is secure.

Women on the other hand — actually, now that I think about it a woman told me mosquitoes hate bananas. She was a married woman, meaning she’s smarter than women of the single, unmarriable variety, but she was a woman nonetheless. It was probably bullshit.

A simple check of the manternet confirms my suspicions. Mosquitoes indeed do not give a shit about bananas. Why am I not surprised.

It’s because women spread bad advice like they’re playing a life-long game of freeze tag.

“I have a problem,” says a man. “I have something to say that has nothing to do with your problem except probably to exacerbate it,’ says a woman, ‘which I don’t even understand because we women don’t learn words over three syllables. Want to know how I feel about that?”

No I do fucking not.

Gender across species is transcendental. Women mosquitoes suck blood; women human beings suck your dreams and your life right out of your neck. Man essence is easier to get at and more fun somewhere else, but women don’t go down for either of those: easy or fun. They only go down for money. Otherwise, everything’s got to be the hard way all the damn time. Being around women is like watching a broken Rudy DVD that skips and stalls before anything pays off. It’s just a bunch of work.

Someone pass the citron.

Related Articles:

Name (required)
E-mail (required - never shown publicly)
URI

RSS feed | Trackback URI

45 Comments in 33 threads.»

Pages: [2] 1 » Show All

Comment by Harry
2009-11-10 10:30:40 - IP Man-Hash: 7e922a00473bb

1. Suck your blood.
2. Hate “bananas�.
3. Never stop buzzing in your fucking ears

Love it! Laughing my arse off.

Women in a marriage are like ‘that guest’. Allways turns up with nothing, eats all the food, drinks all the drink, probably steals something shiny, then fucks off looking for another party.

 
Comment by Jack-The-Ripper
2009-11-05 03:10:26 - IP Man-Hash: 95dca24297b7d

Little 12 Jaci, men taught Amelia Airheart to fly, we have also taught chinpanzees sign language, dogs to sit! We onlly have trouble with women because they worse than animals!

 
Comment by jaci
2008-11-25 17:53:19 - IP Man-Hash: c610792c41a3a

i’m a 12 year old girl and you make me SO sick! your treating women like dirt just because thier different di you ever think about all the things that women can do that you can’t!!?? sure theres lots of things that god made men to do and not women but women can do great things too! ever heard of amilia airheart or well like I sid I’m oly 12 I don’t remeber thier names! anyways you probably won’t read this cuz you probably can’t read cuz obviously you aren’t the brightest guy on this earth… but sereously actually think about all this stuff your saying BEFORE you say it!!

Comment by DickM II
2009-03-15 23:04:31 - IP Man-Hash: da7c8866c036e

It’s funny you mention that. He actually didn’t say anything, he TYPED it. Try to not be such an ignorant, annoying little twat all the time.

I’m actually being quite easy on you (you’re welcome) considering the simple fact that you’re a female—and a twelve-year-old at that. Therefore, you know absolutely nothing.

If you have the mental capacity to do so, go to dictionary.com and look up the word sarcasm. But make sure to ask your parents first because you’re still a naive little child.

 
 
Comment by RB
2008-10-31 05:21:12 - IP Man-Hash: 7f56dc5214bac

Female mosquitoes are nothing compared to the female common clam.The female common clam is a rut whore, a harlot, a true Jezebel!’Anytime anywhere’ is its motto, and it doesn’t deviate from it throughout the year.Frankly, I don’t know when the male common clam finds the time to adhere to the rock face.

But that most depraved of all effeminate invertebrates, the female starfish, is utterly despicable.The female starfish is nothing but an insatiable, limpid, screaming, prancing queen of the deep.Ohhh it makes me sick!!!

It would gobble up the penis of a blue whale if it could, let alone the minuscle gametes of male starfish.

Comment by SK
2009-01-29 13:28:41 - IP Man-Hash: 68454b8e55784

My god, you are probably my most hated person on this site, worse than dick!
Perhaps you should go on dr phil!

 
 
Comment by Saturn V
2008-10-27 14:20:06 - IP Man-Hash: 837b737142581

My late uncle told me a joke when I was very young that says there is a difference: if you smack the mosquito, it knows to stop sucking. Crude humor can be quite a memorable bonding experience, as long as one’s life is not lived as if it were true. I miss Karl and hope his murderer receives his comeuppance soon.

 
Comment by Chris
2008-08-20 23:49:21 - IP Man-Hash: bfb1a642aa2b9

Dick

Its true . . . only female mosquitos draw blood.

They are also the ones who spread a myriad of different diseases.

MENsquitos are better than WOsquitos.

Comment by Panai
2008-09-23 20:48:59 - IP Man-Hash: 2e271dd4ace3d

Uh, learn your grammar Dick.

“It should be Female Mosquitoes and Female Humans are the same.”

Good try though.

Comment by A man
2008-10-31 05:01:15 - IP Man-Hash: 2782debfbb11f

“Uh, learn your grammar Dick.

“It should be Female Mosquitoes and Female Humans are the same.�

Good try though.”

Women are not human. Good try, though.

Comment by micho
2008-11-19 16:36:50 - IP Man-Hash: a77ec76c5f5d0

Today’s women who follow the feminists beliefs are human just physically, but less than insects.

(Comments won't nest below this level)
 
 
 
 
Comment by Liviana
2008-08-20 20:44:35 - IP Man-Hash: 8a37b6454e781

My dad just went to jail after blaming me for his drug addiction, he went to his mother’s home and destroyed everything and tore the walls down while she has cancer and is most likely going to die. Tell me about this need to blame those who are often in subjection to man’s need to dominate? Why women have a need to agree with this behavior as their own fault? I didn’t ask my dad to smoke crack and guzzle vodka and destroy his mother’s home? It sounds to me men have a need to be weak.

Comment by Chris
2008-08-20 21:17:50 - IP Man-Hash: bfb1a642aa2b9

Labia – Women can bring out the worst in men. They are actually better at bringing out the ‘worst’ in men , than bringing out the ‘best’.

Women naturally test, irritate and aggravate men.

Some men will react violently and some men will just tell you to go fuck yourself, call you a worthless cunt and leave you.

Example:

Domestic violence would not exist if women SHUT THE FUCK UP. Verbal abuse toward women would not exist if women SHUT THE FUCK UP. But women don’t WANT to shut the fuck up.

They want to just yammer on about all kinds of garbage that is simply untrue (just read Vagnolia’s posts today) and expect to get away with that shit.

If a man is violent, abusive or blaming you for any pain you caused him, you can bet your ass ITS GOT EVERYTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

WE ARE MEN NOT WOMEN.

WE WOULDN’T TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE A USELESS CUNT UNLESS YOU WERE REALLL A USELESS CUNT.

Your Dad wouldn’t smoke crack and drink Vodka if the women in his life didn’t work so hard to make him unhappy.

Comment by Chris
2008-08-20 21:21:48 - IP Man-Hash: bfb1a642aa2b9

FACT –>> MEN WORK HARDER TO PLEASE AND APPEASE WOMEN THAN WOMEN WORK TO PLEASE AND APPEASE MEN.

As long as that remains true,
women should just shut the fuck up.

Menarebetterthanwomen.

 
Comment by Muzalon
2008-08-20 22:11:44 - IP Man-Hash: 7ef64dc45ee81

Women irritate men to provide a reaction, which in turn validates their null existence.

 
 
Comment by Hans
2008-08-21 01:15:56 - IP Man-Hash: a12d4c636f9e8

Fact:Women always go for the deviants, addicts and other types of bad boys.
Too stupid to see their abusive behavior as the manifestation of weakness, instead confusing it with mannerisms of a high status male.

Women always have the choice and mostly choose the assholes to fuck them, then they dare to complain.

Comment by RB
2008-10-31 21:03:32 - IP Man-Hash: 0182befaf45fd

You tell a feminist that men are the reason behind all domestic violence, and she’ll happily agree.Now tell her the same thing using ‘women’ instead of men, and they’d start spewing their unending stream of ‘ill-logic’ to prove just how the opposite is true.

Comment by Arbalest
2008-11-01 06:40:12 - IP Man-Hash: 7304d3af3bcf3

You can pretty much replace feminist with woman anddomestic violence with any subject ever.

(Comments won't nest below this level)
 
 
 
 
Comment by Amie
2008-08-05 10:33:37 - IP Man-Hash: 308e138fba680

YOU CANT SAY WOMAN HATE BANANAS…CUZ I LOVE BANANAS, SO DOES MY MOM, AND MY 23 FRIENDS, MY TEACHER, MY SISTER AND HER FRIENDS… JUST TO PROVE YOU WRONG!!

AND U HAVE NO PROOF THAT ALL WOMAN HATE BANANAS….

Comment by studioline
2008-08-05 10:46:26 - IP Man-Hash: fabfcbb22c6ad

Amie, thats right you are going BANANAS.

 
 
Comment by Dick's Shadow
2008-06-16 20:34:24 - IP Man-Hash: 176def3e9b766

thomas said:

I heard there is a variety of spider that eats the male after sex.. disgusting!

It’s funny how God was able to leave little hints in nature for us men to carefully observe – female insects devouring man-mojo for all it’s worth. This is how I know he truly exists – he knows we men can grasp the concept of a scaled universe and apply science to uncover truth, and for that he created a universal non-truth to keep our man-quations balancing out… The ravenous female!

 
Comment by Kevin B
2008-06-16 20:15:15 - IP Man-Hash: 29dfcaa199e52

Kevin B said:

I look forward to reading this site everyday. After dealing with the bitches all day – this is such a relief. Thank you Dick, your my manspiration.

Oops I mean…… Thank you Dick, YOU’RE my manspiration. Dammit!

 
Comment by Kevin B
2008-06-16 20:08:28 - IP Man-Hash: 29dfcaa199e52

I look forward to reading this site everyday. After dealing with the bitches all day – this is such a relief. Thank you Dick, your my manspiration.

 
Comment by Season
2008-04-13 23:29:31 - IP Man-Hash: 284ad1b3029ee

“Female women”… I’m hoping your intelligent to figure out why I think that’s such a fucking hilariously stupid term to use.

How does being a woman who is married make her smarter than one who is not? It doesn’t, because it doesn’t matter. Marriage is bullshit on paper. You said it yourself Dick, “Marriage is Blatant Ownership of Women”. Only a stupid one would consent to such a thing.

 
Comment by Zachary
2008-04-08 14:44:46 - IP Man-Hash: f834e8084316e

Pixie said:

Jesus,man,what kinda women do you know?Loads of the guys from where I’m from drop outta school cos they can’t hack it,they’re the ones who cant say words over 3 syllables!!!!!!!!!!!!
And tell me how,exactly,do women ’suck out a man’s dreams’?????If a particular woman does that to the man,why dosn’t the man leave the women???(by the way it’s the same vice versa…if not more so)
Come to Ireland…..and then maybe you’ll also see that women don’t hate sex.HA,i dunno where ya got that one Dick!!!!!!!Oh yeah,probably from your past partners.When’s the last time you had sex,Dickieeee?
Oh,and our president is female and smart.Our country is doin fuckin deadly!
Where are you from???America?

Listen you dumb bitch, in case you are afraid to read the site says no women. So what you feel proud with a woman president? America is much better than Ireland, we could bomb that place right now without any consequences if that doesn’t equal power then what does? You dumb bitch.

 
Comment by Benignbullet
2007-11-02 03:10:18 - IP Man-Hash: 540f95f4d5a0c

Beinrich_Bimmler said:

“Gender across species is transcendental. Women mosquitoes suck blood; women human beings suck your dreams and your life right out of your neck. Man essence is easier to get at and more fun somewhere else, but women don’t go down for either of those: easy or fun. They only go down for money. Otherwise, everything’s got to be the hard way all the damn time. Being around women is like watching a broken Rudy DVD that skips and stalls before anything pays off. It’s just a bunch of work.”

ARGGG too true. You can give YEARS of love, devotion, help, and money to a woman. You turn yourself inside out to please her but somehow, nothing you do is ever enough, and nothing’s ever right for more than 5 minutes at a time. And she is able to forget every-single- GOOD thing you did for her, in about 5 seconds after she discovers the seat up, AGAIN!!!! No woman knows the meaning of smooth sailing in a relationship-they will make up problem after problem (all of them your fault, ofcourse) just to have something to bitch about. Dont take my word for it, allow the refrigerator magnet on my ex’s to speak for what passes for Woman-logic. Her fridge magnet says the following: ” I didn’t say it was your fault. I SAID I WAS GOING TO BLAME YOU!”

Succinct, yet a tell-all. Brilliant. http://www.blowmeuptom.com

 
Comment by Female
 
Comment by thomas
2007-10-23 01:33:18 - IP Man-Hash: 8468cdcaea4d7

I heard there is a variety of spider that eats the male after sex.. disgusting!

 
Comment by Beinrich_Bimmler
2007-06-12 00:28:08 - IP Man-Hash: d8ad5dc65c4e2

“Gender across species is transcendental. Women mosquitoes suck blood; women human beings suck your dreams and your life right out of your neck. Man essence is easier to get at and more fun somewhere else, but women don’t go down for either of those: easy or fun. They only go down for money. Otherwise, everything’s got to be the hard way all the damn time. Being around women is like watching a broken Rudy DVD that skips and stalls before anything pays off. It’s just a bunch of work.”

ARGGG too true. You can give YEARS of love, devotion, help, and money to a woman. You turn yourself inside out to please her but somehow, nothing you do is ever enough, and nothing’s ever right for more than 5 minutes at a time. And she is able to forget every-single- GOOD thing you did for her, in about 5 seconds after she discovers the seat up, AGAIN!!!! No woman knows the meaning of smooth sailing in a relationship-they will make up problem after problem (all of them your fault, ofcourse) just to have something to bitch about. Dont take my word for it, allow the refrigerator magnet on my ex’s to speak for what passes for Woman-logic. Her fridge magnet says the following: ” I didn’t say it was your fault. I SAID I WAS GOING TO BLAME YOU!”

 
Comment by sonyad
2006-06-13 04:48:36 - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7

What is up with HERstory on CNN? What is up with that shit? Just seeing the title put me off enough to reach for the remote so I don’t have a clue what it’s about, but it can only be feminist bollocks judging by the title.

You people have really got it rough out there in the western world. Trouble is, damned shit’s spreading east.

 
Comment by James
2006-06-07 15:39:33 - IP Man-Hash: 7c4cddc7a0544

Yep biff, your his-story is correct.

 
Comment by biff
2006-06-05 21:03:41 - IP Man-Hash: 49c9ff889fded

Actually the Romans had that bit pretty much figured out.