Pets Are Not Children
Men are a lot like dogs. That’s right, that’s what I said. Talk to any woman about anything and eventually she’ll tell you exactly the same thing.
Men are dogs.
Of course, just like any other time a woman opens her mouth, she doesn’t have any fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s right only because women vomit words from their mouths with such a frequency that eventually she has to be right, even though she’s probably contradicting something she’s just said, or possibly jibbering in a language she doesn’t know.
If men are dogs, then women are drunken parrots with The Home Shopping Network and a credit card on speed dial. That’s why men are better pet owners than women; because the only things women know how to do are squawk and peck.
Dogs are loyal, resourceful, and they have positive attitudes. They also don’t give a shit about being too clean because that is really neurotic and ruins the fuck out of the feel of an otherwise livable home.
What could be more man-like than that? Those kinds of man-traits, that men share with dogs as well as with all the other animals in the wild that have to make their own way instead of goldbricking on the couch day-in, day-out and conjuring up reasons why weddings are important enough to spend more than dick on — make men better pet owners than women. Hands down.
Let’s take a pet’s impact on others into account first. Because that’s how men behave. Rocking the boat is inappropriate unless it’s necessary to get the job done, and when owning a guinea pig or a Chihuahua it is fucking not.
How many times have you seen a dog in a sweater or in a purse? Probably not a lot, but when you did, you can bet your ass that a man didn’t do that. A man also has never had a bunch of pictures of his pets in his wallet or his Man Bag that he’s ready to whip out on the unsuspecting at a moment’s notice. Nor will a man tell stories about his pets that are not extremely humorous; because that’s a huge waste of everyone’s time.
That’s strike one for women, who will begin a show-and-tell tale at any random point over their pet’s lifeline and finish no one knows the fuck where because there’s no point to any of it anyway. No one gives a shit if the cat turns purple in the winter time or the hamster likes the raisins more than the sunflower seeds. Leave that kind of life sucking bullshit in the diary or the equally horseshit LiveJournal.
Here’s strike two. Pets are not babies. No matter how much women want everyone to think the pug in their lap has been brewing inside of them for nine months, it fucking hasn’t. It was a few hundred bucks and there’s like a billion of them. That means no one wants to see pictures of the ugly thing, no one wants to hear about baby’s first poop, and no agency is going to come haul anyone away if the fucker misses a few meals. It’s not a big deal.
I’m not even going to make the third point that men are better than women at being pet owners because men are better than women at taking care of things. Let me just say this. Men never complain about raising a baby do they? The midnight feedings, the constant crying; I’ve only ever heard those complaints come from women. Women who all complain about taking care of babies as often and as grandly as they can, like they’re all the Virgin fucking Mary — even if they don’t have any of their own! I don’t even know how that works.
It’s because taking care of babies or pets or classic cars comes naturally to us men. It’s our sixth sense. Our man sense. Our mighty man-empathy. The only thing women can empathize with is a cactus.
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May 13th, 2008 at 7:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: e5ad81745f47e
Devyn- Read the title of this website again, let that marinate, then proceed to comment here.
‘Men are better than women’ is not an idea. All women are whores is not an exaggeration. Do what Joseph says and follow dicks guidance if you want to be single/successful/wealthy/buried in pussy, notice i didnt say vagina, lesbians and married women have vaginas.
-Matt
May 13th, 2008 at 7:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: dab3ffacfe291
All of your comments make me a little sick, but they’re also amusing.
Because while you are undermining women and everyone in my generation, we’re already changing the world. Soon enough, your opinions won’t mean shit. So just think about it; while you’re lieing in the hospital, dieing of old age, I–and everyone in my generation–will be hauling ass to pick up the pieces from all your mistakes. By the time I have finally learned about “reality” there won’t be any more close minded, self absorbed, hypocritical assholes of your generation left to deal with. And everything you’re doing now, including the justification of your actions to a teenage girl, will have no effect on anyone in the world.
I may not be able to even vote yet, but it’s clear that I am ages ahead of you all in terms of maturity. Open your fucking eyes. It’s not the good old days of the 1950’s. Many of the most powerful CEO’s in American are WOMEN, some of the richest and most influencial people today are WOMEN, and there is a WOMAN running for president. Get your heads out of your damn asses.
So be my guest and form all the opinions you please, but when you’re prime years are up, we will be ruling the freaking world.
Remember. The women WILL get the same respect as men, because we’re getting closer everyday. And by the time it happens you’ll be too old and brittle to do anything about it. How frightening, eh?
May 13th, 2008 at 7:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: a9a45f5cb84bb
Grow the fuck up devyn then come back to us.
May 13th, 2008 at 7:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: dab3ffacfe291
And you can just go to Hell. :)
May 13th, 2008 at 8:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: dab3ffacfe291
And you’re all so clever with your comebacks.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: e5ad81745f47e
Hey devyn tune off oprah and tyra banks horse shit. and shut the fuck up about your generation im only a few years older than you.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: dab3ffacfe291
If you are then you need to get off your high horse and stop thinking you’re the freaking shit.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: e5ad81745f47e
K.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 35ab21bf6af5e
Name me three influential women shaping the course of the United States and the history of mankind. Brittney Spears, Lindsey Lohen and Paris Hilton don’t count. They are just making a bunch of lawyers rich.
Respect is earned, not given away like a woman’s panties when she sees 100 dollar bills with a guy and thinking she is going to get them from him.
Doesn’t mean that a woman will become President simply because she is running. You women would never vote her into office. Proof enough. You are 52 percent of the population in the U.S. Barack Obama should have had his ass handed to him in the first month and disappeared from the TV screens. Women can’t stand other women succeeding. That’s a fact.
How have you women changed the world? I will tell you. We can get the milk for free now, where before we had to buy (marry) it to get it. So, I can thank women for just undercutting each other and advertising and giving it way like a KMart blue light special.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 35ab21bf6af5e
How about you learn to read English? You claim to be more mature and enlightened than us all. Did you miss the opening paragraphs to this website?
Of course you did. Women are women. But this is to be expected.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: e5ad81745f47e
Its no use Joseph… Devyn isnt ready to accept the harsh reality much like most women. I seriously question Devyns Man-Hash too, its probably some feminazi. Sometimes men only learn by fucking up. Luckily we have real role models like Tom Leykis and Dick M. to show us the way.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: da5eef8ca71bd
A practice girl attacking my intellect. Well, feminists are dumb.
Why did the manhole return the vibrator?
It chipped her teeth.
***
There is no shortage of manholes in the West. In fact, there may be more manholes than people.
***
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and honest manhole, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
***
Q: How many manhole jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
***
Q: What’s wrong with manhole jokes?
A: Manholes don’t think they’re funny and people don’t think they’re jokes.
***
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving manholes?
A: Skeet.
***
Q: What do you throw to a drowning manhole?
A: Her partners.
***
Q: What do you have if three manholes are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
***
Q: What’s the difference between a manhole and a vulture?
A: The manhole gets frequent flyer miles.
***
Q: If you have a bad manhole, why not get a new one?
A: Changing manholes is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.
***
Q: How does a manhole sleep?
A: First she lies on one side and then on the other.
***
Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of manholes goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.
***
Q: What’s the difference between a manhole and a leech?
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.
***
There are two kinds of manholes: those who know the law and those who know the judge.
***
Isn’t it a shame how 99% of the manholes give the whole profession a bad name.
***
If two manholes were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
May 13th, 2008 at 9:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 81982691b3683
You know,the kid aside, someone explain to me how women can go on about how they tried when their son becomes a rapists or a murderer?I really hate that excuse,”BAAAAAAAW I TRIED MY BEST”. That is for children and math tests, not motherhood and shitty parenting. Especially when women say NOTHING about the women who fuck so many guys they can’t find the father or the ones who lie and use the court systems to keep the children from their father.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2bc5844a0f6c6
what is wrong with you…..you need some help from a psychiatrist….and so does dick
May 13th, 2008 at 11:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 81982691b3683
English motherfucker, DO YOU SPEAK IT?
May 14th, 2008 at 12:17 am - IP Man-Hash: da5eef8ca71bd
These manholes remind me that there is nothing more justifiably hilarious than domestic abuse. Not only are the reactions funny, so too is the manhole for begging for such treatment with her widdle feet crossed behind her ears.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:35 am - IP Man-Hash: dab3ffacfe291
Alright. Since I’ve come to a conclusion that this is a huge waste of time, I will give you all some satisfaction and I won’t come back on.
But I would like to mention the fact that before, when I had a legit argument, only one of you had the balls to reply. But as soon as I admitted I was 15, you all freaking attacked. You must have a lot of pride. Dumbasses.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 35ab21bf6af5e
Wonderful. But I don’t believe you. When was the last time a woman ever meant what she said?
May 14th, 2008 at 3:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 35ab21bf6af5e
I take that back. No more sex.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:25 am - IP Man-Hash: d1e91a76a551c
i respect men for the good they did……..but the boys here are good for nothing….they sound like they still need their mothers