Pets Are Not Children
Men are a lot like dogs. That’s right, that’s what I said. Talk to any woman about anything and eventually she’ll tell you exactly the same thing.
Men are dogs.
Of course, just like any other time a woman opens her mouth, she doesn’t have any fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s right only because women vomit words from their mouths with such a frequency that eventually she has to be right, even though she’s probably contradicting something she’s just said, or possibly jibbering in a language she doesn’t know.
If men are dogs, then women are drunken parrots with The Home Shopping Network and a credit card on speed dial. That’s why men are better pet owners than women; because the only things women know how to do are squawk and peck.
Dogs are loyal, resourceful, and they have positive attitudes. They also don’t give a shit about being too clean because that is really neurotic and ruins the fuck out of the feel of an otherwise livable home.
What could be more man-like than that? Those kinds of man-traits, that men share with dogs as well as with all the other animals in the wild that have to make their own way instead of goldbricking on the couch day-in, day-out and conjuring up reasons why weddings are important enough to spend more than dick on — make men better pet owners than women. Hands down.
Let’s take a pet’s impact on others into account first. Because that’s how men behave. Rocking the boat is inappropriate unless it’s necessary to get the job done, and when owning a guinea pig or a Chihuahua it is fucking not.
How many times have you seen a dog in a sweater or in a purse? Probably not a lot, but when you did, you can bet your ass that a man didn’t do that. A man also has never had a bunch of pictures of his pets in his wallet or his Man Bag that he’s ready to whip out on the unsuspecting at a moment’s notice. Nor will a man tell stories about his pets that are not extremely humorous; because that’s a huge waste of everyone’s time.
That’s strike one for women, who will begin a show-and-tell tale at any random point over their pet’s lifeline and finish no one knows the fuck where because there’s no point to any of it anyway. No one gives a shit if the cat turns purple in the winter time or the hamster likes the raisins more than the sunflower seeds. Leave that kind of life sucking bullshit in the diary or the equally horseshit LiveJournal.
Here’s strike two. Pets are not babies. No matter how much women want everyone to think the pug in their lap has been brewing inside of them for nine months, it fucking hasn’t. It was a few hundred bucks and there’s like a billion of them. That means no one wants to see pictures of the ugly thing, no one wants to hear about baby’s first poop, and no agency is going to come haul anyone away if the fucker misses a few meals. It’s not a big deal.
I’m not even going to make the third point that men are better than women at being pet owners because men are better than women at taking care of things. Let me just say this. Men never complain about raising a baby do they? The midnight feedings, the constant crying; I’ve only ever heard those complaints come from women. Women who all complain about taking care of babies as often and as grandly as they can, like they’re all the Virgin fucking Mary — even if they don’t have any of their own! I don’t even know how that works.
It’s because taking care of babies or pets or classic cars comes naturally to us men. It’s our sixth sense. Our man sense. Our mighty man-empathy. The only thing women can empathize with is a cactus.
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December 14th, 2005 at 5:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 3f6f1bc89c9c0
Female. Just because you know a 10 letter word doesn’t mean you should use it. Fisticuffs refers to the act of fighting with, you guessed it, fists. The fact you mentioned weapons in the same sentence just amazes me. It’s no wonder you banned guns down under. With unbiased news reports about “redneck hicks” you were probably told that 9 out of every 10 children are killed with guns and you all believed it.
December 14th, 2005 at 7:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 60b660aafc3e4
Have they started banning bottles, crowbars, and branches yet?
December 14th, 2005 at 11:02 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
A ban on branches? How delightfully absurd.
-Dick
December 14th, 2005 at 11:13 am - IP Man-Hash: d754ab99d7c00
How about a ban on fire? That could tie in with the ban on branches.
December 14th, 2005 at 11:17 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Fire. Another one of man’s brilliant inventions.
-Dick
December 16th, 2005 at 4:15 am - IP Man-Hash: 855239f484b2b
Could we pass the hat around to send femme fatale to Cuba ?
December 16th, 2005 at 12:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 616cd3558ebe5
Christian, I don’t think there’s a collection hat big enough to get women like female out of our cuntries and send them home to roost in their communistic\Godless lands :)
December 17th, 2005 at 10:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1cc2bd319db66
Dick) quote:“If men are dogs, then women are drunken parrots with The Home Shopping Network and a credit card on speed dial.�
Dick this sentence made me laugh. Very nice.
I saw a program on animal planet I think it was, in which a woman had raised a monkey as if it was her own child, and she was speaking to it like it could actually understand what she was saying, which is nonsense. To call it intelligent? Can you put such an adjective with monkeys, because how can it be, that monkeys have not discovered that they possessed such capabilities like the woman said it had, and yet monkeys have survived for millions of years, without our help, which requires much more than just being able to get a treat hehe.
Half Soul
December 17th, 2005 at 10:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1cc2bd319db66
Undergroundpatriot) quote: “And yes, those Sand Apes have it together with their women,…�
Hello undergroundpatriot. As a European I don´t want to say something stereotype about Americans, as I know the country is divided, and that there are many kinds of people, so plz don’t use any discriminating words like “sand apes�. I would find it most unsettling to post here in the future, if more people like you, said things like this, because to be a racist, is the most stupid thing you can be.
Half Soul
December 18th, 2005 at 12:14 am - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
Half Soul, I agree with you that animals are intelligent. I also find it bizarre that for centuries people have refused to believe that animals feel emotion, yet what is emotion but instinct? and what are animals if they are not instinctual?
Before I get hit with the usual barrage of abuse based on deliberate misinterpretation of this post, or some other idiotic reasoning, I suggest you all glue yourselves to Animal Planet or National Geographic Channel until the day when you see the footage of the elephant crying (yes, tears running out of the eyes) as it mourned the death of a younger elephant. HF, you may have seen it already, her trunk is wrapped around the skullbone of a dead elephant.
December 18th, 2005 at 8:35 am - IP Man-Hash: a0c7c73d83830
What’s your point, you silly moose.
-Dick
December 18th, 2005 at 11:23 am - IP Man-Hash: d754ab99d7c00
I think being a racist is only the second or third most stupid thing you can be. I’d vote for “post-modernist” and “typical woman” as possibly beating that. Apart from that, I concur, however, the site is Dick’s property and neither you nor I have any right to regulate speech here other than through moral suasion.
-wolfe
December 20th, 2005 at 7:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Poor beast must have been reading Female’s posts on this site.
February 17th, 2006 at 11:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: ee64951312882
I’d like to be able to entertain your theory that men are better than women at owning pets, but when my husband and I split up last year, he insisted on keeping one of our cats. He said that he would be too lonely without me there if he didn’t get to keep him.
I have the other one and have found a new home for him while I wander off to Korea to teach English for a year but my ex-husband, who is staying right here, in my ex-house, has instead elected to kill our other cat. He’s too cheap to get it euthanized, too, so he will have done it in cold blood, possibly with his bare hands.
If that is manly pet management, I can really do without seeing any more examples of it. I would rather he’d dressed him up in something frilly and given him a purse.
February 18th, 2006 at 2:15 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Bare hands=man points.
Only a woman would pay someone to kill a cat.
And men don’t dress cats up in something frilly. Because men are better than women.
-Big Al
April 5th, 2006 at 8:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 295e38afa6bc9
Big Al, you are an idiot.
Women are better pet owners because they are caring and loving. Unlike mindless men who would probably neglect any poor animal and bury it in your filth, which all of you are probably living in right now, considering you are all probably middle aged men living in your parent’s basement. Get a life, go find a woman. Or better yet go find a man, and go try to make some babies without us.
April 5th, 2006 at 11:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: f02acd4334e0c
“SAMMY,
Or better yet go find a man, and go try to make some babies without us.”
We are working on it actually and it shouldn’t be too long before you are made totally redundant and then no-one will want to know you at all, just like here.
April 5th, 2006 at 11:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: f02acd4334e0c
Every “strong New Modern Wommin” living on her own will own at least 3 cats and rightly so. No male in his right mind would but I don’t think this parasite should affect her mind at all.
April 30th, 2006 at 10:21 am - IP Man-Hash: b8f7d03720757
every single time a long relations of mine ends they get a tiny cute little dog and take it every where with them. even to the bar. giving dirt bag guys the excuse “oh how cute” “im a sensative guy routine. the attention factor. and if that doesnt work they get into heroin and sale there dogs, or give them away. seriously every time. dogs and heroin.
May 7th, 2006 at 4:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 486f080873632
What exactly is the point of this website? is it really just to slag off the entire female population? Because that’s just silly don’t you think? :) Let’s be honest, men aren’t perfect either, are they? But us women have enough pity so as not to go round creating dumbass websites purely to criticise the lesser gender.
Now come on, men, say something nasty about me. Oops, did I make a spelling mistake? Or am I stuck up my own ass? What is it this time? Come on, hit me hard. I’m trying to be big and clever right? Oh dear, what a tragedy.
Get over yourselves.