Never Ever Ever Ever Hire a Female Attorney
There was a time when lawyers were not hated like vermin. Do you know what happened between then and now? Women joined the practice of law.
It’s completely true. Check your history books.
In 1970, women made up 10% of first-year law students. I suppose those were the “lesbians” of the day. Interestingly enough, lawyers weren’t hated in the 70’s. Remember Night Court? That show was full of lawyers and everyone loved it.
Today, women have bumble-fucked their way into 52 to 90% of law students and Guess what, everyone fucking hates lawyers.
If you want to ruin something — and I mean completely ruin it; even something as simple as a game of darts or a barbecue — just let a woman join in on your reindeer man-games. That’ll ruin it like a stripper with whooping cough.
Women have a certain way of ruining about them. I’m sure the French have a word for it, but I don’t know French because I’m a man. Perhaps it has something to do with women and their two half-retarded X chromosomes — like how trying to force two similarly charged magnets together just doesn’t work.
There is nowhere women and their Nature of Ruin rears its ugly head more than in the practice of law.
Try a game of man-logic with me. Imagine a woman. What’s she doing? Is she marrying someone who gave her gonorrhea? Yea that sounds about right — or at least still fucking him and keeping Suprax under the pillow. Or maybe she’s convincing her boyfriend not to take an incredible job and opportunity in the publishing business overseas so she can sit around Dade-County, Florida with her bitch friends and mother and work on her Art History Masters.
Yea, that’s worth a shit in a shit storm! A woman with an art history degree! Fuck you.
The point is that women lawyers are just women in fancy suits with a 3 year degree in the obedience school of keeping their fucking yaps shut. Some people call it Bitch School, but I think that’s a bit crass for this article. That is what happens though when women go to law school. It’s Chinese water torture for them, except instead of water it’s getting made to look like the dumbest fucking imbecile on Earth every time they opens their mouths.
Women lawyers will drop cases to get pregnant. You can bet your entire ass on that.
It happens too. Fuck the pill. Fuck condoms (not literally of course because birth control is and always will be women’s problem). It still happens. When it does, you will find yourself with a fistful of subpoenas and an assful of foot from your ex-wife’s co-council.
I forgot what comprised Dick’s Big List of Man Jobs, so I’m going to have to make it up again right on the spot like men do everything. Here are my top five jobs women should never ever under any circumstances be allowed to do.
1. Army Men
2. Lawyer Men
3. Political Men
4. Anything where shutting the fuck up is important
5. Driving
I think I’ve made my point.
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And as you know, Dick you and I are in complete agreement.
Great article.
Wasn’t it a tv series?
Ally McBeal was an excellent documentary about a woman’s life in the legal profession. From Wikipedia:
And don’t forget lady judges, like this one in Florida. (link slightly dysfunctional, so scroll down to the 2:26 post on May 31).
-wolfe
And who can forget Alley McBeal.
-Dick
Excellent post. You have them screwing up the lawyer profession and worse of all are the stupid mangina laws that take money and children away from the fathers. You can blame women lawyers and lobbyists on that one.
Several more things they should never do, you know, because they always want the standards lowered for them:
Policeman
Fireman
Heck any public servant job
The PGA tour (if you can’t qualify, use the womyn media to get you in)
I blame this on X-inactivation. So for the two Xs that they have, the genes on one get shut off at random over the other. Of course in men all the genes on our X work perfectly fine.
This is why you get such a hodgepodge of horseshit
Loved it Dick, especially the phrase “Nature of Ruin”. Al, great list of movies. Thanks. Back in the old days, you also had a few women who could write well, e.g., Harper Lee.
-wolfe
And art imitates life, Dick. Think of lawyers in movies lately.
And Justice For All (Malton Films, 1979), attorney Gail Packer (Christine Lahti) has an affair with fellow attorney Arthur Kirkland (Al Pacino) even though she is a member of the state bar ethics committee that is investigating Kirkland.
Jagged Edge (Columbia Pictures, 1985). Teddy Barnes (Glen Close represents her firm’s biggest and wealthiest client who has been charged with murdering his wife. During the course of trial preparation, Barnes leaps into bed with her client. Instead of withdrawing as counsel, Barnes continues to represent her client and becomes conflicted when she learns that her client, now lover, may have in fact been the murderer.
Suspect (Tri-Star Pictures, 1987), Kathleen Riley (Cher) is a burnt-out public defender who has a lonely personal life until she teams up with a juror on her case to solve the murder. And sleeps with the juror in the process.
Music Box (Carolco Pictures, 1990): female attorney who becomes so driven by her emotions that she loses power over her case.
Guilty as Sin (Hollywood Pictures, 1993) A female lawyer takes an accused wife-murderer as a client, but finds herself morally compelled to betray him one way or another.
Any of these could be used as examples in most of your posts to this site. From being a cheating whore to trading cooking and cleaning for blowjobs.
No wonder lawyers have had a bad name for the past 30 years.
Back in the old days, of course, you had men. Like Atticus Finch, for example.
-Big Al