Fuck off my site, you dozy bitch.

-Dick

Sonyad, your posts are becoming increasingly difficult to interpret, so I can only respond to the parts that I can comprehend. O’Donnell say’s “watch it”.

Luka said:

My theory is that women deal with insecurities by asking for positive feedback from others, they like to have compliments to make them feel good. This is why such questions are asked: to get some positive feedback or compliment. Men do not tend to deal with insecurities in the same way, generally they keep insecurities to themselves.

I know this is over-simplistic but that is how I view the difference between men and women in this situation.

I wasn’t perceiving it in that way, but I can see what you mean. I agree that people, including men, enjoy positive feedback. Who doesn’t like to be complimented? I also agree that women AND men fish for compliments, however, it’s generally pretty easy to tell when someone is doing that, therefore the question isn’t really a ‘trick’ question. I’m also not sure how it could unbalance the hearer, as GW Allan seems to think occurs when he gets asked to give his feedback. I’ll try and imagine the scenerio.

Mrs Allan: GW, do you like me hair? (just got back from the salon)
GW: Um. What?
Mrs Allan: I said do you like my hair, I just got a new cut.
GW: Er. I can’t see you properly. Do you know where my bifocals are?
Mrs Allan: Oh for….on the table next to you. You don’t need bifocals to see distance anyway. Just forget about it.
GW: Phew.
Mrs Allan’s unspoken thoughts: He can’t say one nice thing. What an ass.
GW Allan’s unspoken thoughs: YES! Saved again.

Did you read our posts Sonyad? If yes, what do you think?

I think you should be commended. You finally went down on that nasty, conniving little misogynist piece of work. The quote tag button.

Yet another glass ceiling shattered to smithereens. Waaay to go, grrrl power.

Btw. Sends my greetings to ma ‘m8′, ‘Odonell’. I promise not to hack into my fridge again.

Pray tell. Will you drop your charges now? I’m so scared. What ever shall I do otherwise?

My theory is that women deal with insecurities by asking for positive feedback from others, they like to have compliments to make them feel good. This is why such questions are asked: to get some positive feedback or compliment. Men do not tend to deal with insecurities in the same way, generally they keep insecurities to themselves.

I know this is over-simplistic but that is how I view the difference between men and women in this situation.

Luka’s analysis of the general insanity of those ‘typical female’ questions seems correct to me. I can’t think of a counterexample of male questions, other than for a mentally unwell male. Sad.

As Dakota said elsewhere, what’s in the norm of sanity for a woman, would be (correctly) judged as insane for a man.
-wolfe

I am so going to regret this.

I do not concur. Some women who ask these questions may do so in order to manipulate, however, more than likely, the question is veiled because she is scared of what the answer may be and therefore is too afraid to ask it directly. She may also doubt whether she would get an honest answer if she asked a question as direct as, “Are you planning on cheating with my best friend behind my back?” I very much doubt any man would answer that one in the affirmative and I also doubt any man would appreciate being asked such a question.

If a woman is suspicious that her partner is having an affair, thinking of having an affair or possibly at risk of being a stupid drunk one night and cheating on her, or she has sensed attraction between her partner and some other women, then yes, she will ask him whether he finds another woman attractive. This allows further discussion of cheating to take place as it informs her man that she is aware of his feelings and what could take place. It also tells him that she is sensitive to this issue and “onto” it, so to speak. If GW Allan chooses to perceive his partner being attuned to his relationship with her and possible threats to it as manipulative and bullying, then perhaps the best thing for him to do is to forget about actually having relationships.

gwallan said:

They are more than “trick questions”. They are questions that have no correct answer. They are designed to confuse and unbalance the hearer. You are incorrect in your position that men “don’t understand” this. They do. However, as I said, there is no “correct answer”. The woman who asks such questions is a manipulative bully. This is what many men don’t understand - that it is abusive behaviour on the part of the asker.

I didn’t mean that men don’t understand that they are trick questions, I meant that men dont understand why women ask them. So, yes what you said is correct, and I concur.

Luka said:
Their natural inclincation is to be honest…

Of course. Men are better than women.

-Big Al

Luka said:
..See, this is the point I was making, these questions are trick questions that I don’t think men understand. Their natural inclincation is to be honest, but do not realise that when they say ‘yes’ to the question they could be admitting to something more serious than they think they are.

They are more than “trick questions”. They are questions that have no correct answer. They are designed to confuse and unbalance the hearer. You are incorrect in your position that men “don’t understand” this. They do. However, as I said, there is no “correct answer”. The woman who asks such questions is a manipulative bully. This is what many men don’t understand - that it is abusive behaviour on the part of the asker.

Well said, Wolfe and Biff. I can tell they understand the point I was making and together they managed to hit the nail on the head.

Biff made a very good observation about the difference between what is being asked (in words) against what is really being asked.

For example a woman that asks: ‘Do you find my best friend attractive?’ can actually be asking for something other than how it is worded. She could be saying, ‘please tell me I am more attractive than my friend’ or ‘I am insecure , are going to leave me for my friend?’ or ‘have you slept with my best friend?’ …. I could go on ad infinitum of the underlying question wrapped in the simple question of ‘do you find my best friend attractive?’

..See, this is the point I was making, these questions are trick questions that I don’t think men understand. Their natural inclincation is to be honest, but do not realise that when they say ‘yes’ to the question they could be admitting to something more serious than they think they are.

In this situation, a ‘yes’ response could mean ‘yes your friend is attractive’ from the point of view of the man; but ‘yes’ to a woman could mean, ‘yes your friend is so attractive that I am considering leaving you for her’

I once saw a poster of Cindy Crawford (a woman who is just about as attractive as it gets) with the caption:

“Somewhere, someone is tired of her sh*t”

That pretty much sums it up. Would I be interested in giving her the best two minutes of her life? (sarcasm) Absolutely. But at what cost? Not at the cost of my marriage commitments. It is not worth it. By the same token don’t ask me stupid questions.

Is woman x attractive? is different than: Would you leave me for her?

Often lies are told because the honest truth takes too long to explain. What I have found is the words forming the question are different than what is really being asked. It is better to properly phrase the question to match what one really wants an answer to.

A few thoughts.

I largely agree with Luka. ’sick and tired of dealing with false people’. Yep. Honesty with yourself also indeed matters.

As for Female, yes, well written. I don’t like the cut at Asperger’s Syndrome. I’ve a good friend with it, and it’s a sleazy choice of words on your part. You know those here show a degree of emotional nuance — including most especially Dick — that demonstrate the lack of it. Bringing it up is just plain mean, or, at best, thoughtless and pointless. I assume the latter.

OF COURSE I am going to be freaking more attracted to other women than my girlfriend/wife. FOR A MOMENT. Then, sanity sets in. I say to myself “Yes, she is extremely attractive, and presents herself better in a mini than my gf at my side wearing jeans. But she too has personality problems the envy of major analysts everywhere, and this woman at my side appears to genuinely care for me — or at least has acted as if she does. Who cares ultiimately about a sexy shape and a smile?”.

Now… here I (foolishly?) side with Luka. I will say, if asked “Yes, she’s hot”. Why not? It’s being honest. I don’t expect the woman by my side to collapse in tears after I answer a question of hers (Is that girl hot?) honestly. It’s not as if I said “Yes, I want to get on a plane to Tahiti with your friend; we’ll f- like rabbits” and have a good time.

And yes, Female, please don’t threaten to leave. Just leave, or stop threatening. I will support you being here, but not if you keep making silly theats or posting in a foolish fashion (you haven’t been doing the latter lately; congratulations).

-wolfe

Hey no worries female, I didn’t think you were annoyed with me. On here provoking annoyance is like water off a duck’s back, goes with the territory, as it were. ;-P

I thought the comment made by biff with regards to your last post was very accurate. You wrote your point very well. Though I don’t agree with all you said.

I think you misunderstood my disagreement with your point for suggesting that *you* personally would prefer lying over telling the truth.

In fact, I disagreed with your suggestion that men and women should lie to each other more - although you correctly stated in the above post that ‘there is a time and a place for honesty and for lies’ that wasn’t the original idea I had a problem with. Yes, I know there is a time where lying is a means of averting disaster or heartache and so forth, and I do not ignore that.

That said, I would focus more on the side of honesty rather than encourage the lies - that is why the idea that we should ‘lie to each other more’ is something of an anathema to me. We have enough lies in everyday life, and I am not just talking about what we say, but also who we proport to be.

I am actually sick and tired with dealing with false people, not just with written and spoken lies. There is honesty with another person and there is honesty with yourself and I find that latter is a mark of a decent person - if you cannot be honest with yourself how on earth can you be honest in your life, your job, your relationships and so forth.

Men have been lying to women since the beggining of time, to spare thier feelings and women lie about everything except those things which would spare a males feelings.

I do believe someone is posting under the pseudonym “female.”
Regardless of topic the person who wrote that last piece was lucid, well-thought out, earnest, and even (dare I say it) passionate.

Female said:

Luka, I am sorry if I sounded annoyed with you before. I am not annoyed with you. The men here dont sound like they want to read our posts so this will be my final.

I can’t tell what’s more pathetic, how much Female craves the attention of the men here, or that her only method of culling such attention is by threatening to leave for the hundredth fucking time.

Women, please feel free to fuck completely off my site for good.

-Dick

Luka said:

If I think my boyfriend is attracted to my best friend I wouldn’t ask if he fancied her more than me because that is like opening a pandora’s box - it is a question that would cause more heartache so I avoid like the plague.

Luka, I am sorry if I sounded annoyed with you before. I am not annoyed with you. The men here dont sound like they want to read our posts so this will be my final. I just want to clarify this with Luka, hopefully that wont bother anyone too much. If you think this post is going to bother you then please dont read it.

Luka, based on your quote above, your understanding of my view seems to be that you dont believe that I value honesty and that I prefer lying over it. This isnt the case. What I am trying to get at (for those who dont have Aspergers Syndrome) is that there is both a time and place for honesty and lying. Some truths should always be told and other truths should not. Truths, depending on their nature, should also be revealed in certain ways. Ie, either forcefully if someone just isnt getting it, or gently, if the words to be delivered would more than likely hurt the listener. But now Im getting off track. Regarding your quote, I dont agree with it.

If your bf is attracted to another women more than he is attracted to you, then that is one truth you must definately find out about. Sure, it could only be a temporary thing that would pass and then your relationship could resume as before, however, I would rather know about it.

Preferably, Id prefer not to have to ask and would hope my partner would admit this to me first. If however, he didnt, but I suspected his feelings, but he didnt reveal them and I was forced to take the initiative and ask him, then I would already feel betrayed because he deceived me to some extent by not revealing his true feelings and my trust in him would be somewhat damaged.

For instance, I would have to question why he didnt tell me how he was feeling. Maybe he thought it was a passing phase and not worth mentioning, maybe he didnt want to hurt me, sure. But if the attraction was persisent and enduring, then I would question why he did not tell me after a while. At that point, I would more than likely suspect him of cheating on me, even if he had not and that I had no proof that he had.

So briefly, your partner being attracted to someone else within your social circle more than he is to you, is serious. It warrants disclosure (either he admits it or you ask about it) and solution. Ie, either break it off with him or make plans not to have contact with that person again, or for him not to have contact with that person alone.

The reason I think honesty here is more important is because doubt is a bad thing for a relationship. You just cant have a fulfilling one if it exists, in whatever form.

I then had to wonder whether he was interested in me or whether he was gay.

Of course, not being the former MUST mean he’s the latter, right?
Is this a case of xor, or can he be gay and still be attracted to you?

Sony, I am getting a bit irked with your constant harrassment. You need to stop judging others and cease jumping to so many incorrect conclusions.

Funny. I don’t feel any such need.

What constant harassment?

Can I help it that I so often unwittingly single you out from the midst of your myriad of pseudonyms because of the preposterousness you advocate? It would tick anyone off.

Or that you advocate needless adulterous relationships with needle men whilst posting under ever-changing pseudonyms?