Pets Are Not Children
Men are a lot like dogs. That’s right, that’s what I said. Talk to any woman about anything and eventually she’ll tell you exactly the same thing.
Men are dogs.
Of course, just like any other time a woman opens her mouth, she doesn’t have any fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s right only because women vomit words from their mouths with such a frequency that eventually she has to be right, even though she’s probably contradicting something she’s just said, or possibly jibbering in a language she doesn’t know.
If men are dogs, then women are drunken parrots with The Home Shopping Network and a credit card on speed dial. That’s why men are better pet owners than women; because the only things women know how to do are squawk and peck.
Dogs are loyal, resourceful, and they have positive attitudes. They also don’t give a shit about being too clean because that is really neurotic and ruins the fuck out of the feel of an otherwise livable home.
What could be more man-like than that? Those kinds of man-traits, that men share with dogs as well as with all the other animals in the wild that have to make their own way instead of goldbricking on the couch day-in, day-out and conjuring up reasons why weddings are important enough to spend more than dick on — make men better pet owners than women. Hands down.
Let’s take a pet’s impact on others into account first. Because that’s how men behave. Rocking the boat is inappropriate unless it’s necessary to get the job done, and when owning a guinea pig or a Chihuahua it is fucking not.
How many times have you seen a dog in a sweater or in a purse? Probably not a lot, but when you did, you can bet your ass that a man didn’t do that. A man also has never had a bunch of pictures of his pets in his wallet or his Man Bag that he’s ready to whip out on the unsuspecting at a moment’s notice. Nor will a man tell stories about his pets that are not extremely humorous; because that’s a huge waste of everyone’s time.
That’s strike one for women, who will begin a show-and-tell tale at any random point over their pet’s lifeline and finish no one knows the fuck where because there’s no point to any of it anyway. No one gives a shit if the cat turns purple in the winter time or the hamster likes the raisins more than the sunflower seeds. Leave that kind of life sucking bullshit in the diary or the equally horseshit LiveJournal.
Here’s strike two. Pets are not babies. No matter how much women want everyone to think the pug in their lap has been brewing inside of them for nine months, it fucking hasn’t. It was a few hundred bucks and there’s like a billion of them. That means no one wants to see pictures of the ugly thing, no one wants to hear about baby’s first poop, and no agency is going to come haul anyone away if the fucker misses a few meals. It’s not a big deal.
I’m not even going to make the third point that men are better than women at being pet owners because men are better than women at taking care of things. Let me just say this. Men never complain about raising a baby do they? The midnight feedings, the constant crying; I’ve only ever heard those complaints come from women. Women who all complain about taking care of babies as often and as grandly as they can, like they’re all the Virgin fucking Mary — even if they don’t have any of their own! I don’t even know how that works.
It’s because taking care of babies or pets or classic cars comes naturally to us men. It’s our sixth sense. Our man sense. Our mighty man-empathy. The only thing women can empathize with is a cactus.
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I have to say Dick That I don’t believe You truly feel that way. I believe you think woman are wonderful and beautiful. Maybe a little frustrating at times yes. I know your site is all about bashing women, and you have to stay true to form. But do you really mean all those horrible things you say? How could men live without us? We do things with you we could never do with a cactus.
This site is a joke, right? I could never imagine a person who wasn’t molested, beaten and mentally abused as a child being able to create this site seriously. But being that Dick is such a big jokester, we know his shit has never been pushed in – it only comes out… and somehow gets published? Oh, wait! It’s all just a big, hilarious joke! One so great that Dick is actually a brilliant master mind in exposing the followers of this webpage for the kind of people they really are. He is writing his thesis on male behavior and this site is his research center.
The next segment of his research will have him delving into the pasts of his specimens. He will find out just how much of the wrong ingredients (violence, molestation, hatred, etc.) mixed with unfortunate personality traits (insecurities, temper, deviance, neuroticism, etc.) it will take to make the so-called “male chauvinist.” Stay tuned!
Sites American almost all its posters are UK
Seriously I am with you Kelsy. Is this site in the UK? Im in the US. What in the hell are we doing in Afghanistan? Bush kept pushing that we have to help women in Afghanistan. Looks like Afghanistan has come to us. Did you people have mothers?
Grand. This stuff is way over society’s head.
i’m glad i stumbled on this site- haha what the hilarity!! clearly this man has had a LOT of down time to think up this shit
I applaud the existence of satirists like Dick Masterson, as well.
ISeeYou’reInTouchWithYourInnerCactusToday
I simply, do not understand how people can read these posts, and agree with this man. His points are ridiculous. Yes, it is true that women will complain about the baby crying, or midnight feedings; however, men also do this. To say that men never complain about this, is absolutely absurd. I am appalled that men like you actually exist.
biggest pet peeve and shame to women ever, sad how true it is, it’s exactly why I don’t have pets, last time I did he was a warm DOG that slept next to me…not a child…plus he was wayyy to big to fit in a purse…he was a real dog
Sorry we aint fans of queers either.
Wow… This has a ring of truth to it. I’m glad I’m gay – I think if i had to share my house with a woman, I’d beat the shit out if her.
This is a sociological gold mine. It is true that women no longer need men for conception. It is also true that women can do all the things men can do. I can’t believe the stupidity on here, how do stupid people find each other and create abominations like this? I’m no feminist either. I know that it’s a valued skill to be able to make a good sammich and it better include bacon. I know that men loove their sports and their violence and they like a good back rub every once in a while. But I agree with Johnny, until you’ve given birth, or been abandoned by some guy who’s too chicken to man up and support a family he created by adding his weak sperm, and until you realize that anyone and I mean ANYONE that sticks up for their right to be treated as a human isn’t a loser, then you have a lot to learn. When I say ‘you’ I mean every single guy on here who’s called a woman stupid or a bitch or a slut or a feminazi for absolutely no reason. YOU are in for a rude awakening. I hope YOU end up in court for battering a woman and your prosecutor and your judge are female. You’ll end up behind bars with all men, which I know is just what you want. You will have lots of time to contemplate the intrinsic value of women.
FUCK OFF YOU ILLITERATE CUNT.
Very mature, you are truly setting a precedent for the greatness of men
i know right, if he can’t argue back he calls you names, poor thing, doesn’t know any different i suppose
Shut up cunt.
make me, biatch :P
I dont like how you compare whores to parrots… Parrots are decent animals demeaning them this way is unfair.
Then go fuck your parrot, tape it too please that would highly amuse me.
LOL, Dick you are my hero. I’ve never seen so many pissed off women in one place in my life. Its fucking great. You struck a nerve with these fucking cunts and its pissing them off. The best part is the child like repsonses calling you a child.
Women like to think they are more mature and beyond childish behaviour yet post after post is some bitch screaming her tits off about how gay you are or how you can’t get laid blah blah blah.
LOL, I fucking love you man. Fuck these these stupid, greedy, chauvinistic cunts.
You’re a fag, you are a useless smudge of revolting pigeon droppings that is a demented blob of hairy braised pus and a inhuman clump of testy drain clogs.
I am very pissed off, rawr.
I think Dick Masterson forgets the fact that his dear mother was the one who went through incredible pain to birth him. Or did she die in child birth rearing such a disgusting abomination? I hope she did so she didn’t have to see what a great man you’ve turned into.
Until you can say that you’ve given birth then you cannot say that men do everything and everything better.
Right there your argument is moot.
I’m probably not the only one who has said this..
But I find it rather commical a man who has so much hate towards his counterpart species has the words Dick and Master in his name..
Dick master..Master of dicks. If you hate women so much, be a homosexual. Become whats in your name..A Dick master. I’m sure you’d be good at it. Leave all the women to us real men.
You are a boy and with age and experience you might become a man.
You’re an idiot.
and Dick Masterson looks like that gay biker from the village people
I find that extremely hilarious seeing a bunch of macho wannabe men who show such disdain towards women frolicking towards their idol who just so happens to look like one of the members of the village people.
This is a site for gay men to bash straight women isn’t it?
Laughable.
>implying that explaining why men are better than women makes a person gay
Shouldn’t a male that has reached this site have grown out of the homophobic phase during their childhood? The Original Commenter (Johnny Mackenzie) is a tool, huh? lulz.
You’re pretty dumb. Its a simple observation.
Man who looks like gay biker from village people runs a site that bashes women..
Nuff said.
Watcher..I wonder if the doctor dropped you on your head when you were younger.
My point is, women give birth.
Men do not. Thus Men do not do everything.
Thats simple logic right there.
Now if you would like to give child birth
please do so. And tell me how it feels.
Because it seems you can hide behind facts and say this or that..But have you ever experienced it for your self? No.
So sit down act like a good boy and shut the fuck up
>implying that men don’t have anything to contribute to during birth and women aren’t held responsible for their choice to birth a kid
HURR DURR
Wow you’re actually retarded. I never said men didn’t have anything to contribute while a women is giving birth.
You’re such a freaking moron it’s actually quite unbelievable..
HURR DURRR
Rather I never “implied”
>implying that calling a someone names makes you right
>Women give birth. Men do not.
>implying that sperm does not contribute to giving birth
Lrn2Derp less
Stop implying that I imply all this bullshit you think i’m implying.
I’m making an observation because it really seems like you have some sort of disability in the cognitive functions of your brain.
Here I’ll make it so incredibly simple that a kid with down syndrome can figure it out.
This is what I am implying
A.) you’re a fucking idiot..I believe I made that clear enough that it doesn’t have to be implied any more.
B.) That women give birth, men do not.. Again I don’t believe I need to imply this any further..but alas..I guess I’m dealing with someone who has less intelligence than a kid in preschool.
Now this does not imply that men do not contribute in anyway to “conception” you know what that word means right?
I’m not quite sure you do..because it seems like you’ve got giving birth..and conception confused.
Contributing to conception is very much different than giving birth.
Are you really that stupid?
Johnny fuckwit, you’re a CUNT and no mistake – now FUCK off and get a sex change!!
Bitch!
Awesome..You realize you’ve just made your self look even more like a complete fucking loser. Congratulations I didn’t think that was possible.
Yeah, try thinking before you type something down. You’re calling me a retard because you can’t handle the fact that someone is pointing out what you’re implying.
Good job correcting yourself using what I told you how’s about an A+ for your effort to study? You should try to make a point without implying a many others and in the process getting your pants in a bunch. I understand what Watcher is getting at, you disregard your screw ups and criticize others because of your insecurities… or just call them stupid. A woman’s tactic.
Also…
>preschool
>school
>implying preschools normally teach kids the concept of giving birth at a grade that gets children used to school
You ignore my points simply because they oppose your own. You divert attention away by saying I’m implying all these things; Essentially you’re putting words in my mouth that I have not said, and you take what I say out of context in order to spin it into your own demented logic.
You can strawman all you want
You appeal to authority.
your argument is non existent.
You are a sheep
you are a follower.
you cannot think for your self
and anything that even slightly disturbs your reality
you will freak out and go on defensive at a moments notice. This idealism stems from ignorance and insecurity. Do not project that unto me.
You are weak
And because you are weak you feel you need to control every aspect of your life.
You are quite pathetic.
I call you idiots and retards because that’s all I see.
I’m sorry. It’s a simple observation.
I’m not implying kids learn about conception or birth at preschool. What I am implying is that a child in preschool probably has the intelligence to understand that conception and child birth are not the same thing.
Though I’m giving this preschooler some credit for being smarter than you.. The fact of the matter is that you have failed to understand the difference between conception and birth.
“you disregard your screw ups and criticize others because of your insecurities… or just call them stupid. A woman’s tactic.”
What insecurities? You contradict your self with your very own statement..What do you do to women all the time but call them names and treat them as lower class citizens not worthy of a second thought.
Gimme a fucking break. You’re a fucking loser.
Psst, Johnny, he does not actually care, all he wants is a reaction.
Dick masterson himself said this site was a satire.
He contridicts himself a lot, often quite obviously, but usually with much humour.
He himself employs females for non-sexual based roles.
I too took this site seriously when i first got here, i was childish and i admit that.
There are valid points in these articles if you take it as what it is, a joke – BASED ON – truth, but by no means truth itself.
Some people are not worth responding to on this site, but if you look closely you might learn some things, just my advise.
>implying that weakness comes from being called so
lol u butthurt, bro?
Alina, I do truly believe that men are better than women, but getting someone pissed is more enjoyable than defending something.
There are logical reason to believe both sides, I just do not like how females are socially, or legally.
You troll people you said that yourself, but it also makes most of what you say not really worth responding to unless it’s for fun.
Having the desire to defend makes it that much believable and makes the bait… stronger. Know whaddam sayin’?
Nevertheless, once Johnny reads a bit past his recent speech about my inferiority and respect to authority, he may as well rip his hair out. Amirite?
Most likely
This is for fun. You seem to be implying that I care oh so much simply because I write large paragraphs. Apparently to you. Large paragraphs = person taking shit way to seriously.
In regards to authority..it’s not about respecting people such as Dick who make statements under the pretense
“men are better than women, so men are a better than women” This statement is a logical fallacy.
Dick says men are better than women, so it must be true. That is an example of Appeal to Authority.
“If I said. women are better then men, so women are better then men” and you agreed with me. You will be appealing to my authority although my statement is false because I’m no authority on this. And neither is anyone else. Your self and Dick included.
I like to argue and debate. I find this fun. I could care less if he’s trolling for a reaction
You’ve got to stop putting subtext under what I’m saying.
Implying that I’m implying certain things does not mean I’m implying those things.
Actually if you take what I say verbatim..you’d understand that what I’m saying is pretty straight forward.
My observations regarding certain people being stupid/retarded has to do with things they say..
Such as Vince not knowing the difference between Conception and Birth
And Watcher bringing up facts about childbirth when he has never experienced it himself
Regarding Birth
“I am saying it is a crappy reason to call us equal, actually being equal is a far better argument.”
you missed my point entirely.
Lets not even mention the fact that you are defending, Pointlessly I might add an argument in which you have no experience in..yet.
I never once said that pregnancy is a reason to call women equal.
No I do not believe that pregnancy should be a measure for equality between men and women
It was a simple example to show that men can’t do everything.
Apparently you failed to understand this
And Now Alina. I have to call you stupid.
Johnny, that’s rather a verbose way of calling yourself a moronic cunt – next time just cut to the chase.
Hi, I’m Johnny the moronic cunt! Pleased to meet you.
Now you are making assumptions as to what i meant as apposed to what i said, I like you was simply sharing a view with some advice, No person alive is going to completely understand a persons angle, especially in this medium.
You just did to me exactly what you called Vince stupid for, do i need to keep explaining where im going with that?
You sat there calling people stupid for making assumptions, then you do it yourself.
I see you failed to understand that.
So by your own views, you’re an idiot, idiot.
Not necessarily, bro. I’m laughing at the effort put into your speech. Although repeating the idea that I can’t think for myself 5 times wasn’t all that bright.
8/10 – For repetitivity.
The implying bit was funny- I mean… let’s face it…
>implying that all true implications are the ones that the original speaker likes
>implying that disagreeing with you means I’m following someone else
>implying that I’ve ever disagreed with you
I’ve been pointing out your implications that you deem negative or pointing out your stupidity and criticizing you. I’ve actually only truly said I disagree with you while talking to Alina only a few comments back- long after you started implying I was disagreeing with you.
u sensitive, bro?
Trollface
“Although repeating the idea that I can’t think for myself 5 times wasn’t all that bright.”
Well I truly think you can’t think for your self.
How is this different from your stance on women?
Apparently you truly think men are better than women.
Is it because of what they say, think and do?
In which case
You failed to understand the difference between conception and birth. You failed to understand the logical fallacy of appealing to authority…what did you say? Respect to authority? Even then you’re prime example of a person who appeals to the people, you failed to understand simple strawman arguments, you continue to add subtext to what I say so you can add implications when my stance is very clear and straight forward. You are begging the question excersizing Unstated Major Premise. You bend my words in order to subvert the actual meaning of what was said. A Non-sequitur.
A lot of these I’ve pointed out to you multiple times. Yet you give no examples of my stupidity other than your distorted subtext you’ve added to my words so you can say I imply this or I imply that. My views oppose your own.
Implying im sensitive because our views are in opposition.
I don’t need to imply that you disagree with me. Your stance has been quite clear from the begginning.
You disregard the points I bring up that lead to my blatant attack on your intelligence.
You focus on me calling you a retard or an idiot and use that as a reason to refute my argument.
Yet you either forget or fail to understand the reasons why I started calling you that in the first place.
And sure I may have implied you disagreed with me before you stated you were in disagreement with me.
My implication was correct.
Alina
Do you remember what you said regarding Birth?
You say I’m making assumptions as to what you meant as opposed to what you said?
I don’t think so. I was merely addressing what you said.
In this sentence you go on to state in regards to what I said about birth
“is a crappy reason to call us equal, actually calling us equal would have been a better argument” That is all well and dandy Alina, you are offering your views and some advice ok, but my statement had nothing to do with calling women equal or using that as an example for calling women equal. Thus your views and advice are irrelevant to my statement. If anything it was you who assumed that my statement had anything to do with pregnancy being a measure for equality between men and women.
My statement was working on the simple premise that men can’t do everything.
No I sat there calling people stupid because they said stupid things.
I sat there making a simple observation and from what I observe I forumulate
an opinion.
Talk about hypocritical. Now there’s a simple reason I point out your implications and insult:
For one, you take this crud seriously- as if I’m some sort of arch nemesis of stupidity defying your “genius”.
And also because I need time to pass while I’m at my grandparent’s place for vacation.
Pretty simple.
My observations tell me you take less time to judge people than to think.
“I think Dick Masterson forgets the fact that his dear mother was the one who went through incredible pain to birth him”
You know what? I’m getting pissed off at these, ‘Women endure great pain and hardship giving birth’ comments.
Of course it CAN be painful, exhausting even dangerous.
Let’s look at some FACTS.
Sierra Leone has the highest maternal death rate at 2,000 per 100,000, and Afghanistan has the second highest maternal death rate at 1900 maternal deaths per 100,000 live births
Lowest rates included Ireland at 0 per 100,000 and Austria at 4 per 100,000. In the United States, the maternal death rate was 11 maternal deaths per 100,000 live births in 2005. This rose to 13.3 per 100,000 in 2006.
“Lifetime risk of maternal death” accounts for number of pregnancies and risk. In sub-Saharan Africa the lifetime risk of maternal death is 1 in 16, for developed nations only 1 in 2,800.
So for women in the first world this risk of death is minimal.
Now about this HORRENDOUS pain they are supposed to endure…
The first thing most women demand is “GIVE ME GAS!! GIVE ME AN EPIDURAL!”, nearly all births in the first world are performed with some form of analgesic.
Now for the exhaustion…
Nearly half the women in the UK opt for a Caesarean section.
And remember, not ALL births are difficult or painful.
No, giving birth, at least in the first world, is hardly the torture women claim it to be!
Nor is it a great example of their entire lives, Nor is the gas ect healthy for the baby, or psychology of the mother.
The ods of mothers who kill their children due to a depressive state after childbirth (its a real and proven disorder dont bother argueing it >_>) is greatly increased if not only accurs when these drugs are taken to numb the pain. On top of that the natural endorphins the female body produces is a natural sedative, and also pleasurable, in its own way.
“The human body also has a chemical response to pain, by releasing endorphins. Endorphins are present before, during, and immediately after childbirth.[14] Some homebirth advocates believe that this hormone can induce feelings of pleasure and euphoria during childbirth,[15] reducing the risk of maternal depression some weeks later.[14]”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childbirth
ADD also exists don’t bother arguing about it. Everything is a disease as long as it has to do with how someone acts.
“Everything is a disease as long as it has to do with how someone acts.”
You cretinous TWAT!!
So morals or a creed is disease – MORON!!!
You respond like that to chauvinistic males also, I am genuinely impressed.
Also ADD is not a disease; in fact no behavioural acts have ever been called a disease ever.
Crazy is not even considered medically wrong, it is simply socially unacceptable behaviour, like killing people, or getting raped to death by a horse in main street.
@Vince.
Sorry I was so harsh. This IS a forum for men to speak their mind unfettered by convention or opinion, I believe you were wrong in your assertion, I should not have shot you down with such vituperation (another word for Alina to look up).
Sorry bro.
In that context i doubt anyone would need to look it up.
Not saying this in regard to myself, because you ARE respectful to me, and i appreciate it, but should you not respond to people based on content not gender?
In addition to that, “Mangina’s” are still male, and flamed equally as bad as the others, how does that fit?
It’s cool, bro. I just went for the ADD bit to mock the idea that depression after or during birth is a disease.
“No, giving birth, at least in the first world, is hardly the torture women claim it to be! ”
Comming from a person who has absolutely no possible way of experiencing child birth for themselves..
I’ll take what you say with a grain of salt.
Im a girl, I said it and so have others.
I am not saying it does not hurt -because i do not know-
I am saying it is a crappy reason to call us equal, actually being equal is a far better argument.
Not lulzy enough.
Dumb bitch Alyssa, you cant do shit. You pathetic feminists can hide behind a screen and make threats. If you feminazis could do anything a man can, then half of the inventions/discoveries would be made by females. Men did everything and on their own, you lowlife feminists only try to take credit for men’s accomplishments and put down men and make society believe men and women are “equal”. Men are the superior sex and even women who arent part of your pathetic feminist kind know it. And men wont stoop to your level and threaten you with violence. Plus, you like the rest of the dumb feminazis are just weak lil bitches who wish they could “kick a man’s ass”.
you’re right propagation of an entire species, men did that entirely on their own..
You’re stupid.
The greatest thing a woman can do is to give birth to a son!
Thank your mother for giving birth to you then. Without her. And this is a fact. YOU would not be here.
Without your father, YOU would not be here.
Double edged blade on that one.
Regardless You should thank your parents equally for your existence.
This has to be a joke right? This really is the most pathetic site i have ever seen in my whole life. People are equal no matter what, only a pathetic child would say any different and you group of low life woman haters are getting laughed at by REAL men who are not mentally disabled.
Good day.
Ok lets play this game. If you believe in eugenics and superior beings. I am a blue eye blonde hair caucasian girl (which I AM) im better and superior over ANY male who is not. So go on worthless male get to working like a mule for me. Hahaha
LOL, Dick Materson sucks his dog’s cock because he can’t get laid. =D
After writing that , you must have been thinking that you are so awesome na?
Idiot.