Myth: Men Never Break Up With Women
Men are better than women at breaking up with women.
In fact, men are so much better at breaking up, that they are better than women at breaking up period.
I’m not talking about not endlessly crying and the lack of suicide threats either. I’m a man so the first thing that comes to mind when a relationship hits the fan isn’t getting dumped, it’s doing the dumping.
Dump! In your face!
Men are dumpers there’s no doubt about that, and we do it in the most efficient way possible. We treat women like shit.
What better way is there to tell someone a relationship is broken? Don’t say by telling her “like a man” or by talking about it because if you do, you have to fuck off my website. That’s a woman thing to say.
Here’s a funny notion. How does your television tell you it’s broken? Does Gregory Peck jump on the screen and tell you it’s time to go to Best Buy and saddle the Visa Express? Does Samuel Beckett leap into a television store with a big stupid grin on his face? No.
How did Gregory Peck get on my television if it’s broken?
The womanliest and therefore stupidest way to end a relationship is to talk about it or tell anyone about it other than yourself. It’s your relationship. Fuck it. Relationships are dead because communication is dead. I haven’t watched two years worth of Oprah and I can’t line my kitty litter box with Cosmo covers, but I can still tell you that. I’m a man and my entire day revolves around communication so I know a fuck or two about it. It’s the most important part of business and that includes the business of “doing it” in a monogamous fashion.
I also know that communication is the least important part of telling someone anything about never wanting to fucking see them again.
Here’s another good way to break up with someone. Cheat on them; like seven times if that’s how many it takes to get caught. You’re a man and therefore very sneaky by nature. You’ll probably get away with it a few times just because you’re talented.
Men cheat all the time not only to send the message loud and clear that a relationship is over, but also because it very charitably makes them out to be the bad guy forever and ever. What better parting gift could a man give to a woman he has shared special moments with than to completely exile himself as a villain and a rogue in her eyes? That kind of feeling warms women’s hearts. If Tiffany’s could staple a shitty rhinestone to that feeling, it would be Valentine’s Day’s first Tickle Me Elmo. If Santa Claus were a woman, he would just give every woman the gift of her ex-boyfriend being a drug-abusing, date-rapist, hypnotist with no penis.
Men are better than women at breaking up because men live in something I like to call the real world.
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January 24th, 2007 at 6:23 am - IP Man-Hash: 370486342dfd8
you know
blocking a number on your phone works
January 24th, 2007 at 8:01 am - IP Man-Hash: d2bf73bae8061
Cheating is an acceptable way to end a relationship? Can’t exactly bemoan women’s infedility, then.
January 24th, 2007 at 8:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
I have always marvelled at the way in which smarter men are able to break it off with women. We never go do that “It’s not you, it’s me” bullshit. What we do, like Dick rightly said, is to cut off the communication, attention and affection.
They will eventually get the point, and the best part is that they will ‘dump’ you. It is so funny and perfect. Then they can run around town telling everyone how they had to dump you, you’d not have to see her anymore, and you won’t have a slew of harpies trying to guilt-trip you about dumping their friend.
Getting the girl to think that she dumped you is a win-win situation for the man.
January 24th, 2007 at 9:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b3d64fb1866c
I think it depends on how long or intimate the relationship is. If the relationship is only a few weeks old or a few months old, to me it makes sense just to stop communication with someone you want to break up with rather than go into the drama of making “declarations” regarding the relationship…it makes no sense to make a drama out of a non-existent relationship or a relationship that has barely begun.
If, on the other hand, the relationship is a marriage or a long-term (anywhere from 2 years onwards) partnership, in most circumstances it is cowardly and passive aggressive to create reasons for the woman to end the relationship. Not only that, it is a complete waste of time. Why spend time cheating on a person you don’t even want to be with, when you could be enjoying the single life without the added drama of purposely hurting another person and trying to make them go away?