Terrorism!

Men are masters of terror. Men like Wes Craven and Stephen King.

Men are also better than women at terrorism.

Recently, a woman fucked up some terrorism so badly, she blew herself up in the middle of an empty street. That doesn’t surprise me. A woman once asked me if they always put fresh oil in during an oil change.

No, they buy some oil off eBay. Get a fucking clue.

Literally “oil change” means changing the oil in your car; just as literally “suicide bomber” means someone who whacks themselves with a vest made of plastique. Women don’t learn the point or purpose of anything. They just learn as much as they need to ask another stupid question or otherwise make a spectacle of themselves.

Here’s the suicide bomber story as I understood it from the newspaper. I don’t know why a woman being incompetent and trying to fuck up everyone’s day was considered news, but it was. Plenty of lady doctors fucked up today and none of them were in the paper.

A lady suicide bomber took a run at a bank in eastern Baghdad on Tuesday and was gunned down by Security Man Guards before getting close enough to detonate.

Here’s my question. How the fuck do you get caught suicide bombing when you’re wearing a big black tent around yourself? I have smuggled an entire eighteen pack into a concert wearing only bluejeans. If I was wearing a black mumu, I’d have been packing a stealth keg. Either the woman in question was already 250 pounds, so she looked like a stuffed Christmas ham bulging with dynamite running all over the street, or she got her suicide bombing directions mixed up. Women mix up directions all the time. That’s why they don’t think before they speak. They only think after you yell at them.

Or maybe in Baghdad women aren’t even allowed in banks. If that’s true, it only makes this sad spectacle that much more incompetent. If a bear was trying to get into my bathroom while I was taking a shit, I would sure as hell shoot it. Bears don’t belong in my bathroom. Therefore, if a bear is trying to get in there, it’s probably not got good things on its mind.

I’m awarding a trifecta of Man Points today. One for men, one for guns, and one for the troops.

How do you say G.I. Joke in Shiite?

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34 Responses to “Terrorism!”

  1. Vagina Dentata Says:

    I used to put used oil in the penis extensions of male clients.
    They were too busy looking at my teats to notice.
    They paid and tipped! When they realised what I had done, “She’s a dumb blonde, what does she know? Nice rack though!” I laughed all the way to the bank.
    Some of us of the Homogametic persuassion have Pussy Control and use it for endless diversional mirth.

    Get a fucking clue!

  2. Vagina Dentata Says:

    Only cunts moderate comments. Yankee cunts especially.

  3. Vagina Dentata Says:

    Hey!
    Where is my “Only cunts, Yankee cunts especially, moderate comments” comment?

  4. Vagina Dentata Says:

    Ooops!
    I’m so silly.
    Such a blonde!
    I put ‘commas’ where ‘periods’ should rightly be placed.
    Oh well

  5. wolfe Says:

    A good trifecta of manpoints, Dick. I agree entirely with you on bears in the bathroom. I’d go further. Even if a bear was trying to get into my bathroom while I was merely taking a piss, I’d still shoot it.

    The gunning down of female suicide bombers is something that I assume all feminists applaud. Finally, women are achieving equality of opportunity in the suicide bombing market, and, these days, there always seem to be job openings.

    -wolfe

  6. AwesomeDoer Says:

    I think I know why she got caught/shot.

    She fucked every last one of the Security Man Guards. During several of the fuck sessions, she undoubtedly got emotional and started revealing her plans. I know women usually keep secrets, but when they can use them to get sympathy/fucked, GREEN LIGHT!

    Wolfe, good point on equal rights.

  7. Necroswordsman Says:

    Vagina Dentata said:

    Hey!
    Where is my “Only cunts, Yankee cunts especially, moderate comments” comment?

    It’s right there :). And your story is just normal feminist bulltripe. ‘I made a bunch of men look silly. You should all worship me!’ and so on. Men make women look silly all the time. I dont see all of you worshipping us.

    Spot on with the terrorism.. Ever heard of a female terrorist?

  8. Necroswordsman Says:

    Oh right, my mistake. There are female terrorists. Called ‘feminists’.

  9. gloinblin Says:

    men are better than women at suicide bombing. the only way to stop terrorism is to introduce women to it. I for one would introduce all of the femhagists to al qaeda training camp so that they can learn how to blow themselves up without hurting anyone else in the process.

  10. Odin Says:

    Women can not be suicide bombers because their concept of death involves “going peacefully in their sleep”, or “romantically dying in their lovers arms”. I’ve already planned how I would like to die, at the age of 50, so I’m not a health care burden, I will strap a land mine to my chest, and be kicked from a cliff onto jagged rocks. Now, if I were a woman, it would be over right then, but fortified by manliness, I will then drag myself through a forest for two weeks before falling to rabies contracted when I used a grizzly bear’s jaw to amputate one of my shattered limbs to make beef jerky. If your vision of your own demise isn’t similar, then you might as well put on a skirt and start frying some chicken.

  11. Dick Masterson Says:

    Well said, Odin.

    -Dick

  12. Necroswordsman Says:

    Odin said:

    Women can not be suicide bombers because their concept of death involves “going peacefully in their sleep”, or “romantically dying in their lovers arms”. I’ve already planned how I would like to die, at the age of 50, so I’m not a health care burden, I will strap a land mine to my chest, and be kicked from a cliff onto jagged rocks. Now, if I were a woman, it would be over right then, but fortified by manliness, I will then drag myself through a forest for two weeks before falling to rabies contracted when I used a grizzly bear’s jaw to amputate one of my shattered limbs to make beef jerky. If your vision of your own demise isn’t similar, then you might as well put on a skirt and start frying some chicken.

    I’d probably just pop a cyanide pill or something and go peacefully ‘into the night’ as it were. I don’t think i could go through with your method of dying because… there would be nothing for me to buried, or I wouldn’t be respectable.

    Also, nice name.

  13. sonyad Says:

    I saw an accident on the freeway yesterday. They were extricating the bodies when I got to the scene. Fool swerved into incoming traffic with a minivan. Just passed me like I was standing still 10 minutes earlier.

    That’s how I’d like to go. Smacked against a tree at 120 mph.
    Poor tree.

    - Page One - Lemon Jelly’s

  14. Funk Nugget Says:

    Feminism must be stopped. Female terrorists become so involved with their silly little girly “beliefs”, that there are men everywhere coming home to less tidy homes and a meal not quite ready. I for one, have had enough.

  15. Dick Masterson Says:

    Good point, Funk Nugget.

    -Dick

  16. Elitist_Prick Says:

    I plan on going out in a flipping flaming ball of Italian sports car or a small arms fire fight.

  17. e v i l e d d y Says:

    I plan on dying while trying to save a basket of kittens while fighting undead ninjas.

    Or maybe in my sleep.. on a pile of dead undead ninjas… hmm..

  18. Sam Adams Says:

    Damn, you guys plan to die much manlier deaths than mine. I had a vision of my death many years ago (no, not kidding) and learned I’ll die in my 70’s peacefully in my sleep. Perhaps I could circumvent that and go the Hunter Thompson route when life becomes too tedious to endure.

  19. wolfe Says:

    @Sam just make sure you start going to bed with your boots on in your 70’s. Then, having ‘died with your boots on’ it’ll be a manly death by definition. Of course the wife may look at you a bit strangely when you insist on wearing your boots to bed, but that’s women for you.

    For me, the way things are going these days, gunned down by a crazed student gunman while I am stuck attacking him with a chair because the University won’t let me concealed carry on campus. I’m just hoping it’ll take place when I’m a Professor Emeritus of about 87.

    -wolfe

  20. banzai Says:

    I don’t give a fuck how I go, probably with a bottle of JD in one hand and the other hand pushing the skull down of some feminist going down to the scrotom making her choke on man-cock or be “stuffed” (taxadermied) and placed in my local harley shop on a hawg or cremated and have my ashes tossed out of an airplane over Gloria Steinems house.

    That would be fucking great, man ashes raining down on her……….. :-0

  21. Necroswordsman Says:

    BUT WHERE IS THE SIMPLICITY!! WHERE I TELLS YA!

  22. biff Says:

    I like the scene in Second Hand Lions where the two old guys tried to fly a plane upside down through the barn. That would be a cool way to go.

    For me it has to be something other than a traffic accident.

    Hopefully they find me face down in a pile of work. I would have been working late and about a week from my 96th b-day. Hopefully it will be with a company I just started and we were all putting the finishing touches on an IPO.

  23. guythat hatesu Says:

    U ARE ALL DICKS!

  24. son of the suns Says:

    I have a dick.

    As opposed to you, a fucking ingrate cunt posing as a “guythat hatesu” while simaltaneously incriminating yourself as an illiterate bitch.

  25. Doubt Says:

    guythat hatesu said:

    U ARE ALL DICKS!

    This is the slut that thinks that any STDs from silly times she doesn’t remember don’t count. Too bad you aren’t God, little whore.

  26. diamatik Says:

    A report released by the United Nations’ AIDS agency showed more than 7 million young women had contracted the disease worldwide at the end of 2001 compared to 4.5 million young men.

    I saw that in a news article, and I’m still looking for the actual study.

  27. sonyad Says:

    That’s nasty. I hope some man finds a cure soon and everyone ailing is inoculated.

    The sick fucks who purposefully or knowingly infected people should still be detained.

    - Diddy ft. Keyshia Cole - Last Night

  28. Justice but not a Judge. Says:

    @Wolfe.

    You have spoken of people’s intelligence allot. Like you know how to read shit. How people who like dogs are intelligent or smarter. What about people who like wolves?

    I think that you being here is a mistake. You are shamelessly promoting your own website.

    I must say though. I like what you have to say about things. But the effort may be wasted. Make sure when you are here you listen to what everyone has to say. Then respond. Do not ignore a single person.

  29. Mansman Says:

    Justice but not a Judge. said:

    @Wolfe.

    You have spoken of people’s intelligence allot. Like you know how to read shit. How people who like dogs are intelligent or smarter. What about people who like wolves?

    I think that you being here is a mistake. You are shamelessly promoting your own website.

    I must say though. I like what you have to say about things. But the effort may be wasted. Make sure when you are here you listen to what everyone has to say. Then respond. Do not ignore a single person.

    You’ve gots a lot of Orders happening there. Are you in charge?

  30. Wolfe Says:

    Justice but not a Judge. said:

    @Wolfe.

    … Like you know how to read shit.

    Actually, I’m mediocre at reading spoor, as most of the friends I go hunting with will tell you.

    How people who like dogs are intelligent or smarter. What about people who like wolves?

    More men than women like dogs (as opposed to cats). Men are better than women. Ergo people who like dogs are better than people who like cats. That’s just the calculus of Dick.

    I think that you being here is a mistake. You are shamelessly promoting your own website.

    My website’s a definite spinoff of this one. Without Dick, it wouldn’t have existed in its present form. Dick and all readers can judge for themselves as to whether I shamelessly promote my site. I certainly hope so, for we should all promote wonderful things without shame, and my site at http://www.wolfesmusings.com is certainly a wonderful thing.

    I must say though. I like what you have to say about things. But the effort may be wasted. Make sure when you are here you listen to what everyone has to say. Then respond. Do not ignore a single person.

    That’s kind of hard since I don’t have time to read every thread. But, thanks to Mansman I caught this.

    diamatik, abaddon and even SotS (when he’s not incredibly angry or drunk are all chaps I largely agree with), yet I miss 3/4 of their posts.

    MansVoice is also a sterling fellow. Yet I reply to but one in ten of his epistles.

    Sony, evileddy, sam, oldone and countless others are similarly worthy. Yet, I fear, do not get the attention they perhaps deserve.

    I think Female’s right in her general assignment of your personality.

    Shamelessly,
    -wolfe

  31. Wolfe Says:

    Incidentally for people who wish an individual response, PM me on the forums here or at my site of wonderfulness http://www.wolfesmusings.com . You’ll get it sooner or later (though, for example. I owe Abaddon a lengthy response that I’ve been putting off, largely out of a desire to give him my very best commentary). He’s been waiting days.

    -wolfe

  32. Vagina Says:

    Funk Nugget said:

    Feminism must be stopped. Female terrorists become so involved with their silly little girly “beliefs”, that there are men everywhere coming home to less tidy homes and a meal not quite ready. I for one, have had enough.

    Your place is probably always untidy, and you must live on microwave dinners because there is no way in hell you have a woman.

  33. King Wang Says:

    And as a yeast packing, biscuit baking in your britches pole smoking bitch, how do YOU know enough of ANYTHING to ever post about ANYONE?

    Oh, you are a woman on a mans’ site, I forgot, you are WAY too fucking intelligent to be wrong………….

    The only untidy thing of mine is when I forget to dump women, and just keep them around for the sex without paying them. That is not only untidy, but WAY fucking cooler than your ability to bitch about using a vacuum because you are a “woman” and still being too fucking lazy to do it right………….

    When I whip out my 15lb. Manly-Fucking-Cast-Iron-Man Skillet to cook up some fried fucking chicken from Tyson whose plant and selling kick-ass chicken is totally a Man-Thing while I consider chopping off chicken-heads for the tasty parts (no, YOU are still a chickenhead, just not that kind), I will sit back with the smell of Manly-Fucking-Hog-Lard and consider the fact that the ONLY cooking YOU know how to do is burning fucking water for Mac&Cheese out of a box or that YOU consider “cooking” to come from Pizza Hut……….

  34. women Says:

    i am angry and do not know what to say because i am a women ):<

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