Pilot Error
Everyone has heard stories of people who decide at the last minute not to take a flight and then the plane crashes into a train or someone brought a pipe bomb on board or something like that and everyone dies spectacularly — everyone except the person who didn’t get on the plane that is.
Those stories are all complete bullshit and every man in the world knows it. They’re like ghosts and astrology and Elvis sightings; just a bunch of lame and obtuse fabrications of non sequitur minds that allow women to live their lives according to unreliable, intangible signs that only they can see or interpret. Like Groundhog’s Day in the dark.
Did the groundhog see his shadow? Who cares, I’m pregnant!
What is not bullshit is that I will do exactly that on one condition; I will refuse to take a flight at the last minute on one condition: if a woman is flying the plane.
The reason I haven’t missed a flight yet is because there are no women pilots.
Piloting takes a bunch of shit that women can’t do. Women can’t read dials or maps, they can’t communicate effectively, and they sure as shit can’t work a joystick — of any kind. In the end, however, its more than mere incompetence that keeps the wingless harpy known as woman tethered to the Earth like a sack of lard.
The reason is that women are afraid of greatness.
There’s an old and dumb saying that goes, ‘behind every great man, there is a woman.’ That’s true, but do you know what that woman is doing? She’s cowering in fear from the thundering applause and adoration that a great man receives — like a dog cowering behind the couch when the vacuum cleaner whirrs to life.
Women are afraid of success. That’s why they’ve got such a hard-on for teamwork, that’s why no one gives a shit each year when a new woman is inducted into the Women Who Have Made a Difference Hall of Fame – because they haven’t, and that’s why they don’t fly planes. Not because it would be criminally negligent; not because women make it two weeks into flight school and decide to become stewardesses (something that they are perfect for because it only requires a shitty attitude and the navigational skills of a Skiball thrown by the retarded), but because no woman ever looked up into the great blue sky and said, I wish I was up there. I wish I was something.
In the end women are the sum of their impulses; unreliable to the present, and intangible to history.
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Actually, they do. Though autopilots exist, and some planes are much more about command level decisions than old school flying (e.g. 767 vs 737). In either case, the pilot is in command, and that’s Dick’s point.
No, they don’t. The very idea is risible. Only a few seconds cogitation suggests that the time lag alone makes it a bad idea; add in the communication bandwith requirements, the potential for terrorist spoofing, and the extent to which this would open ATC’s to lawsuits and even the very limited intellect wouldn’t put this forth as a proposition let alone a statement.
As Dick would say, someone has to make the coffee (or tea).
More seriously, female ATC’s are, in the words of a group of them, “not like other women”.
Good one. It was actually patterns in noise, but good one.
-wolfe.
Yeah, most pilots don’t actually fly the planes dick. You see there is this thing call an air traffic control tower, it’s like a house but not a house. Inside you find people, who are called employees of the airport. It is the job of these people to monitor the airspace and ensure planes don’t bump into each other. Because they would be a very bad thing. These people also have the ability to remotely fly the planes so that the two male pilots can do what all male pilots like to do when their stuck in an enclosed space with a telling name. Now I don’t want to alarm you with too many revelations all at once, but quite a few air traffic controllers are actually women. Seems they are attracted to this sort of job, something to do with seeing patterns amongst noise, or so I’m told. Don’t worry too much about this, I hear greyhound buses are much improved on what they used to be.