Mother’s Day: Big Whoop
I forgot Mother’s Day again just like I do every year. You know what that makes me? Every mother’s dream.
Mother’s don’t want a bunch of bullshit and spectacle for Mother’s Day. They may want it, but for their own sake you should give them nothing.
A woman expecting a present is like a hydrophobic dog waiting for a reprieve on doggy death row. It’s going to be disappointed.
Mother’s Day was created by Hitler to encourage breeding among the Nazi nation. It was called Muttertag to the Nazis. Technically, you can say a day for mothers, or a “Mother’s Day”, was celebrated as far back as ancient Greece, but you can also go fuck yourself.
Muttertag was first declared official in Germany in 1933. Guess what was happening in Germany in 1933. A bunch of Nazi shit was happening. Nazi shit like das Mutterkreuz, a medal given to women who had cranked out more than eight babies. Goddamn, Germany is so awesome.
Water gives you life too. But you don’t take a day every year and fuck with your vacation plans just to pay homage to water do you? I sure don’t. What about your spleen? Where’s National Spleen Day?
As I see it, I celebrated 1,780 Mother’s Days in advance from the age of 0 to 5, when I had no choice in what unmanly things I was being dressed in and what unmanly things I was being made to do. Did someone make me play with a stuffed unicorn in that time period? I don’t fucking know, I don’t remember. But it’s highly plausible and if it happened, I know exactly who to blame.
Mothers.
You don’t need to get your mother cards and flowers and shit. She already knows you love her. That’s how a vagina works. Once you’ve been in it, you don’t have to do any more work to show you care.
It may seem like women love annual gift giving bonanzas: birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Secretaries Day; but actually they hate them. When women are told they might be getting a gift, their over-stimulated muffin-brains start cranking out the fantasies like they’re bailing water from a rice paper canoe. No matter what they get, it could have been bigger, better, and more expensive.
Am I loved enough if I get a new set of pots and pans? Am I loved enough if I get a week-long trip to a Day Spa? Am I loved enough if ten starving African children had to die to get this to me?
A man would never put his mother through that kind of torture.
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May 15th, 2007 at 5:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 9ebec263ed62b
Oh man. Dick, you’re going to score big with this one. I’ll bite first.
My mother was a bitter, vicious, dried-up old bitch by the time she was 25. My first and only Mother’s Day present to her would have been to slap a pillow over her face and put her out of her misery and ours. But of course, she had to undermine me one last time by dying peacefully in her sleep before I could muster up the stones. Shitting me out didn’t entitle her to fuck me up. Nice work, ma. What a legacy. Still, in the end she saved me a murder charge and I suppose that’s something.
May 15th, 2007 at 8:24 am - IP Man-Hash: c46011aeb3b2a
Another bullseye, Dick. I’m already predisposed to ignore most holidays because I don’t believe in emotional extortion. Hell, I don’t even pay much attention to my own birthday, why the hell should I care about anyone else’s?
Now Father’s Day is coming up, and I’ve been asked what I want. Same thing I always want: To watch the ball game, drink some beer, perhaps putter in the garage — same thing as always. If I want a damn ratchet and socket set, I’ll buy one. I appreciate the thought, but I’ll buy my own tools.
I *do* drink a shot of Jameson’s on James Joyce’s birthday, however, but that’s an exception.
May 15th, 2007 at 11:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 926a1904cecf2
hahahaha.. god dammit you’re manly..
May 15th, 2007 at 3:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: d4fa8b220332f
One of the reasons I really love my mum, she never asks me for gifts on Mother’s day and hardly mentions it. Because she knows I love her.
Although i might bring her the occasional flowers, but when I remember.
May 15th, 2007 at 4:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: eb0193ec17432
Mine’s much like Necros above: doesn’t bitch, moan or ask for anything unreasonable. When I call her she’s interested in what’s going on in my life and we share a laugh over the stupidest shit.
You know why she’s like that? Because she’s happy with what life has brought her, and approaches the future with a sense of humor and balance.
How many femi-Nazis, lesbians, and tarty Paris-wanna-be’s can say the same? Zippo!
May 30th, 2007 at 10:09 am - IP Man-Hash: 55112e26228a9
“You don’t need to get your mother cards and flowers and shit. She already knows you love her. That’s how a vagina works. Once you’ve been in it, you don’t have to do any more work to show you care.”
Why would you love an animal? Why love something that can’t add, cant think, has no dick, and can’t even shop? Women are like cows who let a bull fuck them and then they moan for nine months, and the kid comes slithering out of their skeeve hole. Don’t romanticize childbirth and mothering. It’s a job; they don’t love you; you are nothing but another wallet to them.
A mother loves you only so far as she’s thinking you will support her when your father dies and you are the only man left who will take care of her. Plus, you don’t get to fuck her!!! Why buy her a gift or pretend to care about her?
June 2nd, 2007 at 3:25 am - IP Man-Hash: eda2c73375f05
You’ve got issues.
June 2nd, 2007 at 4:07 am - IP Man-Hash: 848601763c5d8
She is a very sick whore.
June 4th, 2007 at 9:20 am - IP Man-Hash: eb0193ec17432
Yikes. That’s a problem.
July 5th, 2007 at 2:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0ea8f373f068f
FAIL!
August 16th, 2007 at 5:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: a30b6e446d3f6
My mother is a really great person who has inspired me through all my life, and I don’t have to wait until Mother’s Day to thank her about it. We go out for all-you-can-eat buffets sometimes and many times, I have come home from work to see that she made a new loaf of bread for me.
So why do we need a Mother’s Day for?
To honor and respect mothers? That’s supposed to be done on our OWN time. My mother doesn’t give a shit about the so-called “holiday” either because she already knows I love her.
Kudos to that, right?
August 16th, 2007 at 6:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: d79dbefdf9858
That’s true Mother’s day is stupid aside from the e-card I send my Mom? Nada. I think it’s worse if you get married though. If you got married to the type of skeezer that:
1. Does not know how to shut the fuck up
2. Does not agree that men are better than women
3. Actually has the nerve to expect you to buy her a freakin’ diamond for mothers day.
That said, why would any Manly man spend that kind of money on his wife or woman for having a child? Will I get a Rolex for Father’s day because I busted inside her? I’ve never got a damn thing for Father’s day so I say we forget both holiday’s altogether unless it was my son or daughter giving me something in which case I wouldn’t dissapoint my offspring. The best thing about Father’s day is being single and going to a strip joint and giving all the strippers there the love their Father’s never showed them (or maybe did to and opposite extreme).
MEN ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
August 26th, 2007 at 4:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: d5153ca5616e0
My mother is an old used out whore and the only reason I haven’t kill her yet is i’m 16 and I have no where else to live.
August 26th, 2007 at 5:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: a41caf4a68abe
Find your father.
August 26th, 2007 at 5:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8aab42ab48964
Pfft at a diamond for mother’s day. I’m happy if the kids can keep from fighting all day, and maybe we go to dinner. I didn’t even have a diamond on my wedding ring - it was just a chip. What did I care? It wasn’t about the jewelry.
P.S. Still married, rings have been gone for years, long story. Again, it’s not about the jewelry.
August 26th, 2007 at 6:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: 66d38a12d22d6
Lot of animosity towards mothers… damn. I think some of you need to stop listening to Eminem.
My mother is a fantastic person. That said, holidays are all kind of stupid, imho. All an excuse to buy things, or get off work.
September 23rd, 2007 at 6:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3f1c500bb544
No offense Savant, and I know that this will not matter to any of you, especially since I am a woman, but I do think it’s important to at least tell our parent’s that we care for them, well, if the parents were the kind to care for you in any case. But really, I take great joy in letting my mother or father know how much I appreciate them, especially if it means taking aside an entire day just for them. They did, after all, put up with us as children.
After all, they take a day to think about us(i.e.birthdays).
Or maybe I’m one of the few who have good parents?
Toby Kieth: How Do You Like Me Now
November 13th, 2007 at 1:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 18b0e2677a728
I love my mother. I don’t need one day of the year to do something nice for my mom. And usually, just calling her to let her know her son is still alive is all the gift she needs. Well, that and Biscotti. She loves the hell out of those things and they are cheap.
November 22nd, 2007 at 1:53 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Yeah, alot of holidays have become commercialized….if you let them. You should alway be kind and respect your mother, she sacrificed alot of years of her life to raise, care and nurture you. Sometimes though it is easy to over look it, so when there is a special day set aside so that you can’t forget -make the most of it. You don’t have to buy her a gift, just spend time with her or cater to her all day. Mothers are special, a mother can have a thousand children, but those thousand children can only have one mother.
November 22nd, 2007 at 7:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
A gift though, is just icing on the cake. That’s why I will always get my mother a gift on that day.
November 22nd, 2007 at 7:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 191242b12610c
a thousand children? now that is just impossible.
Women make terrible example givers.
Men are better than women
November 22nd, 2007 at 7:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Mothers are so special. You can only have one. It’s awful the way you talk about them. And that was an expression dumb ass to highlight that you only get one mother.
Its easy to forget to cherish her and lavish her with the attention and respect she deserves so this day is a good reminder and a chance for those who forget.
November 22nd, 2007 at 10:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Do you believe your mother is better then you father? Honestly? Does anyone here believe that?
November 23rd, 2007 at 8:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 191242b12610c
and you only get 2 fathers bitch?
everyone has one father and one mother.There is nothing special about that
November 23rd, 2007 at 8:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 191242b12610c
Why would we believe that? that’s absurd
November 23rd, 2007 at 9:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
You’re being unnecessarily mean. This thing was about Mothers, so I talked about Mothers. When dicko writes something about Fathers like this, then I’ll write the same thing.
You’re the one thats said…
That translates to you believe fathers are better because they set better examples and they are just plain better - cause they are men.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:26 am - IP Man-Hash: b28738d5fc67a
I LOVE THIS SITE.
Seriously. Best thing I’ve seen all day.
April 17th, 2008 at 4:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 062703d978411
This post is kinda stale. Do you think there’s any hope that life has raped this chick’s eye socket yet?
Give it time.
April 30th, 2008 at 10:09 am - IP Man-Hash: 094780dc7e843
My mom is a total bitch, and I’m glad I found this site as a reason not to celebrate Mother’s Day. Not in the abusive or left-me-alone-to-die sort of way, but in the way where she manipulates you and plays mind games day after day and is so fucking happy with herself and her lonely, animal-obsessed life. Seriously, she is such a cunt. She’s one of those moms that wants to be your friend, mainly because she can’t make friends on her own, and when you grow up, you realize what a fucking infant she is and now that she’s retired all she does is sit around and figure out how to get people to do shit for her. God, I hate her….man, do I feel better now.
May 31st, 2008 at 3:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: b269f27859d10
why do women need to be such filthy whores ? with filthy rich bullshit ? Why are you so in love with materialistic things.. YOu said
” Lavish her with attention ”
WHat the fuck is wrong with you cunt ? Shut your stupid fucking mouth.
Maybe you can lavish my cock in your mouth. Men are better than women.
May 31st, 2008 at 3:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: b269f27859d10
What about the crazy psycotic moms who kill thier babies , Leave them in dumpsters , Shake them to death. you would NEVER see a dad do that. WHAT ABOUT WOMEN GETTING ABORTIONS ? what about women getting abortions behind mens backs ?
Women make horrible parents. And PLEASE GOD spare me the ” omg its so hard to raise a kid you have no idea what its like ” , the only reason women over exaggerate this claim of raising children , Is becuase they’re mentally unstable psycotic whores who cannot organize anything. women are always late , always complain about everything. Im sick of it
Men are better than women. End of story , Clair go subsrcibe to some brad pitt website or something.
June 14th, 2008 at 7:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8a37b6454e781
Mhmm, then why are mother’s so important in another article?
I’m sorry for your loss…. Whoever busted your balls.