Pets Are Not Children
Men are a lot like dogs. That’s right, that’s what I said. Talk to any woman about anything and eventually she’ll tell you exactly the same thing.
Men are dogs.
Of course, just like any other time a woman opens her mouth, she doesn’t have any fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s right only because women vomit words from their mouths with such a frequency that eventually she has to be right, even though she’s probably contradicting something she’s just said, or possibly jibbering in a language she doesn’t know.
If men are dogs, then women are drunken parrots with The Home Shopping Network and a credit card on speed dial. That’s why men are better pet owners than women; because the only things women know how to do are squawk and peck.
Dogs are loyal, resourceful, and they have positive attitudes. They also don’t give a shit about being too clean because that is really neurotic and ruins the fuck out of the feel of an otherwise livable home.
What could be more man-like than that? Those kinds of man-traits, that men share with dogs as well as with all the other animals in the wild that have to make their own way instead of goldbricking on the couch day-in, day-out and conjuring up reasons why weddings are important enough to spend more than dick on — make men better pet owners than women. Hands down.
Let’s take a pet’s impact on others into account first. Because that’s how men behave. Rocking the boat is inappropriate unless it’s necessary to get the job done, and when owning a guinea pig or a Chihuahua it is fucking not.
How many times have you seen a dog in a sweater or in a purse? Probably not a lot, but when you did, you can bet your ass that a man didn’t do that. A man also has never had a bunch of pictures of his pets in his wallet or his Man Bag that he’s ready to whip out on the unsuspecting at a moment’s notice. Nor will a man tell stories about his pets that are not extremely humorous; because that’s a huge waste of everyone’s time.
That’s strike one for women, who will begin a show-and-tell tale at any random point over their pet’s lifeline and finish no one knows the fuck where because there’s no point to any of it anyway. No one gives a shit if the cat turns purple in the winter time or the hamster likes the raisins more than the sunflower seeds. Leave that kind of life sucking bullshit in the diary or the equally horseshit LiveJournal.
Here’s strike two. Pets are not babies. No matter how much women want everyone to think the pug in their lap has been brewing inside of them for nine months, it fucking hasn’t. It was a few hundred bucks and there’s like a billion of them. That means no one wants to see pictures of the ugly thing, no one wants to hear about baby’s first poop, and no agency is going to come haul anyone away if the fucker misses a few meals. It’s not a big deal.
I’m not even going to make the third point that men are better than women at being pet owners because men are better than women at taking care of things. Let me just say this. Men never complain about raising a baby do they? The midnight feedings, the constant crying; I’ve only ever heard those complaints come from women. Women who all complain about taking care of babies as often and as grandly as they can, like they’re all the Virgin fucking Mary — even if they don’t have any of their own! I don’t even know how that works.
It’s because taking care of babies or pets or classic cars comes naturally to us men. It’s our sixth sense. Our man sense. Our mighty man-empathy. The only thing women can empathize with is a cactus.
Related Articles:
February 29th, 2008 at 1:49 am - IP Man-Hash: b3faa0038cfd5
I am not jokeing , I loled. So true, I like how my dad take cares of me alot more than my mom. and, women cant even take care of themselves.
March 18th, 2008 at 8:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: 822c948329db7
animals are for eating, babies are for looking after.
This pet malarkey is a little feminine for you eh Dick?
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: c6f24310788d2
That’s awfully funny coming from a feminist. Being a kind and respectful woman is just a little to feminine for your kind.
March 22nd, 2008 at 6:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 822c948329db7
March 22nd, 2008 at 7:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9cfdf00b83713
Haha. Well maybe you and sgt. reyes can improve it together by fighting, fucking, drinking and killing. What a joke.
April 6th, 2008 at 6:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: e6ba0505713d8
your mustash rules… i wish my husband could grow a mustash like yours. women actualy get pissed at you its funny. you forgot to mention how incredibly dramatic and retarded they are, esp the fatty house wifes. btw my husband bought a lil sweater for our puppy and we got in a fight over it cuz i thought it was a waste of money, since she’ll grow out of it so fast, and he took a million pics of it and yes..showed them to his friends. u should kick his ass…..
April 6th, 2008 at 11:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 105b9136f157d
I don’t fuck niggers!
April 7th, 2008 at 1:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 3c3ca5120d047
Damn, Dick I think you’re gay but sometimes you write seriously cool shit!
April 7th, 2008 at 1:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6d4074b1566f1
My dog bit a fucking snake in half and ate it.
Thats a story.
April 9th, 2008 at 7:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 5b0f90ec58ada
Sgt. Reyes, this is Field Marshal Humrue, which platoon are you stationed with and why are you being such a dick to women?
The only consolation I can have is the fact that Dick Masterson is going to either die a virgin, or be killed by thousands of angry women.
And Reyes, Stop stereotyping our soldiers, dipshit.
April 11th, 2008 at 2:11 am - IP Man-Hash: b9ac6563a7d56
I have to confess. First off, i am a woman. second off..this is fuckin hilarious. wether or not this site is a joke.. i dont know.. but i will say, male supremecy is defiantely king in my world. But then… so many of you are oh-so-vanilla. Im sorry… first off to ‘disboeying rules’ but this site was just good to deny.. a whole site dedicated to male supremecy. To one in particular, i must say, truely and honestly, congratulations… you have, single handedly, made the entire world see what it ought to be. my Master will thank you someday.
`eve
April 11th, 2008 at 3:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 284ad1b3029ee
Although many of the words on your website are inherently sexist, I will agree with this particular article. I get pretty fucking disgusted when I see a rat (or was that a chihuahua) dressed in a pink tutu hanging out of a purse when the thing can easily walk by itself.
April 12th, 2008 at 8:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 37be8af823db2
not everyone here hates women, but you’d have to be fucking stupid not to realize that they are in fact inferior in every way. i mean i love women…when they aren’t speaking or doing anything stupid. but on a seperate note i hope bishop gets raped by a boozed up clown. you fucking suck dipshit. yeah, why judge people on gender, it only has everything to do with they’re mentality, abilities, and personality. and if you’re too fucking stupid to figure it out, that was sarcasm because you’re completely up your own ass you fucking faggot.
April 12th, 2008 at 11:10 am - IP Man-Hash: e7972436b6645
Bitch don’t lie. You’d fuck my dog for $100 and a new pair of shoes.
April 12th, 2008 at 9:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 062703d978411
Well, my stepdad wasnt’ Peter Perfect, but, God bless him…he showed me a thing or two about the female lot early on. Hell, he civilized me! I wouldn’t even have table manners if he didn’t condescend to give shit.
That’s because mommy dearest didn’t give a shit, I learned. For example, we’d be having some good, clean horseplay and he’d put his hand over my face to smother me till I just about blacked out! This was right in front of my GD mother! She did nothing. What a self-aborbed hosebag. The first time he did this to me, I freaked, ‘cus I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but: intro to logic 101: think about it-why would I kill you with your mother watching, and/or I’d have to kill her too, and you know we’re playing a game. I showed intelligence and he gave me more responsibility than my siblings-this earned my respect.
Just watch little kids-they always want to be by dad. He’s sane, he’s calm. AMEN.
About the housework thing: turn it around, duh. Start criticizing her about it, and the house is no longer hers. She’s a little slave under mommy again, and helpless. It’s just like a little switch you throw under the bonnet and .
April 14th, 2008 at 11:18 am - IP Man-Hash: 85911e2f68ad4
Yeah….. next time you want to accuse ALL woman of being bad dog owners… say it to my German Shepard, warning his been taught to attack on que!
love, dog trainer
April 14th, 2008 at 5:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2f6e8193958be
My Uncle Randy jerked off to this story twice
April 18th, 2008 at 9:55 am - IP Man-Hash: 97c781395615b
Dick obviously needs a cock
April 18th, 2008 at 12:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9002d8bb777e6
men are pedofiles
April 18th, 2008 at 1:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9002d8bb777e6
all men are PEDOFILS!!!!!