Pets Are Not Children
Men are a lot like dogs. That’s right, that’s what I said. Talk to any woman about anything and eventually she’ll tell you exactly the same thing.
Men are dogs.
Of course, just like any other time a woman opens her mouth, she doesn’t have any fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s right only because women vomit words from their mouths with such a frequency that eventually she has to be right, even though she’s probably contradicting something she’s just said, or possibly jibbering in a language she doesn’t know.
If men are dogs, then women are drunken parrots with The Home Shopping Network and a credit card on speed dial. That’s why men are better pet owners than women; because the only things women know how to do are squawk and peck.
Dogs are loyal, resourceful, and they have positive attitudes. They also don’t give a shit about being too clean because that is really neurotic and ruins the fuck out of the feel of an otherwise livable home.
What could be more man-like than that? Those kinds of man-traits, that men share with dogs as well as with all the other animals in the wild that have to make their own way instead of goldbricking on the couch day-in, day-out and conjuring up reasons why weddings are important enough to spend more than dick on — make men better pet owners than women. Hands down.
Let’s take a pet’s impact on others into account first. Because that’s how men behave. Rocking the boat is inappropriate unless it’s necessary to get the job done, and when owning a guinea pig or a Chihuahua it is fucking not.
How many times have you seen a dog in a sweater or in a purse? Probably not a lot, but when you did, you can bet your ass that a man didn’t do that. A man also has never had a bunch of pictures of his pets in his wallet or his Man Bag that he’s ready to whip out on the unsuspecting at a moment’s notice. Nor will a man tell stories about his pets that are not extremely humorous; because that’s a huge waste of everyone’s time.
That’s strike one for women, who will begin a show-and-tell tale at any random point over their pet’s lifeline and finish no one knows the fuck where because there’s no point to any of it anyway. No one gives a shit if the cat turns purple in the winter time or the hamster likes the raisins more than the sunflower seeds. Leave that kind of life sucking bullshit in the diary or the equally horseshit LiveJournal.
Here’s strike two. Pets are not babies. No matter how much women want everyone to think the pug in their lap has been brewing inside of them for nine months, it fucking hasn’t. It was a few hundred bucks and there’s like a billion of them. That means no one wants to see pictures of the ugly thing, no one wants to hear about baby’s first poop, and no agency is going to come haul anyone away if the fucker misses a few meals. It’s not a big deal.
I’m not even going to make the third point that men are better than women at being pet owners because men are better than women at taking care of things. Let me just say this. Men never complain about raising a baby do they? The midnight feedings, the constant crying; I’ve only ever heard those complaints come from women. Women who all complain about taking care of babies as often and as grandly as they can, like they’re all the Virgin fucking Mary — even if they don’t have any of their own! I don’t even know how that works.
It’s because taking care of babies or pets or classic cars comes naturally to us men. It’s our sixth sense. Our man sense. Our mighty man-empathy. The only thing women can empathize with is a cactus.
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April 18th, 2008 at 1:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9002d8bb777e6
i think a woman in Dicks life hurt him verry much and thats why he is soooooo angry :)) stupid man!! he is fo fucking miserable.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6de85be8a4eaf
Actually, a third of paedophiles are women. Fucking idiot.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 00607ceedcd49
hahaha LiveJournal PWNED!!
April 21st, 2008 at 10:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 22ac00db9369a
Speaking of pet stories worth a fuck;
This takes place back in high school when me and my dog were living with my mom and her cats (notice how subjects were presented in order of importance against the common rule of grammar).
My mom’s cats suck, it is the inherent nature of a cat to do so. One day it sucked to bad it had to vomit. Sitting on the windowsill it regurgitated a 5 inch high pile of cat vomit which sat for about as long as it took for my dog to get a whiff of the nutrient rich substance and charge in to chow down spending his sweet time cleaning every last bit of that area of carpet.
As great as my dog is, whatever sucking the cat had done to make it vomit had stayed with the food because it made my dog vomit. Not that it matters because he cleaned that up as well. I did put that mutt outside though, as the food being more and more digested each time it was vomited would be harder and harder to get out of the carpet. Lo’ and behold he did vomit again but as I am a man with important things to do I was not entertained enough to continue ignoring my responsibilities.
I should however let it be known that, although I do not know how many times this cycle repeated, my dog did finish his meal and did not bitch about it.
.
in an animal related topic on the few merits of cats I often find rabbit remains in the order of feet only (merit for cats for killing lame animals). While I could not find any supporting theories I believe it is possible that the luckiness of rabbits’ feet comes from that it is often the part of the rabbit not eaten (due to low nutrition and plenty of connective tissues) rather than blind ignorant superstition.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 2f360e3aff16a
Oh YES!
I was fortunate enough to have my wife bring in one of these ‘little children with fur coats’ and set it loose on my yard. The little bastards are destructive. Lets see what did this child cost me?
1. Sewer line from septic to field lines. (Decided to make itself a swimming pool)
2 Water pipes under the house. (PVC makes good chew toys)
3 All the insulating material under the house. (fiberglass yummies!)
4 anything at floor to 2 feet above floor level. cabinets furniture tools…
5 1 .410 shell #4 shot and 50 dollars to a buddy to haul it off. “I dunno it wasn’t here when I got home. I looked all over the neighborhood but I didn’t see it. Maybe the pound picked it up lets go see”
OH and #6 .97 cents worth of gas for the trip to the pound :) Gas used to be cheap….
total damages… about $13,270 in repairs. The thing was a trash compactor destroying everything I owned and lived in. It even chewed the damned floor joists all to hell. Sadly, we seem to have acquired another one from somewhere while I was away on business. Judging from the damages beginning now, I will be reloading again… soon…
IF you own something like this, its not a kid. It’s an animal. Improperly raised, it is a destructive pest. Women fail to see this and will take the destructive animal over home and property every time. I on the other hand liked having a roof over my head and a working toilet, as well as the tools that bring extra money to us so we can live properly and not like street bums whose only possession is the ‘kid’ that destroyed all the other things and put us there.
I think I was more than generous, considering all the chances that were given, allowing the damages to escalate. Enough was enough. Patience has limits.
April 25th, 2008 at 2:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 635b9c8a2a462
i think dick maybe has no dick LOL
May 11th, 2008 at 3:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: d75b043397872
This is probably the most truest article ever written. Well done sir.
Q. Why do women have so many problems raising children?
A. Because they give into the child’s wishes by giving them attention through screaming and acting hysterical.
Children learn through their parents and when their mother acts selfish, guess what, the child will assume that crying and bitching will get you what you want in life.
May 11th, 2008 at 4:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3e8d1e2b2a4c4
Canadian and American women are retarded ditch pigs who deserve to have piss and shit smeared in their faces.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2bc5844a0f6c6
men are not dogs…..dogs are faithful and loyal creatures…….if you hate a dog then call it a man…..now thats an insult
May 12th, 2008 at 8:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: e5ad81745f47e
*Laughing Out Loud* Genius!
We will be looking forward to your stand up act at the Apollo! A+ originality!
May 13th, 2008 at 5:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 2bc5844a0f6c6
May 13th, 2008 at 6:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 7bc894824f4b6
@girlgirl- did ya forget to write something, hun??^^^^^^
May 13th, 2008 at 1:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: dab3ffacfe291
This is for the men that that believe they’re better parents than women:
According to the FBI Supplementary homicide reports (1976-2005), male offenders for all homicides are 88.8%, while women are 11.2%. When children are the victims, it’s men who murdered them 61.8% of the time, women: 38.2%.
If anyone has already mentioned this, don’t throw a fucking fit. I just don’t feel like reading through multiple pages of useless, egotistical comments.
And if any man would like to share a sarcastic, insignificant remark.. Keep in mind anything you say will make you look like a total jackass, because there’s no way to justify murder. But then again, if you agree with anything on this site, you have probably already experienced this.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 35ab21bf6af5e
How many of these men were raised by single mothers? Odds are 100 percent of them. Besides, true justice is going to be handed to these tough guys when their fellow inmates find out they mishandled, harmed or killed a child. So, men know how to fix problem men.
Now, how will the reverse be handled? Well, she will claim victim hood- all women are victims, right? She will be excused for her actions, coddled and even be allowed to bear more children.
What is the problem with this picture?
May 13th, 2008 at 2:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: dab3ffacfe291
First of all, how would you know any of them were raised by single mothers? And say they were… That only shows how incapable men are of raising children. If they were truly intelligent enough to take care of a kid, they would grow a pair and not leave the mother or sleep around with an “insignificant gender”.
So… You’re saying that these men in jail are “fixing” the guys who hurt children? That’s great, but if they were true men, would they honestly be in jail in the first place? This merely shows how corrupt males are. And I see your point, but you’re just showing a circle of usless men trying to change other useless men.
Again, you have no valid proof. Do you have anything that shows women never accept punishment for crimes? Sure, some women are simply good at getting out of bad situations, but that doesn’t mean all of us will avoid the rules because we claim “victim hood”
May 13th, 2008 at 3:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4144e596343d7
What about Louise Woodward?
May 13th, 2008 at 3:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: dab3ffacfe291
So you’re going to let one person represent all of women to show men are better? Then you can use George W. Bush and Saddam Hussein as your representitives for other issues.
May 13th, 2008 at 4:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: 35ab21bf6af5e
Andrea Yates….five in the tub…
Unless Andrea had a sex change.
But then again, Andrea spread her legs at least five times for a “loser.” Who’s fault is that?
May 13th, 2008 at 4:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 35ab21bf6af5e
Grow a pair? The Court makes you responsible for it anyways. Talk about oral diarrhea. You really need some KayoPectate. The law can’t force you to marry someone seeking to cash in on your sperm or trap you. You will pay for it against your will- taxation without representation.
If a woman selfishly chooses to have a kid against a guy’s will, as is her prerogative under Roe vs. Wade, then she should bear some responsibility and shut the fuck up. The moment she calls the father a loser is the true acknowledgment of her stupidity, selfishness and demonstrated need to be sterilized. A woman calling the father of the baby she chose to have a loser is proof in itself of losers seeking a loser. That’s what birth control is for. If you choose not to use it, then shut up and enjoyr you moral superiority and self-righteousness- without any body’s financial assistance.
I guess you are the type of person who would have an immaculate conception and suffer from the Virgin Mary syndrome.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: dab3ffacfe291
Well then. I’m glad all you men judge women based on the few dumbasses that make bad decisions. I’m only 15 and I have barely learned about all of this, never mind experienced it, so I’m calling it the way I see it. But even still, I am mature enough to realize that you can’t judge everyone of a certain gender, race or sexuality based on the way some people treat their children, or pets for that matter. My whole point in this argument was to show that not all men are amazing fathers, but I never meant to convey that women are never bad parents… Because we’re not perfect, either. I know it is vitrually impossible to change the opinions of stereotypical, close minded bigots, but I figured I should try. Besides, the odds are against me since I’m writing comments on a website full of middle aged, selfish men that are stuck in the 50’s, thinking they are all “superior”.
And by the way, who the hell uses the term “oral diarrhea”?