Why Men Aren’t “Romantic”
Men aren’t romantic for the same reason we didn’t invent a sport called “Drop Rocks in a Hole.”
What’s going to happen next? Is the rock going to fall in the hole? Holy shit! Who wins?
No one. It’s just like listening to a woman. Everyone loses.
To women, “romance” is a heavily regulated choreograph of candles and shiny trinkets. Romance is flowers on Valentine’s Day. It’s remembering her favorite song after she’s told you twenty times and also put it as her ringtone. Romance is serving her a half-assed birthday breakfast in bed, or otherwise walking, not running, through a gauntlet of figurative cones like a dog for no discernible purpose other than to say you did it — and that you did it for her.
Romance means giving a woman things of no worth just so she’ll put out. Diamonds aren’t worth shit. Neither are flowers. An explanation of how Anti-lock Brake Systems work is worth something. A lesson on how maps work, no matter how condescending it is, is worth something. No woman on Earth will put out for either of those.
Men devised algebra and calculus to explain where we are in the cosmos. We discovered fire and nuclear power. We put a man on the moon. Putting fifty dollars on the charge card and running a bath does not rank in the universe of interesting things to do with our time.
If it’s so easy, why aren’t men more romantic? Like usual, the problem lies with women.
Women are simple creatures. To them, flowers showing up on the same day every year is a complicated fucking marvel like a comet would be to a primitive monkey-man. Put yourself in the place of a woman for a moment. None of them know how to call a plumber or a Pizza Hut, so they have no idea where the flowers came from. And fuck getting a job or having any money. Women have two settings when it comes to doing anything in their lives. Either it’s impossible, or it’s something she’s doing already.
That’s why women bitch instead of educating themselves or getting job skills for when their nagged-to-death husband dumps their fat ass. If she’s not already doing it, then it’s impossible.
Men aren’t “romantic” because being romantic means insulting the women we love. I wouldn’t feed my dog the same treat at the same time every day of it’s life. At best, that’s insulting to my dog’s intelligence, and at worst that’s a sick kind of emotional manipulation akin to Chinese water torture. That’s what women want though: flowers, candy, and attention in ways that are so predictable and contrived, they belong in a psychology experiment.
Our ladies deserve better than that. And since they can’t muster up any self-respect on their own, we men have to do it for them.
I’m a man. I’ll slay a dragon to get laid. But if the next dragon doesn’t have a Rubik’s cube for a face or something to assemble on it’s back, it can go fuck itself. Doing the same shit over and over again is tedious. Romance is coloring between the lines with invisible crayons.
And don’t tell me that laundry, cooking, and cleaning are tedious, like a she-octopus shooting mouth-ink all over the place in desperation. Women love all three of those things. Haven’t you seen how happy they look in the commercials?
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September 11th, 2007 at 3:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: 663610db843b1
Romance: “Wherein the male demonstrates how much he loves his female companion, by pointlessly inconvieniencing himself.”
Special consideration #1: A sure way to create romance, is to spend great amounts of money, time and effort on trivial things. The greater the inconvienience, the more insignificant the trivialism… the greater the romance.
Special consideration #2: At NO times, should the female companion be required to reciprocate in any way, shape or form, unless the aforementioned reciprocation is completely half-assed.
September 11th, 2007 at 7:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8bf10ee7e5a18
Unless she is the rare exception, her behavioural tendencies will very likely be well described here.
This is both a very good thing, and a sad thing.
Welcome Frank, and for their sake please tell all your Male friends to visit here. Words out, baby.
September 12th, 2007 at 7:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: ae179e9967da1
Men aren’t romantic for the same reason we didn’t invent a sport called “Drop Rocks in a Hole.” -Dick
Isn’t that what basketball is?
September 13th, 2007 at 3:30 am - IP Man-Hash: b93fd34959f33
I’m going to use that.
September 15th, 2007 at 3:59 am - IP Man-Hash: c8d099f4de790
I’m going to use that.
There you go, isn’t it just that much easier riding on the coat-tails of others to guide you through that seemingly, impossibly foreign [, yet not heretofore unmapped,] territory that is ‘the female’…
Half-assed reciprocation…hmmm, does that refer to a preference for slimmer builds, or just plain (semi-)bare bottoms (during reciprocation; or is that mutual reciprocation to which you are referring…?)
Such specs should be more specific.
September 15th, 2007 at 4:02 am - IP Man-Hash: 12ba2642e47bb
I thought it was golf.
September 15th, 2007 at 5:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Only a woman could possibly suggest the common golf ball is a round pebble.
- Chris Montana pres. The Bora Bora Chicks - Porto Hustle (Original Club Mix)
September 15th, 2007 at 6:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 12ba2642e47bb
As opposed to a man who would call an inflatable piece of rubber, a rock.
September 19th, 2007 at 7:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 3d4c584d6abea
This is how a Anti-lock Brake system works. The vehicle has 4 wheel speed sensors, one for each wheel and a brake pedal position sensor. The ABS computer watches all of these sensors when you brake. If the computer sees that a wheel has stopped while you are under heavy braking the computer tells the Hydraulic control unit to close the inlet valves and then varies the pressure to that wheel keeping it moving.
now that is fucking worth something.
September 19th, 2007 at 7:56 am - IP Man-Hash: c41fe27e96c6a
Do they have a similar system for the mouths of women?
September 19th, 2007 at 8:27 am - IP Man-Hash: b24fa70c8e643
No. Their mouths are constantly operating and never lock up.
September 19th, 2007 at 12:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Qui s’aime, se taquine. Female nous aime.
- Lustral - Everytime
September 20th, 2007 at 1:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 737519fc7480b
lol… drop rocks in a hole… that’s called golf, man. They could, if they wanted to, rename golf balls to drop rocks in a hole balls, but only a woman in her usuall stroppy bad mood would fucking do that.
September 20th, 2007 at 7:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4f6a05e53643d
I wonder if your mothers know what you’re saying?
September 20th, 2007 at 9:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: b24fa70c8e643
They get told exactly what you get told…exposing dishonorable behaviour is not something to be ashamed of.
September 23rd, 2007 at 11:05 am - IP Man-Hash: d0251a9d355d0
ok so this is bull shhit you muct all be fucking gay or some shit, becasue me and my wife are morvoulous… and Romance is not just an act of spending money or any of hat shit… it is just an act of kindness to let your wife know how much you love them… and by the sokunds of it “dick” wrote all of these comments, because they are all wrote in the same way… and use the same words over again…so you know what quit being stupid, and acting immature and GROW THE FUCK UP
September 23rd, 2007 at 11:19 am - IP Man-Hash: f3f1c500bb544
wow…well my dear friend…you are as uneducatingly speaking as redeux…im sorry…the mn will just laugh at how you said that and discredit you (if they even bother to waste their time) line by line…
i got what you were saying but really…i dispensed of calling them gay at the beginning…these are not the ramblings of gay men(well some aren’t) these are the ramblings of intelligent men who obviously really believe what they say…whether or not it is true…
September 24th, 2007 at 3:00 am - IP Man-Hash: 422940479a69d
o.o
That’s it. I’m finished.
Can’t take the madness!!
H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-E
September 26th, 2007 at 8:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: 510ea78f5e3c3
dimandonds are worth somthing cause there hardest natural element
November 14th, 2007 at 1:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 21f00163e2fd3
Must have missed this one. Awesome article.