Steel Magnolias Can Eat Shit.
When us men want to sink our teeth into only the very manliest (and therefore best) of cinema, we turn to the greats: Die Hard, Tremors, Caddyshack. Then, after we’ve whet our appetites with those warm-ups, we turn to one of the man-est movies of all of time: Dr. Strangelove.
This movie is everything that a great movie should be, because it is itself the very apogee of all things man.
Firstly, it’s good because it was written by a man. That can’t be said for all movies — only good ones. Men are better than women at writing movies because men have a firm grasp of reason and chronology whereas women have a firm grasp of fuck-all. That’s a British way to say “fucking nothing”. As a man I know how people talk all around the world, while women can barely pronounce “nuclear”.
If you want to hear a story as told by a woman, try listening to her tell you about her day. Surprise, surprise! You can’t because it’s completely impossible. It’s like listening to a Madlib backwards. You wouldn’t think a woman’s actions could make less sense, but somehow when she retells them to you, they actually fucking do.
Events in women’s stories happen in orders that are wildly implausible. And even worse, you know that nothing funny is going to be coming up because she wouldn’t have even noticed it in the first place.
Women never notice anything funny. If you want to get away with something a woman doesn’t want you doing, just do it in a giant foam cowboy hat. To any woman in the vicinity, you’ll go from “about to be busted” to “totally fucking invisible” in like two seconds — because those hats are hilarious and her mind will block you out.
Dr. Strangelove takes a good hard look at things through this lens of man-reason, putting women in the sole role of answering a phone while the man of the house is otherwise occupied (keep in mind that this movie was invented years before the answering machine), and letting men do what men do best and way better than women: run everything and tell everyone on Earth what the fuck to do and how they’re doing it the fuck wrong.
All women have to offer in response is the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.
Dumbo’s magic feather didn’t make him fly. Just like a bunch of women getting together and pretending they don’t secretly hate the fuck out of each other isn’t going to make it magically happen.
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Dick, the expression is “derring-do”.
Dickhead wrote- “The Duster’s comment is based on man’s ability to know everything — to learn and better himself. Women do not have this ability. They can only learn about things that come with perfume samples.”
Perhaps you should base you assessment on ALL women and not just gender steriotypes? A suggestion that you would do well to follow.
Once again you have made unbelievably biased comments with anything remotely resembling facts to back them up. Yes surely that’s the way to prove your superiority…
Oh Nicole. You and your precious tests.
The Duster’s comment is based on man’s ability to know everything — to learn and better himself. Women do not have this ability. They can only learn about things that come with perfume samples.
-Dick
To say all men know absolutely everything is simply pompous.
I suppose your going to say no man has ever got a single test question wrong next. After all you men know everything don’t you?
I am a man, therefore it is obvious that I know absolutely everything. I would elaborate on some of my personal areas of expertise, but Dick has a great site here making an infinite cornucopia of truth and great philosophy that I’m afraid I could not improve the wealth of knowledge that already exists here, thanks to Dick.
Ew Duster, talk about something you know more about.
There she goes again, talking about her sex, that isn’t sex, but is virgin sex, but not really. Nicole , I suggest you find a new hobby outside of writing poems and do somethign more useful with your life than getting passed around like a doobie.
The only time I have commented about sex is when it has been a part of the topic.
If you have nothing relevant to the current argument then I suggest you shut up and go and run another one of your “men’s conferences�
Hey look at that, a post from Nicole that isn’t based on her debauched and also very imaginary sexual promiscuities.
-Dick
Dick, the concept of friendship seems to have gone completely over your head. For that I pity you, you must be very lonely.
Caveman, again I commend your valorous charge into action. You have slain me with wit and derring-do. Claim your prize already, man! Wink.
-Dick at the airport
See Dick it is because of people like you that the world is such a fucking awful place. You have no respect for humanity let alone women so I don’t think you are in any position to judge me. You don’t know anything about me, so to pretend you understand my philosophy or what makes my mind tick is a foolish, conceited and puerile thing to say. The fact is I don’t want to get laid by some woman whom I have never met, but rather I wish to befriend her, I start out wishing to befriend all people but people like you I cannot abide. Friendship is a far more important thing than getting laid, as you so eloquently put it for “love will enter cloaked in friendship’s name” - OVID. If I have just a few friends who I trust implicitly, that is far more important than knowing one woman who will screw me. Don’t you think? The trouble is you don’t think that, you don’t want to know, trust and love people, all people, you want to insult, offend and hurt people, every person ‘friend’ or stranger, and that is no way to live. No one knows who I truly am, not even I (”only the shallow truly know themselves” - Oscar Wilde), but it seems that everyone truly knows you because you are so shallow and pathetic. Nicole is a far more valuable person to society than you can ever be, I don’t want to know her to lure her into “wanton promiscuity,” I would like to know her because she is the kind of person that one could trust and as I have explained that kind of person is far more valid than your kind of person. I am not talking about men being more valid and important people than women or vice versa, I am talking about good people being far more valid and important than arseholes like yourself.
‘I hate chicks’ I couldn’t count the number of times you contradicted yourself even if I had an abacus the size of london, so I wont make a comment, I’ll just leave you and you’re sarcasm to entertain yourself, because even you’re sarcastic comments contradict one another.
Hello, ‘Jenny,’ a noble sentiment indeed but exclamations like those above will not change the views of some pig-headed arsehole with nothing better to do than spew forth abuse at women without actually talking to them. Yes at the end of the day we are the same race and gender aside each person has particular merits, society should endorse each individual on the basis of her or his own merits, for those particular individuals with their particular virtues and crucial to the survival of our society. Men are not more important than women nor vice versa, one cannot survive without the other and therefore to rank males and females in terms of importance is a totally invalid argument.
HELLO! When will people get it through their thick skulls that were the BLOODY SAME RACE!! You think all women are the same? You think were all obsessed with feminism? THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK! In reality we are not what you people seem to think we are, and i think you should actually talk to a real woman before you start making judgements!
“women getting together and pretending they don’t secretly hate the fuck out of each other isn’t going to make it magically happen.”
I can’t believe you said that, women don’t pretend to like each other, they rip each other’s throats out and leave trails of vital organs of their female predecessors behind them. In the world of women, dominance is key, the old “Im better than every other woman alive and I am always right” viewpoint. This is the shittiest website I’ve ever seen, but since I feel the need to be oh so superior over every other human being alive, just like everyone else here, I’ll spend my time writing politically incorrect comments spewing with utter hatred and ultimate amusement.
Viewing the faults of humanity is an awesome feat. Even if youre an idiot.
Youre all freaking insane. Youre all idiots…You people cant accept that as different as both genders are, were virtually the same. How many movies do you think rock that you dont know a woman made. Actually, an icelandic woman is making a new BEOWULF movie..If you ask me, Beowulf is pretty damn manly. Another thing, for books…Frankenstein totally kicks Dracula’s ass.
Nicole, youre a poseur because youre a girl pretending to be a REAL woman.
Also, this site is really faggy, the opinions are so far from being the least truthful its sad but people like Nicole arent helping their cause, theyre perpetuating the stereotypes….
Oh yeah, my new name is Creb, Cave Mog-Ur since the Cavemen are everywhere…I love cavemen, this time Im not being sarcastic, I really do like cavemen.
Ha ha Dick
You may need the internet to get laid but I find dating a much better source.
I understand it must be hard for someone like you to get laid any other way than on the internet, but us good looking people have a chance of getting on face to face.
Caveman,
I would like to commend you on your use of chivalry as a first class ticket to About To Get Laid Town — in theory anyway. I would never let either of you actually exchange information here because I don’t want to be a facilitator to a woman’s first steps into wanton promiscuity, but I do want you to know that I support whatever beliefs you claim to have or not have while knocking at the brothel doors. Nice work.
-Dick in London
Ahhh caveman your sweet, but your probably right you would end up with unwanted stalkers.
I don’t really want to post my number on here ‘your mama’ because then you would keep calling me. You’re the one that wants it really…