Rubber Ducky, Fuck You’re Slow
Men are better than women at anything that goes on inside a house or anywhere. That includes making food and speaking about something worth a shit.
That also includes showering. Men are better than women at showering.
Faster means better. All men know that. See, when making statements like “faster is better”, all men realize the “so long as quality is not compromised” is implied. That’s why men are so efficient when we’re working together. It’s the universal submanconscious. If one man were to say, “These speakers would be much better if they were louder,” no other man would object to that. Clearly there is an implication of quality.
Women are so silly even if they are listening to something as simple as what I’ve just described, they fuck it up. Ideas are more than language and language is more than words, but women realize that like they realize a hole in the head. Women look at a forest and see a bunch of trees uncomfortably close to one another. They look at a box of Lego and see what looks like debris. That’s why there are never any happy little girls on Lego boxes; and also why Lego makes Spaceman sets and Pirate sets and not Tea Party sets or How to Juggle Two Sugar Daddies sets. It’s because women have no fucking sense of a goddamn thing.
Faster is better. A man has a lot of ass to kick every day and none of it is getting kicked in the shower. That’s why men are in and out in under 10 minutes. Women take like 50.
I have been investigating this peculiarity over many years and I have come to the following conclusion:
Dick’s Reasons Men Shower Better Than Women
1. Women fight gravity
In the shower, gravity is your friend. You wash the hair; you wash the face; you wash the man-ass. Whatever you’re washing that day, gravity is your shower helper monkey. Women, however, fight gravity just like they fight fucking everything else in their lives — biology included. They shave their legs first. Some paint their toenails and sit on the toilet for like ten fucking minutes completely forgetting about the shower. Whatever they do it’s dumb.
2. Women are dumb
Women forget what they’ve washed. It seems an easy thing to remember and Lord knows it’s even easier to remember for men, who have larger man-brains and are naturally inclined to work with the physical act of gravity. Women fuck it up though. They wash their left foot twice. They use six fucking kinds of soaps on their faces. What the fuck?
3. Showers are woman-safe
The technology in your shower is as old as waterfalls and boners. As a man, that disgusts the piss out of me. Showers are literally the only places left on Earth where a woman can’t fuck up a piece of technology that should cost more than her engagement ring — which she also shouldn’t have because marriage is for suckers.
This is a first hand account, people. If you want to speed up the process in the bathroom, just print these rules out and post them on the shower door. Or post the opposite. I really don’t know. Dead dogs can learn new tricks before women.
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September 26th, 2006 at 4:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0363c503d25ea
it’s plagiarizing with a ‘z’. dick made some post about how men are better at spelling/grammar. i have no clue what he’s getting that off of, unless he’s thinking about those 11 year old girls who think you spell ‘are’ or ‘you’ as ‘r’ and ‘u’.
September 26th, 2006 at 4:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
My dear, I am haplessly mesmeriSed by your brilliance.
September 26th, 2006 at 4:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: b54d2094ab463
Do you have a point sandra?
September 26th, 2006 at 5:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6897e3ddf8ad0
Men are also better than women at not being ethno-centric.
-Dick
September 26th, 2006 at 5:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: c7a298151bcdd
how kind of you to say but i honestly wasn’t correcting you because i thought it was oh-so-brilliant of me since most 12 year olds can spell such a word.
i suppose so oldone, but not one of enough importance obviously; just thinking about how this dick guy talks a lot of shit when some* of it doesnt exactly* correlate with any truth…
i think he makes some very good points, dont get me wrong. its just the rest, well…
September 26th, 2006 at 5:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6897e3ddf8ad0
It was spelled correctly. Perhaps some kind man will one day whisk you out of America for a spell and you’ll experience the world through other cultures and shopping centres.
Until then, please feel free to sound like an ignorant twat elsewhere.
-Dick
September 26th, 2006 at 5:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: c7a298151bcdd
no worries dick, i will eventually tire this site and leave. then you all can celebrate is some manly fashion.
September 26th, 2006 at 5:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
I salute you, Dick. I’d much rather read a response like that than “F off my site c—”. Let’s get back to judging and evaluating (even with suspicion women that post, rather than just widely dismissing them. Focus the dismissal.
Women’s posts are of some putative value. If nothing else, I value (way beyond emails from Dick) the barking my dog makes in the middle of the night. Does that mean my dog is better than Dick? Quite the reverse. But my dog is better at protecting my house at midnight than even Dick, in all his power is. For everything a form; a function.
And Sandra, sheesh, stop with the bias/bigotry against those who may have a different cultural heritage. Indeed, most 12-year-olds can misspell such a word. Who gives a care. Except a woman.
Thanks,
-wolfe
September 26th, 2006 at 6:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Sandra, don’t you have an SAT, or whatever the name for the baccalaureate equivalent is, to study for and worry about?
Here you are debating the inconspicuous semantics of British English through the prism of American English and potentially fucking up your chances for college admittance through study time wasted.
Goodbye pumpkin tits.
Happy studying!
September 26th, 2006 at 6:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: c7a298151bcdd
dont worry, im keeping myself quite busy analyzing poems for ap literature. hoorah for anne sexton… and considering that i have something near a 100 in all my classes (except dreaded algebra3/trig… so close yet so far) and as much as a 102 in psychology- no not really. and i already took the SAT [thank god... sitting still for 6 hrs straight is more of a challenge than the test itself]. by the way, is it evident that im on the computer a lot and im such a no-life other than school and school activities?
ps- great. another nickname.
September 26th, 2006 at 6:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: c7a298151bcdd
pss ehk, i sound like a bragging nerd in the above comment, just ignore.
September 26th, 2006 at 7:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1c904c76f93bf
That’s a brilliant idea! Let’s play ‘ignore the whore‘
September 27th, 2006 at 10:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 6897e3ddf8ad0
sandra, you sound like much worse than a bragging nerd.
-Dick
September 28th, 2006 at 3:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 620db7e22a363
Sandra, Anne Sexton? You chose to write about Anne Sexton? Please, tell me you jest. Surely poets such as Charles Wolfe, Chaucer, Rilke, Neruda, Burns, Byron, Keats, Wordsworth, Shelley, Poe or Whitman (just to name a few)were much greater poets than Anne Sexton. Please tell me that you do not consider her above or even in the same class as those above.
- Oldone
September 28th, 2006 at 3:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: c7a298151bcdd
no, i did not choose anne sexton; it was required. she’s ok and everything though, just not my taste. if i was able to choose, id pick ralph waldo emerson or HENRY DAVID THOREAU or poe. im not one to say who is a good poet and who is not, but they are more along the lines of my personal taste. why do all feminists love anne sexton? i guess she was a feminist as well; not sure. bc i definately have some hardcore feminist friends who love her stuff…
September 28th, 2006 at 4:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Feminist ‘literature’ is, besides a contradiction in terms, at best utterly disinteresting and at worst an industrial strength intelligence repellent. Manly efficacious stuff.
In fact, if it weren’t for it being so unintentionally, it would almost pass for manifestation of intelligence in its own right.
Few things are as repulsive as a pack of raving feminists in the midst of their very latest craze, a crush on Anne Sexton.
September 28th, 2006 at 6:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Beautiful description.
September 28th, 2006 at 8:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9113ee5a6c662
sandra said:
no, i did not choose anne sexton; it was required. she’s ok and everything though, just not my taste. if i was able to choose, id pick ralph waldo emerson or HENRY DAVID THOREAU or poe.
-Good choices, I am fan of Thoreaus books, Walden and Essays on Civil Disobedience.-
im not one to say who is a good poet and who is not, but they are more along the lines of my personal taste. why do all feminists love anne sexton? i guess she was a feminist as well; not sure. bc i definately have some hardcore feminist friends who love her.
Fuck feminist, worthless things that they are. I will say that poetry, like much of philosophy in my view is subject to the reader. They probably only like her because shes a prominent poet and shes a women while disregarding male authors simply because they’re male. Typical womanish thinking. They cannot even separate the wheat from the chaff.
-Strength and Honor-
October 1st, 2006 at 2:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0363c503d25ea
familiar with ‘the night thoreau spent in jail’? i love that play! the way thoreau thinks, its just amazing. i love his philosophical-ness.
and this emerson poem:
Good-by, proud world, I’m going home,
Thou’rt not my friend, and I’m not thine;
Long through thy weary crowds I roam;
A river-ark on the ocean brine,
Long I’ve been tossed like the driven foam,
But now, proud world, I’m going home.
Good-by to Flattery’s fawning face,
To Grandeur, with his wise grimace,
To upstart Wealth’s averted eye,
To supple Office low and high,
To crowded halls, to court, and street,
To frozen hearts, and hasting feet,
To those who go, and those who come,
Good-by, proud world, I’m going home.
I’m going to my own hearth-stone
Bosomed in yon green hills, alone,
A secret nook in a pleasant land,
Whose groves the frolic fairies planned;
Where arches green the livelong day
Echo the blackbird’s roundelay,
And vulgar feet have never trod
A spot that is sacred to thought and God.
Oh, when I am safe in my sylvan home,
I tread on the pride of Greece and Rome;
And when I am stretched beneath the pines
Where the evening star so holy shines,
I laugh at the lore and the pride of man,
At the sophist schools, and the learned clan;
For what are they all in their high conceit,
When man in the bush with God may meet.
amazing, indeed.
March 23rd, 2007 at 3:56 am - IP Man-Hash: 37872b90a7e8e