Rubber Ducky, Fuck You’re Slow
Men are better than women at anything that goes on inside a house or anywhere. That includes making food and speaking about something worth a shit.
That also includes showering. Men are better than women at showering.
Faster means better. All men know that. See, when making statements like “faster is better”, all men realize the “so long as quality is not compromised” is implied. That’s why men are so efficient when we’re working together. It’s the universal submanconscious. If one man were to say, “These speakers would be much better if they were louder,” no other man would object to that. Clearly there is an implication of quality.
Women are so silly even if they are listening to something as simple as what I’ve just described, they fuck it up. Ideas are more than language and language is more than words, but women realize that like they realize a hole in the head. Women look at a forest and see a bunch of trees uncomfortably close to one another. They look at a box of Lego and see what looks like debris. That’s why there are never any happy little girls on Lego boxes; and also why Lego makes Spaceman sets and Pirate sets and not Tea Party sets or How to Juggle Two Sugar Daddies sets. It’s because women have no fucking sense of a goddamn thing.
Faster is better. A man has a lot of ass to kick every day and none of it is getting kicked in the shower. That’s why men are in and out in under 10 minutes. Women take like 50.
I have been investigating this peculiarity over many years and I have come to the following conclusion:
Dick’s Reasons Men Shower Better Than Women
1. Women fight gravity
In the shower, gravity is your friend. You wash the hair; you wash the face; you wash the man-ass. Whatever you’re washing that day, gravity is your shower helper monkey. Women, however, fight gravity just like they fight fucking everything else in their lives — biology included. They shave their legs first. Some paint their toenails and sit on the toilet for like ten fucking minutes completely forgetting about the shower. Whatever they do it’s dumb.
2. Women are dumb
Women forget what they’ve washed. It seems an easy thing to remember and Lord knows it’s even easier to remember for men, who have larger man-brains and are naturally inclined to work with the physical act of gravity. Women fuck it up though. They wash their left foot twice. They use six fucking kinds of soaps on their faces. What the fuck?
3. Showers are woman-safe
The technology in your shower is as old as waterfalls and boners. As a man, that disgusts the piss out of me. Showers are literally the only places left on Earth where a woman can’t fuck up a piece of technology that should cost more than her engagement ring — which she also shouldn’t have because marriage is for suckers.
This is a first hand account, people. If you want to speed up the process in the bathroom, just print these rules out and post them on the shower door. Or post the opposite. I really don’t know. Dead dogs can learn new tricks before women.
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you are very ignorant to think such things and if you ever wanted a women this is a sure fire way to not get one so you’ll probably basically getting fucked up the ass….personally I think you should go back to the middle ages because women aren’t submissive anymore and you should learn to be less of a ass and learn to respect people instead of claiming how terrible they are by stereotypes….
On to Walt Whitman.
I like that guy. Almost didn’t understand it, but as a man, his word encryption will be figured out by me and other men.
Give him Starter Man-Points. What I gathered was, “I talked to my gal in person, she was fucked up, and I couldn’t see any reason to really speak to her about having sex, she just wanted me to do all the talking”.
The last part is: “I am an awesome man, I didn’t fuck up and post in the wrong category, but thank you for the chance to be a big man with a big penis and bigger brain, like all men everywhere”.
First touch with the girlfriend in a live, after a while, through ICQ. Today met, and I felt the inability to talk with her on all topics, be open. Like komok in the throat, once tried to have intimate relations on the subject, immediately zamolkal. Yes, and she could not say anything wing.
Why, Internet communication allows more freedom than the real one? Perhaps some blame my fear, or the ability to label themselves in the Internet masks, I do not know. What do you think about this?
P.S. Please administrator http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com. If the thread is not to be in category this, I ask you to move my thread to the correct category.
Fair enough. I still think its hilarious… how she represented how stupid and fuck-tarded women are … lmao.
@MansVoice I think that was Miss Teen South Carolina, MV. Not that I disagree with you in the general thrust of what you’re saying.
The US educational system 0-18 is grossly inferior (to, say Singapore’s). 18-21 we start to catch up; 21-30 I think we excel. Not that that defends our horrible elementary/secondary educational system.
-wolfe
Dick, do one on Teen Miss USA… Lmao. She was an “honours student” yet couldnt answer a simple question on geography. It was internationally reported. Thats what affirmative action got us… she probably slept around, gave some blowjobs to get her 3.5 GPA “honours crap”. Hahahahahahah.
Men are better than women.
If women don’t suck, then what the devil are they doing on my internets?
-wolfe
Will you be showing your future husband this lovely side of your personality, Brandi honey? I think he probably has a right to know…before he signs on the dotted line.
You certainly make an impression, just not a very good one.
Proving once again that you women can’t argue a point without insults. How gurly of you! How pathetic and sad you are.
Women suck as people
Women can’t argue a point without insults…..you called me dense. And now you are calling me pathetic, sad and saying I suck. You started it you dumb fuck. Only a chauvinist pig like you would say “you women” and “women suck as people”. Just because people are the same sex doesn’t mean they are the same. Do you think that you can call me dense and talk shit about me and I am supposed to just take it and not defend myself because you are a “so called” man?? I don’t fucking think so. I wouldn’t say men suck…but you make men look bad.
Will you be showing your future husband this lovely side of your personality, Brandi honey? I think he probably has a right to know…before he signs on the dotted line.
You certainly make an impression, just not a very good one.
Proving once again that you women can’t argue a point without insults. How gurly of you! How pathetic and sad you are.
Women suck as people
Women can’t argue a point without insults…..you called me dense. And now you are calling me pathetic, sad and saying I suck. You started it you dumb fuck. Only a chauvinist pig like you would say “you women” and “women suck as people”. Just because people are the same sex doesn’t mean they are the same. Do you think that you can call me dense and talk shit about me and I am supposed to just take it and not defend myself because you are a “so called” man?? I don’t fucking think so. I wouldn’t say men suck…but you make men look bad.
Proving once again that you women can’t argue a point without insults. How gurly of you! How pathetic and sad you are.
Women suck as people
Why are you women all so obsessed with sex? Are you too dense to believe someone can’t live a normal and happy life without sex?
Who the fuck was talking about sex. If you are talking about the word fantasy…look it up in the dictionary. If you knew anything about me you wouldn’t have said some stupid shit like that. I am not obsessed with sex. Besides, it’s always men trying to get in womens pants, I don’t know what fucking planet you came from.
Thank goodness for that…
Why are you women all so obsessed with sex? Are you too dense to believe someone can’t live a normal and happy life without sex?
You are the dumb fuck man that wrote it, why don’t you pay attention to what the fuck you are doing you ignorant piece of shit. Your description of a womans’ shower is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard. Since you think so negatively about women why don’t you find a nice man to fulfill all of your dreams and fantasies. Not all women are the same and on the same token not all men are the same, there are the ignorant fucks like you.
Actually they are seperating the wheat from the chaff. You see they gather together in groups with chaff members only. They are doing the seperating for us. If only we could eliminate the worthelss chaff now that it is grouped together we could save humanity.
i am strong man and i am 18years old iam a tall 173 s.m and i am 71 k.g
and my phone namber is;0124249583
i am strong man and i am 18years old iam a tall 173 s.m and i am 71 k.g
yeah we just dont talk about it.
familiar with ‘the night thoreau spent in jail’? i love that play! the way thoreau thinks, its just amazing. i love his philosophical-ness.
and this emerson poem:
Good-by, proud world, I’m going home,
Thou’rt not my friend, and I’m not thine;
Long through thy weary crowds I roam;
A river-ark on the ocean brine,
Long I’ve been tossed like the driven foam,
But now, proud world, I’m going home.
Good-by to Flattery’s fawning face,
To Grandeur, with his wise grimace,
To upstart Wealth’s averted eye,
To supple Office low and high,
To crowded halls, to court, and street,
To frozen hearts, and hasting feet,
To those who go, and those who come,
Good-by, proud world, I’m going home.
I’m going to my own hearth-stone
Bosomed in yon green hills, alone,
A secret nook in a pleasant land,
Whose groves the frolic fairies planned;
Where arches green the livelong day
Echo the blackbird’s roundelay,
And vulgar feet have never trod
A spot that is sacred to thought and God.
Oh, when I am safe in my sylvan home,
I tread on the pride of Greece and Rome;
And when I am stretched beneath the pines
Where the evening star so holy shines,
I laugh at the lore and the pride of man,
At the sophist schools, and the learned clan;
For what are they all in their high conceit,
When man in the bush with God may meet.
amazing, indeed.
sandra said:
no, i did not choose anne sexton; it was required. she’s ok and everything though, just not my taste. if i was able to choose, id pick ralph waldo emerson or HENRY DAVID THOREAU or poe.
-Good choices, I am fan of Thoreaus books, Walden and Essays on Civil Disobedience.-
im not one to say who is a good poet and who is not, but they are more along the lines of my personal taste. why do all feminists love anne sexton? i guess she was a feminist as well; not sure. bc i definately have some hardcore feminist friends who love her.
Fuck feminist, worthless things that they are. I will say that poetry, like much of philosophy in my view is subject to the reader. They probably only like her because shes a prominent poet and shes a women while disregarding male authors simply because they’re male. Typical womanish thinking. They cannot even separate the wheat from the chaff.
-Strength and Honor-
Beautiful description.
Feminist ‘literature’ is, besides a contradiction in terms, at best utterly disinteresting and at worst an industrial strength intelligence repellent. Manly efficacious stuff.
In fact, if it weren’t for it being so unintentionally, it would almost pass for manifestation of intelligence in its own right.
Few things are as repulsive as a pack of raving feminists in the midst of their very latest craze, a crush on Anne Sexton.
no, i did not choose anne sexton; it was required. she’s ok and everything though, just not my taste. if i was able to choose, id pick ralph waldo emerson or HENRY DAVID THOREAU or poe. im not one to say who is a good poet and who is not, but they are more along the lines of my personal taste. why do all feminists love anne sexton? i guess she was a feminist as well; not sure. bc i definately have some hardcore feminist friends who love her stuff…
Sandra, Anne Sexton? You chose to write about Anne Sexton? Please, tell me you jest. Surely poets such as Charles Wolfe, Chaucer, Rilke, Neruda, Burns, Byron, Keats, Wordsworth, Shelley, Poe or Whitman (just to name a few)were much greater poets than Anne Sexton. Please tell me that you do not consider her above or even in the same class as those above.
- Oldone
sandra, you sound like much worse than a bragging nerd.
-Dick
That’s a brilliant idea! Let’s play ‘ignore the whore‘
pss ehk, i sound like a bragging nerd in the above comment, just ignore.
dont worry, im keeping myself quite busy analyzing poems for ap literature. hoorah for anne sexton… and considering that i have something near a 100 in all my classes (except dreaded algebra3/trig… so close yet so far) and as much as a 102 in psychology- no not really. and i already took the SAT [thank god... sitting still for 6 hrs straight is more of a challenge than the test itself]. by the way, is it evident that im on the computer a lot and im such a no-life other than school and school activities?
ps- great. another nickname.
Sandra, don’t you have an SAT, or whatever the name for the baccalaureate equivalent is, to study for and worry about?
Here you are debating the inconspicuous semantics of British English through the prism of American English and potentially fucking up your chances for college admittance through study time wasted.
Goodbye pumpkin tits.
Happy studying!
I salute you, Dick. I’d much rather read a response like that than “F off my site c—”. Let’s get back to judging and evaluating (even with suspicion women that post, rather than just widely dismissing them. Focus the dismissal.
Women’s posts are of some putative value. If nothing else, I value (way beyond emails from Dick) the barking my dog makes in the middle of the night. Does that mean my dog is better than Dick? Quite the reverse. But my dog is better at protecting my house at midnight than even Dick, in all his power is. For everything a form; a function.
And Sandra, sheesh, stop with the bias/bigotry against those who may have a different cultural heritage. Indeed, most 12-year-olds can misspell such a word. Who gives a care. Except a woman.
Thanks,
-wolfe
no worries dick, i will eventually tire this site and leave. then you all can celebrate is some manly fashion.
It was spelled correctly. Perhaps some kind man will one day whisk you out of America for a spell and you’ll experience the world through other cultures and shopping centres.
Until then, please feel free to sound like an ignorant twat elsewhere.
-Dick
how kind of you to say but i honestly wasn’t correcting you because i thought it was oh-so-brilliant of me since most 12 year olds can spell such a word.
i suppose so oldone, but not one of enough importance obviously; just thinking about how this dick guy talks a lot of shit when some* of it doesnt exactly* correlate with any truth…
i think he makes some very good points, dont get me wrong. its just the rest, well…
Men are also better than women at not being ethno-centric.
-Dick
Do you have a point sandra?
My dear, I am haplessly mesmeriSed by your brilliance.
it’s plagiarizing with a ‘z’. dick made some post about how men are better at spelling/grammar. i have no clue what he’s getting that off of, unless he’s thinking about those 11 year old girls who think you spell ‘are’ or ‘you’ as ‘r’ and ‘u’.
Pumpkin tits, shut up. You’re underage. My apologies for plagiarising.
yeah we just dont talk about it.
That must be why athletes get athlete’s foot; they’re too afraid to pee in shared showers. Thanksfully I’m not.
Sy, if you find that harmless little thing repugnant, what are your thoughts on fellatio?
However, if memory serves me right, you’ve already touched on that disparagingly somewhere on the site already.
It’s also a natural remedy for athelete’s foot.
-Dick
People peeing in the shower?
Let’s hope most people don’t do that. If so you should all stop doing that.. That is pretty disgusting. Yeah yeah it’s washed off.. but still. eww
I always thought the second wash was to get rid of the cucumber and sage and the 43 added vitamins.
I’ve always found an examination of the labels on the many and varied shampoo and conditioner bottles to be quite amusing. I rarely see one that doesn’t have a reference to “science”. You’ll always find a blurb about special “scientific formulas” or references to groundbreaking “scientific research”. Women are really gullible and so easily trained to respond to certain keywords in potentially profitable ways. Other examples could be “wrinklefree”, “lose weight”, “horoscope”, “ten easy ways to…”.
I don’t garden. I harvest.
It’s easier to run the razor round the old fella every so often. I discovered in my earlier basketball days that pubic hair and the adjacent organs can have painful encounters in a predominantly up and down game.
Excellent water conservation.
Yes.
What the fuck? Go away smrtpants.
-Dick
No they aren’t people and they are the ones who say “ewww” to everything. The acid in urine is good for keeping the drain clean.
I thought everyone peed in the shower, but then again, are women really people?
Do women pee in the shower as well? At least I don’t get any on me.
W00t?! I just scrub down with laundry soap and just enough water from the faucet to be able to work up a thick foam everywhere and then, well, shower to rinse it off.
Then a quick trot to the bedroom where I sit on a plastic stool watching tely while I shiver my ass off drying through evaporation so I don’t have to hassle with towels. Shitty experience come wintertime.
WTF? She made me laugh!
I guess it was because I was already giddy off of Big Al’s well constructed humor.
But I have to give credit where credit is due, she was indeed funny.
you forgot to include…
- trim the trim
…on both lists…’gardeners’ need work too!
Thiongs. Fuck.
For the women reading, that would be “things”.
-Big Al
You’re absolutely correct, Dick.
Here are the ways in which men and women shower:
How to shower like a woman:-
* Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according to whites and coloured.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
* If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.
* Get in shower.
* Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
* Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.
* Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.
* Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red.
* Wash entire rest of body with ginger-nut and jaffa cake body wash.
* Shave armpits and legs.
* Turn off shower.
* Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Tilex.
* Get out off shower.
* Dry with towel the size of a small country.
* Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
* Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs.
* Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
* If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.
How to Shower Like A Man
* Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.
* Leave in a pile.
* Walk naked to the bathroom.
* If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound
* Look at manly physique in the mirror.
* Admire size of your knob and scratch your ass.
* Get in the shower.
* Wash your face.
* Wash your armpits.
* Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
* Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
* Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
* Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.
* Shampoo hair.
* Make shampoo mohawk.
* Pee.
* Rinse off and get out of shower.
* Partially dry-off.
* Fail to notice water on floor.
* Admire knob size in mirror again.
* Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
* Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
* If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise again.
* Throw wet towel on bed
Hope this clears thiongs up.
-Big Al
50 minutes? Fuck that is a disgrace.