Will a Prostitute Brush Your Teeth?
Women hog everything. They’re bed hogs, they’re attention hogs, and they’re vagina hogs. Try to get a little vagina for yourself and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Unless you’re waving a white flag that looks like a fifty dollar bill, you’ll get your hand bitten off like you’re reaching for the Baco’s at a Jenny Craig convention.
Men have dicks and we share them. Women act like their vaginas are cell phone minutes. You use ‘em, you lose ‘em. If only divorce was that easy.
If someone told you that the only way to get a finger stuck in your ear was if you called the person doing it your “Major Tom”, you’d tell them to go fuck themselves. A woman wouldn’t. She’d buy a t-shirt that said it in glitter.
Replace finger, ear, and Major Tom, with dick, vagina, and “soul mate”, and you’ve got a wedding on your hands. Put your Man Points in a box and mail them to Never.
Women are also sink hogs and they brush their teeth like rude, thoughtless pigs.
Alec Baldwin put it best, women are “rude, thoughtless pigs” on the road, they’re “rude, thoughtless pigs” at work, and they’re “rude, thoughtless pigs” in the bathroom.
No one tells you before you live with a woman for the first time, but they are as messy and dirty as a Chinese bullfight. If a woman can make it through a week without using everything in the kitchen and bathroom at least twice, then it must be her honeymoon because she hasn’t unwrapped all the matching bullshit yet.
Men are as clean as gods when it comes to our manors — which we lord over in a manly way. We’re clean because we don’t make messes in the first place; with an infinite number of chemicals and lotions that won’t turn us into jail bait. I haven’t cleaned my bathroom in 9 months and you could eat off the floor. That’s because I pay women to clean it for me.
Cleaning is something poor people have to do. And one of the reasons women make terrible parents is because they teach their children how to be poor. If women wanted a better life for their kids, they wouldn’t nag their children to clean their rooms, they would nag their children to learn a new skill. They would nag their children to read an accounting book or a free TRW How The Fuck Does My Credit Work? pamphlet. You can’t unlearn how to handle your money. Just like you can’t make more than minimum wage cleaning my bathroom.
Unless you’re Mr Clean.
Mrs. Butterworths was a fat pig who probably hung her face over the sink while her husband was trying to brush his teeth as well. If your woman is hogging your sink, do what I do, spit on the back of her head. She’ll learn. Women hate when you get shit in their hair.
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Pix or it doesn’t exist.
Dick gets laid like fine italian carpeting at a fags house, regularly.
Now go back to being an incubator and leave the men talk to men gabbi.
Try to get a little vagina for yourself and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.
Well maybe if you weren’t such a tool, perhaps more women would be willing to share their vaginas with you? Tough break, man. Must be lonely in the Dickcave every night, considering you only have your hand to keep you warm.
Wow I must say you are a very good writer. Rather you agree with you or not your def. funny and entertaining.
What confuses me about “sugar and spice, etc.” is that I’ve yet to come across a female who contains anything resembling spice. I could understand “sugar and whale blubber”, or perhaps “sugar and decaying bovine fecal matter”, but that would suggest that if you refined women enough, you’d get some work out of them.
How do you do it Dick? Oh right. The penis. But seriously there’s nothing else like this out there. I looked to see if there was a laughable female version. Nope. Just a load of shit about sugar and spice…
This is not only the funniest thing I’ve read all week, it’s also the most insightful. Granted, the week is young, but I expect I’ll be saying that on Friday as well.
I strongly agree with
There is enormous truth to this. The feminist poverty/divorce industries are a recipe for, well, poverty. Western societies have generally built up staggering institutionalized infrastructure designed to encourage women (and their children) to be poor.
Regards,
-wolfe
Ah, basking in the light of shining truth!
The darkness of a million feminists can’t prevent the truth from shining through.
Fuck yea, Elitist.
-Dick
Dick, you’re a fucking genius. I read all the articles and apply them to my daily man-life. I’m just too busy making money and defending our country to comment all the time. But just remember, the boys in blue love this shit.
I particularly like this part. The more reasons a guy can have to to not get married the better. The more reasons a guy can have to share with his friend to help them not make the mistake of getting married, the better.
No man should ever mail his Man Points to Never.
rofl!
Good article, most mansome joke evar!
“No one tells you before you live with a woman for the first time, but they are as messy and dirty as a Chinese bullfight.”
That brings up a good question.
Why do women get yeast infections?
–So they know what it’s like to live with an irritating cunt.