Screaming At Your Wife Is Good For You
Screaming at a woman is like running on a treadmill. It’s not going to get you anywhere because women are as dense as lead shit, and it’s a loss of Man Points.
Wasting time is a loss of Man Points.
Women understand a good screaming at as much as a dog. You could sound like a logical jet engine, but the yap won’t shut, the budget won’t be learned, and the shoes will still get eaten. Turn it up to 11 if you want, but know that your Engine of Correction is powered on burning Man Points.
Also, according to a new study, screaming at your wife or girlfriend is good for your health — just like running on a treadmill. Maybe it’s not such a waste of time after all.
Whenever I think of emotions, I like to think of them as little terrorists running around inside the bodies of women, making them do insane things like cry at work and have illegitimate children. Well, there’s another similarity between emotions and terrorists. Both will get you killed if you harbor them. In the case of terrorists, your country gets invaded; and in the case of emotions, your heart explodes like a carpet bomb raid across the desert on CNN during prime time. As manly as that sounds, there are better ways to go.
A recent study at the University of Michigan found that the instance of death in couples who scream at each other is half of those who don’t.
“When both spouses suppressed their anger at the other when unfairly attacked, earlier death was twice as likely than in all other types.” - Professor Ernest Harburg
That means if you’re in a relationship who solves it’s problems by shouting and not pouting, you’re going to shout your way into retirement. Your quiet neighbors will be having their treasured heirlooms sold off at an estate sale while you’re having screaming make-up sex — or better yet, while you’re getting up to whatever scandalous thing is going to cause that massive fight later.
I imagine it works proportionally; whereby the angrier the screaming, the more life is being saved, however I have no study to back that up.
Fighting is manly. Therefore fighting is good for you. Men are better than women. Doing things in the womanly way: by writing journals about your problems, reading journals about your problems, or gabbing about your problems with your friends who are waiting for their turn to talk, is not only boring, it’s a cause of Early Death.
Early Death is an ED that cheating on your wife won’t cure.
But the study gets even manlier. It was also found that the death-preventing effects of shouting still work when only one parter in the couple is doing the screaming.
I’ve seen a lot of women get chewed out for doing something stupid. I once saw a woman get chewed out for throwing a two thousand dollar check in the trash. Obviously she cried about it because that’s what women do when they’re faced with any challenge more difficult than sudoku. However, when she was done crying, what I didn’t hear her say was this:
“Thank you for saving my life.”
Sometimes I think we should continue wasting money in schools trying to shove science down the throat of young she-monkeys. At least then women could understand just how much better we men are. If they understood statistics, women would understand not to cry because of some shouting. It’s life saving. What the fuck is the big deal anyway? It’s just some shouting. It’s not going to cause an avalanche because there’s no snow around for a hundred miles, and unless you’re a child, screaming is no more frightening than a train going by. Grow the fuck up.
Scream at your wife. It’s healthy.
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Interesting post.
An open-minded woman?
Sehr interresant!
- Sgt. Reyes
Uh… okay… and…?
I would not presume to enter this site and post criticism of its contents, or of this particular study.
I also think it would be a form of condescension to say that I am likewise “intrigued”, “fascinated”, or sit in admiration of its existence or purpose.
Much to the dismay of my fellow menstrual “sisters”, I sit here and read its many threads and finds myself understanding it, and for many years (I am now 30) I have alienated myself from the female community by defending, nay, siding with the logical thinking of men.
I also do not presume to be the perfect woman; I too have caught myself being utterly ridiculous, with nothing to blame but my biology. It is not an excuse, however - it is a signal that I need to stop myself and learn from my visceral responses, however embarrassing that may be.
And I will also say that my fiance, the patient man that he is, has on occasion completely blown up at me. I do not cry or try to assign blame. I instead step back and think about why he is yelling and realize that most of the time he happens to be right. And if it means that his life is lengthened by the occasional one-sided brawl - I am all for it. I think I’ll manage - truly strong women do not hide behind the law; they face reality and accept the fact that there are fundamental differences between the sexes, and deal with it appropriately.
Indeed. It’s much funnier the correct way.
-Dick
Should we then take this study to mean that the new domestic violence laws (which can imprison a man for raising his voice to his wife even if she throws a saucepan of boiling hot spaghetti over him) are a deliberate attempt to reduce the elderly population and thus relieve the government’s future burden of healthcare and old age pensions?
“it’s a cause of Early Death.
Earth Death is an ED that cheating on your wife won’t cure.”
typo?
… or don’t be a sucker and never ever get married to the whore.
I was a huge proponent of this when I was married.
Eventually, running away from the situation is much healthier than even screaming.
But in the end, I will live twice as long…..
“When both spouses suppressed their anger at the other when unfairly attacked, earlier death was twice as likely than in all other types.” - Professor Ernest Harburg
You do know that what he was saying is that it is twice as likely for me to kill my wife earlier right? Either that or her fucking cat. I am twice as likely to punch someone in the face for pissing me off, and twice as likely to drive my car through the grocery store because of a woman and her talking Tourettes. If screaming is involved on her part, I am twiced as twice likely to just nuke my own fucking house and should I survive, grow 130 foot tall stalks of Corn right there.
I only suppress my anger when it is Paycheck day, and the off-chance that sex is involved. I suppress it twice as much when I get a blowjob. I am also twice as likely to enjoy it angry too.
If the terrorist part is true, I don’t mind the oral sex from a female terrorist as long as she doesn’t mind me sticking a .357 Magnum in her face. Hey, we all have to be cautious you know…….the only bomb she is carrying is that other dudes’ kid……
Old story of King Midas. At the end, the man simply went out into a field, dug a hole, and screamed shit into it, then covered it up. He was really saying (in modern day terms), “Go outside with your woman, and scream into her hole, then bury her”.
I think that is what he meant. If not, it is not my fault the FBI will come to your house, after all, even I know better than to bury my wife where they will find her………….
Dick, I used my powers of Manservation to find one of your rare graMantical errors in the penultimate sentence:
“It’s not going to cause an avalanche because there’s no snow around for a hundred miles, and unless you’re a child screaming no more frightening than a train going by.” You’re missing a verb between “screaming” and “no.”
BTW — I’m still waiting on those MABTW cards!