Pets Are Not Children

Men are a lot like dogs. That’s right, that’s what I said. Talk to any woman about anything and eventually she’ll tell you exactly the same thing.

Men are dogs.

Of course, just like any other time a woman opens her mouth, she doesn’t have any fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s right only because women vomit words from their mouths with such a frequency that eventually she has to be right, even though she’s probably contradicting something she’s just said, or possibly jibbering in a language she doesn’t know.

If men are dogs, then women are drunken parrots with The Home Shopping Network and a credit card on speed dial. That’s why men are better pet owners than women; because the only things women know how to do are squawk and peck.

Dogs are loyal, resourceful, and they have positive attitudes. They also don’t give a shit about being too clean because that is really neurotic and ruins the fuck out of the feel of an otherwise livable home.

What could be more man-like than that? Those kinds of man-traits, that men share with dogs as well as with all the other animals in the wild that have to make their own way instead of goldbricking on the couch day-in, day-out and conjuring up reasons why weddings are important enough to spend more than dick on — make men better pet owners than women. Hands down.

Let’s take a pet’s impact on others into account first. Because that’s how men behave. Rocking the boat is inappropriate unless it’s necessary to get the job done, and when owning a guinea pig or a Chihuahua it is fucking not.

How many times have you seen a dog in a sweater or in a purse? Probably not a lot, but when you did, you can bet your ass that a man didn’t do that. A man also has never had a bunch of pictures of his pets in his wallet or his Man Bag that he’s ready to whip out on the unsuspecting at a moment’s notice. Nor will a man tell stories about his pets that are not extremely humorous; because that’s a huge waste of everyone’s time.

That’s strike one for women, who will begin a show-and-tell tale at any random point over their pet’s lifeline and finish no one knows the fuck where because there’s no point to any of it anyway. No one gives a shit if the cat turns purple in the winter time or the hamster likes the raisins more than the sunflower seeds. Leave that kind of life sucking bullshit in the diary or the equally horseshit LiveJournal.

Here’s strike two. Pets are not babies. No matter how much women want everyone to think the pug in their lap has been brewing inside of them for nine months, it fucking hasn’t. It was a few hundred bucks and there’s like a billion of them. That means no one wants to see pictures of the ugly thing, no one wants to hear about baby’s first poop, and no agency is going to come haul anyone away if the fucker misses a few meals. It’s not a big deal.

I’m not even going to make the third point that men are better than women at being pet owners because men are better than women at taking care of things. Let me just say this. Men never complain about raising a baby do they? The midnight feedings, the constant crying; I’ve only ever heard those complaints come from women. Women who all complain about taking care of babies as often and as grandly as they can, like they’re all the Virgin fucking Mary — even if they don’t have any of their own! I don’t even know how that works.

It’s because taking care of babies or pets or classic cars comes naturally to us men. It’s our sixth sense. Our man sense. Our mighty man-empathy. The only thing women can empathize with is a cactus.

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Comment by menarefunny
2008-06-08 21:56:18

Arbalest said:

If you need help in the form of sperm you are not doing it by yourself.

And if you need help in the form of an egg, you aren’t doing it by yourself. So I’m thinking we’re kinda important for that whole procreation thing, no?

 
Comment by Matt
2008-06-04 18:45:48

A-Girl-Who-Is-Smarter-than-Dick said:

women are just as equal as men, and thats how god made us that way, so we can live together, not so you talk about and treat us like crap!

Who spoon fed you that fairytale?

 
2008-06-04 17:51:13

women are just as equal as men, and thats how god made us that way, so we can live together, not so you talk about and treat us like crap!

 
Comment by Arbalest
2008-06-03 22:12:17

If you need help in the form of sperm you are not doing it by yourself.

 
Comment by Angel
2008-06-03 21:35:11

Commander Scott said:

bola said:

Pamela said:

Where the hell do you dickheads think you come from fucking eggs you stupid assholes women that,s where women respect us!!!!!!!!!

Women produce human life, it’s true, but for how long will this last? We men can do everything ourselves. We don’t need women to drive a bus, or to run a company, we can do all these things ourselves. The only thing we cannot do (yet) is create a baby. This is where you are invaluable to us. This is also where you are letting us down. Our birth rates are falling. Our children are being neglected or aborted. You break up our families, destroy our homes, steal our jobs, make false allegations, betray our secrets, collaborate with our enemies, attack us in our sleep. You are becoming a liability. How long will we still be willing to depend on you? We are after all the inventive gender. You talk about independence, but it’s time we become independent of YOU.

Only men produce life; women simply incubate it.

I suppose us women are ahead of you men then…We can already have babies by ourselves all we need is sperm to create them…and what do you know? there are sperm banks out there because men are giving their sperm away for money…and here i thought that it was in men to take care of babies…

 
Comment by menarefunny
2008-05-30 19:17:50

Again, a place for me to put my .02 in!

Okay, so, here we go. Obviously, again, we are making HUGE generalizations when it comes to women! I personally am an example of being the exact opposite of clean. No one could ever accuse me of being anally-retentive when it comes to cleanliness. I prefer dogs because they don’t give a shit. Most of the men I know in my life, on the other hand, do complain about my lack or order in my living space. And they’ve mostly grown used to it because they know I won’t change.

As for men being more natural at taking care of things? Who are the bigger percentage of dead-beat parents who refuse to support their children? Men. Who are the ones left with the bulk of child-rearing, no matter how liberated the man claims to be? The women. They always have been, and they will likely continue to be for generations and generations to come. Plenty of men complain about raising a baby, but, like women, they grow out of it, and realize that the midnight feedings and diaper changing is all part of the deal.

Oh, and I hate it when people dress their pets. It’s obnoxious and should be outlawed.

 
Comment by Commander Scott
2008-05-30 17:01:20

bola said:

Pamela said:

Where the hell do you dickheads think you come from fucking eggs you stupid assholes women that,s where women respect us!!!!!!!!!

Women produce human life, it’s true, but for how long will this last? We men can do everything ourselves. We don’t need women to drive a bus, or to run a company, we can do all these things ourselves. The only thing we cannot do (yet) is create a baby. This is where you are invaluable to us. This is also where you are letting us down. Our birth rates are falling. Our children are being neglected or aborted. You break up our families, destroy our homes, steal our jobs, make false allegations, betray our secrets, collaborate with our enemies, attack us in our sleep. You are becoming a liability. How long will we still be willing to depend on you? We are after all the inventive gender. You talk about independence, but it’s time we become independent of YOU.

Only men produce life; women simply incubate it.

 
Comment by Doabarrelroll
2008-05-26 21:11:31

blah said:

… said:

Keb said:

Pamela said:

Where the hell do you dickheads think you come from fucking eggs you stupid assholes women that,s where women respect us!!!!!!!!!

Actually Pamela, the cycle of life begins with sperm from a man…..I suggest you give that dad of yours a hug for giving you life.

The cycle of life begins with sperm and an egg. Without the egg, there would be no life. Without the female womb, there would be no life. Without females, there would be no fucking life. And I don’t even want to know the statistic of dirty, contemptuous men who created life without a thought as to the consequence. “Oh, it can’t affect me.” Go to hell, irresponsible dirtbag.

Actually there are cases where women have had children outside of the womb so there for your whole case is tossed out. The reason men can’t have children the same women do is they don’t ovulate and produce eggs like some reptile, and their pelvic bones are not wide enough to push the baby out. I’m sure if men were able to produce eggs and had a way to fertilize them like envitro babies could form in a mans body and be removed through a C-Section.

So you’re to blame for the atrocity that is the blockbuster film ‘Junior’.

 
Comment by bola
2008-05-26 14:22:56

Pamela said:

Where the hell do you dickheads think you come from fucking eggs you stupid assholes women that,s where women respect us!!!!!!!!!

Women produce human life, it’s true, but for how long will this last? We men can do everything ourselves. We don’t need women to drive a bus, or to run a company, we can do all these things ourselves. The only thing we cannot do (yet) is create a baby. This is where you are invaluable to us. This is also where you are letting us down. Our birth rates are falling. Our children are being neglected or aborted. You break up our families, destroy our homes, steal our jobs, make false allegations, betray our secrets, collaborate with our enemies, attack us in our sleep. You are becoming a liability. How long will we still be willing to depend on you? We are after all the inventive gender. You talk about independence, but it’s time we become independent of YOU.

 
Comment by MEh
2008-05-26 13:07:45

… said:

Keb said:

Pamela said:

Where the hell do you dickheads think you come from fucking eggs you stupid assholes women that,s where women respect us!!!!!!!!!

Actually Pamela, the cycle of life begins with sperm from a man…..I suggest you give that dad of yours a hug for giving you life.

The cycle of life begins with sperm and an egg. Without the egg, there would be no life. Without the female womb, there would be no life. Without females, there would be no fucking life. And I don’t even want to know the statistic of dirty, contemptuous men who created life without a thought as to the consequence. “Oh, it can’t affect me.” Go to hell, irresponsible dirtbag.

Ok let’s take your shit and try again.
Without the sperm, ther would be no life. Without the male sperm, there would be no life. Without males, there would be no fucking life.

Nice try though.

 
Comment by blah
2008-05-26 07:05:42

… said:

Keb said:

Pamela said:

Where the hell do you dickheads think you come from fucking eggs you stupid assholes women that,s where women respect us!!!!!!!!!

Actually Pamela, the cycle of life begins with sperm from a man…..I suggest you give that dad of yours a hug for giving you life.

The cycle of life begins with sperm and an egg. Without the egg, there would be no life. Without the female womb, there would be no life. Without females, there would be no fucking life. And I don’t even want to know the statistic of dirty, contemptuous men who created life without a thought as to the consequence. “Oh, it can’t affect me.” Go to hell, irresponsible dirtbag.

Actually there are cases where women have had children outside of the womb so there for your whole case is tossed out. The reason men can’t have children the same women do is they don’t ovulate and produce eggs like some reptile, and their pelvic bones are not wide enough to push the baby out. I’m sure if men were able to produce eggs and had a way to fertilize them like envitro babies could form in a mans body and be removed through a C-Section.

 
Comment by ...
2008-05-24 23:31:04

Keb said:

Pamela said:

Where the hell do you dickheads think you come from fucking eggs you stupid assholes women that,s where women respect us!!!!!!!!!

Actually Pamela, the cycle of life begins with sperm from a man…..I suggest you give that dad of yours a hug for giving you life.

The cycle of life begins with sperm and an egg. Without the egg, there would be no life. Without the female womb, there would be no life. Without females, there would be no fucking life. And I don’t even want to know the statistic of dirty, contemptuous men who created life without a thought as to the consequence. “Oh, it can’t affect me.” Go to hell, irresponsible dirtbag.

 
Comment by ...
2008-05-24 23:27:52

You may be somewhat right on this one, Mr. Masterson. But take this: Just because women have a sense of affection that you happen not to have doesn’t mean you should feel the impulse to bend every way of life around to be bad for a woman.

 
Comment by Commander Scott
2008-05-23 18:03:41

American and Canadian women are sick bitches who deserve to be stretched on the rack and broken on the wheel.

 
Comment by Keb
2008-05-21 06:49:29

Pamela said:

Where the hell do you dickheads think you come from fucking eggs you stupid assholes women that,s where women respect us!!!!!!!!!

Actually Pamela, the cycle of life begins with sperm from a man…..I suggest you give that dad of yours a hug for giving you life.

 
Comment by Pamela
2008-05-21 06:21:36

Where the hell do you dickheads think you come from fucking eggs you stupid assholes women that,s where women respect us!!!!!!!!!

 
Comment by girlgirl
2008-05-19 01:04:51

sad bastards

 
Comment by girlgirl
2008-05-19 01:04:24

girlgirl said:

Deathslayer said:

i just realised how lucky i am to have guy friends who belive that men and women are equal…..the boys here are so backward and from the stone age…….
*
i just realised that you are just a sexual object for men and your words and feelings mean nothing compared to a man’s facts and common sense.

So, if these ‘men’ are so superior to us, WTF are you here?

Go hang with them. Oh yeah, they are BORING and WHIPPED and RESPECT you.

Our indifference turns you on and makes your panties moist…c’mon, admit it. Our masculine dismissal of you gets your nipples rock hard and makes you want a man to just use you as an object to make you feel alive.

You only want those guys who make you FEEL equal after we are done using you as a attention whore spreading her legs for some man logic.

You’re a whore, but you’re OUR whore.

Deathslayer</blockquote

hmmm……….anything better than this…..?

 
Comment by girlgirl
2008-05-19 01:03:28

Deathslayer said:

i just realised how lucky i am to have guy friends who belive that men and women are equal…..the boys here are so backward and from the stone age…….
*
i just realised that you are just a sexual object for men and your words and feelings mean nothing compared to a man’s facts and common sense.

So, if these ‘men’ are so superior to us, WTF are you here?

Go hang with them. Oh yeah, they are BORING and WHIPPED and RESPECT you.

Our indifference turns you on and makes your panties moist…c’mon, admit it. Our masculine dismissal of you gets your nipples rock hard and makes you want a man to just use you as an object to make you feel alive.

You only want those guys who make you FEEL equal after we are done using you as a attention whore spreading her legs for some man logic.

You’re a whore, but you’re OUR whore.

Deathslayer</blockquote

yeah….now im sure im lucky

 
Comment by Deathslayer
2008-05-18 10:58:37

i just realised how lucky i am to have guy friends who belive that men and women are equal…..the boys here are so backward and from the stone age…….
*
i just realised that you are just a sexual object for men and your words and feelings mean nothing compared to a man’s facts and common sense.

So, if these ‘men’ are so superior to us, WTF are you here?

Go hang with them. Oh yeah, they are BORING and WHIPPED and RESPECT you.

Our indifference turns you on and makes your panties moist…c’mon, admit it. Our masculine dismissal of you gets your nipples rock hard and makes you want a man to just use you as an object to make you feel alive.

You only want those guys who make you FEEL equal after we are done using you as a attention whore spreading her legs for some man logic.

You’re a whore, but you’re OUR whore.

Deathslayer

 
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