Pets Are Not Children
Men are a lot like dogs. That’s right, that’s what I said. Talk to any woman about anything and eventually she’ll tell you exactly the same thing.
Men are dogs.
Of course, just like any other time a woman opens her mouth, she doesn’t have any fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s right only because women vomit words from their mouths with such a frequency that eventually she has to be right, even though she’s probably contradicting something she’s just said, or possibly jibbering in a language she doesn’t know.
If men are dogs, then women are drunken parrots with The Home Shopping Network and a credit card on speed dial. That’s why men are better pet owners than women; because the only things women know how to do are squawk and peck.
Dogs are loyal, resourceful, and they have positive attitudes. They also don’t give a shit about being too clean because that is really neurotic and ruins the fuck out of the feel of an otherwise livable home.
What could be more man-like than that? Those kinds of man-traits, that men share with dogs as well as with all the other animals in the wild that have to make their own way instead of goldbricking on the couch day-in, day-out and conjuring up reasons why weddings are important enough to spend more than dick on — make men better pet owners than women. Hands down.
Let’s take a pet’s impact on others into account first. Because that’s how men behave. Rocking the boat is inappropriate unless it’s necessary to get the job done, and when owning a guinea pig or a Chihuahua it is fucking not.
How many times have you seen a dog in a sweater or in a purse? Probably not a lot, but when you did, you can bet your ass that a man didn’t do that. A man also has never had a bunch of pictures of his pets in his wallet or his Man Bag that he’s ready to whip out on the unsuspecting at a moment’s notice. Nor will a man tell stories about his pets that are not extremely humorous; because that’s a huge waste of everyone’s time.
That’s strike one for women, who will begin a show-and-tell tale at any random point over their pet’s lifeline and finish no one knows the fuck where because there’s no point to any of it anyway. No one gives a shit if the cat turns purple in the winter time or the hamster likes the raisins more than the sunflower seeds. Leave that kind of life sucking bullshit in the diary or the equally horseshit LiveJournal.
Here’s strike two. Pets are not babies. No matter how much women want everyone to think the pug in their lap has been brewing inside of them for nine months, it fucking hasn’t. It was a few hundred bucks and there’s like a billion of them. That means no one wants to see pictures of the ugly thing, no one wants to hear about baby’s first poop, and no agency is going to come haul anyone away if the fucker misses a few meals. It’s not a big deal.
I’m not even going to make the third point that men are better than women at being pet owners because men are better than women at taking care of things. Let me just say this. Men never complain about raising a baby do they? The midnight feedings, the constant crying; I’ve only ever heard those complaints come from women. Women who all complain about taking care of babies as often and as grandly as they can, like they’re all the Virgin fucking Mary — even if they don’t have any of their own! I don’t even know how that works.
It’s because taking care of babies or pets or classic cars comes naturally to us men. It’s our sixth sense. Our man sense. Our mighty man-empathy. The only thing women can empathize with is a cactus.
Related Articles:
Pages: « 22 … 15 14 13 12 11 [10] 9 8 7 6 5 … 1 » Show All
There’s an exception to every rule. And USMC Ret has just pointed out a damn good one in the case of sweaters on dogs. I never thought of it because I’ve never owned a breed that wasn’t bred for cold climes.
On behalf of the veteran Marines I taught this past year, Hoorah!
-wolfe
No worries AwesomeDoer.. men make mistakes.. like letting a woman drive.
Difference is we men admit and fix our mistakes and not just try to hide them.
Sorry to USMC Ret in Spokane and all the men. I just read part of the comment and let my hate for women take over. I assumed, incorrectly, that it was a women. I am over eager to argue with women. -1000 man points for me. You do what you want with that dog, man. Let it smoke a cigar while where steel toed boots!!
To the women: don’t let this mistake reflect badly on the men posting here. I still don’t like women.
Oops, I think I completely misread that comment, I take it back, I’m totally confused. Sorry.
Again, women are the ones who resort to violence and threats. And what the fuck does being in the Marine Corps have to do with dog sweaters. What does anyone’s profession have to do with it? “I’m an Accounant, and if I want to fucking put a fucking sweater on my fucking dog, YOU CAN’T STOP ME. Might I remind you, I use a calculator for a living, watch out.”
By the way, how would you like it if someone threatened you? I guess you’d just shoot to kill, right?
I’m glad to see that you are proud to be a murderer. It warms my heart.
Again, women are the ones who resort to violence and threats. And what the fuck does being in the Marine Corps have to do with dog sweaters. What does anyone’s profession have to do with it? “I’m an Accounant, and if I want to fucking put a fucking sweater on my fucking dog, YOU CAN’T STOP ME. Might I remind you, I use a calculator for a living, watch out.”
By the way, how would you like it if someone threatened you? I guess you’d just shoot to kill, right?
I’m glad to see that you are proud to be a murderer. It warms my heart.
Put two sweaters on that dog!
Men are better than women.
-Dick
Very manly statement!
YAY!!!!!!!
Dogs in sweaters: people, generally men, sometimes put sweaters on dogs because the dog needs a sweater because it’s cold for that breed. When I lived in Marquette Michigan, I put a sweater and boots on my elderly American Staffordshire Terrier [of memory, sadly] in the winter because it was simply inhumane to do otherwise. Putting a sweater on a Malemute would be crazy in the same circumstance. Only a woman would do that.
Also, to all the men and women here, after 24 years in the Marine Corps, if I want to put a f–king sweater on my f–king dog I’ll f–king do it. Anyone who objects needs to be reminded that I used to kill people for a living.
Note to veterinarians and women everywhere: I’m not my dog’s “Daddy”. I’m his owner. Do I look like a Springer Spaniel?
Wait. no…. “happy smokes”
Maybe she means .. homosexual cigarettes?
Speak sense cunt.
Pardon?
You Gay Fag?
FEEL THE POWER OF TRUTH BITCH!
Lol
Funny the little girls can’t argue but they can try to act like a man in order to shame us more from a make believe mans point of view.
Nice going Tracy Bi-son of a cunt. Maybe one day you will learn who and what you really are. Just a silly little cunt.
I see your honesty is only topped by your personality, intellect, and character.
You are a slutty little liar. Now turn your fat ass around and leave in shame. Or wobble out the best you can with your hilarious warped hips and bloated chest.
“It’s no coincidence that mans best friend cant talk”
almost forgot - whole reason I put this up here. My ex got my son to say this, too, by giving popsicles and threatening to keep beating him if he didn’t. (She beats him any way.)
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1 055423997
“I love my momma” spoken by dogs in order to get doggie treats from their “mommas” - stupid bitches don’t even know they are proving they’re bitches!