Personal Problems
Click below to get Dick in your Ear and listen to the podcast of this article.
Women who take out personal ads are some of the most damaged and desperate disasters walking the face of the Earth. For women with personal ads, free is too expensive, no sex is too much, and Armenian is the new black.
Personal ads are fine for men to have. Like most things, in the hands of men a personal ad can be both tasteful and hilarious. But like stripping, binge drinking, and voting, when women do it, it’s a sign of a major fucking problem.
For women, getting a date is like a man cleaning his bathroom. To get it done, all you have to do is lower your impossible standards, or drink enough to feel comfortable showing it to your friends.
If you’re ever convinced your girlfriend is crappy enough to stop having sex with (and she most probably is), here’s a fun mantivity for you to manjoy. Point your internet browser over to the nearest personals site.
For every 5 pounds your girlfriend should lose, a personals girl should lose 20.
For every guy your girlfriend has fucked, a personals girl has fucked one twice her age.
For every joke your girlfriend doesn’t laugh at, a personals girl says “soulmate” seven times.
For every penis joke your girlfriend laughs at, a personals girl has a “date rape” anecdote.
For every bill your girlfriend hasn’t paid, a personals girl has had two cars repossessed and only one of them was hers.
For every unwanted phone call you get from your girlfriend, a personals girl will call your parents looking for you when you don’t pick up.
For every awful perfume your girlfriend has, a personals girl has ten synonyms for “big fat fuck”.
For every time your girlfriend has fallen asleep on you at 10:30, a personals girl has passed out drunk in a bar.
For every time your girlfriend brings up marriage, a personals girl has been in a cult.
For every MySpace account your girlfriend has, a personals girl has posted six nude pictures of herself on an amateur porn website with only the bottom half of her face showing .
For every secret MySpace account your girlfriend has, a personals girl has an ex-boyfriend in your town who is a cop.
For every child your girlfriend doesn’t have, a personals girl has Herpes.
You may not think your paramour is the prize pig of the fair, but you will be shocked and horrified by the other sows out there on Skid Row, wriggling around in the excrement of their self-delusion and wondering when the fuck some prince is going to swoop in and tell them they don’t need to be as gorgeous as they are because they’re so goddamn intelligent and self-aware.
Women who place personal ads are ugly as shit and dumb. The only way they could be less self-aware was if their hair was on fire.
Men, being as great as we are, are always on the lookout for what’s bigger and better and, more importantly, a hotter and therefore truer reflection of us. We especially apply these manciples to our mates. If we didn’t, human beings wouldn’t have thumbs or colons. We would still be climbing trees and shitting all over monkey-selves without the dexterity to change our pants after doing so. Think about it. Without a lust for spousal betterment, a hundred million years ago, sea-men would have just sat around, fucking whatever came their way and not giving a damn about evolution.
The Penis is the secret ingredient of evolution.
Women can thank us for the very few differences there are that separate them from chimpanzees.
Pig Shit Crazy
When women place personal ads, they have the unique ability to exhibit all negative personality traits at one time; even though some might contradict each other. Women are the Schrodinger’s Cat of Embarrassing Self-Delusion. Here’s an example.
Please do not respond if you are a superficial asshole who treats girls like a game, or if you are sexist, unmotivated, or insensitive!
I guess that’s what women call multi-tasking: looking desperate, arrogant, and used all at the same time. Here’s another gem:
I enjoy getting out for new adventures with the right person.
The picture attached to that one was about a dollar short of three bills. What adventures can you take a hippopotamus on? The Rascal ride down the dessert aisle at Ralph’s? I’m up for a new adventure too, but it isn’t climbing a flesh colored bean bag with my credit card.
Men don’t dump our most desperate masturbatory fantasies into our personal ads like we’re finger painting with Vasoline. At least I’m sure we don’t. I don’t know because I have never read a man’s personal ad. I’ve only read women’s and each one I have was more painful than the time I was tricked into reading a fan fiction script of House MD where House and Foreman have sex. But even that was better than the personal ads. At least I learned something.
Just because something you download says, “Official leaked script for fourth season House opener”, doesn’t mean that it is. It’s actually some cocksucker’s hilarious idea of a joke. Just like calling yourself spiritual doesn’t mean you’re not a cunt and calling yourself a vegan doesn’t mean you don’t sweat avocados.
Bad News, Bad News
Men don’t play Good News, Bad News with our personals ads. We don’t toss “two kids” or “anal warts” in at the end of an otherwise pleasant monologue about ourselves. That’s because we’re classier than women. Women play a game called Desperate News, Bad News with their personal ads. The Desperate News is the striking and unusual tone of a woman who isn’t acting like an arrogant bitch in everything she says, and the Bad News is the reason why.
If you can’t find anything wrong with a woman’s personal ad, she’s waiting to tell you in person.
Dating 101
Women who place personal ads must have learned how dating works through the Mystery Date board game — or by playing Henry Rollins albums in reverse and drinking paint thinner. There’s no other explanation for some of their ad requirements.
“Marriage Minded.”
No shit? A woman who’s marriage minded? How about “Eats Food” or “Breathes Air”. The first word of “settling down” is the first step to placing a personal ad. It’s implied and mentioning it is completely unnecessary unless you’re trying to look more desperate than you already do — which is impossible.
“Let’s meet and see if there’s a spark!”
What the fuck are the other options? Dial random numbers on the telephone and see if fate connects our love lines? Put all of our favorite movies and TV shows into a computer and have it spit out a Yay or Go Fuck Yourself? I bet women would love it if the government did that, since they’re all fascists.
Manclusion
If you ever take a girl out who you met on Craigslist, make sure you bring a box of See’s candy to throw at her like flak while you’re making your escape to the nearest gym. Gyms are like churches to vampires for girls who are too desperate and backwards to get guys the natural way.
I’m not saying girls who place personal ads are undateable. Actually I am. However, there are a few who are not unfuckable. Fucking them is just finishing the job their father started by smacking the crap out of them.
While I was researching this article, I discovered a new euphemism for “fat as a house” that women use in their online personal ads. It’s called “I like AdultSwim”. If her profile has any quotes from a Master Shake, it’s because she drinks three a day, and they’re not the Slim Fast variety.
Related Articles:
my friend got pwned by some dude on craiglist when he tried to buy an ipod and now he thinks rednecks are theiveing pricks. i told him he was gay for wanting an ipod in the first place
Wonderful pages! Keep up the grat work.
keep up the good work!
Dick is so funny! Dick for president……
Bumping this cuz a check for spam brought it to the forefront.
I agree with you dia. Why can’t women just relax. Have reasonably trim and fit bodies — they’re right to try and be fit — and just be comfortable in their own skin without a whole bunch of powder and chemicals pasted on top.
Otherwise they’re like Soviet men who spray on cologne to hide the fact they haven’t bathed for a week.
-wolfe
I prefer women who wear little or no makeup. Makeup always seems to mess my clothes whenever you hug them, or lipstick stains you face if they kiss you.
Women are nothing but cumbuckets and should NEVER be seen without makeup.
Is there anything worse than a broad who can’t take a joke? I mean besides baby rape, or losing a nut in a war. Other than those two things, the worst thing ever is a woman who takes the whole world so seriously that she can never relax and laugh.
I see a few of those beasts right here.
I’m sure it all boils down to a list of reasons why she ‘knows that she’s better than everyone else.’
How original in this modern angst-filled society. Some naysayers might even dare to label the superior genius-whore’s philosophy as a canned compensation mechanism. But then, that’s just me.
Funny how these stereotypes and misconceptions about prudes and tools keep being proven more often than not. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that they feel frightened that if they leave, their e-penis will shrink.
She just wants to muster some traffic for her pansy blog.
Hopefully get the other harridans off our backs as they gravitate away in packs.
.. he’s been balls deep in your mom.
4 Inch Manjoy Wonders…
Every once in a PurpleMoon I wander over the Dickless Wonder Site- you know, that place where Men are Always Better Than Women. One can read between the lines of Dickless Masturbates’ postings and guess what’s he’s been up to. Or, in …
I’m hung like a horse that’s not any attempt at ego stroking it’s just what every female I’ve been with has said.
The point is it’s irrelevant because you can be hung like a horse, have a six pack top it all off with some intelligence and still get fucked over and betrayed.
Women need a reason to backstab like bonobo apes need a reason to fuck. Its sport.
Let me get this straight, you’re criticizing me for being a good speller?
I suppose I’ll give you the metal you’re desperately wanting to receive for figuring it out, which proves you’re an attention whore…
Actually I was exaggerating. I have a 2 inch penis, it’s the stalkers like you who can’t get enough of my posts on this site which make me feel mentally complete :) I’d be a wreck without you Catherine.
Now about your 3 inch vaginal diameter, which is what you get for using those double-wide vibrators…
98% percent of the female population weighs over 268 lbs., though.
Both of you clusterfucks go get hit by cars.
I’ll oblige but only if you pay for the trip.
Pray tell, what is it with women and victimhood melodrama?
- Above & Beyond Vs. Andy Moor – Air for life
Doubt, go back to fighting the New World Order. That camp might be able to appreciate the kind of help you’re able to give.
This is the thing. It hardly matters to me whether men are better than women. It might be as true as, say, “men are taller than women”. The fact is, I’m still taller, smarter and more attractive than about 85% of the population in general. Why should I care if the 15% who are taller, smarter or more attractive than I am are mostly male or not? I’m living the good life – no need to doubt THAT, Doubt.
So go on with your bad self, Doubt. I’m sure that you’re better than a good 2% of the rest of the world.
And now, I’m going to take a break from this madness. Because it IS pretty pathetic that I’ve spent as much time on here as I have. Doubt, if you really want to hurt me, tell me I’m a loser for spending as much time on here as you apparently do.
Yawn…
Vengeful?
There’s a reason God gave you little pencil arms, shrunk you by 6 inches, took away 60% of your muscle mass, gave you a fat, bloated burden on your chest, makes you bleed every month, made your brain 10% smaller, and sapped you of any hint of nerve, will, or courage.
Now, that being said, I would be better off looking out for a man who I rightfully wronged as opposed to a cowardly tool or a gurl who doesn’t really have any direction in life.
Please don’t hurt us with your words. Surely we’ll be lacerated by you random slut from the bowels of internet animosity.
By the way, God didn’t make your twat sting when you pee. That’s all you, baby.
@Justice Well, I typed “women” instead of “woman”. And I was off by several orders of magnitude (I think it should have been to the -7 power, not -11) in a post a ways up. You could make fun of me for that, or you could just tell me all you men were having a great time here until I came along and f-ed it up in womanly fashion.
@J Thanks. This isn’t a battle though. It’s a game. ;)
@all I dunno. Some of you fellows here need some help. If all you do is troll the internet looking for evidence of brainless babes with massive boobs on prominent display you’re sure as hell going to find it.
And as long as you all keep insulting women, the only side you’ll see of a beauty with a brain is going to be her vengeful one. Why the hell would I post a picture for you guys? So one of you freaks, armed with my reverse-hashed ip, my first name, and a picture could hunt me down and kill me in a misguided attempt to prove you’re better than me? Phhht.
You know, I’ve heard several of you asking us to put up pictures, etc. Put up or shut-up! The mental picture I have of some of you could be completely wrong, you know. I mean, just because I pictured a drool-bib and a ring of filth surrounding you…I could be wrong, too!
Anyway, I’m not anti-male. I just don’t like a couple of you assholes on this site, that’s all.
Well, put, Catherine. Some of these boys are just so scared when a girl invades their turf! If the best they can throw at us is “fuck-toy” and “no brain,” then this will be a very easy battle to win.
desperatly = desperately… meh.
I’d do it and spell everything correctly too. Call you names and everything else that you enjoy but I’m semi-nice guy and don’t know how. :)
+
If I did you probably get a crush on me and we don’t know whether you are hot or not yet. Put a picture up and let us rate you. You’d love that I bet. Unless YOU’RE fucking ugly, and blaming us for it.
P.S. go away… now as in now, NOW. a fuck it. Women
Yes someone please come and give her the insults she desperatly needs.
Sigh. Necro, how’d you score in reading comprehension? Not good, I’m assuming.
Nor in grammar and spelling – “your a feminist”. No, YOU’RE mistaken.
Wolfe, save me from bad grammar and spelling. Insult me like a man, not like this dead swordsman and confused fish.
Doubt, 50 manpoints deducted. Now, shut up mmkay? Respond only to men and women who have the proper minimal intelligence.
But your a feminist. You’re allergic to facts and anything not stupid and incoherent.
Stop embarassing yourself.
Doubtfish, I will be happy to respond to your last post as soon as one of the more intelligent gentlemen on this site (Wolfe, if you have the time?) translates it from incoherent into stupid. He need not go so far as translating it into coherent, because, as a women, I wouldn’t understand it anyway.
To be clear, I meant reading Catherine’s last post…
Catherine,
I maybe shouldn’t say this, but reading that last post made me feel like I got something icky on me.
KellyMac
The funny thing is, we don’t talk about pulling male fetuses out of our vaginas’.
I’m sorry if you’re going for something else here, but you really aren’t making great strides in progress as far as eliminating that misconception that gurlz are stupid, liars, and manipulative whores. And goddamn awful at all three of those things.
Forsake all their tools if you hate chauvinists so much, Cathy. And being that every straight thinking man – include the gay men too, because you seem so keen to back-stab them – womanized when he got the chance.
Some might almost say that, back when the world was in the swing of things and the Jews weren’t trying to kill the Muslims trying to kill the Christians, the most deserving men got the pussy.
Maybe before you feminists fucked everything up we didn’t have to treat you like shit to get laid.
Because if the only time you put out is either when you’re insecure or think you’ll get something other than sex out of it – social acceptance – you know society has fucked itself over.
Thanking you profusely,
Doubtfish
You mean WITH “that anti-male slant”?
I sure hope your tool is bigger than mine, and that it gives you the warm fuzzies at night. I think it’s sweet that men have something so simple to fall back on when the
worldwomen get hard on them. A swinging dick. Doesn’t it just make you feel like the lord of all?Anyway, I’m not anti-male. I just don’t like a couple of you assholes on this site, that’s all.
Dick – you seem semi-normal. And unless you’re completely fucked in the head, and since you say you’re not a woman HATER, there must have been a woman in your life you had some respect for (long as she knew her place that is). Doesn’t it make you feel a little sick inside knowing the creeps that frequent your site? Like, women-icidal (I didn’t know if you’d take offense to homicidal, since I’m referring only to women), rapist nut-jobs? And these same creeps are giving you money.
Dirty dirty money.
Dirty dirty Dick.
Aww, but it’s so fun…
But I shouldn’t encourage her.
*punches Doubt*
Doubt, man, just leave it alone. She just wants attention and your giving it to her.
Don’t make me deduct manpoints!
You mean like we get bored and go throw pennies at a stripper so we can hear your babbling from a naked girl? I’ll throw a handful at her ditsy head just for you, sweetiepie.
I’ll shut the fuck up when morons like you are speechless. Look, I did it! Yay for me!
Ah, an A’zan srut. Kawaii.
Good luck hiding behind your tits and vagina. It’s about as good a defense – or attack – strategy as focusing your rage and energy on your opponent’s genitals. And I’m fairly sure there isn’t a time-proven method in which relies solely on surprise, dishonor, and social ineptitude. In fact, I don’t know of any martial art style that encourages you to try and piss your opponent off, and not just that, but to start the conflict with your opponent with the intention of your in-crowd backing you off when things shoot off, somehow, not as you planned.
As I said, assuming your crowd of tools will always be there is hardly a fool-proof solution to physical weakness. And pissing random folks off would more of accentuate your pencil-armed fat-chested self, rather than solve your little problem. It would probably be a better idea for you to just shut the fuck up when people tell you to.
Just a friendly suggestion,
Doubtfish
No, sweetie. No strippers here. But my name does have eight letters in it, and I think you should conserve your energy. I’d just go to pieces if I thought you’d be here all night trying to pronounce it!
An interchangable slut. I suppose she wants a medal for doing what several dozen other tools and whores have done. Yes, a medal for the courage to do what the in crowd is doing.
PS
No one likes the in crowd, J. And what’s the J for anyways? Is that a stripper name?
I was lucky enough to stumble onto your fine website this evening, and, gentlemen, am thrilled to learn how all of you men feel about the “fairer sex.” No, really! I learned I am stupid fuck-toy who would vote for Hitler (because I just don’t know any better), and that I have nothing intelligent to say whatsoever because I don’t know “fucking anything about anything.” Gosh, how did I even manage to learn to wash and feed myself?
If I wanted to be lowbrow and crass, I’d call you a bunch of delusional assholes…but then you’d have to stop and get a dictionary. So, I’ll just say that I believe we can call the search off for the missing link. Mission: accomplished.
What the hell do you know about manliness?
Nothing, notta, Zip..
Women dont even know how to be women and yet they always telling men how to act. Such shame!
My tool is bigger than yours, catherine. By the way, how are you doing getting things off the top shelf and taking tests without that anti-male slant?
Who, me? You’re stating the obvious by pointing it out. Not very manly, sonny.
You’re not funny.
You can’t come up with anything even CLOSE to that, learneD scholaR. All you’ve got going for you is a big mouth, and the ability to spell correctly – even backwards.
Oh, and the 14″ penis. You wouldn’t feel physiologically or mentally complete without that, now would you?
Eat till your full.
Also modest :D.
FUCK MODESTY!!! It’s time men stopped second guessing everymanthing they did to see if it’s politically correct or going to break some fucking law or whatever. You’re a man god-damn it – do what the fuck you want to do. A man’s job is to give orders to women and to use our collective man minds to improve our mantuation in life – not worry about being fucking modest – that’s a girls job.
Nothing personal towards you Necro :D. You’re still-da-man. (even though the word “necro” in your name scares the shit out of me…)
Am in your house eating your girls
Balls. Such balls. Women have the power, women have control over us. Women pwn you fools cause you get none if women don’t let you. U R pwned by life.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
And by special, mentally retarded.
But then, not even that because I have a mentally challenged friend who probably knows more than you. So yeah your basicly a pile of shit.
You’re not clever. You’re special but not clever.
Go play somewhere else.
In all words, actually.
Post pics or it didn’t happen.
I’m pretty hot. You’d probably do me. Unless you had something better to do, like somebody equally pretty, but with bigger boobs.
“It’s nice here. A big, happy, family where everyone tears everyone else a new asshole and we’re thankful enough for it to come back for more.”
I was wondering why you were back… glad you like us. By the way, are you hot perchance? If so, let me know so I can start hitting on you.
Read the posts further up. I was referring to something savant said.
Sure, I can get people to talk to me, but generally no one who’s willing to let me insult them. It’s nice here. A big, happy, family where everyone tears everyone else a new asshole and we’re thankful enough for it to come back for more. Who says we can’t all get along?
There sure is.
-Dick
@ Catherine: You ran out of free conversation? What does that even mean? You couldn’t get anyone who knows you to talk to you?
@ Alexander: Good luck there, at trying to make her change. She ain’t gonna change unless she wants to. People don’t do that. Just a suggestion to stop beating your head against that wall before you have to repaint because of the blood.
KM, ignore the scary hobo.
Several purposes… this is the second time reading this article and I laughed just as much as the first time.
note:
I’m not one for promoting much of anything (men can decide for themselves what they want to do with thier time) especially TV but I noticed that you seem to have at least a small interest in House M.D. – I think that there is alot to be learned from that character.
Of course this site serves a purpose it gives me confidence in being a man.
So I’m even better at being a man than before, and that is good for everyone.
I know it’s been said here on this site that women hate sex, but they would hate it even more if we men were so underconfident and self-obsessed – that while fucking all we did was think about ourselves and not pay the woman any attention which is what they do to us.
Also modest :D.
In other words, I’m a genius.
-Dick
You’re most definitely right, but even so, if we men didn’t stand up and do what needed to be done throughout history, we would all have been wiped out centuries ago.
I did a google search on “menarebetterthanwomen.com” moments ago and stumbled upon a feminist forum trying to discern both the purpose and initial cause for this site’s existence. They concluded that it must be a joke, and that everyone who posts here must be gay. No surprises there.
However, this got me thinking. Does this site serve a purpose? I believe it does. When my girlfriend fucks up, I make sure she knows it. If she behaves irrationally, I make it a priority to show her how to think like a man. The reason I do this is because I want her to change. To change culture, you must first hold up a mirror to it so it can see how ugly and deformed it has become.
If there is even a small chance that women are as they are because of culture, and not because of biology, or even if we can steer evolution, then it is our duty to do so – this site spreads the news that things are not right with the female gender, and becomes their cultural mirror.
@ Catherine: I thought you were leaving?
@ Savant: Did you know that Devo never meant to become famous? They were thumbing their nose at the music industry.
Well, thank you for the opportunity, sir.
My band… I use the term loosely…. was funded about 5 months ago. It is called, “The Greatest Emo Band Ever”. It all started when I was attending a Dear Whoever concert in Portland OR, an all ages show.
Now, anyone who is familiar with the hard rock genre knows that all ages + metal = bad things. This was no different. However, instead of a moshing 10 year old being airlifted to Providence Hospital… it was me who ended up getting punched in the crotch. By the aforementioned 10year old.
Now, I like to consider myself the definition of maturity. When bad things happen, I respond to them quickly and fairly… this situation was no different. In order to gain much-needed retribution for my assailed-genitals, I decided to start an emo band.
We’re not the typical emo band for two reasons. (1) we don’t sing about pain and heartbreak. We typically make fun of dating, myspace, WoW, cell-phones and other staples of pop-culture. Notable songs are: “Myspace Love Song”, “Emo Love Dirge”, “Vagina Cutthroat” and “Little Warcraft Girl”. All recordings are low-fi and horribly done on purpose.
Reason (2) is… well, there really isn’t a band. It’s just me. I play all the instruments, harmonize with myself, record it, produce it and arrange it all myself. This was to ensure a proper emo atmosphere, as I wrote recorded most of the songs within 8 hours…. alone. This whole thing was just supposed to be a fun side-project to my REAL band… but it took off, getting the first 400 plays within a week’s time. I still have yet to even seriously promote the material, and it’s received well over 1600 hits. Not bad for a month or two of no work.
I have a few guys that I regularly call up to do live shows with. Our following is starting to increase. I’m working on the finishing touches to the first CD, entitled “Greatest Hits”… (yes, I know)…. but I am hesitant to actually promote and develop a serious following. After all, it’s only a joke… and I still have my real band. Time will tell if I actually want to pull it off.
Veronica Belmont is proof that at the very least something like 6.66666667 × 10 -11 % of American women don’t suck.
Actually, it’s 100% of American Women, not 95%.
Tell us about your band.
-Dick
“…’Til the next time, conflicted, emo-hating, emo-playing musician stud”
BRAVO!!! You obviously got the joke, so I’m assuming you listened to the music. Good for you.
Oh man, hold out for that 5%! :) Tom Brady can’t possible get them all! Or maybe he can.
I apologize. I will take my free conversation and go now, like the humble little bitch I am.
‘Til the next time, conflicted, emo-hating, emo-playing musician stud!
Quantity vs. quality? Hon, look around you at 95% of American women, and tell me that quality was EVER an option.
That said, a rock musician stud? This is not my site, and promoting myself without Dick’s consent would be disrespectful and insulting. Especially since he has been good enough to allow free conversation. Thereafore, you must imagine that I told you what I was going to, but didn’t, because I have respect. Men have that.
So just consider yourself horribly in error, and downright apologetic. Like you should be.
If putting out selectively makes me a whore, then a whore I am. But what does that make you, since you bang indiscriminately? I suppose you think it makes you a rock musician stud.
Sigh. It’s true that too many women ARE tragically attracted to even bad musicians like you. I guess you win this one, since you seem to keep score by quantity not quality. I hope you’re at least getting paid, like most women who do a lot of indiscriminate screwing. Fair’s fair, right?!
“While I’m in your locker room I might add I do put out. But probably not for you, since you’re only able to lay malleable and horrifically stupid females.”
Which is precisely why I would be able to lay you. Especially since you openly admited to being a whore.
Um. You like to compare yourself to toilet seats and litterboxes?
And I take it from your recommendation of Taming of the Shrew that you prefer manipulative, lying, two-faced bitches who prop up your male ego to loud-mouthed ones who have no use for you?
Well, you may have a point there. I’m sorry that we women don’t seem to have anything between to offer you.
While I’m in your locker room I might add I do put out. But probably not for you, since you’re only able to lay malleable and horrifically stupid females.
OMG U THINK THE UK IS BAD?
LOL IF YOU THINK THAT U SHULD SEE AMERICA. FUCKING FAT WHORES WITH CRAPPY DOLLARS. FUCKING HIGHSCHOOL. AMERICANS ARE WHORES!
I have one question for this entire article:
Is Pig Shit Crazy better or worse than Bat Shit Crazy?
Why not? Don’t you like to have your clean clothes accessible? I’m almost afraid to ask, but do you wash and dry laundry? Or does your mommy do that for you.
Here’s my advice: Go back to school, close your legs, and try to graduate.
That’s little gurls for you. Think they’re welcome anywhere, be it the men’s room, a sports meet, or a motor convention. Now, their gender wouldn’t be such a problem if they didn’t have to flaunt that shit everywhere they went as though they were better than everyone else. Yeah, nice fucking sun-dress, oh now that it’s stuck in the bike chain I suppose we’re entitled to help you unjam it. No dice, you were a cunt to everyone here, so regardless of your sex, you just suck as a person.
I like the way you call our views opinions, too. You’ve proven every single one of them.
So let’s mark up another strike for the poor liars count.
And one for ‘can’t do anything for themselves’ because you have to resort to threatening to get the law involved over a matter of free speech.
One for all gurls are fascists, too.
Funny, I’m starting to think that those stereotypes about girls aren’t really stereotypes at all, but rather reflections of reality upon your average gurl.
No shit you live in the UK. Its a fucking breeding ground for worthless chavs like you.
Seriously, why even bother attending school anymore? It just churns out clones and retards.
You can thank feminism for that, Jess.
OK mabye U think im a slut maybe u think im a liar maybe i live in the UK. Maybe u want to kill me i dont know but sticks and stones.
u lazy fucker
Ok ok Im all sorry. SORRY THAT UR JERKS. WELL I MUST SAY THAT I CANT CHANGE UR OPINION OF WOMEN BUT U CANT CHANGE MINE. NOW FUCK OFF THIS SITE BEFORE I CALL THE COPS
STER
Yeah… go on, slut. No one’s stopping you.
‘Gay hacker’
Okay, someone duplicates your IP address and such.
That’s one strike for the girls are horrible liars stereotype.
STEREOTYPE! That doesnt mean that girls are what u think.
go back to universety dumb fucker
Err hacker IN ur PC using ur PC fucking hell u are a dumbass
.
Yeah… go on, slut. No one’s stopping you.
‘Gay hacker’
Okay, someone duplicates your IP address and such.
That’s one strike for the girls are horrible liars stereotype.
wtf I didnt say anything about blowjobs… wellmust of been that gay hacker but hes gone now.
By the way wat the hell is a blowjob? Shakespeare has brilliant stories.
@ Jess… Dear, I get more ass than a toilet seat, and more pussy than a litterbox.
I’m not bragging, I’m just trying to communicate with you in your language: cliched phrases, overused jokes and un-needed cleverness. However, the reason I get laid so much is because the majority of females I encounter are like you: incredibly malliable and horrifically stupid.
I will allow for your age however… do me a favor. Go read a book about something. Preferably a historical writing. I would recommend “Taming of the Shrew”, by Shakespear. Educate yourself on a woman’s place, so that you don’t end up being one of those ungly hags in fishnets walking Martin Luther King blv at 3 in the morning.
And once again, it’s our locker room, and your not welcome unless your putting out.
I’m sorry I’m not brimming with excitement at the thought of a prepubescent little girl spamming up our forums. However, you seem to be providing ample evidence for many of the stereotypes about gurlz, so I suppose you can stay and continue to humiliate yourself.
I’d just think you were a tad embarrassed after the blow job comment, but little girls these days are getting more and more jaded, so I assume you’re not.
or what? lol I must say doubt you are the nicest person here
That’s very clever, short stuff, but we’re going to have to ask you to leave.
Wrong, sweetie. You’re the reason these views exist.
Fuck off my website.
-Dick
DICK FUCK OFF UR OWN WEBSITE
Fine I was just tryin to be nice and wat the hell is ROFLOLOMG?! Oh yeah its only used by CHAVS! Just because when u were young you didnt LISTEN in school. Now fuck off fat twat.
I DONT LIKE FAT TWAT. I REALLY HATE FAT TWAT. ALL THIS SHITE WOULDNT BE GOING ON… BUT DICK ATE ALL THE PIES!!!
On another note, must all the discussions collapse to a bunch of simple insults so quickly? It’s soooo mundane and pathetic. Just ignore the crap.
Women are the Schrodinger’s Cat of Embarrassing Self-Delusion.
-Dick
Jesus Christ, not even I can come up with shit like this. Dick, you are a genius.
See, the funny thing about you is that you still rely on a double-standard to appear even comparable to us.
You have tits and a twat. You are short and fat-chested. Believe me, if you were a guy, you wouldn’t be manlier than me, and as a gurl, you sure as fuck aren’t manlier than me.
Shut the fuck up. You’re actually going against the grain here. Nobody likes you, you’re not welcome, and you just succeed in proving any stereotypes you try to intimidate us into discrediting.
I love the suicide part, too. Only a real manly man would say something like that.
And you wonder why we just can’t take you sluts seriously. We’re sorry, it’s just impossible.
I think i might go commit suicide now. bye.
Don’t forget, slice VERTICALLY.
*VOMITS*
lmao,
Okay.
But you will still be ugly and sad and fucked up.
The fact that you even read something written by someone as insignificant as me is..well sadddddd.
You’re too hung up on preconceived ideas ro be anywhere near well balanced
I think i might go commit suicide now. bye.
Wrong, sweetie. You’re the reason these views exist.
Fuck off my website.
-Dick
Jess.
Who posted on here hours ago.
You make me embarrassed to be female.
I wish you had just shut the fuck up.
You’re the reason these views exist
Dick, you’re fucking shit.
I’m not even gonig to use pseudo-intellectual bullshit to justify.
I am female and 17
I don’t put laundry away.
I don’t like your stereotypical societal based views on woman and what they do and who they are.
I hate the WOMEN you are describing. Everyone hates the WOMEN you are describing.
I’m more ‘manly’ than half of the assholes who post on here. And I don’t even have chest hair.
No, you’re backing up every stereotype of you brilliant, noble genius-whores around. I’d almost think that they weren’t stereotypes, considering the fact that you have no personality and are just as dull and pathetic as any of the other humiliated sluts who log onto this site.
No one gives a shit about what a prepubescent whore has to say. Really, you’re just a reiteration of every prejudice and assumption we’ve encountered before.
Every one here is telling you to shut the fuck up. No one wants you here. Maybe the reason nobody likes you is that you naturally piss people off, and repeat tired old catch-phrases. Yeah, your dicks are small. That’s nice, we’re traumatized. We could get the same insult by throwing pennies at strippers. Way-to-fucking-go, now why don’t you leave before you get even worse and start making up bible verses?
If the above qualifies anyone to be cool, your standards are pretty damn low.
The answer is 42 (or 99400, whatever you find more fitting).
Absolutely priceless. Dick’s voice is sublime and the podcasts a huge, pleasant surprise. The website has taken a step into the stratosphere, rivalled only by Angry Harry amongst men’s blogs.
I am – how shall I put it? – humbly IN AWE.
@ Savant: Nice one.
@ Catherine: Shut up! No women allowed.
Oh man, I AM dumb. I put dick in my ear twice, when I didn’t even like it the first time. I liked this post, and I thought I could stand to hear it spoken by Dick. Doh.
Rediculous. Utterly rediculous. What does “LOL XD” mean by the way? Living outside logic with “X” amount of dimwittedness? That only means something to 13yr-old myspace whores. ROFLOLOMG.
Oh yeah, huh?!? No way?!? OMG!!! Well… well… than what’s a hundred bazzillion times fifty-six trillion!
1 pre-pubescent female + chance to speak = stupidity liquidation sale.
In all caps. ROFL.
Jess, do you practice being that stupid, or does it come naturally?
times up. its 99400 UR THE DUMBASS
DUMBASS?! ALRIGHT THEN IF U THINK UR COOL WHATS 999X100-500 THEN???
First thing: If you’re going to try to be funny, at least spell the play on words correctly, dumbass.
Second:
FYI, women are like dirt.
Dick masterson dick masterbate LOL XD sorry dick. Im sorry for all the trouble ive caused. I must say in some religions they say men are more important than women. I know ur american and american girls voice are quite annoying. But you wouldnt have been born if there was no females in the world. Maybe you like women. Its probably the feminist bit u dont like.
There is no logical reason to put laundry away. Leave it on the floor. Who cares.
-Dick
This article was so mantacular that my penis grew just by reading it. Not due to an erection. I mean it increased in overall average size and mass, permanently.
If these posts keep getting better, I may end up with a cock larger than my car.
That was a funny one.
@ censure; Welcome back, buddy.
This is the best article on this site so far.
Priceless, Dick.
This line, especially: “looking desperate, arrogant, and used all at the same time.”
Here’s an excerpt from a particularly silly email recently sent to me by some cow when it finally became clear to her that I had absolutely no interest in her. Doesn’t this sound “desperate”, “arrogant” and “used” all at the same time?
First, the arrogance:
“My natural language (emotion, etc) is Chinese. I recognize that not
many people in the spheres I hang around with speak Chinese, so I have had to learn English. I’ve learned it very well. So well in fact, that only people who are very close to me know that Chinese is my preferred language. But here’s the rub–you don’t speak any Chinese. I”m not even sure you know the alphabet. I don’t mean that as an insult in any way, okay? You’ve just never had to learn it. You’ve had great success building your career by using your brain, and speaking English to the world.”
Apart from how telling the last line is, then comes the desperation:
“Good God–here’s a thought–what if you had a child like me? How on earth would you manage to deal with a kid who burst into tears when you asked for a logical reason why the laundry wasn’t put away as you expected, even though your child had tried to explain that what her best friend said at lunch completely unhinged her and made it impossible to complete her chores?”
Then, the used:
“As an FYI–I have forgiven you, if that means anything to you. I”m not sure you care in the least though, because I noticed you never apologized.”
Back to desperation:
“Now. Do I want to keep in touch with you? Not consistently, I don’t think. I don’t think you realize how seriously I was wounded by all of this, and I still need some space. Right now, you could tell me water is wet, and I would still ask you to show me the puddle in order to prove it.”
I know, I know: WTF?
I saved this email just for this kind of occasion.
Chris
That’s good.
-wolfe
I know guys with bad attitudes and a pre-existing hatred of women who would be bodyguards for mediocre pay.
You would need an entire Army battalion to keep him safe. The venue, if it went through with it, would be boycotted based on “women discrimination”. There would be picketers outside for weeks before. Men seen going in would be heckled, catcalled. News groups would show up to report on: “Famous women-hating nazi terrorist and his cult show up to discuss the next 9-11″.
If Germaine Greer showed up however, there would be a ticker-tape parade, and news groups would report on, “famous, controversial women’s hero shows up to speak”.
This entry was so damn funny — I’m in awe. People can say what the will — Dick is one of the most astute observers of human behavior out there.
Dick your Contribution to Mankind is Priceless, Always Refreshing.
Those bits made me lough out loud. Another great article.
not true, I’d go. Actually, there’s a woman out there with something that may even be called the “vagina monologues” but it’s not worth listening to or knowing the title.
I’d love to see dick live on stage. I’d bring my friends to meet men. Hey, it’s gotta be better than a personal ad.
It won’t work. The fascists will make sure it gets banned after the first few performances. And even if that doesn’t work, I’m sure those evil feminists will threaten each venue with a boycott for hosting such a manly event.
Funny though, I’m sure if someone wanted to host the ‘Vagina Monologues’ that they wouldn’t have a problem with that.
“Women who place personal ads are ugly as shit and dumb. The only way they could be less self-aware was if their hair was on fire.”
There’s nothing I enjoy more than a bit of Dick in my ear. This shit is GOLDEN. I recommend you initiate a traveling menarebetterthanwomen show. Just you, on stage, a mic and a piano. It would be epic.
Desperate News, Bad News.
-Dick
Well Dick. You are not kidding about the unfuckable part. Thats the only beauty of a woman who is seeking a date. She is guarenteed to put out, providing you don’t put the bitch down first.
I remember shacking up with a chick at some halloween party. She waits until I get her home before a) Removing her fake eyelashes (what the fuck is that crap about) and b) Telling me she has a kid. I mean come on. I was 19 at the time (the harlot in question being 22) – what do they expect you to do when that is thrown in your face. Get out, stay out.
But no matter how shitty the news is, the majority of them are at least worth a bit of man to gland combat – but only because they will do anything and have no demands of their own. Just how it should be.