Pay, Pump, and Go.
I was pulling up to a gas pump yesterday that a woman was just leaving and when I got out of the car a shrill female voice shouted across the gas station, “What the fuck!” It was the very same woman who had just gotten back into her car and pulled away.
“Yea?” I said. She again repeated, “What the fuck!”
That’s how women solve problems. They stop whatever they’re doing and scream obscenities until someone refills their bottle. That’s also why little girls shouldn’t swear, because as they grow up, they’ll be frothing at the mouth to do so.
Obviously, the woman was upset because she was somehow not done with whatever she was doing that a man would have done in half the time.
“I thought you were done.” I said.
Another woman came out of nowhere and began comforting the first who was well in hysterics. After all, I had just robbed her of her due right to purchase gasoline exactly how and when she had envisioned doing so. Without a man’s sense of priority or perspective, this act was tantamount to me waltzing into her wedding, tipping over the cake, making gang signs in all the pictures, and then seducing her mother for the evening and not calling her the next day. Real class act basically, and all I did so far was open my car door.
The new woman instructed the other to use one of the many pumps around the other side of the petrol station.
“Hey!” I said clearly and deliberately as though I was addressing a rebellious mule. “I thought you were done.”
Like every man does in absolutely every situation, I fixed the problem immediately. I simply backed up and went to another pump. By the way, that’s a good strategy when it comes to dealing with women caught in the wild mania that they call their home — simply back up and go for another. It’s not like suffering any of her bullshit is going to win you an award or any fucking compassion. Women have the memories of goldfish.
I hesitate to make this article about how men are better than women at filling their car with gas, although it’s completely true. As I watched the completely normal — let me stress that again — completely normal woman whose make-believe logic and hysteria you encounter a hundred times every day, continue her grand gasoline purchasing adventure, I discovered two things.
Mistake number two was that she had pulled up to the pump on the wrong side, thus prompting her to back out in the first place. That explains the cursing, I thought. When women are embarrassed they will try to eviscerate everything that they can get their talons in — especially their own children.
Mistake number one was that a man gave her a set of car keys.
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November 7th, 2005 at 10:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 3604a7f447f6d
I particularly enjoy stories like these because they not only display the superiority of men in all tasks, but they also express how kind and compassionate men really are and what raging bitches women are. What the woman REALLY deserved was a punch in the face but, being a level-headed man, you recognized that the woman was behaving like an infant and took the mature way out. This really just goes right in the face of the idiot women who claim that men on this site “treat women badly”. No actually we treat them like fucking princesses compared to what they deserve to be treated like and they still don’t appreciate it. I guess I have to think of men and women having relationships similar to a parent-child one, that is, we have to watch them fuck up all the time and just deal with it.
November 7th, 2005 at 9:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3f6f1bc89c9c0
You like how she goes straight to the cursing. She knows that it’s not going to come to blows so why not? I’ve conjectured that one of the main reasons you can never have a serious conversation with a woman about anything is because she usually knows you won’t hit her. When having a conversation with man on the other hand, it’s always in the back of your mind “if this guy gets too out of control, fisticuffs will commence.”
November 8th, 2005 at 5:15 am - IP Man-Hash: d754ab99d7c00
This is an excellent point Dan. As the converse, I know when I’m strapped (legally of course), in a concealed carry state that I pay great attention to my driving, I don’t drink alcohol if in public, and I am very polite. The knowledge that I’m armed and anyone around me could be is a powerful inducement to be very peaceful. I’d far rather look like a wimp (or just a quiet guy) than get into a confrontation that can be avoided.
Women, of course, don’t have this. They have little fear of a disproportionate response to horrible behaviour on their part. They rely on a thousand generations of evolution to protect them.
November 8th, 2005 at 8:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: c182f09f0fc6c
My imagination wandered to an alternate ending to this story…
Dick dousing this whore with $5 of premium gasoline and flicking a cigarette @ her…
November 15th, 2005 at 1:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1046e402f7286
But if women’s brains are the crappiest vaults in the world and they can store anything in there for fuel for later, how exactly do they have memories like goldfish?
November 16th, 2005 at 6:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 179da4fbb3c0e
That is what I was expecting as well.
November 29th, 2005 at 4:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Chris, you’re a man. I’m sure you can figure it out on your own man-time.
Unless that’s the female version of Chris, in which case: fuck off my site.
-Dick
November 29th, 2005 at 5:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9e9100d1117f5
Why women are allowed to drive is beyond my or any rational man’s power to figure out. If a woman has to use the water closet, she takes a friend with her. Why allow women to drive by themselves, when they cannot even shit by themselves. Unbelievable.
November 30th, 2005 at 4:38 am - IP Man-Hash: b7795a2dc403c
oldone, I agree, it would be far preferable to be chauffaur driven everywhere by a man, or better yet, travel by helicopter, but what can you do?
November 30th, 2005 at 6:35 am - IP Man-Hash: b212d2a0b7284
Yes, another perculair behavioural pattern in that sex. I dont understand why they need help with such a simple task ?
A child can do it and does not need a witness or assistance.
What do they really do in there ?
You know what women are like with lesbians ?
November 30th, 2005 at 1:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: b7795a2dc403c
“A child can do it and does not need a witness or assistance.”
I thought you had 2 x 17 year old daughters. Well if you do, you clearly left all of the child rearing up to your “former partner” otherwise you’d know that children when they are learning to use the toilet do need a bloody witness, in fact, unless they tell you when they are going and what they intend to do while there, they pretty much find it impossible to go. It’s like a really fucking big thing for them (learning control over something/themselves). Have you never heard of ziggy freud? Get theeself to the forums, post-haste.
December 1st, 2005 at 6:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4ea5b60c84502
Bloody hell!!! Female, what kind of woman are you that you witness children using the water-closet?
December 1st, 2005 at 7:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 957564b4aff6d
Oldone - I’ve never seen the term water-closet before. Would you mind telling me what country that term comes from? (My guess would be Britain.)
December 2nd, 2005 at 1:05 am - IP Man-Hash: e1702f4af0072
Geezer, there is no need to tell us about your nightly mistakes in the wardrobe. It’s not the bathroom dear.
December 2nd, 2005 at 4:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 682b6c01ada1d
oldone, women go the the toliets together so we can have nice little chats and share each others makeup. Why does that amaze men so much?
December 2nd, 2005 at 10:41 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Amaze.
Is it your opinion that men are also “amazed” by small children eating dirt?
-Dick
December 2nd, 2005 at 2:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: e2d025f19e31f
Arielle - your guess would be correct. :-)
December 2nd, 2005 at 3:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: e2d025f19e31f
Nicole, men are not amazed by that, we simply know that such behavior is illogical.
December 3rd, 2005 at 7:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 77ade75257827
Amazing, it’s like they don’t chat when sitting at a table together.
I see it as another opportunity for wimmin to plan and scheme. Top up the endless pile of chemicals that you smear on yourself along with caining the piss out of your date/friends/relatives/workmates/generally everyone.
Maybe discuss the fact that the boob job/plastic surgery you had last year just wasn’t filling/reduced enough ?
December 3rd, 2005 at 7:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1702f4af0072
Yes of course it’s all about planning and scheming. Has nothing to do with the typically long queues in women’s toilets and the fact that it’s better to stand there chatting to a friend about the spaghetti sauce located on her date’s forehead than it is to mention those things to a complete queue stranger.
December 6th, 2005 at 3:41 am - IP Man-Hash: bc0e974c91242
More like, drop the blood soaked plug into the disposal container in the loo before it discolours the upholstory.
December 6th, 2005 at 5:24 am - IP Man-Hash: dd25bee8154fe
Oh yeaahhh, you’re getting a song alright.
December 6th, 2005 at 5:32 am - IP Man-Hash: dd25bee8154fe
and it won’t be a lullaby.
December 6th, 2005 at 6:10 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Do you suppose that Female thinks that people visit a web site called menarebetterthanwomen.com in order to read her songs?
In arrogance and conceit, she outdoes most of her sex. Dick’s multiple postings on “attention whores” seem remarkably prescient.
December 9th, 2005 at 8:00 am - IP Man-Hash: c663ac82376cc
finally.
something from a “y” that i can agree with.
women=goldfish memory capacity.
yeah.
how long did it take you to figure it out though?
this site is amusing. thanks.
December 9th, 2005 at 3:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: 05876c7260a2f
Fucking Man Law 1!!! Show me the song, Big AL, show me where it is!!!!!I’m beginnng to think you are one of the dumber of the zodiac signs.
December 27th, 2005 at 11:44 am - IP Man-Hash: e2d025f19e31f
A man who is one of the “dumber zodiac signs” is still more intellegent than a woman.
December 28th, 2005 at 5:32 am - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
Not if the woman can actually spell intelligent.
December 28th, 2005 at 2:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: b6ba5a45dd6bd
Please, if there was a man with the IQ of a frog, he would still be twice as smart as a normal woman, three times as smart as you.
December 28th, 2005 at 4:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
Geezer, do you need to have a lie down now dear? You’ve surely outdone yourself with that comment.
December 28th, 2005 at 10:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: d754ab99d7c00
As a woman who cannot spell “misogynist”, I’m not sure you should be talking, my dear.
-wolfe
December 29th, 2005 at 1:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: a1da9f9ac370d
This is absurd; the discussion is the fact that women cannot even pump gas with out messing up correct.
So, such a simple task and yet gas stations now have instructions on the pump to try to keep the blundering of women down to a minimum, and yet still women find a way to completely screw this up. I do believe women purposely invent new and exciting ways to be stupid.
December 29th, 2005 at 1:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: a1da9f9ac370d
Female said: “Not if the woman can actually spell intelligent.”
Yes indeed I was in a rush and mis-typed, how thoughtful of you to point this out. Oh wait, you are a women, thinking of others is not something you are accustomed to, how dreadful it must have been for you to be so helpful.
December 29th, 2005 at 6:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
In postmodern thought there is a central feminist theory that the world is covertly, if not overtly, patriarchal and sexist towards women. This is based on the idea that as men as a majority have created industry, ergo, determined work/community environment, they have built everything in line with their own sex/mindset. I don’t think anyone here would be stupid enough to disagree with me in saying that men and women do think differently and that there is a biological difference in the structure/size of their brains (I’d love to see a man type that size does count by the way, I dare you). The point here is that the world fits a man’s way of living/being more so than it does a woman. I would like to know if a man or woman designed those instructions at the petrol station. I think I can confidently assume which gender.
December 29th, 2005 at 6:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: d754ab99d7c00
Awesome. You annihilate your own post in three words. Honestly, admit it. Dick has too much integrity to be paying you, but ‘fess up. You’re a friend of his trying to make women look like fools, aren’t you? No thinking being could be as much a parody of insulted 70’s feminism as you, could she?
-wolfe
December 29th, 2005 at 6:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
I’m as much a friend of DMs as I’m a friend of yours. I take that back, Dick is far more astute and talented than you are or could ever be.
December 29th, 2005 at 6:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7f5a0b2070dae
Strange. The feminist opinions I have read assert that the only difference between men and women (intrinsically) is in their genitalia. The differences that exist in the sexes are a product of nurture rather than nature, according to this theory.
Perhaps, the dominant feminist philosophy has changed since the last time I read one of their academic treatises, opinion columns, and essays(?)
December 29th, 2005 at 7:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
I don’t read feminist literature.
See
Bear in mind this is a study published 1999.
December 29th, 2005 at 7:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
I have tried to link some articles but I think the url function is disabled.
Get google scholar, google neurological differences men women.
Simple answer is that what we take in from the environment (nurture) depends to a large extent on our biology, as does, how we process the data we take in.
I don’t read feminist theory but it is just as relevant today as it was in the ’70s. Don’t let the men here fool you into complacency.
December 29th, 2005 at 7:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7f5a0b2070dae
Thanks for the help but I already knew that men and women are different. I just didn’t know that modern feminist theory accepted that.
I don’t understand how you can say something is relevant today if you’ve never read it.
December 29th, 2005 at 7:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
I don’t know if modern feminist theory accepts it either, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t.
What I meant was that I don’t go out of my way to read feminist theory, but it does come up in what I do study and it’s necessary to cover some of it. It’s extremely relevant actually and I do plan to take a better look at it. I’m just not into gender bashing (surprise, suprise) so I have tried to steer clear of it.
I would think that it will soon become more relevant than ever, when you consider legislation in the US discriminating against gay marriages, the changing structure of the family with new reproductive technologies and of course, the whole Islam issue. Then we have the pissed off boys like Christian J and other men on this site who want to wage a cyber war against our sex. I recommend you check out Christian’s site. He has a link to it in the forums. Disturbing.
December 30th, 2005 at 6:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60b660aafc3e4
Female, have you ever been mistreated (in the real world) by a man because you were a woman?
December 30th, 2005 at 7:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
Of course!! I have also been treated extremely well by men. Don’t think I’m on some kind of a pity trip or am a victim. Definately not a victim and not into wallowing, lifes too short for that.
April 26th, 2006 at 3:23 am - IP Man-Hash: 8fd386ff18ad8
Good for you female!
May 21st, 2006 at 1:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 540ddeee85d4c
…………………and who’s fault, exactly, is it that the world “suits” men more than women? surely if women were even remotely competant when it came to innovation, creativity, sheer ability and had SOME form of practical and dignified ways of actually making themselves heard…then maybe, and i stress MAYBE the world would suit you, because you would in fact…be the better sex?
May 21st, 2006 at 2:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 19105c7fbb7a4
The world doesn’t suit any sex, it has rules of its own and humans have learned to adapt to it or die.
If we are talking about human civilisation we could say that it’s hardly a world made for man - but a man-made world, is it not?
August 4th, 2006 at 2:28 am - IP Man-Hash: beec6de33c5bb
In my MUCH younger days as a cashier at a gas station I was the beneficiary of a womans’ blundering. She used her credit card, really most likely her husbands’ credit card- oh GOD i’m a traitor ! I just realized ! Please forgive me as you read on !, at the pump to get gas. When she finished she just threw the pump handle on the ground and drove off. Normally one might be frustrated with such behavior, but not me !!!
You see this was when using credit cards at the pump was a new thing and only gas cards would work. I knew instantly what that innocent looking nozzle laying on the pavement meant to me, as you probably do. FREE GAS ! $$$$
Fortunately this was at night and a slow night at that. I filled up my vette and went home and got my camaro and 5 gas cans and filled them up. Called my Dad to come fill up his full size Ford van with the dual tanks, called my friends to come fill up. I had a fellow worker keep clicking the pump between fills to keep the purchase “active” and by the time we were done the purchase was several hundred dollars ! Gas was alot cheaper then, oh the good ol’ days !
I would say thanks to the female blunder but realistically it was a fellow man who paid.
I hang my head in shame and please accept my confession !
September 2nd, 2006 at 9:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a25aba878123
I just fucking love how women flock to other women and band together against the big mean angry men. God help the woman who’s spot you “stole”. May she never encounter and actually situation of emergency.
September 3rd, 2006 at 7:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 8992424e7bd95
So female admits that she and all other women are handicapped in this man made world. They can’t create anything so they cry until the big bad men changes things to accommodate them too. The reality is that men always think of the women too because women can’t do for themselves. Then she makes excuses for why women appear to be too stupid to do things for themsleves.
Yes women have the memory of a goldfish but she will bitch about something for hours and keep repeating the offense so she wont forget it until she gets home and e-mails her complaint to NOW.
September 10th, 2006 at 7:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1a4ed84419c7b
man I thought this was about hookers.
shit.
September 10th, 2006 at 8:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: da3164911f9b3
Gas pumps and women? Not much difference except they both pump for cash. Similar intelligence but one does a real job without complaining and the other complains without much work. Just pump, pay and go.
June 6th, 2007 at 10:30 am - IP Man-Hash: 83b7e402ade4c
Bring on the disposable android sex bots!
June 13th, 2007 at 10:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 926a1904cecf2
Don’t bother, some girl will fuck it up by making it vegan somehow.
June 13th, 2007 at 10:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 926a1904cecf2
Don’t bother, some girl will fuck it up by making it vegan somehow.
What am I saying? We’ll just fix it, like every other damn thing women ruin.
July 7th, 2007 at 8:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7e938729b7675
I clicked on this entry at the Random Dick area. I expected it to be about prostitution, with a witty title. Good article.
Prostitution doesn’t really exist. Men don’t pay women to have sex with them; they pay them to shut up and go away afterward.
July 28th, 2007 at 10:08 am - IP Man-Hash: 897b290c9c693
I just want sex women are so boring and irrelevant I could cry like one.
- make up
- relationships
- lets talk about love and clothing
- psychology
- things that don’t involve math
- women are so boring
positive:
- they have tits and vaginas
- tits and vaginas are the least boring thing on the planet