Pets Are Not Children
Men are a lot like dogs. That’s right, that’s what I said. Talk to any woman about anything and eventually she’ll tell you exactly the same thing.
Men are dogs.
Of course, just like any other time a woman opens her mouth, she doesn’t have any fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s right only because women vomit words from their mouths with such a frequency that eventually she has to be right, even though she’s probably contradicting something she’s just said, or possibly jibbering in a language she doesn’t know.
If men are dogs, then women are drunken parrots with The Home Shopping Network and a credit card on speed dial. That’s why men are better pet owners than women; because the only things women know how to do are squawk and peck.
Dogs are loyal, resourceful, and they have positive attitudes. They also don’t give a shit about being too clean because that is really neurotic and ruins the fuck out of the feel of an otherwise livable home.
What could be more man-like than that? Those kinds of man-traits, that men share with dogs as well as with all the other animals in the wild that have to make their own way instead of goldbricking on the couch day-in, day-out and conjuring up reasons why weddings are important enough to spend more than dick on — make men better pet owners than women. Hands down.
Let’s take a pet’s impact on others into account first. Because that’s how men behave. Rocking the boat is inappropriate unless it’s necessary to get the job done, and when owning a guinea pig or a Chihuahua it is fucking not.
How many times have you seen a dog in a sweater or in a purse? Probably not a lot, but when you did, you can bet your ass that a man didn’t do that. A man also has never had a bunch of pictures of his pets in his wallet or his Man Bag that he’s ready to whip out on the unsuspecting at a moment’s notice. Nor will a man tell stories about his pets that are not extremely humorous; because that’s a huge waste of everyone’s time.
That’s strike one for women, who will begin a show-and-tell tale at any random point over their pet’s lifeline and finish no one knows the fuck where because there’s no point to any of it anyway. No one gives a shit if the cat turns purple in the winter time or the hamster likes the raisins more than the sunflower seeds. Leave that kind of life sucking bullshit in the diary or the equally horseshit LiveJournal.
Here’s strike two. Pets are not babies. No matter how much women want everyone to think the pug in their lap has been brewing inside of them for nine months, it fucking hasn’t. It was a few hundred bucks and there’s like a billion of them. That means no one wants to see pictures of the ugly thing, no one wants to hear about baby’s first poop, and no agency is going to come haul anyone away if the fucker misses a few meals. It’s not a big deal.
I’m not even going to make the third point that men are better than women at being pet owners because men are better than women at taking care of things. Let me just say this. Men never complain about raising a baby do they? The midnight feedings, the constant crying; I’ve only ever heard those complaints come from women. Women who all complain about taking care of babies as often and as grandly as they can, like they’re all the Virgin fucking Mary — even if they don’t have any of their own! I don’t even know how that works.
It’s because taking care of babies or pets or classic cars comes naturally to us men. It’s our sixth sense. Our man sense. Our mighty man-empathy. The only thing women can empathize with is a cactus.
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*Laughing Out Loud* Genius!
We will be looking forward to your stand up act at the Apollo! A+ originality!
men are not dogs…..dogs are faithful and loyal creatures…….if you hate a dog then call it a man…..now thats an insult
Canadian and American women are retarded ditch pigs who deserve to have piss and shit smeared in their faces.
This is probably the most truest article ever written. Well done sir.
Q. Why do women have so many problems raising children?
A. Because they give into the child’s wishes by giving them attention through screaming and acting hysterical.
Children learn through their parents and when their mother acts selfish, guess what, the child will assume that crying and bitching will get you what you want in life.
i think dick maybe has no dick LOL
Oh YES!
I was fortunate enough to have my wife bring in one of these ‘little children with fur coats’ and set it loose on my yard. The little bastards are destructive. Lets see what did this child cost me?
1. Sewer line from septic to field lines. (Decided to make itself a swimming pool)
2 Water pipes under the house. (PVC makes good chew toys)
3 All the insulating material under the house. (fiberglass yummies!)
4 anything at floor to 2 feet above floor level. cabinets furniture tools…
5 1 .410 shell #4 shot and 50 dollars to a buddy to haul it off. “I dunno it wasn’t here when I got home. I looked all over the neighborhood but I didn’t see it. Maybe the pound picked it up lets go see”
OH and #6 .97 cents worth of gas for the trip to the pound :) Gas used to be cheap….
total damages… about $13,270 in repairs. The thing was a trash compactor destroying everything I owned and lived in. It even chewed the damned floor joists all to hell. Sadly, we seem to have acquired another one from somewhere while I was away on business. Judging from the damages beginning now, I will be reloading again… soon…
IF you own something like this, its not a kid. It’s an animal. Improperly raised, it is a destructive pest. Women fail to see this and will take the destructive animal over home and property every time. I on the other hand liked having a roof over my head and a working toilet, as well as the tools that bring extra money to us so we can live properly and not like street bums whose only possession is the ‘kid’ that destroyed all the other things and put us there.
I think I was more than generous, considering all the chances that were given, allowing the damages to escalate. Enough was enough. Patience has limits.
Speaking of pet stories worth a fuck;
This takes place back in high school when me and my dog were living with my mom and her cats (notice how subjects were presented in order of importance against the common rule of grammar).
My mom’s cats suck, it is the inherent nature of a cat to do so. One day it sucked to bad it had to vomit. Sitting on the windowsill it regurgitated a 5 inch high pile of cat vomit which sat for about as long as it took for my dog to get a whiff of the nutrient rich substance and charge in to chow down spending his sweet time cleaning every last bit of that area of carpet.
As great as my dog is, whatever sucking the cat had done to make it vomit had stayed with the food because it made my dog vomit. Not that it matters because he cleaned that up as well. I did put that mutt outside though, as the food being more and more digested each time it was vomited would be harder and harder to get out of the carpet. Lo’ and behold he did vomit again but as I am a man with important things to do I was not entertained enough to continue ignoring my responsibilities.
I should however let it be known that, although I do not know how many times this cycle repeated, my dog did finish his meal and did not bitch about it.
.
in an animal related topic on the few merits of cats I often find rabbit remains in the order of feet only (merit for cats for killing lame animals). While I could not find any supporting theories I believe it is possible that the luckiness of rabbits’ feet comes from that it is often the part of the rabbit not eaten (due to low nutrition and plenty of connective tissues) rather than blind ignorant superstition.
hahaha LiveJournal PWNED!!
Actually, a third of paedophiles are women. Fucking idiot.
i think a woman in Dicks life hurt him verry much and thats why he is soooooo angry :)) stupid man!! he is fo fucking miserable.
all men are PEDOFILS!!!!!
men are pedofiles
Dick obviously needs a cock
My Uncle Randy jerked off to this story twice
Yeah….. next time you want to accuse ALL woman of being bad dog owners… say it to my German Shepard, warning his been taught to attack on que!
love, dog trainer
Well, my stepdad wasnt’ Peter Perfect, but, God bless him…he showed me a thing or two about the female lot early on. Hell, he civilized me! I wouldn’t even have table manners if he didn’t condescend to give shit.
That’s because mommy dearest didn’t give a shit, I learned. For example, we’d be having some good, clean horseplay and he’d put his hand over my face to smother me till I just about blacked out! This was right in front of my GD mother! She did nothing. What a self-aborbed hosebag. The first time he did this to me, I freaked, ‘cus I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but: intro to logic 101: think about it-why would I kill you with your mother watching, and/or I’d have to kill her too, and you know we’re playing a game. I showed intelligence and he gave me more responsibility than my siblings-this earned my respect.
Just watch little kids-they always want to be by dad. He’s sane, he’s calm. AMEN.
About the housework thing: turn it around, duh. Start criticizing her about it, and the house is no longer hers. She’s a little slave under mommy again, and helpless. It’s just like a little switch you throw under the bonnet and .
Bitch don’t lie. You’d fuck my dog for $100 and a new pair of shoes.
not everyone here hates women, but you’d have to be fucking stupid not to realize that they are in fact inferior in every way. i mean i love women…when they aren’t speaking or doing anything stupid. but on a seperate note i hope bishop gets raped by a boozed up clown. you fucking suck dipshit. yeah, why judge people on gender, it only has everything to do with they’re mentality, abilities, and personality. and if you’re too fucking stupid to figure it out, that was sarcasm because you’re completely up your own ass you fucking faggot.
Although many of the words on your website are inherently sexist, I will agree with this particular article. I get pretty fucking disgusted when I see a rat (or was that a chihuahua) dressed in a pink tutu hanging out of a purse when the thing can easily walk by itself.